I Know

I carved out this here spot so I could escape prying eyes

I know you know this spot… and I know how you found it

I know you know it’s me and I couldn’t bloody care less

I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE OFF CERTAIN ENTRIES, MAKE THE BLOG INACCESIBLE OR DELETE IT

You will not run me off my spot!!!

You’re a nosy bastard

You love to play the victim and think yourself quite smart… but I always have been and always will be one step ahead of you.

I know after reading this you will wish there is something you could do to hurt me in 'real life'… but I won't be blown away by your 'tide'... It's mild and I have my life jacket on

You’re a coward

You’d wish to pretend you don’t know this spot

But you do know it

And I know you do

And now you know that I know you know it

I know you won’t stop coming though

You’ll come here to gorge on my words… but that’s all you’ll ever be… a gluttonous voyeur

I know you’ll go into my archives if you haven’t already…

You’ll read everything I ever wrote and compare it against what you ‘know’

You’ll bookmark me and check up here every 2 hours for updates

You’ll try to talk the same… try to act the same…

BUT I SEE THROUGH YOU

… if only you were inside my head…

Ah... actually… you are sort of in my head… you’re on my BLOG!!!

In spite of that, you will always be on the outside looking in… so in your own sweet time… FUCK OFF!!!

Mummy Sunday 12

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my twelfth Mummy Sunday post and the third installment of the “When You Weren’t There Mummy” series!!! I dedicate this one to all those who try knowing the odds are stacked against them… that’s real courage

Foiled Escape Attempt

Dear Mommy,

The worst part about the moving all the time was probably the fact that we never knew when it was going to happen. There were no tearful goodbyes with friends that would miss us.. no address exchanges… nothing… We’d perfected the art of temporary friendships Fire and I. Whenever it took his fancy, our father would tell us to pack up all our stuff, we’d get into his car… the loud burgundy Volvo and he’d drop us wherever was to be our new home for however long.

When I was 8 or 9, and I’d just finished my first year of high school, he took us from Lagos to our Imo State village for Christmas. I don’t remember that particular holiday. But I remember me and Fire finding ourselves in Abia State right after. He’d taken us to his oldest sister Aunty Odinaka Ibe and gone the way of Lawyer Fathers… AWAY!!!

He left Fire and I at the Ibe home for months and once again, we got used to living without him.

Aunty Odinaka was a renowned ‘fish wholesaler’ in Aba. Some of my clearest memories of that house on Ngwa road was the smell of dry fish and my strange admiration/ attraction for my cousin Alozie.

We were supposed to be enrolled in school but they were all so busy. Aunty Odinaka was busy ‘wholesaling’ her fish, her husband Uncle Obinna was busy sharing the ‘Jehovah Witness Kingdom Hall Good Message’ and assisting his wife with their family fish. Their oldest daughter Aunty Onyinye was busy in England marrying a man who hated and rejected her son from a previous marriage. Their second oldest daughter Aunty Elizabeth was busy loving her poor chemist husband, running his shop and raising his children. Their oldest son Uncle Chidi was busy giving his parents a heart attack by getting jailed for selling drugs and taking pictures in the bathtub with white girls in South Africa. Their third daughter Aunty Mma was busy worrying about her black lips and registering for yet another year… even after 7 years studying for the same undergraduate degree. Their second son Uncle Amadi was busy in his polytechnic ironing his starched shirts and worrying if his girl ‘friend’ would eventually agree to be his ‘girlfriend’. Their last son Alozie was just busy.

So you see everybody was just a tad bit 'busy' in that house.

They loved us like the family that we were… but there’s always a difference you know…

The house on Ngwa Road was never home.

But we did get extra chunks of fish in our food, lots of people to bring us back market treats and every once in a while… a chance to see and participate in the market madness.

And unlike the flat in Lagos, in Aba, we never got a whipping for going outside to play with other kids… in fact we were encouraged.

This was the second home we’d ever had where we felt a sense of communal prayer. The entire Ibe Family came together every morning at 6am to pray and share bible passages before everybody went about their business.

I don’t remember any distinct days or distinct activities… just a blurry passing of time.

THEN YOU CAME WITH YOUR LIGHT-SKINNED MALE FRIEND TO VISIT

At that point, we still had some memories of you… but you were slowly becoming the woman with the beautiful clothes and the luminuous skin and the red lips and the warm smile and the hot tears.

You cried everytime we spoke English… we’d completely lost our British accents in less than 3 years

You cried everytime we spoke Igbo… we spoke the Igbo of our grandparents

You cried because it seems like we’d forgotten the part of our lives that had involved fish and chips and tea and biscuits after a brisk walk around our flat in Lewisham.

That was partly true, as life for us had become an invasive fish smell.

THEN YOU TOLD THEM YOU WANTED TO TAKE US SHOPPING

They gave Fire and I 4 escorts to make sure you didn’t abduct us.

To them you were the scarlet woman as:

'Good women' weren’t supposed to walk away even when their very life was at stake

'Good women' weren’t supposed to try to be independent and achieve something for themselves and their children

... 'Good women' weren’t supposed to leave their children

Our father had tried to fill our heads with tales of what a horrid woman you were… but he forgot that you were our earliest memory of warmth and heart and cheer… and that no one since then had come remotely close to reproducing that… himself included.

I still remember you holding our hands that day and trying to hide your tears as we walked along that dusty Ngwa Road strip. Then you hailed a taxi… and got in with your friend.

I can still recall the moment you started dragging Fire into the cab and tried to get me in as well...

THEN...

BEFORE WE KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING...

AUNTY ONYINYE RAN UP TO THE CAB AND PULLED US BOTH OUT…

ESCAPE ATTEMPT FOILED!!!

I still remember the pain and torment in your eyes as your cab zoomed off to horrible insults from Aunty Onyinye and our escorts.

………. 2 days later… our father moved us to another place... we never again lived in that house on Ngwa Road...

Short Man Devil

Last Saturday was such a fun day. My girl Ayo aka Chocolate (the same one who took me to get me ‘manicure disvirgined’) was over at my house. We were already having a blast when my girl MadSoulSista aka Hot Nurse dropped on her way from work. She wanted to complete her school assignment .. which of course never happened.

Anyways, later on we decided to go to the ‘Red and White Ghana Affair’. Hot Nurse looked smashing in her mini red dress and delicious silver sandals. Chocolate was looking mighty sexy in her white belted shirt dress, skinny jeans and red pumps. Being the rebel that I am, I wore a black Chinese wrap-shirt with skinny jeans and red round-toe stilettos (Honest truth… I couldn’t find a white shirt… lol).

We got into Hot Nurse’s car at 1:45pm…. And the damn thing wouldn’t start!!!

But because I am cute and God really likes me (Chocolate and Hot Nurse might beg to differ… lol), the car STARTED!!!

We got to the party 20 minutes later and… THEY WOULDN’T LET US IN!!!

(Apparently you can’t get into a party after 2am… and none of our ‘inside contacts’ were picking up their cellphones).

We were bummed to say the least… but then we looked around and boy were there some ‘interesting’ characters around. We saw a fat ‘gangsta’ Ghanaian boy ‘scoping’ girls with his binoculars… as in real life BINOCULARS!!! Another fat Nigerian guy was trying to convince us to ‘go on convoy’ with him and his boys… lol… who talks like that in this day and age?! Homeboy would just not get a hint… as in we’re not interested… move it!

Then came SHORT-MAN-DEVIL, the actual reason I wrote this post.

This dude is probably the shortest guy I ever met in my life at 4 ft 9 or 10 inches. He stopped by to say hi cos he knew Hot Nurse. We got introduced and talked to him for a little while. I mean he is a pretty pleasant dude but then again… does he really have an option?

Hot Nurse told us that everytime he talks to her on the phone, he keeps going on about how nice he is, so it’s quite obvious that the niceness is his way to ‘get in’.

You could imagine my surprise when Hot Nurse called me last night to tell me that Short Man Devil likes me and wants my number.

Chocolate/Ayo is 5 ft 3 inches tall… he didn’t like her

Hot Nurse/ Mad Soul Sista is 5 ft 4 inches tall… he didn’t like her

Oh no… he wants 5 ft 11 inches tall Overwhelmed Naija Babe

(Feel free to insert all the height jokes you could possibly make about a 5ft 11 girl and 4 ft 10 guy).

I mean even if I was single(which I'm not)… how could I?

While I can think of no obvious disadvantages of such an arrangement for him, in my case… I’m almost blown away thinking what my life would become:

1. I would have to carry him to kiss him

2. I will be the butt of jokes from then till any of my friends noisily farts in public in a Marciano dress

3. I’d constantly have to ward off questions about ‘my son’

4. My mom might send me back to Nigeria for spiritual cleansing because her enemies ‘have finally gotten her’

5. I would no longer be able to wear stilettos because the 13 inch height difference is intimidating enough

6. My 'market value' will go down…. Waaaay down

7. I’d have to deal with his probably horrid temper…I mean chances are if I ever made a ‘midget joke’… he’d thump me

(among other reasons)

Hot Nurse Aka Madsoulsista my dear friend… I’m gonna get you back for being the messenger of such nonsense… BEESH!!! lol

Unsure

She never said anything about what happened yesterday, but knowing my mom, that’s neither here nor there. My mom is not the sort of person who says everything she sees/ hears the moment she sees/ hears it. She could have dirt on someone and never reveal it until she feels it’s called for.

It often lulls one into a false sense of complacency… a really bad place to be.

You figure she didn’t hear, didn’t see… didn’t know. Sometimes you’re right and she really didn’t… but other times… she actually did… then you’re really FUCKED!


I remember when I was 16, in grade 10 in high school. We had a health assembly and received numerous health flyers, condoms and suchlike. I took mine home. I’m a pretty careless person so a day or so after I couldn’t find them anymore and just figured I’d trashed them somewhere… or something.

Cut to a few months later:
I think I’d gone out one night and come back later than my 10pm curfew. My mom told me to go back where I was coming from. I was a bit more stubborn and argumentative back then so I started getting wordy with her… trying to get her to let me in.

Then my mom told me to go back to those guys that I sleep with who give me tons of condoms for us to use together. She couldn’t believe I was so ‘lost and disrespectful’ for storing my condoms all over her house and possibly bringing the guys to use them there. She advised me to make sure I at least don’t get pregnant or contract HIV.

FACT: At the time I was a virgin… those condoms had been given to me at least 3 months before the incident… I never knew she had them and she’d never said one word about the condoms the entire time.

It’s been a couple of years since then and I guess she probably knows that I have sex… but like everybody already said… she’s in denial.

I mean even if she could accept that fact… the Jamaican part of things will probably cause her sleepless nights and endless days praying in church for God to deliver me from the grips of ‘Jaamaiikan’ people… lol.

I really can’t make any judgement based on her reaction cos she hasn’t shown any.

But in the meantime, I think I’ve learnt my lesson… any other ‘keep that pussy tight’ conversations I’m going to be having with the boyfriend… will be ON MY CELLPHONE!

I’m Screwed

The boyfriend left about an hour ago for his sisters upcoming nuptials in Jamaica. He’ll be there for about 2 weeks. This is his second time back in 14 years, so he should have lots of fun.

It’s reading week so I’m back at my family home this week. He called my home phone this morning to say goodbye:

Kimor: Hey baby… I gotta go right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m gonna miss you terribly. I really don’t know how I’ll do the 2 weeks without you but I’ll call anytime I have a free minute from the friends and family. I’ll have you on my mind the entire time. I love you baby

Overwhelmed Naija Babe: I know

Kimor: I also wanted to let you know that I’ll never do anything to jeopardize our relationship cos you mean too much to me. In the meantime, keep that pussy tight for me.

Then my mom hung up on the other line

FUCK!!!

In the space of a 2 minute conversation, I have managed to confirm all her suspicions/nightmares… I’M NO LONGER A VIRGIN, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, AND HE IS JAMAICAN

Yup… I’m Screwed

Spirit Fingers

So my girl Ayo just treated me with a French Manicure as a belated birthday gift… my first ever. Everyone knows that I’m completely addicted to black nail polish… but it’s fantastic living on the ‘dainty and delicate’ side of life if only for a little while.

My fingers look long and slender and totally ‘gorg’

The boyfriend was practically purring when I ran my nails down his back.

I just love the sound my nails make everytime they hit the keyboard…

My only concern as I’m about to take a shower right now is: I hope I can still wash my ‘vag’ properly.

Love Letter To My Sweet Angel Vera Ezimora

Good evening my sweet ‘verastic’ pineapple, the only vaseline intensive lotion on my skin, the only cubic zirconia in my ears.

I want to first and foremostly… ask about your health. I hope your lungs are fine, as well as your kidney and other assorted internal organs. I also want to ask about the current weather which might be causing you to have cough and ‘katarrrr’. I also want to apologize for ‘telling everybody’ that you seduced my ex blog boyfriend NaijaBloke(even though you really did). However, let bygones be bygones, and please search deep into the recesses of your heart and pull out an envelope of forgiveness!

I love you more than cranberry juice (and knowing me that’s saying a lot!!!). I will go to the moon and ask questions if you wanted me to. I will pluck my eyebrows myself just to show you. I will even go and supply pure water to the troops... all you have to do is say "OYA GO".

Remember, I will always be loyal to you and never report you again to mommy again anytime you invite boys to the house(but the boys still have to pay me small 'consultancy fee' sha). I promise to also believe you when you tell me that Okonkwo Jackson was scratching your back that time I caught you people laughing paulina paulina.

Having said that, I want to please beg you not to ‘release the information’ because this will be detrimental to my health… you already know I have only 99.99% vision in my left eye... and bad ‘nerves’… and ‘the vapours’... etcetera etcetera.

You were when I wore my first ‘online’ bra, when I grew my first ‘online’ pubic hair, when I got my first ‘online’ nipple rearrangement and the first time I executed my first effective ‘online’ bedroom gymnastic... so don't forget... we have 'history'

If you can do this for me, your cup will ‘runneth over’, and you will always be going ‘forward and not backward’, the mammywater people will never visit your dreams, and you will never have zero account balance. You will be wearing designer shoes for the rest of your life and your future husband will not pay your dowry in Cowries. AMEN!!!

You will be approached by white people on horses giving you frankincense, Indian people giving you myrhh... Chinese people giving you the other one(the third gift... I can't remember it again). Like Beyonce, You will get a food gift card for life- but in your own case... it will be SUYA... not yeye KFC... AMEN!

I'm hereby dedicating a song to you... my special duet with Naijadude titled "Vera sweet bumbum... the only Naija babe with Russian accent, Nigerian and American accent"

Note: I have forgiven you for taking NaijaBloke from me… I mean when I hired you as my secretary to ‘assist with website developments’, I never knew you’d take on my then blog-boyfriend NaijaBloke and also try to 'develop' him… but I have inhaled the vapour of forgiveness… so no hard feelings. And come to think of it, he used to make me pound fufu for him every morning and I was beginning to develop calluses on my hands self… plus he wanted me to always wear ‘ankara thongs’ for sexy night… and I was loosing patience with the whole thing jare!!!

Your Blog ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend

Overwhelmed Naija Babe

Ps. I haven’t forgotten about the 'Tony Hilfinger' Purse I promised you for your birthday… In fact I'm feeling very generous and will now add a 'Dolcy and Gambino' short skirt to match it.

My Valentine

It was great when he got me out of my clothes and discovered the terribly sexy lacy bra and panty set that I paid a king’s ransom for… and I didn’t let him get me out of it ‘just yet’

It was even better after the ‘first performance’ and subsequent shower, I sent him on a fool’s errand… and he came back into a darkened room and I was wearing a different number… a purple lacy teddy with just strings at the back.

Imagine his laughter and excitement when I choose to give him a little strip-tease/dance in that sexy little outfit… to Tongolo by D’Banj

It was my first time ever celebrating valentine but it was exactly what I thought it’d be… the flowers, the gifts, the cards, the romantic dinner… but the my favorite part of the night was the ‘Champagne’:

I never knew one could get up to so much with some bubbly… we sipped it… from glasses, from body crevices… we splashed it on icy cold, let it drizzle…

I can’t remember half the night cos we had way too many margaritas and bottles of champagne …

I woke up in the morning… naked as the day I was born.

Oh yes... It was indeed a 'happy valentines day'!

Three’s Tag

I was tagged by Daddy’s girl who knows I absolutely love memes. So here goes:

Three things I do not want to experience:
1. What I did growing up… feeling alone, unwanted, incomplete, second-rate, discarded, unworthy, used, betrayed, unloved, a mistake… the list goes on
2. The concept/thought of my mother or sister going before I do…

3. A penis in my anus

Three people who make me laugh:
1. Me… See I figured that the only way your life will change is if you do it yourself. I do the weirdest accents, make the weirdest jokes, and even have the weirdest laugh. If you knew me… you’d laugh with (at?) me too…

2. My mother is a character... Drama Queen, Comedienne, person extraordinaire. I don’t think you could ever spend a day with her and not laugh. My sister is another funny person… I could never be angry around her if she doesn’t want me to be… I mean it could be just a sentence or a word or a laugh… and she’s got me. She more than anybody else in this world knows exactly what to say to get me giggling (probably cos she’s the person I’ve also spent the most time with in my world… we’ve been through just about every life experience together… she’s my heart). My Best Friend Naijadyme is another joker. Most people think she’s quiet the first time they meet her… but it’s all a façade. This babe has always has me laughing and in a good mood… because we make absolutely no sense together. My boyfriend brings out the best in me… he’s not really funny in the regular sense of the word although he does crack a joke or two… his comebacks to my jokes/insults are what will have you rolling on the floor… you won’t believe some of the stuff that comes out from my “omo jamo’s” mouth sometimes… lol.

3. Silly comedians… Ali G (Borat especially), Stephen Colbert, Basketmouth, Mr. Ibu, Nkem Owoh, Aki and Pawpaw, the dude from 'one dollar', 'adam goes to school', Jon Stewart, Mad Tv sketches especially Miss Swan (he luuku like a man… lol), Debra Wilson doing Oprah Winfrey and Whitney Houston… among others.

Three things I love:
1. God cos without him… I’d be in a psych ward or a social leper. He pulled me through.

2. My life and the people in it… my nuclear family, friends, boyfriend, blogfam, schoolfam.
3. Music… soothing, sensual, smart, sexy. There’s all that sort of Anita Baker, Celine Dion type of music… then there’s the rhythm in my heart… MAKOSSA (Awilo Longomba Style). I love fashion… the clothes, the endless stilettos and of course the never-ending foot rubs. I love the way I look when I wake up in the morning and the way I look right before I go to bed. I love the way I now smile with my eyes and my heart… and not just my lips. I love the way the little black dress drapes around my body and makes me look as good as I feel inside. I love the way he kisses me the moment he steps into my door. I love the way there’s almost always a song in my heart. I love the fact that I’m making peace with my world. I love the fact that I see beauty in simple things. I love the person that I’ve become and the little changes I’m making in my life every day. To cut a long story short… I love me.

Three things I hate:
1. Judgement: I hate when people assume attitudes of moral superiority and sit in judgement of others for things they have no control over or for the way they are. I also hate hypocrisy.
2. Ignorance: I don’t mean ‘not knowing’… I’m talking about when you just “don’t want/care to know”. This is especially when it’s about sensitive issues or things that affect/ bother me.
3. Betrayal: When I give my trust… it’s absolute… until you betray it… then it’s hard for me to go back to that same level.

Three things I don’t understand:
1. The plan of the universe
2. The man who fathered me
3. My feelings about the man who fathered me

Three things on my desk:
1. A glass of water
2. Cereal… I tried a new one this week… muesli(x?)… the nuts in it are great… but it goes down like a ‘performance athlete’s cereal’… so once the box is done, I’m going straight back to my Woodland Berry Granola Cereal which rocks the socks off anything else out there right now... in my opinion at least.
3. Two empty bottles of Champagne

Three things I’m doing right now:
1. I’ve got to finish typing this up and leave my house in the next 30 minutes
2. Looking for my toothbrush
3. Checking my voicemail and listening to Michael Buble who sings the soundtrack of my life… right My Jolene?

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Accomplish every goal I ever had… 6pack abs, a mansion on every continent, be established in a great profession, keep my mom in complete luxury… no lifting a finger before noon, a fantastic family (husband? Kids?)… in no particular order.
2. Go shoe and bracelet shopping in every country in the world.

3. Be completely happy and at peace with myself and convince God to keep me a place in heaven.

Three things I can do:
1. Laugh, love and live with the best of them

2. Dance Makossa like it’s going out of style
3. Make great Jollof rice and potato porridge.

Three things you should listen to:
1. Sade, John Legend, Michael Buble, Christina Aguilera, Anita Baker, Dolly Parton, India Arie, Heather Headley, Robin Thicke, Celine Dion, Cher, Corinne Bailey Rae, Keith Urban, Amy Winehouse, Dixie Chicks, Leann Womack, Imogen Heap, Awilo Longomba, Oliver D Coque, Lagbaja’s Konko below(more like dance to).

2. The opinions of people who truly care about you… they usually mean well. Don’t gotta do it… but listen at least.
3. Your heart

Three things you should never listen to:
1. The people try to tell you you’re not good enough the way you are.
2. Japanese Soca (yes it does exist… and yes, it is as bad as you think it is)
3. False prophets… prophets of doom

Three things I’d like to learn:
1. The quickest way to get 6-pack abs.
2. To become a better writer, person, lover (although I am pretty good at that…lol).
3. To bargain in French, to salsa properly, to love ackee and saltfish.

Three beverages I drink regularly:
1. Cranberry Juice… and it’s other variations… Cranberry Vodkas, Cranberry Daquiris… etc
2. Water, Milk…
3. Fish peppersoup(which my mom makes amazingly well), Cream of mushroom soup… lol… they’re not quite beverages are they?

Three TV shows I watched on NTA as a kid:
I don’t remember watching a lot of tv in Nigeria… I was too busy ‘not being a kid’. So I’ll write the few things I remember watching in England:

1. Neighbours… Australian soap opera I think
2. Kylie Minogue’s “Locomotion” music video
3. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”… I used to do the splits amazing well back then…and street skate… what happened? Lagos… that’s what happened!

Three Books I read as a kid:
1. Sweet Valley High Stuff… Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield (j’adore Jessica… I always love the more selfish friend/sister in any given movie or book… like Tony Childs in girlfriends, Karen Walker in Will and Grace… the list goes on).
2. Mills and Boon, Harlequin stuff, Silhouette romance novels… I started reading them at 11 or 12. Looking back I don’t think I understood a lot of what I was reading… lol.
3. Those ‘song lyric’ books in Nigeria… the ones that gave you terrible interpretations of Jennifer Lopez or Celine Dion’s new hit songs… lol… that was fun in high school.

I hereby tag anybody who’s ever watched a Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera music video… and thought… hmmm… sexy. I also tag anybody who’s ever watched an usher video and thought… 6-pack CHECK, great singing voice CHECK, fantastic dance moves CHECK, cute face with a little strange nose… CHECK! If none of the above apply, then I tag you if you drank water today!!!

Changes

Truth be told, I’m completely bored with my current blog picture (the pebbles).

I’m thinking about changing it… but for something that will appeal to me everytime I open my blog… my legs!!! Lol.

The fantastic thing about it is that I can be as vain as I want but still keep my anonymity because absolutely no one could recognize me from my legs… and that’s a fact!

I took these pictures on my 21^st birthday and cut out my top half. I like the three of them so I was hoping you’d help me decide which one’s best and should be kept as my new blog picture.

Picture 1: (My personal favorite)

This one is pretty self-explanatory. It details my love for all things sexy…. My 3 inch stilletos, very moisturized, very long legs…. Lol. If you want to get philosophical with it, I could say it represents my positive attitude about the future (foot forward)… lol.

Abi do you have another interpretation Unnaked Soul? Since you're the resident blog 'psychic' and 'psychologist'... lol... you know I love you sha... but of course in a friendly way... I don't want Ms. Zee to come and harrass me oh because we all know the undercover loving y'all have going on!!!

I sha know 36 Inches will like this one... cos she's another long-legged sister we have in this blogsville... her name says it all

Picture 2:

This one is a dance picture… it’s about losing myself in the rhythm of life… feeling the tempo… enjoying the symphonies … sweating to the beat… stomping my feet with the pulse of drum. I think without the upper half, my legs look kinda displaced… no?

I know Naijadude will prefer this one... cos anything that has to do with gyrating and bumping and grinding... COUNT HIM IN!!! lol.

Picture 3:

This one is just a picture of my slightly bow legs. I guess the ‘philosophical’ part of it would be that… it shows the ‘curves’ that life throws our way.

lol...na really curve my leg sha get oh... but at least I have a bow-legged sister in Alaye's gorgeous blog-wife TaureanMinx.

Picture 4: My Old Blog Picture… the Pebbles

This is the old picture… a picture of pebbles. Each pebble represents a different experience in my life… there’ve been great ones… happy ones, sad ones, painful ones… but they all come together… as my life. Or do you think I should retain this one?

I think Vera and Guy Horny called them cheetos or skittles or something ridiculous like that... this husband and wife with their 'analytical skills' self... I can only imagine what doing taxes or even the dishes in their 'matrimonial blog home' is like!

I’m pretty much waxing poetic about nothing in particular…. I’d basically like to know you guys personal favorite… cos I want to change my blog picture as soon as possible.

My secret's out in the universe

Here’s something I wrote that I think expresses the way I feel about my boyfriend. I’ll probably write it in his Valentine’s day card. It’s titled:

The way I feel about you

Kimor,

You're my truth
In loving you, I lose and find myself

I love your smile, your style and everything about you
Your kisses bring me to life

This fire blazing between us consumes me
You take me to a higher place and make me soar among the clouds

You’re the first person I think of when I wake up,
and the last one on my mind when I go to sleep.

I smile everytime I hear your name

You bring out in me feelings that are rare
Feelings that grow stronger every day like roses that bloom in the spring

You make me want to be a better person

There’s no contradiction in the way I feel about you

I’ll be true to you and stay by your side even when no one else is around

When its cold outside, I feel warm in the safety of your arms
I feel protected from the storm as I bask in the fire of you.

The day you came into my life, you made me believe again.

You’re beautiful

I never thought I’d say this to any guy, ever, but
I love you.

Though I don’t always convey my thoughts, and my feelings don’t always show
I love you.

Through all the heartache and pain
I love you

Even if no one else stands behind what I feel for you
I love you

And I give you my heart to keep

Mummy Sunday 11

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my eleventh Mummy Sunday post and the second installment of the “When You Weren’t There Mummy” series!!! I dedicate this one to the places that I’ve been and all the people that I’ve seen…

No Permanent Home

Dear Mommy,

The Christmas of the year you left, he took us to the village. We all spent the holidays in the village, then he left us. He went back to Lagos and left us in the care of grandma whose only words of English were ‘God’ and ‘Satan’. It was absolutely horrible. We were constantly sick because the water was unsanitary… the food was cooked on wood, and we couldn’t really tell the people around us what was wrong… THEY ALL SPOKE IGBO!!!

We went from London To Lagos to a remote village in Imo State… all in just a few months…

We used to get sick a lot… then we’d drink whatever native leave and paracetamol concoction our grandma could make. We’d wake up sometimes with raging fevers… and on other days we’d be cold as clams.

Our grandma tried her best but it was hell trying to cope when she couldn’t speak any English and we couldn’t speak any Igbo. There were translators sometimes… but they weren’t there all the time… and sometimes found it hard to understand the ‘oyinbo’ children. Mma(Grandma) was a farmer. She found rice to be ‘nri pidgeon’(pigeon food)… so:

We went from drinking kelloggs for breakfast to Yam porridge

From fish and chips for lunch to ukwa (breadfruit)

From soft ground rice for dinner to stinky, solid ‘akpu’

We hated the food, the people… the environment… and just wanted to go home… but who knew where home was anymore?!

I really tried to resist. I wanted to be loyal to you.

I resisted making friends with the kids around.

I resisted ‘liking the local food’.

I resisted learning how to speak Igbo… I mean I learnt how to speak the language quite fast out of necessity, but I pretended for months that I couldn’t while Fire was happily conversing with everyone and ‘translating to/for me’. I felt that if I let go of that one thing… there’d be nothing left… there’d be nothing that separated me from all the other ‘kids in the village’… that there’d be nothing that tied me to only you.

I skipped a lot of classes cos I was ‘smart’ and could speak perfect English. I remember my math teacher… he just killed me every single time tried to pronounce things ‘British’… Peugeout and he’d say ‘poshhour’… matter of fact... they all bloody killed me.

Oh he visited about 3 times when we were down there. There was always a sense of letdown when he came to the village cos we thought on his next visit... he'd take us back 'home'... but who were we kidding... WE HAD NO HOME! He usually slept the night… bought us Gala and ‘Lagos Bread’… he’d obviously done his fatherly duty. And of course… when we’d done something wrong… “he’d whip us a time or two- some discipline never hurt any child”… obviously his mother could feed us and clothe us and be our guardian… but he still needed to show us ‘who was daddy’.

We were probably in the village for about a year… cos right after the next Christmas… he came and took us back to Lagos. I wasn’t sure I cared cos at that point, I already spoke Igbo fluently, had forgotten what fish and chips tasted like and couldn’t care less if I ate in glass bowls or plastic containers. I really couldn’t care less.

We went back to the same Lagos we left. He transferred us to a really retarded elementary school in Lagos called Aunty Sissy or Lizzy or something. I was probably there for a month or two. I remember thinking the school was the end of the road… the teachers, the environment… the students. I mean the biggest source of entertainment in that school was waiting for the ‘eleganza’ pen to turn into a snake when you put it into water. I fucking wasted my 5 or 10 Naira trying to see that miracle… which never happened. What a waste!

I might’ve graduated from that Aunty Sissy elementary school… or not… I’m not even sure anymore. Next thing I knew, I found myself in high school… another crappy school… DMC. There were only 5 students in my school… no not class… SCHOOL! My principal lived in the school premises and we had only two classes, 4 teachers, an office, a cafeteria and some parking space. I can still remember the names of my all my schoolmates. It was me and Kayode in Jss1, and Lillian joined us closer to the end of the school year. Then in Jss2, there was Cynthia(whose father was a chief) and Adewunmi (who loved to play video games and look under my skirt).

It was a horrible school!!! I mean what social values does one really learn in a school of five people?!?! I guess he didn’t believe in wasting his money sending us to a better school…after all we were only female. All this from a Lawyer who studied in the United Kingdom…

I was in this DMC school-in Jss1- when he took me to the gynecologist. I was 8.

He never let us go downstairs or have any friends outside of school. So I was probably more surprised than anybody else when he chose to have a birthday party for me when I turned 8 or 9.

I was wearing that yellow dress that we brought back from England. It was a bit tight at the time cos I’d worn it for a while… but everybody was still crazy about it and called me a ‘yellow princess’. It was held downstairs in the yard. Our house was packed, and so were the tents… we ate, drank, and did the ‘dancing round the chairs’ thing. He shot some home videos of it… I think there was an adult after party… with him drinking palm wine or kunu and Gulder with all this friends… he did love him some Gulder.

I remember he used to date two of our landlords daughters. One was underage and the other one was older. I can’t imagine their mother didn’t know…I found it all quite strange cos they were really spiritual… I’m talking ‘deeper life folks’.

I might’ve forgotten to mention… Nonso the old househelp stopped staying with us as did her older sister Ngozi. I really couldn’t understand that man for the life of me… He had sex with them like women… and whipped them like kids when they did ‘wrong’… Did you ever understand him mommy?

We had countless other househelps after that… There was the Calabar girl Ruth… his girlfriend Aunty Mbang’s cousin. Aunty Mbang used to make us fantastic edi kaikong soup and fufu whenever we went to visit her… but I hated her house… it was a slightly better version of a ‘face-me-I-face-you’… and it rained there all the time. I stopped eating at her house after a while cos I got it in my head somehow that she was a mammy water… she was that light and ‘luminous’. Ruth went to a secretarial school and loved to wear berets. She also taught us a lot of Calabar Christian music. She only left because my Dad kept trying to ‘fuck her’ and her faith wouldn’t let her. After she left, my dreams were a mess… she kept trying to chase me sometimes… and in others- tried to save me.

Then there was Uche… she had an athletic build, a crew cut and brown teeth (they looked like she’d been eating too much hot yam porridge… ). She came from a really poor family. Her parents probably had about 10 kids living in 1 or 2 rooms and I just felt bad everytime I went there. Everybody in her family was about the same height and they scared me a little. My only real memory of Uche is her cleaning the toilet when it flooded and being scared that my dad was going to hit her. HE DID. And she left the next day. It was quite shocking to me and Fire when we went to church the next Sunday and my outfit was the exact same as one of her siblings. It was annoying because the only person I ever matched with was Fire, and we had no recollection of giving Uche or her siblings any of our 'London' clothes. Ah well…

There were others who stayed for a month or months depending on how fast it took them to get tired of the situation.

Then there was Aunty Carol

Aunty Carol was in a different category from all the other ‘girls’. She wasn’t quite a housegirl but she wasn’t quite his fulltime girlfriend. She was in university and her parents were poor but still managed to send all 4 of their kids to school. My dad was really jealous cos she was gorgeous, dressed amazingly well and sometimes brought her male friends by the house. He of course banned that. I guess the deal was… he paid for her tuition while she cleaned his house and fucked him. She started us on our love affair with the piano and Toni Braxton… Seven Whole Days, Breathe again…. the whole works. She was probably our favorite out of the whole lot cos she was ‘current’ and quite nice. He traveled numerous times for weeks on end for his ‘cases’ just leaving a measly 200 or 300 Naira and not much groceries. It was hell trying to ‘manage’. We usually had to go to her parents to ask for money... and her other boyfriends I think.

One of my most distinct memories from that year is the day I asked him to buy me a T-Square for my Introductory Technology class. He told me he didn’t have any money and that I was to borrow from someone or ‘improvise’. But the next day, he took Aunty Carol shopping, bought her a ceiling fan and other furniture for her school accommodation.

I never forgave him.

Anyways, I rode out the rest of Jss1 in the same pattern… reading, sleeping, reading and sleeping.

Then the third term (summer) came around, and he sent me and Fire to Abia State to stay with his older sister for the holidays.

We never lived in that flat in Lagos again.

A Tiny Peek Into My Universe

1. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? An orange parasuco tank-top with lacy boy-shorts (yea yea yea… the boyfriend was over last night and I’m about to go take a shower).

2. WHAT KINDA UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING? Light blue lacy boy shorts…

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? India Arie- The truth… that woman has a phenomenal voice and talent.

4. CAN YOU JUGGLE? In my dreams… I’m capable of just about anything.

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Jollof Rice with too much pepper... lol… you should’ve seen my boyfriend talking bout… oh baby… it’s spicy… lol. I was like shut up Jamo and eat the damn food… you never hear me complaining about oxtail or ackee and saltfish! hehe

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Red… the colour of passion!

7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Cold as a motherfucker!!!

8.LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Mad Soul Sista

9.FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Height… he’s gotta be taller than me before we even proceed to the ‘is he cute’, ‘is he smart’ stage. If he’s shorter than me… we can’t make things happen… sorry.

10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Two people tagged me… Desola who is fantastic and Uzo… a fellow Meme lover. They’re both great ladies… love both their blogs.

11. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I would kiss me, hug me, like me, love me… the whole nine yards.

12. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Tired. I’ve been sick as hell for a while now with migraines, flu and a tummy ache, but there are a lot of sweethearts around me… they’re elevating my mood.

13. FAVOURITE DRINK? Cranberry Juice

14. FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Cranberry Vodka or Smirnoff Green Apple, Pineapple Malibus, Strawberry Margaritas… the list goes on

15. FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAL? Doesn’t matter… I’ve had fried rice for lunch on one day and microwave popcorn for lunch the next day… depends on my mood and what’s accessible.

16. FAVOURITE SPORTS? Lol… you probably knew I’d say sex. K I just got this Kama Sutra book from my friend but weird enough I’ve done a lot of the positions in it without knowing their names. I mean bloody doggy style is called something ridiculous like “Boy chucking girl from behind”…lol and missionary is called “boy lying ontop girl and pumping gas”…lmao. Then there’s Makosa Dancing… Awilo is the president of my dance universe… love him forever!!!

17. HAIR COLOUR? Whatever takes my fancy in the weave store. Right now it’s different shades of brown … and let me tell you… I’m rocking that shit to death! The hair’s looking too cute for comfort!

18. EYE COLOUR? Dark Brown… I think my ‘eye charm’ is more in the shape of my eyes than its colour. See growing up my younger sister Fire always laughed at me for having ‘slightly slanted Chinese eyes’ sometimes… but I grew up a little… and now I hear ‘sexy, seductive, smart’ and it just kills me… hehe. It’s novelty oh- A Nigerian girl with slightly Chinese eyes… a bloody fucking novelty.

19. TATTOOS OR PIERCING? 9 piercings… my favorite are my inner ear piercings. They look painful but they’re very cute. Lol… my mother almost had a heart attack when she saw it because ‘people will think I’m irresponsible if I’m piercing inside my ear’ and ‘only heaven knew the next part I’d choose to pierce… my brain or my eyeballs’…lol. I always wanted a cross tattoo on my calf but I’m over that idea now… I did a ‘fake tattoo’ cross there and wasn’t particularly drawn to it.

20. STAR SIGN? Aquarius baby!!! We’re smart, sexy, sophisticated!!! And spiritual?!?! lmao

21. FAVOURITE MONTH? February for a lot of important dates of people in my life(myself included of course). There’s also December… a lot of my close and best friends were born in that month… and of course there’s always Christmas shopping which is always fun. And then there’s June… it’s summer so I get to wear short skirts and stilettos and if I’m still with the boyfriend.. it’d be our 1 year anniversary(Imagine that!).

22. FAVOURITE FOOD? Lasagna, Escargot, Cheesecake, Ukwa, My mom’s Achi soup among other things.

23. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Rocky Balboa? Blood Diamond? Freedom Writers? I don’t remember… all fantastic movies of course!!!

24. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? My birthday! Christmas Day!! Every holiday!!! I have too many to list.

25. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? I haven’t yet… I probably won’t cos I’m lucky in that most guys that I take a fancy too are checking me out and make the first move. In any case that I had to take advantage of an opportunity… chances are my powers of flirtation and looking cute (which I’ve just about perfected) will still make him ‘do the asking out’… lol. I mean if the dude’s not checking me out.. then he must have an eye problem or an affinity for his sex… simple as that… lol...just kidding

26. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS BETTER? Happy Endings forever. As my mom woud say… ‘why should I pay my own hard earned money for someone to be scaring me?!?!?!?!” lmao. The first scary movie I ever watched was the Witch(es?) when I was 7 or 8… the one where the witch turned the boy into a rat… oh my gosh it was horrifying. I didn’t sleep for days!!!

27. SUMMER OR WINTER? I wish it was summer all year long… cos then I’d be in short skirts and stilettos all the time(the only way to live). The only negative is the fact that I ‘burn/tan’ easily. So when I spend a couple of hours in the sun you see my skin looking darker… so I’d probably be Uganda Black if I lived in an ‘always summer climate’ for a few years… lol… not that there’s anything wrong with being Uganda Black… my friend Ayo is… and she’s one of the most beautiful people I know.

28. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs or kisses depending on whom. And even with the kisses… there are kisses, then there are KISSESSSSSSSSS… lol…

29. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships.

30. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate for life. Can’t stand that vanilla shit… well except when it’s slightly mixed with chocolate. Hold you’re asking about chocolate right? Cos if you’re talking ‘men’… then I’ll say chocolate but with a particular desire for a taste of vanilla… lol(that’s if me and the boyfy break up sha… which I don’t really want… he’s good for me at the moment)

31. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? Write what back?

32. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Hmmm.. Uzo has already done this… so I’m guessing another person who loves meme’s as much as me and Uzo do.

33. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? My Egbon- Soul. No amount of bribery and corruption will make her do a tag… the day anybody gets her to do a meme… I think I will kill a cow and eat it all by myself… lol.

34. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING NOW? My blog

35. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I can’t find mine so I just place my mouse on my desk thingy.

36. FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? Lol… air hockey?

37. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Talked on the phone and fell asleep on the last person I was talking to

38. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? How did scientists make the connection that h20 is the scientific formular for water? I wonder what time it is right now in Thailand. Did my boobs get any bigger or smaller? I don’t really like kissing without brushing my teeth… that sort of shit.

39. WHICH DO YOU BELIEVE, EVOLUTION OR CREATION?
Creation… in the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. (lol… I know Naijadyme is gonna call me and congratulate me for remembering a bible verse cos she thinks I only really know two- John 3.16 and Psalm 23… and of course ‘the no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper’ one although I don’t know where it is in the Bible)

How It Went Down

The first person who called to wish me happy birthday was my friend Belinda. Belinda is a party friend that I met recently through my girl Mad Soul Sista. We’ve chilled a time or two and she’s a cool chick. I mean we go out and all but we’ve never really talked on the phone. So she called me at 11.59pm from an unfamiliar number and I was wondering who it was.

Belinda: It’s Bidemi… how are you doing

Overwhelmed Naija Babe: Girl stop your jokes… I know its you Belinda wassup.

Belinda: No oh… who is Belinda… I’m Bidemi now

Overwhelmed Naija Babe: lol… ok Bidemi… and how did you get my number
Belinda: From a guy…. Ahh.. it’s 12.00 on the dot… Happy Happy Happy Baiday Overwhelmed… Happy Happy Happy Baiday… lol

Overwhelmed Naija Babe: lol…thanks oh… so you’re the first ehn…

Belinda: Yes oh… so mami… now that you’re becoming an old woman… what are your plans for the future

Overwhelmed: lol… um… well… oh hold on a second… there’s another call on the line.

The second person to call at was Kunle at 12:03am, my friend from Maryland. He refused to sing my happy birthday song but he gave me a sweet sugar birthday talk… so I forgave him.

My Jolene Naijadude called and left me a message… welcoming me to the ‘big boys and big girls league- adults-21 and over’… lol… very cute message… luved it.

Then my best friend Naijadyme called… she was laaaaate! She called at 12.07am or so… because she was praying with her family. I only forgave her cos I have a feeling she talked to God about my situation… I want to get seriously sexy presents this year… and I know he will answer me by FIRE!!!… so for now… I forgive her. She sang me a birthday song and it was very cute. Plus we made a deal… anytime she calls me throughout the day… she had to say Happy Birthday and sing me the song all over again… lol.

Then my 18 year old sister Fire called around 12.18am to wish me happy birthday. I haven’t talked to her in a little while cos we were having issues (she can be disrespectful sometimes). But after I heard her sweet voice wishing her ‘sexy sister’ a happy 21… I forgave her… well that and she got me a gorgeous cream trench coat for my birthday… lol.(Definitely an improvement over last year when I got a bellyring and two years ago when she gave me an eraser, candy and a ‘barbie doll pen’… lol… she never heard the end of it. Her Excuse: It’s the thought that counts”… then she turns around and asks me a shopping spree for her birthday… lol. You gotta love her)

At 12.30am, My close friend Ayo called to wish ‘this old woman’ a happy birthday… and to ask when I was going to introduce ‘my husband’ to her because she wants him to pay her half the brideprice and give her grandchildren… lol. I told her to sing my happy birthday song but she went off to make some tea and clear her throat because she wanted to get all ‘Jennifer Hudson’ with it. Lol… luvs her

At 12.40, Dele another friend in the states (UNITED STATES OF AMERICAAA… lol) called to wish me happy birthday. He had to study for a test so we made it snappy.

At around 12:50 one of my best friends Kwadjoe called me to wish me a ‘happy 21^st motherfucking birthday’… lol. He wanted to know if our promise was still on for us to marry each other at 35 if we were both single at the time. Apparently he was also pleased that he could now ‘talk to me like an adult’… lol. He also reminded me that it is my duty in life to keep getting prettier and prettier with age, and also that if given the chance “He’d like to stick his hot dog in my bread, put his ketchup on my fries and park his car in my parking lot”… lol… don’t ask… we’re both nuts! But I love him… oh and he’s taking me on the weekend for lunch or dinner and to get my belly button re-pierced.

At 1.37, DA BOYFRIEND FINALLY FUCKING CALLED ME!!! I was so fucking pissed off cos the dude was supposed to call me from 12.00am! I ranted for two seconds but I decided to forgive him after he apologized… besides… it wouldn’t do to be rapping madness on my birthday. So while he was waxing all romantic and shit singing me happy birthday and all that in his husky ass voice… he told me to look into my second drawer. He’d hid my birthday card there when he came to visit me on Sunday… I know… awwwww. I found it and it’s one of the cutest things ever. Lol… My sister Fire and Naijadyme are in love with him at this point… and apparently from now on… he can do no wrong!

Anyways, The boyfriend’s birthday card:

Was the regular hallmark greeting “Wishing you a birthday you’ll love to remember for the joy that it brings. Wishing you health, happiness and prosperity in the year ahead. Happy Birthday”

His personal note on the card read:

Overwhelmed, you’ve had such a big impact on me:

…Smile…

Smile because you’re beautiful

Smile because you’re smart

Smile because your future’s bright

Smile because you’re a star

Smile because you’re I love you

Smile because you’re my queen and an angel from above

Smile for each stiletto

Black, leopard print or white (lol)

Smile because you’ve got someone to talk to through the night

Smile for no reason… smile for no reason at all

Smile because you’re living

Smile because you’re free

Smile because you’re a fighter… and obviously not ‘in prison’(I read him some stuff on my blog sometimes)

Smile because even if you’re down I’ll be here to lift you up

Smile and be happy that everything’s ok

Most of all smile because it’s your 21^st birthday.

I know… once again… awwwww… That just made my day!

Apparently I get my gift later… I didn’t tell him what I wanted this time… just to surprise me… I’m seeing him on the weekend as well as most people so we’ll see what I get.

Then around 6.30am I got a call from Mad Soul Sista to come and pick up my wallet from my front door as she was in a rush to get to work. I had left it in her car last Saturday when we went partying… so I was without my bankcard and all my i.d. I actually had to remind that ‘bad beesh’ to wish me ‘happy baiday’ which she did with a ‘perfect Canadian accent’… which like totally made my day dude… lol.

Anyways… I got a bunch of calls during the day from too many friends… the list goes on… I mean my phone was constantly ringing and I was just loving the attention and the sweet songs and American birthday prayers…

My mama, however, forgot that it was February 07, 2007 (my birthday)… so I’m probably gonna get a ‘bonus’ on my birthday cheque… hehe… sweet shopping spree!!!

Most of you read my last post titled “Happy Birthday To Me” and I just felt so loved what with all the kind birthday wishes and prayers.

My angel Laspapi wrote me a poem that brought tears to my eyes when I read it… it was just so beautiful… I mean he’s only “read” me but it sounds like he “sees” me:

Today, Silently
I look out, lost in thought

At a rain-darkened world
and all of nature's wrath.
I recall our travels, the many battles fought
and the sounds of our pursuers as we ran before...
stumbling, pleading, praying...

I remember the many doors
shut in our faces
The times hope was snatched from our hearts
And the long, cold days
And the hungry, tired nights

I look to my side today
And see Mama
Seated quietly too,
thinking, musing
on this journey of one and twenty years
And how far we have come
since then.
Fire comes in, a quiet smile
She sits by Mama
who holds her hand

We have come a long way,
Fire and I,
With this mother
who with her strength kept us
as another mother called fate
lashed at us, kicked and clawed...
We were unscathed, unbroken, unbent,
Mama had done her work well.
But sometimes I see her quiet tears
for she gave her years
that we might live.

Now, pain is a fading memory
the hunters call gone forever
laughter now constant in our midst
and our thoughts are those of peace.

But today,
I will stand and muse and pray
on that journey of one and twenty years
and ask that the lessons taught
may never be lost on me.

I love you, Storm.

{I love you too Laspapi…That’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read… I really have no words to express how much this touched me… so I guess all I can say is thanks… really… thanks!) I’m honestly amazed… I feel so special!! Here’s to our friendship… I dedicate half my birthday cake to you… lol.

All the Birthday gist will be Continued

Happy Birthday To Me

Today February 07, 2007, I finally turn 21.

The past twenty (one?) years of my life have been filled with many ups and downs.

I’ll borrow a couple of lines from Rocky Balboa- one of my favorite movies this year: “The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward.”

I am still standing… for that and much more, I am grateful.

I’m grateful for my mama… she’s my rock.

I’m grateful for my boyfriend… he’s my truth.

I’m grateful for my best friend Naijadyme… I’d be lost without her

I’m also grateful for my other friends (‘real’ and ‘blog-friends’, new and old) that have been there for me every step of the way.

This is my ‘brokest’ birthday ever… but here are a few things I think I deserve. I mean it’s not everyday a girl turns 21. They are:

3 new pairs of stilettos (lime or dark green, yellow and purple)

Getting my belly button repierced

Buying this terribly expensive ‘mod’ jacket that I’ve wanted for months

A white belted shirtdress

A bright orange Blazer for when the reds and yellows and blues aren’t funky enough

It’s a great thing my birthday this year is on a Wednesday… I always look prettier on Wednesdays… lol.

I can’t wait to see what surprises people have in store for me… I know they’re gonna be good!

I’m gonna French kiss the first person to call to wish me happy birthday(at 12 am on the dot of course)… lmao… wouldn’t it be a shame if it’s Naijadyme who calls me and not my boyfriend… hehe.

Endnote: AQUARIUS’S ROCK!!!

Mummy Sunday 10

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my tenth Mummy Sunday post!!! This one is going to have a slightly different format than the past 9 Mummy Sundays. For the next few weeks, I’ll write a series of open letters to my Mummy telling her how things were when she wasn’t there. I might interrupt the series if I have anything else of importance to say about my mommy, but other than that… for the next few weeks… it’s going to be the “When You Weren’t There” part of my Mummy Sunday Posts. The details of my story might not be told in chronological order… but each entry should make sense in and of itself. The first installment is titled:

The Day You Left

Dear Mummy,

I was about 7 years old. You came home with about 3 police officers and my dad and everyone went into your room. You came out crying. You hugged me and my 5 year old younger sister Fire. You told us to be good and that you’d be back. We waited and waited. I didn’t eat that night cos somehow I knew something was different.

You didn’t come back!!!

I woke up in the morning and for the first time in my life, you weren’t there. I couldn’t make sense of it cos my dad was home. I don’t remember if I asked him where you were and what he told me.

But I do remember that even then, I was terribly scared of him. I really couldn’t believe you’d left us with him now especially when you knew how we really felt about him. We’d grown up with you, you’d lived for us, you’d loved us… and you left us with HIM!!!

I cried for a long time. But sometimes I had to be strong for Fire cos I felt I was all she had at the time... she didn't like my dad either.

He frowned a lot and came back from work late.He made us study all the time and warned us never to go downstairs and play with anybod y.

We were supposed to just spend time with Nonso the househelp. She was nice enough but I never really felt completely at ease with her.

He installed a ‘prison bar gate’ right behind our door and every window in the house. He bolted the two padlocks on the door every morning before he went to court.

I felt like an animal in a zoo… caged, repressed and subdued.

There was no ‘in or out’

Days passed, then weeks… then months and we got used to it.

The four walls of the apartment became our world.

We dreamt big dreams and created fairytales in those four walls.

We cried a little less every day… until you became just a strong memory.

Then you came by that afternoon

And our worlds were turned upside down

We felt hope… there was a way out… you loved us… you’d get us out

We felt that hope when you stretched your hands out to us from behind those ‘home prison bars’ and cried till your voice was hoarse

We cried with you… they were tears of sadness, tears of happiness… tears of hope

But you couldn’t bring us out!

There was the prison bars to contend with… but even worse…

He’d destroyed all our documents cos he didn’t want us to have ‘an out’

You’d actually only come to get a few important things so you could go away and try to build a life for us and come and take us later

What Heartbreak… I’d never cried so much and probably never will again.

We ripped the mosquito net that covered the ‘kitchen prison bars’ and passed you some of your clothes and important items.

The househelp Nonso took a lot of your clothes and Jewelry… and for the first time I kept information to myself.

I saw her doing it and said nothing because I knew that my new life didn’t involve you anymore and that you couldn’t do much from behind a ‘prison bar’.(The first of the many situations that I'd "do the diplomatic thing").

I begged you to stay even though I knew it was useless… Fire cried so much I thought she was going to die… but there wasn’t much you could do about it.

I felt more sorry for you than I did for myself… cos I saw the love in your eyes… the sacrifice… I knew that your life had to be in jeopardy to have left us… I knew this even at 7.

There were times when I blamed you… but then my memories would come back of when you used your body to shield us from the cold… when you protected us from the punks that used to scare us at the park in Lewisham and I couldn’t really blame you.

It was positively the worst day of my young life… the day you left!