Thursday, October 22, 2009

Life in a song 9

SILENCE...

Sometimes I'm certain that I will forever live in a cloud of too much...
...Too much heart, too much love, too much hurt... Too much pain.

The song I'm completely in love with right now is that of silence...
Silence... quiet yet full of sound...
The silence where I plug into my thoughts and play them on full blast
The silence where I am the cellist,the audience and the curtain closer...

Just me...
I have to cradle this song like a baby...
It is my personal metaphor... Actually a simile cos I used "like"...
{Oh} it can't even be just "like" cos a few months in I got to "love"

Verse 4 of this song says that I should commend myself for going there... For giving it what I have....
.. But now I think it'd be so much easier to know the stakes before getting into a battle...
Cos sometimes the odds are stacked in our favour and sometimes they aren't
... Sometimes we fight wars not knowing we've already lost...

Ur wondering how I'm already at verse four?
This song is special cos I can skip the parts I don't like... Repeat the bits I love...

Its raining outside... My life... a pathetic fallacy...
Or does that only apply to shakespeare?

The beginning of this song says I should have known better... That I could've remained detached... That the baggage was always too big for me to carry... And that even if I'd managed.. I'd always be huffing and puffing...
...emotionally asthmatic?

The ending harmony suggests that the butterflies have moved on...
Am I the only one who wonders where they've gone?Or is there another stage of metamorphosis that they don't tell us about in the science books?
... Perhaps they hibernate till ur ready for the smells and taste and sound of life again...
...Or maybe the butterflies really just fly away...

The echoes of the past come tinkering through the precious quiet...
...Remembrances...
...A joke, a hug, a meal, an utterance...I let them in... And then let them go...

My pain calls... shattering the precious silence... I pick up... Listen...and hang up...
I have used up all my words...
I am just a mass of air, water and feeling
There really is nothing left to say... I have used up all my words

The chorus of this song is a whisper...
Of hope... Of faith...
Its a glimmer... Of light...
... I will laugh again... With my very soul.

The truth is always in the heart of the maze. There is no point going in search of it... It always finds its way home...
I now KNOW:
What remains when you empty your pride and free ur spirit to deal... is......
THE TRUTH..

Some of my truth came from the truth of generations of women before me... Women who gave everything so I wouldn't have to...

Some of my truth came directly from my mother who has cried enough tears to cover me for a lifetime....

Some of my truth came from God... One day I was just soo weary inside that I wore a black suit, went to church and just asked him to help me...

Some of my truth came from friends who fight for me...

Its my personal truth that carried me on its wings above hurt and the pain of human expectation and subsequent failure...
Its my personal truth that held my hands and patted my back and helped me cry the tears that have refused to fall...
Its my personal truth that kept me standing tall and unwilling to buckle...
Its my personal truth that gave me the strength to close the door...
Its my personal truth that kept me hanging on to me.... The woman I know and love with every fiber of me ...

I am learning me and unlearning him...
...And sleeping in grannies...
Bliss

After all the silence, however... what is the consequence of sound?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

overwhelmed I've missed you. Start another blog where you are completely anonymous and send the link to me!

x

Ms.O said...

I have missed your writing! Please become a regular blogger again!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

was wondering if you had updated. Glad to see an update. Okay off to read. Hope all is well.

LusciousRon said...

Absolutely beautifully written. What indeed is the consequence of sound when silence says it all. Hope you are good now.

Harry-Rami Itie said...

Nice post...Impressive

Tisha said...

ONC
you need to let this go!
I know how it is to hurt because of love but i don't think i have quite been in your shoes.

I pray the holy spirit heals your hurts.
'He' is the one that keeps me up
Hi
I miss seeing you on blogger
You'll be fine
give yourself lots and lots of tlc.
Laughter helps a lot
I watch comedy, it helps moi keep a light heart

Zena said...

*sgh*

I miss you ONB

Patrice said...

I feel guilty for deriving pleasure from the lyrical output of your pain. Forgive me.

"Hello darkness my old friend
I've come with talk with you again"

And so begins the The Sounds Of Silence.

TinTin said...

thought inducing words!

Ms. Catwalq said...

update joo...bad friend

Favoured Girl said...

Overwhelmed, where are you? There are cobwebs on your blog! Come and update!

AlooFar said...

I copy Favoured Girl.