After not calling me for 5 days, Kimor called me on Monday night.
Kimor: Hey Overwhelmed. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been going through a lot lately. I think we should take a break and just not be together anymore
Overwhelmed: Kimor…. I left you a message on Thursday night telling you my mom had been rushed to the emergency. How come you didn’t call me back?
Kimor: What does that have to do with anything?
Kimor: It has nothing to do with anything. I mean if I was rushed to the emergency, would your mom care?
Overwhelmed: What?!?!?! Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?
Overwhelmed: Kimor… you actually opened your mouth and told me that? Me overwhelmed? About my mother?
I hung up
And called him back in the same instant
Overwhelmed: Just to make sure that I’m not dreaming this Kimor… Did I ask you how come you didn’t call me to at least check if my mom or myself was ok after she was rushed to the emergency. We’ve been together for 9 months and you asked me if my mom would care if you were rushed to the emergency?
Kimor: Yeah… anything else?
Overwhelmed: I won’t forgive you for this
Kimor: That’s what I’m trying to show you… doesn’t matter
Overwhelmed: Ok Kimor… have a great life
... the ‘dream’ is over.
I’ve never before felt such a strong need to hurt someone in my life as I do now. I couldn’t believe it then… and a few days after… I still can’t believe it. This is Kimor afterall. He said he loved me even in our last real conversation. Is this how others love? Only in good times? In such a callous way? When things aren’t the way they want… you don’t matter anymore? I mean even if we were just friends… he couldn’t show the most basic concern… just ask me if she was alright… if I was coping? I’m more pissed off at this point than anything else… when things like this happen you start to doubt a lot of stuff. You feel like you know a person… something of the heart that beats inside them. You trust that the laughs and the truths and the talks would open them up to you as a person… make them understand you… that they'd be there for you when you need them… cos you know you’d be there for them no matter what but I guess it’s too much to ask.
I’ve been around friends since the breakup… they’ve all had so many encouraging things to say and haven’t even given me the chance to see if I miss him… I’m up to my neck in outings and fun events. I’m still processing this but I’m surprised that I’m not devastated you know… I haven’t cried… maybe it still hasn’t hit me… but I don’t think that’s what it is… The words he said in the end have almost cancelled every good thing he might’ve been in the past. Love isn’t about eating my ***** and telling me I’m beautiful. Love is about being able to put aside your ego and stand beside that person in crucial times… love is letting someone know they have a friend no matter how bad things get. Love is good times and bad times and the inbetween. It is the ‘But I love you’ that comes right after “You’re working my last nerve”.
Maybe I'm naïve…