Plan A

• Joined a female gym today.

Will miss ogling sexy muscular men at co-eds... but this facility is fantastic... more personalized, intimate and convenient- location wise.
... the goal is to loose about 20 pounds in 2 months, get a six- pack in 3 months and walk for breast cancer in 6...

• I meet with a trainer tomorrow to design a workout that I'll switch up every 3 weeks to stave off monotony and check progress.

• Will take kick-boxing group classes on Wednesdays and Saturdays

I'm toasting to love, money, sexier bodies and the presence of mind to enjoy all three

CHEERS

Love Triangle

The Jehovah Witness called me last night... I was joking, giving him grief about something he'd done. He went silent.. and then...

"Overwhelmed... I have to talk to you about something"

'What unreasonable thing do you have to tell me this time... I still haven't forgiven you for what you...'

"I'm in love with you"

'huhn?'

"I want a real relationship with you"

'HUHN?!?!?!?!' ummm... as I was saying...

"Overwhelmed I love you... want you to be my girlfriend... quit playing"

'Ummm... ummmmmmmmmm'

"What you say?"

'I don't know'

"K... I'll call you back"

'No... don't go... just give me a second here'

"Gotta go... I'll call you later"
CLICK

It's taken 5 years to hear him say this... but I'm so confused.

There was a time I would've cried for joy... a time when I would've shouted it from the rooftops
When I was 17... 18... maybe even 19

But I'm 22... I no longer wear silver cross pendants and talk to guys in Jordan jumpsuits and cornrows or NBA Jerseys and think Bryan Butler is the hottest thing since sliced bread.
*So why didn't I say no to the Jehovah Witness?!?!*

I'm so comfortable with My Jehovah Witness... he's watched me grow... I puppy loved him as a teenager... and still like him as a semi-adult. I love having him around... He's so caring and sweet, goes out of his way for me... accepts me just the way I am... has seen me at my WORST... comforted me through countless ordeals... always has a kind word to say...

Marley I am in like with... such a beautiful man... so caring... laughs at himself... and me. He excites me... we have silence... and words... and smiles. He has seen me angry and happy and a few things inbetween and thinks I'm a queen... I feel like we still have so much to learn about each other... and it's going...

Now this...
Why? After 5 years?
... why can't I decide?...

The Old? The New?

Marley's coming to see me in a few days...

... and My Jehovah Witness just texted to say he's on his way NOW...

...I'm torn...

A Bed Of Thorns

You
Yes... YOU
You fucking 'grown-pubescent' bastard who hurt my friend
You fucking degenerate animal who looked her in the eyes and lied
Lied... and cheated
...She who loved you completely in spite of your many flaws...

Abject misery, Endless pain... A bed of thorns
One day you, too, will cry.

There is a God

God, for me, was always a sort of abstract concept… real enough but in an abstract sense.

I always believed in him… his power, his miracles… but had never really felt a need to get particularly close.
I was perfectly fine observing Him from afar… a slightly distant but generous uncle.

I never liked my mothers church, so I found reasons to avoid it… thrice a year was time enough for me

I hardly ever prayed except in desperation… not to get ‘caught’ coming back from the club at 6am when I was at my moms for the holidays… that my account wouldn’t show insufficient funds when swiping for yet another Marciano maxi-dress that I had to have…

Something happened two weeks ago…
I went to my friends Dancing Queen and Laura O’s church

My heart was so burdened from the moment I walked in… from some events 30 months before that… from others 30 hours before.

For the first time in my life I really talked to God… not like a slightly distant but generous uncle… but like my father, my brother… my best friend.

Tears poured down my eyes from the depth of my soul…I needed something more than I had been able to find for myself.

After minutes… and hours of conversation…
I felt RELIEF…
‘It’s going to be alright’

I still believe that ‘things somehow work themselves out’… but there is a quiet comfort in knowing that I don’t always have to count on my own strength, that I have someone to fight my battles for me when I get tired… someone whom I don’t even have to give a background history… who’s there to hold my hand when it gets rough and I can’t say it or write it.

I have so much faith and joy and beauty in my life…

There is a God… and I’m glad he loves me.

Dear Marley,

My favorite American

Today I saw a guy who looked like you... and I thought of you. I do think of you, you know... more than I let on... far more than I tell you. I remember your gorgeous dreadlocks... the geography of your face... the scratchy beauty of your voice... the liquid gurgle of joy that is your laughter.

In some of my memories, you are magical, someone made especially for me, for now... a creature of joy and tears and pleasure and pain... to whom no feeling that comes naturally is excessively restrained

In other memories, you are quite ordinary... an ordinary guy from an ordinary place... who looks, thinks and acts... ordinary.

Mentally, I pick you apart trying to understand what exactly it is about you...
Your gentle spirit?...you care in a way that doesn't leave any room for doubts, any other opinion... others.

Your joy of expression?... that you don't hesitate to tell me anytime, anyday... anyplace.

That you'd stop in the middle of a conversation and hold me like I have the key to your salvation... the fact that in those moments you don't quite feel so nice or pure... more like turmoil and anger and stark reality.

I love the dichotomy of you... nothing is white or black or exactly defined... there are so many colours and textures... so much already said... so much left to be said.

My feelings about this might change in a day or a week or a month, but for now I'm happy with this moment, you... now.

Your 'BHTL'
*ps: you're so cute when you get jealous*

Nigeria… in a nutshell

I never realized how much I missed it until I returned… the sights and smells, the people and personalities… the food and fun.

I was home … back to a country I’d left as an adolescent with nothing but the clothes on my body…

This time I made different memories…

I went everywhere… ate everything… saw (almost) everybody…

• Alpha Beach in Lagos… had a blast riding horses, eating suya and drinking Gordon spark (Nigeria’s “schnappy” version of Smirnoff ice)

• A strip club in Owerri that had a bed instead of a pole, somewhat pretty girls with ‘not-bad’ moves that translated more as ‘club dancing’ than anything exclusively sexy.

…the first girl inserted a lit cigarette in her vagina and did handstands for a few minutes till the cigarette was almost burnt out. She took it out and then inserted a Guinness bottle in her vagina…

I didn’t stick around to see what the second girl would put in… left halfway through her ‘act’.

• Numerous nightclubs in Owerri from All seasons to Concorde and in Lagos where I partied every week from Wednesday (ladies night at Coliseum) till Monday (La Cachette, Metro, Page, the Q club, and many others I can’t remember)…. all fabulous… although I wasn’t impressed with the slippers some girls wore to the clubs… the repetition of songs… or the fact that they were even played to the end…

… its called mixing dj and heels ladies…

Coming from a country where clubs close at 2.30-3am, the 7am closing in Nigeria was a welcome change… I danced every night till it was bright…

*I had to teach a few people how to ‘snap their fingers and do the step’… seeing as yahoozee wasn’t meant to be danced to every song…it was all in good fun though*

**I’m still slightly jealous of my friend Mamarita who took Air France and ran into Awilo Longomba… I wish I’d listened to the voice inside that told me not to fly Lufthanza especially seeing as they lost my luggage for 11 days**

• I caught a few concerts and live performances from Owerri to Lagos… Dreamland, La Cachette and my favorite (Kings place… they played owambe music)

*Tuface is a bit odd… I never understood the need for dark sunshades in the dead of the night. Perhaps they were x-ray glasses… He looked perverted enough to do that… fantastic live voice though… cute too*

• I’m apparently a lesbian magnet… I was approached everywhere from Club bathrooms to restaurants… numerous drinks sent to my table from admiring girls…

*to be so sexy*

• I ran into a few nollywood actresses from Benita Nzeribe (who looked like a retired secretary at the club) to Uche Elendu (she looked incredibly pleasant… I liked her), Somto (almost tripped trying to dutty whine… it was hilarious… gorgeous girl), Oge Okoye (ran into her at like 4 different parties within 2 weeks from Owerri to Lagos… she came off as an American-wannabe and slightly stuckup... nice skin though), Mercy Johnson (she walked into a restaurant in Victoria island like she owned the place… great confidence, not so great looking skin… plus she wore bathroom slippers... definitely looked better on film), Ololo (my favorite nollywood housegirl wore a traditional outfit to the club… ewwwwww), Jennifer Eliogu lived in the same estate I stayed in… I love the way she speaks… her chicken legs…not so much.

• I went to Femi Kuti’s shrine… drank a lot of palm wine and star beer… saw the biggest blunts I ever have in my life… (and this is coming from someone who’s dated a few Jamaicans who are supposed to be from-birth-weedheads). It was amazing fun… I was the first person on the dancefloor… you’ve never been chopped until you have a guy high out of his mind trying to ask for your number…

• The blogger party was fun. I arrived with Laspapi (who is so directionally challenged I almost took over the wheel… he almost drove us to Ogun state) incredibly late as my flight from Imo State had been delayed a few hours. By the time we got to the party… most had left. I met:

Unnaked Soul: I’d seen a picture of him before… but he looks even better in person… gorgeous gorgeous guy, tall too… spent a bit of time dissecting papi’s whispers... it was hilarious. I never asked if he was single… but I’d recommend him (especially if you’re into astrology and moonlit walks discussing yaraduas latest policy or reparations… lol

Tayo Odukoya: is a very sweet guy…

Dscribe: was pretty… soft voice. In my real world I probably would be wary of being her friend thinking she’s so good that she’d probably judge me (I’ve had many such experiences)… but would get to know her and absolutely love her.

There were a few unfamiliar people… a girl with an afro(newer blogger) that was absolutely beautiful… another guy I didn’t really talk to so much… the person who helped organize it (Tope Williams I think… cute, friendly… ) alagbade (don’t know her blog… she was pretty and petite…), spoke to princesa on the phone...

*Truth betold, I was sort of hoping to run into some ugly bloggers… *

Just so he doesn’t feel left out… I’ll talk about Laspapi. He’s fun(ny), charming, doesn’t drink (BORING!!!), has perfect skin and smiles a lot. Cute of course (I don’t keep ugly friends… lol). Dressed very ‘yuppy’, he was decked out in his adidas jumpsuit, heavy bling bling and hoop earrings (I kid I kid… he wouldn’t be caught dead in those). He’s very cool though in his papi-ish way with his extended metaphors and horrendous singing voice… definitely one of my favorite people on the planet {God finding good things to say about papi is most exhausting… lol… he is afterall VERY shallow… maybe even more than I am… ). He took me to this fantastic suya place (I never thought I could ever have too much suya) and proceeded to land me in the middle of a tribal/political war (if not for the grace of God and my genius… I could’ve become one of those white people they kidnap to ‘make a point’). I finally got to watch ‘our’ play Anatomy of a Woman play at Terra Kulture. It was so well acted and hilarious… my friend Sandy and I had a blast the entire time (until her phone rang… so embarrassing). The audience was very appreciative and interactive. When it was over, Papi introduced the actors… and me. I waved from the back seat (I probably should’ve stood up though… in a fitted emerald blue satin dress, sitting down, the yam and roasted fish I’d had for lunch showed a bit and I didn’t really want the audience to think he’d dedicated the play to a girl with a belly… lol… shallow… I know)

*I’d recommend any play, television short that Papi puts out… he’s amazing at what he does (and no that’s not the bribe talking… )*

**There are some fantastic paintings and artwork at Terra Kulture… I have decided that I will have my 20** bachelorette party there… art, a giant cake and strippers… could it get any classier?… lol**

• Christ Embassy in Ikeia (their main branch) is incredibly huge…I didn’t get the odd looks I got when I wore pants and no scarf to the church in my moms village. I saw Pastor Chris preach… I didn’t mind it… but I guess the way people acted like he was a small god… I half-expected a dove to descend from opened heavens and a voice say: “This is Pastor Chris with whom I’m well pleased”.

I spotted some sexy boys I would’ve loved to discuss the book of Psalms with… but I had to leave immediately… Sandy and I had lunch date(s)…

Speaking of dates:

I was in Nigeria for about 32 days… and there wasn’t a single day when a guy or 5 didn’t approach me for my number… and oddly enough I kept meeting guys from ‘abroad’… Amsterdam, Spain, Holland, Tokyo, Hong Kong, London, Canada… the works.

{To be Continued}