Friday, December 28, 2007

I have a tan...

Todays my first time at a cafe since... I'll call all the people I'm supposed to.. just got a number 2 days ago(long story). Having a blast... I have a few mosquito bites to show for it

I've eaten a few other Nigerian dishes: akara, akamu(pap), abacha/ ugba, breadfruit(ukwa), egusi soup, snails....
(Theres more to come)

A king in rivers state sent one of his bodyguards to get my number at the airport... crazy stuff(The bodyguards really couldn't believe that anyone could say no to 'his excellency)

Im still yet to go clubbing... probably will on the 30th.. i went to a masquerade festival... even the masquerades were shocked a female wanted to take pictures with them... most others run when they come
They're so ugly they've become beautiful... Lawd

I went to the stream... lol(as a true village woman)
A lot of village girls are scary looking with their overdrawn eyebrows and long boot wearings selves... I almost collapsed laughing cos the entire place was a fashion faux pas
(I decided that the next time I see someone so terribly unfashionable... that I'd actually ask to take a picture of or with them... )
should be fun

I DRANK STAR!!! hehe.. 2 bottles.. im a true alky...
no shaking!!!
and i went on a midnight drinking spree with some friends and family members ... heard so many igbo folk tales and drinking songs... i have never laughed so much in my life.

I have taken so many pictures... even of goats and chickens... I feel as though I dont even have enough time to go the places I want to and see everything.

I have a little more than a week

In general, Nigerians are mostly nice...
I have no time... too many stories to tell and I've fallen in love with a song 'timaya'... its the new yahoozee'

I have a question though: 'Is almost every Nigerian at an internet cafe involved in fraud?'

Im in a cafe with about 50 computers for public use... and every single one of them that I've passed is a yahoo account writing to a mugu...

As Charlie Murphy would say... 'We gots to do better!!!'

... and yeah I have a tan(and mosquito bite on my forehead of all places)

Saturday, December 22, 2007

In Nigeria...

Im at a cybercafe sitting right beside a criminal!!! He's proposing to a (white?) woman.. something about he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.. I'm laughing so hard my sides are hurting(whats even worse is his diction.. its absolutely horrendous!!!)

I dont have enough time to tell the fun and funny things I've seen in the few days I've been here... I'll try to come on periodically cos the 'Nigerian Experience' is one i think needs to be shared with the world...

1 guys slipped me his number on the flight to Nigeria, one slipped me his number at the baggage claim, one slipped me his number the day after at a computer store.. basically every day that i've been out... someones given me their number... or tried to get mine
(omo i too hot.. lol)
but me no interest ( for some reason Jill Scott's "Better at home" comes to mind...)

I love it though.. so far i've eaten Suya, roadside yam(the best!!!), amala, vegetable soup, okro soup, sardines(hehe...), plantain chips, some terrible cookie(nigerias version of shortcake?)

I drank something called gordon spark... some dry gin mix.. it tastes funny...
I havent eaten rice, pizza or pasta.. (a True Nigerian Experience if there every was one... I LOVE IT!!! )

I love NIGERIAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(But I'm gonna have to find a way to go out without my mom.. I havent gotten to chill with any friends yet... I still have about 2 weeks though)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

This Christmas...

I can't wait for!!!

While my neighbours struggle to shovel the snow in their driveways, and my friends down incessant cups of coffee for warmth... I'll be in Nigeria basking in the sun.
(It'll be my first time back since I left... THIS IS MAJOR!!!)

I'm packing a bottle of SPF 30 sunscreen, 2 sunglasses and 12 stilletos(maybe more) for my 21 day stay.

Suya for breakfast, snail stew for lunch and Suya for dinner... I won't eat a sandwich for the duration.

I'm incredibly excited but it probably says lot about me that my first thought when I realized I'm actually going to Nigeria was 'dang why did I have to gain weight' (I've never denied being slightly shallow... smile)

I only have a week and a bit, and I still have so much to get in order:
  1. A digital camera... I plan to capture every yawn
  2. A new bathing suit... I own numerous two-pieces but I've decided that I won't show any belly on this trip. I want to avoid being asked how much I charge an hour or thrown in jail (whichever comes first).
  3. Hepatitis Shots... and mosquito repellent (Dancing Queen still has scars from September)
  4. A little black dress... I own 10 LBDs but I have a terrible habit of not repeating party dresses
  5. A music player or some sort... where I'm transiting, they no 'speaky English'

For the next few weeks, my blog will be that of a tourist... the before, during and the after...

I'll see my maternal grandparents for the first time in 14 years... this christmas.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Me Against The Music

Last night was one of the most liberating experiences of my life...
I was out in my red jacket... with a few of my closest friends.

Hype Boulevard picked me up for a pizza. We drove around... and then...
took a trip to a Jamaican restaurant for salad and a sad friend...

A quick stop to pick 'Dancing Queen' from work... and 'Complex Simplicity' from monotony
We checked in at the cineplex... 10.30pm and the last movie playing was Beowulf
We'd watched it before.

Funny metaphors, Great company and an SUV...
Leaving there, we laughed to our hearts content... at boyfriends, exboyfriends and ex-almostmotherinlaws

Next stop: the bowling alley-
We went upstairs to the wrinkled white woman at the counter and her chippy smile

$2 for bowling shoes... $3 for each game

Complex Simplicity: I want a size 9 shoe
Dancing Queen: I want a 9 and a half

All the girls: What do you want Overwhelmed... a size 15?


We decided not to bowl anymore after it turned out that my girl 'Hype Boulevard' and I didn't have socks on... and we sure as hell werent going to wear those 'for-all' shoes without any

We decided to go to a bar...
Hype Boulevard and Complex Simplicity had never seen Dancing Queen and I drunk

We walked in... to about 8 guys grinning at the door, a pool table and many more nursing beers with a smile.
Sat at the far leftside of the bar

A pitcher of Stella Artois... and 2 Pineapple Malibus
and interesting conversations...

"I can't stand the bastard... "
"You guys won't believe this... I actually think this brown boy is sexy...God his voice"
"Whitelips is such a perv"

Half an hour later:
"Waitress can we please have more Pineapple Malibus"

"God wheres the eye candy..."

"Why don't we do some shots"
"Sambucas for all of us please... and a lighter"
"Light that bitch up and on the count of three"


"I havent had some in a while"
"lol... you probably forgot how"
"... you need a duster to clean out those cobwebs"


"I want escargot. She wants some vegetable spring rolls'
"The blue hawaiian comes with vodka? One of those please!"

I took off my red jacket... hmmm I was feeling nice

"The escargot's delicious... and the blue hawaiian... blue heaven!!"

"A shot of tequila for all of us... and salt"
"Salt on the hand... lick... down the shot... and lemon"
ahhhh... fire

I wanted to dance... like a white girl
so i stood up and shook my dark hair and danced without rhythm
my friends laughed as we trooped past the 'gambling room' to the bathroom.

We decided to go to a strip club... and once again trooped into the car.

On the otherside of the stripclub was a danceclub...
We weren't dressed for it...
...I was in VANS, a hoodie and a size too big skinny jeans...
...Complex Simplicity was in a jean jacket, blue jeans and loafers...
...Hype Boulevard was in a leather jacket, jeans and black loafers..
Dancing Queen was a bit more suitably dressed in her black winter jacket, jeans and black boots.

We'd never EVER been to a club in flats!!!
...or dressed so 'bummy'... even as teenagers

But that was what was so enchanting about it... the unexpectedness... and simplicity
No tweaking of hair and eyebrows, lipgloss and stilletos, cleavage and jewellry
...well other than Simplicitys Movado and my 'Rolex' (inside joke)

I danced liked a maniac... we all did...
Hip-hop and Reggae all night
'...weh dem a do weh dem a try marrow wi fly into the sky... gun mi na borrow mi money buy...'
'...I got my drink and my 2-step its on... and I'm home get the patron and tell them that its on'

2 Jamaican guys with too much jewellry winking at me while i danced like someone in a trance...
We dared to be as silly as we wanted to... danced without thought... consciousness... or care
We laughed and joked and screamed when our songs came on...
Displayed moves we'd almost forgotten we had... old school, new school and everything inbetween
For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to dance like no one is watching:
...foolish... unfettered... and free.

Last night was the most liberating club experience I've ever had...
no artifice or fancy clothes...
Just me against the music.