Where are you now?

I remember the day you came home with me… so high, so cute… so red

You were so nice to have around… you matched all my moods

Everybody wanted to know where I’d found you... they wanted 'inside' your 'heaven'

you were in a class of your own so I never bothered with an alternative

… we were gonna go places together

Anwu na eti na abali Imo, Milan… Italy, Taiwan… Ajegunle, Sudan

Remember the first party we went to…

…that gala… I was wearing my black skinnies and white Chinese shirt

And you were… just… you.

Sexy, classy… classic

Then the other party… I was rocking my little black dress with the wide red belt

… and you

Oh and then there was the Nigerian party… then the movie date… and the mall trip

We were so good together

Now you’ve known about my wedding date for a while now

Actually I wouldn’t really call it a date… My Jehovah Witness basically told me 2 weeks ago that he wants me to come with him to a wedding tomorrow… his friend this Jamaican girl is getting married to some African guy. It's gonna be me, him and the 'jungle peeps'... I know... great friends... I've had some of the best times with those people... can't wait.

So this is my second ever wedding… I didn’t invite you to the first one I went to when my Zambian friend married her Ghanaian fiancée… cos it was a day of whites and blacks and blues… those aren’t really your patterns

See this wedding… I really wanted you to come… you would fit right in…

But I can’t find you

I’ve searched high and low and everywhere inbetween

But I can’t find you

I’ve called friends to see if they know where you are

… but they laugh(Yes Ms. BA aka Home Scientist I’m talking to you)

I thought we were gonna share the spotlight together forever

But it seems that you’re gone from me

I’m going through emotional withdrawal because I got so used to you cheering me up on the weekends

Oh Material Grief!!!

See the yellow outfit seems dull without you

Maybe I have to reimagine it… find a replacement cos your loss has created a vacuum

It’s even worse cos I can see half of you in my room… taunting me… reminding me of what I’ve lost

Oh how I wish you would come back and make things right in my ‘nightlife’

Left foot of my 3 inch red stilettos…. Where are you now?

I am a song

I am a song that brings to mind hooded eyes and seductive smiles… three piece suits and suggestive goodbyes

Words with double meanings and the people who understand them

Romantic candlelight and rhythmic pauses… I’m that song that makes sense when you’re trying to get or forget something

Souls bared in the privacy of darkness, hearts reaching out to one another in the warmth of April spring nights

Saxophones and low speakers… weary singers and nuanced voices... dim, smoky atmospheres...

I am a song

A song in which you gradually let go…

Heartbreaks and heartmends… healing from within

A song of restrained passion and private thoughts, intimacy and intensity… sometime solitude

A song that allows you to be whoever you want to be

It transcends people and places… cares and constraints… a mental haven

I am a song about adventures to destinations unknown

… thinking about it… talking about it… taking it there

I’m a song about sexy dinners and sensual dessert…

That extra slice

I am a song about hope

A song that makes you want to keep pushing on despite the odds

A song that makes you want to lean in closer and closer until you can feel the sound in your pores… a song you wish you could roll around in…

Sunny places and stolen kisses, heartfelt poetry and honest affection… a song that makes you smile when nothings funny

Yes… I am a song.

My heart is here so I will come back…

Blank

Blogging no longer brings me joy
I'm going to be away for however long it takes me to either recover that joy or dispel blogging completely from my system
This spot used to be my hideout... the one place that I could completely lay myself bare.. the good, the bad and the ugly
It no longer is

I haven't made any concrete decisions about the future of this blog... I just know that I can't be here right now... for my peace of mind and emotional wellbeing
This blog used to be one of the most important things in my life... but right now it's a blank

We probably will pass one another on the street and not recognize each other... but I feel like a lot of you are friends
We've laughed together, cried together... shared love and life together

It's been a priviledge knowing you guys and for the 8 months that I've been here... it's been fantastic having another family to call my own.

Soul- I love you with all my heart
papi- You're good to and for me... yes... one of my blogger truths
LondonBuki- you're beautiful inside and out... you inspire me. Mommy is fine in Jesus name
Olawunmi & ChiefO: You guys are my voltrons.. with the both of you in my corner... I feel like I can conquer the world.
uzo- You're honest and caring and kind and beautiful and loving... a pleasure to read.. always. The people around you are in the presence of 'goodness'
Jadedkiss: cybersis mine.. you were one of the first readers on my blog... you mirrored some of my thoughts and loved the same bloggers I loved... you rock!!!
Boorish Male: When I read your work, I believe again in the beauty of manhood.

Vera- your ability to find humour in everything is a beautiful thing to behold
NaijaBloke & BabaAlaye: you make me laugh all the time. When I'm sad or down... I read your words.
Bella Naija- my friend DA(babyphat lady) is probably your biggest fan... and I love you as well
Azuka and Nosa- You're both such intelligent young men.. so aware of the world outside your bedroom... it astonishes me
Noni Moss- You were one of my favorite bloggers when I started here... and you forever will be... you're an angel
Vickii: My favorite mixed girl in blogsville... you write like a pro... and you're so sweet I can see it in your words
ExcessiveDiva- my other blog big sister- I have no words to describe the way I feel about you... my personal warrior

Babe: Your shuki stories are funnier than some Saturday Night Live skits... You're one of the most original people my age I've come in contact with
TaureanMinx: Your pictures... your stories... your passion.. you're simply amazing
Idemili: nwannem nwanyi... I only started reading you recently but you've jumped to the top of my list... you write like I love to read... imagery jumping off the page... light and colour and patterns... you're stunning
zaiprincesa- you're funny and smart and cute... and I love you
Kpakpando: you really are a shining star... When I grow up... I want to be just like you
Waffarian: The only waffy person I know... but you bring to mind good things... very good things

Temmytayo, Desola, Calabar Gal, Favoured Girl- Someof my favorite london bloggers... you've always had friendly advice, encouragement, cyber hugs... you deserve the best
Biodun: You rock
Discombobulated Diva: you've been through so much but your optimism inspires me
Mistress & Freaky Deaky: you're both my favorite non- Nigerian bloggers...
Unnaked soul: the original *wink* man... keep winking sweetie... the world is your oyster... and please take care of my Canadian sister ms. zee for me
Mphaelele: I loved your writing because I saw your heart in it... and I still do
Mimi: Despite the fact that you have so few posts... I feel like I know you... you're gorgeous

Nigerican & Mari- You're wonder women
Nyemoni & In my head and around me- Admirable Nigerian women... you forever have my respect
Omohemi- I absolutely adore you
36 inches- my fellow long legged sister- good tidings
Chioma- I feel the same way about you now as I did when you adopted me as your little sister
Bitchy- You're not the sex in the city... you ARE the city.
Life of a stranger, Cherub, Diamond, Jaycee- When God looks down on you... he smiles

There are many others but thats fine... everybody I love knows that I love them
It's been a great journey so far... but I need some me-time
I need to go out and smell the roses
I need to see beauty in the world again
I need sunshine and laughter and true friends

This blog might self- destruct or ressurect
.... only time will tell...

*I probably won't be coming on your blogs either cos this is a complete timeout, but if you want to email me for whatever reason... feel free... it's overwhelmednaijababe@gmail.com.

Inspiration

Sometimes sexy is in person... sometimes it's in art

I definitely found sexy in the words of Soul's latest entry titled 'Intimacy in Public'

She's one of my favorite people in blogsville... and not without reason.

You just have to check it out and let the beauty of her words wash over you... cos it did me... I mean she just takes you there...

A preview of her poetry:
You.
look at you
You soothe me
you wave a tapestry of sounds in my head and
you move me

You.
you envelope me
you drape me in warm softly floating honey
you give me reason to cock my head to one side and
lean in to you....

Thank you Mr. Man for what I call...
'The man, the music, the saxophone and me'

You just have to check out the rest of it here

Egbon mi Soul... you inspire me.

Just Go

Ringggg...

You have one new voice message left on April 11 from Kimor at 10.27am:
'yo waddup whelmed? Happy Anniversary Baby'

I never thought of it before, but after this message, Kimor, I’m getting a little worried about you: Are you hallucinating? on drugs?… an undiagnosed amnesiac?
What other explanation could there be for polluting my voice message box with your verbal diarrhea?

I was already breathing fire thinking about the fact that you think you still have the priviledge to call me ‘whelmed’… and now you've gone even further… ‘baby’

Baby?!?!?… ya na ga find ya bloodclot biaby?

Happy anniversary?!?! of what?!?!?!
Your stupidity? your mental and emotional unreliability?

Delusional entity oshi!

Kimor it’s funny cos everybody said you’d call back but I didn’t think you’d dare… I figured your pride… your manhood wouldn’t let you
Ahh… ‘manhood’… what was I thinking?

Kimor,

This is sad because when we were... I loved you
I loved you so much… so hard… so deep
I loved you with everything that was mine to give- my mind, body and soul

Days seemed brighter.. the nights seemed warmer when you were around

In the 11 months I knew you, it seemed like every happiness was offered and every happiness received…

I never had backup Kimor. For the first time in my life, there was no plan B.

With you, I lowered my inhibitions, my walls… the very things that had helped me cope in the past… this time I wanted it to work out
I didn’t want any distractions… but I guess loving you wasn’t enough…

With no advance notice and quite harsh words, you destroyed us
Your insecurities and paranoia destroyed us
Your immaturity destroyed us
Your last minute wickedness destroyed us

It was difficult for me to deal with then… and it still is

I was disbelieving for days… and angry…oh so angry... then the hurt kicked in and I cried

For the first time in my life, I cried for a man
I cried because I couldn’t believe what had happened… you had done this to me... to us
I cried because I realized that I was hurting the Jehovah Witness with your baggage so I had to give him space and take some ‘me time’, which I’m still doing
I cried because I started doubting myself… my ability to judge people, make decisions, and see the truth… I started doubting me.

Oh it still hurts... but everyday it gets better
By being so uncaring in your parting words, you gave me something that I appreciate in a roundabout way- you gave me something to help me get over you

So now that I’m doing that, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME Kimor

Don’t call me.. don’t message me… just don’t!!!

Happy Anniversary ke?
You and who?! Anniversarying what?!?!
Come… if them send you, tell them say you no see me

Emi Overwhelmed lo fe fi se DROP AND PICK abi?!?!

You'll have greater success... and fun playing yo-yo with your nuts than my heart... cos I won't give you the chance to

In words you’ll understand and can relate to your boys… Shove ya stinkass anniversary in a ya rass!

I’m ranting here just so I can maintain a dignified silence when you manage to get me on the phone cos with the way you’re going… except I choose to ignore all private calls and unrecognized numbers… you will eventually get me on the phone...

I’m not a nice enough person to wish that you find happiness and someone new cos with the way you treated me last minute… I don’t think you deserve it.

Go with the wind Kimor… just go

Ps. I’m wearing black today to mourn the loss of your senses.

My Interests

I love peace talks, Second cup’s cranberry tea, centrifugal forces, dreamgirls, Africa, Vaseline Intensive cocoa butter, Andrea Bocelli, recognizing fake before and after pictures, super collapse, Christina Aguilera, my lips, landscape paintings, green, www.wordsmyth.net , scissors and novels with ambiguous endings.

I love pompous art, the pope, democracy, talking drums, Jennifer Hudson’s oscar, febreze, honeynut cheerios, Igbo culture, guys on motorcycles, Dita Von Teese, doves, fake Yiddish accents, skull T-shirts, blonde highlights, Akon, neck tattoos, chandeliers, metaphors, got milk adverts, Jazz, soul and the blues.

I love porn with a storyline, spiked fruit salads, simultaneous equations, male tenors, Kt Tunstall, white trench coats, daydreams, air hockey, listening to people speaking in tongues, Lagbaja and liquid laundry detergent

I love prima ballerinas, Arabic form of expression, capital letters, sappy movies, cooked vegetables, cold water, Awilo Longomba, red roses, firefighters, belly rings, secondary colours, book editors, Naomi Campbell, desktops and carpeted floors.

I love petroleum jelly, distressed jeans, President Olusegun Obasanjo, listening to Amy Winehouse, shopping malls, big dark sunglasses, my sister, mushroom soup with seafood, my inner ear piercing, J.lo’s clothes, kidney beans, Makossa and feeding my fish.

I love pasta sauce, answering my phone on the third ring, black nail polish, watching the rain, Shakespeare’s Othello, purple underwear, acceleration, curly hair, my moms fish peppersoup, live strong bracelets, Steven Seagal and guys who hardly smile.

I love Pythagoras, the word inconsequential, silver crosses, poetry about distilled liquour, unrecognized genius, Oliver Twist, husky Moroccan voices and the concept but not the reality of fingerless gloves.

I love palm wine before noon, Borat, floppy disks, the number 7, the smell of lemon grass at night, Ghanaian pineapple juice, movies that end in part 1, backspace, white horses, suya, helium voices and Sade.

I love potted plants, Things Fall Apart, v-neck cashmere sweaters, sushi, shiny disco balls, compromise, Rocky Balboa, light blue shower curtains, Disney mermaids, Nelson Mandela, chunky beads, black leather, not caring about punctuation and my blog.

What do you love?

Ringggg.....

You have one new voice message

From Kimor at 3.47am: 'yo waddup whelmed?'

Kimor YOU broke up with me... not the other way around
so why can't you just let me heal in peace?!?!?!

RASS!!!

and please... please stop calling me 'whelmed'... we're not at that place anymore. It's Overwhelmed to you now

Untainted Love

Annette knew her husband Darin was cheating on her. He had started keeping late nights, being really rude and not really caring what happened in their home. Oh he was responsible enough. He kept her in a very hip lifestyle… she had the beautiful house in the beautiful city, her choice of cars and unlimited funds for vacations and shopping trips… but the fact remained that Darin was cheating on her.

She’d suspected for a while… the sneaking out to answer certain phone calls, the sudden change of conversation whenever she entered the room… his abrupt shift in moods… oh yes… Mrs. Annette Williams knew her husband was cheating.

Annette loved her husband dearly and didn’t want to let him go. She was a good woman and decided she wouldn’t let go without a fight… she didn’t want to be a divorcee… a single mother… a laughingstock.
So she stuck it out

At first she argued with him… she complained every time he came home late, she stayed up waiting… she nagged and nagged

The voice within told her she was slowly pushing him away so she planned a different strategy: To kill him with kindness

She loved him and she loved him and she loved him even more
She kissed him welcome when he stepped home from work at midnight
She stopped asking him why he always smelt like perfume she never used
She made him breakfast and lunch and dinner even when she knew he might not come home to eat it
She smiled even when she was crying inside
…. Oh how she loved that man

Slowly but surely, he started missing home… he remembered the way they used to be. He saw the beauty of her soul and started missing home.

He reduced his late nights…they started making love again…

Everything was looking up. For the first time in a long time, they were laughing with each other, calling each other pet names, loving each other…
…. Still, Darin kept his side-piece…

On his way to one of his ‘weekend office meetings’, Darin told his wife Annette to pack a few things for him…

In silent tears, Annette put in 2 white oxford shirts, his black and navy blue dress pants, 2 ties, a polo shirt and khaki shorts, his Calvin boxers, moisturizer and toothbrush… and a box of condoms…

Yes, in her husbands travel bag… a trip she wasn't going on... Annette packed in a box of condoms

She knew Darin was cheating… but at least now he’d know that she knew. He’d know that she loved him enough to just want his safety…he’d realize how much she was hurting.

On the flipside, this could just as well turn around and bite her in the ass. There was a possibility that Darin might just think that she accepted it… that it was ok… that the beautiful house and the cars and the money made up for his indiscretions. Darin might even think he could flaunt his mistress now that it was out in the open... there'd be no reason to hide anymore...

Nothing was black... or white. Annette was living in shades of grey... something just had to give.

That night, Darin got into bed with his mistress and saw it…

He saw his shame looking him right in the face
He saw a wife who loved him… a woman who loved him enough to want to protect him
He saw a wife he knew he didn’t deserve
A wife he knew he had to spend the rest of his life making up for the hurt he’d caused her

At 11.45pm, Darin put on his Calvins and went back home… to his wife.

*I wrote this after watching Games Men Play... I think this was the most powerful scene in the movie(all 3 parts of it... lol).*

JohnBull and RoseKate

I love watching Nigerian movies. My mom is an even bigger fan than I am… so it should come as no surprise that she has amassed a collection of about 250 movies over the past year or three. Of course more than half that number are in friends houses who ‘forget’ to return after borrowing them (cough *Naijadyme*)

For the past couple of years, I’ve had ‘Nollywood Ambition’. I’m not an actress per say but I know I can more than handle any ‘back from America’ or ‘dancing reggae in nightclub’ scenes. I have no taste for any ‘Igodo’ type stuff or anything that requires that I put on a traditional costume and fetch water or firewood. Oh no… yours truly just wants to be a ‘city actress’… I’m talking that ‘girls cot’ stuff… that ‘most wanted’ shit… afterall I can say ‘damn’ and ‘hey yo’ with the best of them.

Being the Nollywood enthusiast that I am, I of course have a couple of favourite actors and actresses:

• John Okafor: I first watched this dude in ‘Mr. Ibu’ and got hooked on him. He’s so bloody hilarious… dude’s got ‘stupid’ on lockdown… I mean just looking at his face cracks me up… and when he opens his mouth… it’s over!

• The two short rats/aki na ukwa/ 50 cent and busta rhymes: These two have been called every short adjective in the book. They’re always up to no good… and boy is it ever fun to watch. My favorite one is the lighter one(Osita).

• Victor Osuagwu: This guy is funny for no damn reason. I loved him in ‘Adam goes to school’ and ‘Awilo Sharp Sharp’. I will watch absolutely anything he’s in even if all he did was walk up and down the street for 60 minutes.

• Amaechi Muonagor: This guy’s belly, his voice.. everything about him is funny although I’m not quite sure he intends it to be.

• Pete Edochie: is acting royalty to me… there’s so much elegance about him.. the things he says, the way he says the things he says… I have no words for this man… he is in a class all by himself.

• Chinwetalu Agu: I just love this guy cos he’s always plotting a way to bring somebody down… and making midnight trips just to disturb someone else’s fortune.. lol… he’s amazingly funny without even attempting to be

• Patience Ozokwor: The movie ‘mama G’ speaks for itself… lol.

• Genevieve Nnaji: is the sexiest Nigerian actress there is in my opinion and homegirl can act her socks off

• Stella Damasus Aboderin: beautiful inside and out… fantastic actress

• Rita Dominic, Jennifer Eliogu and Bimbo Akintola: Gorgeous, eloquent, ‘about it’

• Pat Attah and Chidi Mokeme: Nollywoods resident studs in my opinion… tall drinks of water… hot bitches for sure

The people I listed above… I will watch just about anything they’re in cos they’ve proven themselves time and time again… but Nkem Owoh… see Nkem Owoh used to be the shit back in the ‘pam pam’ and ‘osuofia in London’ days… but after a while, he started to loose it…

Maybe there was too much money coming in… maybe he was doing too many movies after each other… maybe they didn’t even write him a script and expected him to improvise on the spot…

Whatever it was, at one point or another during the past year or so… Nkem Owoh lost it…He started repeating jokes from movies past, talking out of point and rambling about unimportant stuff…

Remembering his glory in movies past, I gave him chance after chance… but he kept messing up, so with a heavy heart and 'tears in my eyes'… I took Nkem Owoh off my ‘favourites’ list.

But then, I went home last week and found a movie titled ‘JohnBull and Rosekate’ starring Nkem Owoh and a bunch of other people…

I would’ve passed it up… but the title of the movie was already a bloody laugh… who in their right mind names would name their own child ‘JohnBull’… couple that with the chance of him falling in love with a girl named ‘Rosekate’… this movie sounded too good to be true...

I mean I hadn’t even put in the movie and I was cracking myself up imagining possible children names for this couple… ‘Paul Ebenezer’, ‘Anthony Cattle’… ‘Underscore Lazarus’… lol… I just had to watch it

Premise: Nkem Owoh(John Bull) is a village shopkeeper with plans to marry Rosekate- a beautiful girl in his village when she graduates from secondary school. He continually showers Rosekate and her family with gifts, and with time, she begins to develop some feelings for him. Early in the movie, he travels to Gabon for business but doesn’t return till 10 years later.

Upon his return, Rosekate has become a medical doctor and to his chagrin… a nun. From this point on... comedy and chaos ensues. Nkem Owoh(Mr. John Bull) cracked me up with some of his comebacks when people tried make him resign himself to the fact that he couldn’t be with Rosekate anymore:

“You people have sacrificed my wife to the convent and you say it’s a blessing to the community. Why her? Your sister had 7 girls… why didn’t you tell her to sacrifice some of those girls to the community?”

“I should be happy that she has found Jesus? So are you saying that if she’s married to me.. Jesus will run away from her?” lmao

“Please don’t tell me this… I know the God I serve… he doesn’t snatch people’s wives”

“Rosekate, you sound like you’re afraid that probably God will get angry with you for removing your veil and marrying me. I serve the same living God and I can ask him to grant me this special request and I’m sure he will oblige me”

“Sister Rosekate, brother JohnBull still wants you to be his wife”

I’ve forgotten a lot of the other jokes… I mean you just had to see JohnBull's determination to get ‘sister rosekate’ to marry him… it was certainly fun to watch.

And you’ll be pleased to know that JohnBull did eventually get the girl…

So this is sort of a shout-out to Nkem Owoh:

Dear Mr. Owoh,

By being JohnBull, you have put yourself back on my favourites list. You should have a gulder and some suya tonight to celebrate cos this is a really big deal(trust me). Please don't mess it up.

Ps. You should totally do an Osuofia in London part 3

Your 'renewed' fan
Overwhelmed Naija Babe

Down The Drain

Very high 'highs' and even lower 'lows'...

Life has become a migraine.

I guess the most logical solution would be to take a spiritual, mental and emotional Advil

But I’m all out.

Voices are jumbled in my head

The big picture is becoming disjointed

The light is being eclipsed

I’m loosing sight of the sound, the taste… the beauty

Failure and discontent are becoming constant companions

……………………………………. Down the drain

Just like a bad habit, I can’t shake him

He doesn’t even try, but Lord knows… this man has a hold on me.

My Jehovah Witness (MJW)

I can’t explain it so I won’t even try… but there’s something about him that makes me want to bring him out of his shell.

He’s not a great looking guy but lord knows this man is beautiful inside.

He has this slightly crooked somewhat self- conscious smile… a smile that says ‘I smile for you only… and only because you want me to’

He doesn’t like easily… but when he does, he likes so hard.

It’s so charming being around him… he reminds me of puppy love… the kind where you like each other for months but never say a word… the kind where the truth can be found in each others eyes… the kind that doesn’t need names or titles because it just is.
Everybody who knows the both of us figures we’ll get married in the future because we just have ‘that something’

We only started talking again about 2 weeks before Kimor and I broke up... 3 times in total.

When I was with Kimor, I never tried to talk about the potential of anything with my Jehovah Witness because I never cheated on Kimor and never wanted to. I knew that I wouldn’t physically cheat with the Jehovah Witness but we have such a connection that if I’d decided to go there, I could’ve emotionally cheated… we just have that thing that I have no words for.

The few conversations I had with My Jehovah Witness then were about the past… our past. I told him how he’d hurt me and he told me how I’d hurt him. We wanted to push that all aside so we could be friends without any bad memories from our past. During those conversations, I learnt that a person I’d thought was a close friend had lied about him, about GC… which was the major reason I had cut him off completely without looking back despite all his attempts to reach out and explain the situation. I was horrified cos I realized that I’d been unfair to him and hadn’t even attempted to listen to anything he had to say at the time, but now I realize it was a blessing in disguise.

It was a blessing in disguise because we had those 2 years to mature. Now, we both see things a little differently.

Kimor and I broke up on Monday. MJW wanted to cheer me up and took me to see my very first basketball game on Wednesday evening… the Toronto Raptors vs. Heats. We went with Mensah- a very good friend of ours. From the moment he came to pick me up, I knew it was still there… this was the first time we’d seen each other since ‘then’ and we both knew it was still there. That Overwhelmed and Witness chemistry, that Overwhelmed and Witness spark, that fire, that energy, that smooth waltz… yes it was still there.

I was 2 days single from the first guy I ever loved, but with the Jehovah Witness, Kimor never came to my mind once.

We had a complete blast at the game…
Ps. Shaq is a giant

He drove me home…and called me an hour later… he missed me already
I never told him but I missed him as well

We were supposed to chill last Sunday but I woke up late… I partied Friday and Saturday night. I was bone tired and had completely lost my voice.

We rescheduled for Tuesday. He came over at 11.45am and left 13 hours later(He locked his keys in his car and had to call a tow truck which took forever too). We were supposed to chill, watch a Nigerian movie and do his assignment which is due today.

We did all that
…. and a little more.

He kisses like a dream… the same taste to his kiss that I remember.

At one point in the evening, we had been chatting and he’d said something:

Overwhelmed: So that’s what you say to your friends?

My Jehovah Witness: You think of yourself as just my friend?

Overwhelmed: Yeah… well… we’re not going out or anything

My Jehovah Witness: Why… don’t you wanna go out with me?

Overwhelmed: ummm… go out as in what?

My Jehovah Witness: lol… as in being my girlfriend

{I’ve known this man for almost 3 years and this is the first time he ever asked me out. It’s funny how time changes things… he liked me way back when but things are so different now… he likes me so much more you can see it. He wants to be around me all the time and not in a jealous, insecure way. }

I didn’t answer his question because I don’t want to give a yes or a no. I don’t want to say yes because it’s too early… I really like this guy but I just want to be sure of what I’m doing… of myself… of us. I wouldn’t like to jump into it and jump out… I know there’s no guarantee for any relationship but perhaps I need a few more signs. I don’t want to say no… because I’m not even sure that I could… maybe a not now… no almost seems out of the question…

but there's a little part of me that also wonders if there's something else for me out there...

I know not to rush especially as he means too much to me to be a rebound. See that’s not the case here. The major problem is that I think we have something too good… maybe it’s not for now… cos what if we dated now and messed things up… it would actually be the end of "Our Witness Affair".

Unwelcome Surprise

On my way home on Friday afternoon, I was talking to my best friend Naijadyme. You wouldn't believe who hopped on the bus halfway through my journey...

Kimor

My heart stopped

I don't remember ever being that uncomfortable in my entire life. It was so weird cos that was the last thing I expected... funny enough, Naijadyme and I had just been talking about him.

As he walked down the bus aisle, my heart thumped... and thumped... and thumped

I hoped he wouldn't see me... I shifted towards the windowand kept a deathly silence on the phone... I didn't want want him to recognize my voice.,

Seeing him for the first time since our breakup I felt neither joy nor pain... just discomfort. I just wished I'd taken the bus before or after...

He didn't see me... he walked past me.

10 minutes later, I was still chatting with Naijadyme when a voice called out:

"Overwhelmed"

I turned and it was Kimor... He was about to leave the bus. He turned to me

"Hey Overwhelmed wassup?"

I looked at him for a second and then looked away

He got off the bus

I'll be fine...

{Thanks for all the concern for me and my mom. We're both fine... she's much better... just taking a little time off to recuperate. I am simply taking it day by day... surrounding myself with great friends, fun times and happy thoughts. I'm alright... I really appreciate you guys... how much you'll never know}