Monday, October 15, 2007

Shot to the head

My Jehovah Witness along with a few of my ‘Jungle friends’ play soccer and wanted me to come out and watch their game last weekend.

It was fantastic fun… God some of the most beautiful men on the planet PLAY soccer.

a visual delight…from the warm-ups outside to the actual game ‘inside’…

Well-developed calves in long white socks handling the ball with mouth-watering dexterity

…no white bread... I'd rather wholewheat…

Heaving chest muscles moving in rhythm to the samba in my head

…tomatoes, lettuce and bacon please…

6-packs rippling from here to Morrocco…

…mayonnaise? Of course… actually… make that extra mayo…

Biceps flexing the words out of my mouth…

Hmmm….

Beads of sweat travelling down... down... down

YES… chocolate… hot… ice cold… whatever you have…

Asses one should sign a contract to see…

Log in my PIN #?…. of course… with pleasure

See I was in my groove… feeling good… looking even better…

Cheerleader from Vogue… I was wearing a cocktail ring that got more compliments than my hair… nails a shade of red that only exists in Robert Rodriguez movies… a smile so bright a convicted criminal could personally request that it be the last thing he sees before he hangs…

I was in my groove alright…

Then like a Sofia Coppola movie gone horribly wrong…

POWWWWWWWWWWWW

The ball comes flying towards me and hits me on the left side of my face…

POWWWWWWWWWWWW

God this is embarrassing I think in that second… Here I was doing the cute girl thing… standing in the spectator stand cheering on my ‘team’… pretending not to notice the number of guys checking me out…

and now this...

So I had two options… I could slink off in embarrassment and basically sit out the rest of the game… or

Or I could play the damsel in distress… raise a dainty hand to my forehead… slightly swoon and get on with things.

I live in a primarily ‘me’ universe… so I of course did the latter.

“OUCH… oh that hurt… God!!!”

Swarms of concerned guys came over… one so beautiful I was tempted to freestyle a sonnet to him that incorporated the words ‘mandolin’ ‘play’ and ‘me’

‘Are you sure you’re alright? One guy

‘You want some ice?’ another guy

‘I’m so sorry about that hon.. you ok?’ yet another guy

‘This Scarlett O’ Hara stuff really works’ I think to myself

I smiled ‘Oh it hurts a bit but I’ll live… I think’

Relieved smiles…

and we all went back to the game… I made lots of friends, learnt a Spanish soccer song and found out that I ‘eat apples very sexy’ (lol… don’t ask about the odd compliments I receive… someone once told me I had cute knees)

40 comments:

londonnaijachic said...

lol! i don't blame you i would have done exactly the same thing. Something hawt about a good looking man playing football.

N.I.M.M.O said...

I'm First!

Girl, you write so good you should be given a Pulitzer without competition, walahi.

Nice work again

Nimmo

Zena said...

lmao,
Devil you.

Arewa said...

Cute knees..Damn Girl..lol
Well at leadt the cute guys got up close and personal....I bet some of the guys saw that as the perfect opportunity to have a go @ chatting u up..so how many numbers did u have by the time u left...or should i say who offered to check up on u later..wink wink

Anonymous said...

Sexy way to eat apples? This I gotta see.

Ide. Lazy arse.

confused child said...

Am i 1st or am i being deceived? well if i am yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

confused child said...

LMFAO! Omg! i would have faked dead cos God knws i can't stand such embarrassment.

Ozymandias said...

Cute knees huh...I suspect you've beautiful toes as well..lol..since they go together..abeg, u have any idea of the cool places to chill in Vancouver?

teediva said...

all in a day's game dear. quick thinking about the O'hara thingy, i must find a way to pull it off soon.

Kira Fashion said...

thanks for passing!

a kiss dear!

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

yeye girl.
u r so silly, I don't even know how u exist

guerreiranigeriana said...

haha!!!...i love it...soccerplayers are the best damn looking men in the world!!!...i'm curious about the apple eaten sexily...God, the things men say...

Anonymous said...

u eat apples very sexy??? LMAO!!!
jeez, its bin a while since i dropped by...
nameless...

Unbiased said...

lol sick child!!! Weird comments indeed. lol!! Yeah yeah the swooning works but the trick you got is to not overdo it. cool cool!! Practise on it more. it's fun. lol!!

Naijadude said...

lol cute knees? now thats hilarious... pele ball in ur head!

Mari said...

lmao, very funny and interesting post-all ur posts are intersting but i like this, no sadness, jst happy events.
U eat apples sexy!? Hmmm, not going to ask.

Zephi said...

awww...this girl your so adorable...
when I saw the title, I was like I hope no one died..who got shot in the head? then I started reading and laughing..

how you made an analogy with a juicy sandwich and hot bodied soccer players...thats what makes you ONB

gotta love it

so I finished the story..you can go check it out..

how is school and life in general?

Zephi said...

you just reminded me I need to go paint my fingers red...I have been doing black too much..:)

oh shoot someone took my red nail polish

Belle said...

haha...
i just learnt a new strategy. lol

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Londonnaijachic: lmao… tell me about it… as in babe there were HORDES of them… Spanish… white… black… you name it… I was in HEAVEN… well at least until the ball hit me… lol… how you doing gorgeous?

N.I.M.M.O: ahhh.. unfortunately not first… but close enough… I don’t know the name… but I’ll check you out… love you already… thanks for the compliments oh… you’re too kind… you get a body shop body butter for your welcome(if you’re not female.. I’m sorry… hehe)

Zena baby: you trust ur girl now… haha… how you been darling?

Arewa: omo I’m serious oh… I apparently do have cute knees… although I’m not so sure how cute they are these days… I have a scar or two on my legs from my accident… but they’re not so huge… only visible upon close inspection… and yes oh it was a perfect opportunity for guys to chat me up… about 3 guys asked for the digits… but I didn’t give em out… I was there for the team jare… lol… and a few others kept smiling… if I’d given any hint yes… they would’ve come over with more… how you doing gorgeous? I really must put you on my favourite list cos it gets a bit tedious trying to find your blog link from my comments…

Nwannem Ide: come and learn from the mistress oh… I didn’t know there was a sexy way to eat apples before then… but now that I do KNOW… screw it… apples are the new strawberries (actually no let me get back to you on this one… cos I’m not exactly sure how it would work… haha)

Confusedchild: first kwa? My dear not even second or third… omo next time… tap into your psychic energy now… shio. Lmao… My dear it was either fake dead or play it cool.. but since the game was going to go on for the next few hours… I’d be lying on the cold floor for a while… so I took the next best option… and played it off oh… but in my mind I kept thinking oh Godddddddddd this is embarrassing… hehe…

Ozymandias: ok maybe I can pass with the knees but NOOOOoo oh I have terrible looking toes… I hate em… I have big feet for a girl(11wides) and they are the one thing I’d change on myself if I could cos its bloody hell finding shoes… arghhhhhh… but I do have cute elbows though… haha. Cool places to chill in Vancouver?! Omo you dey go far oh… I have no idea… never been there but I’ll ask around for you… which time you dey reach that side?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

TeeDiva gorgeous: haha… you certainly must oh… it’s the difference between everybody being concerned or just laughing their head off… hehe… how you doing sweetie?

Kira Fashion: adore you… kiss back sweetie

Catwalq: lmao… I’m gonna contact you soon cos I need to laugh about something… hehe… kponkious human being that you are… hehe… you don’t know how me I exist… look at who is talking… omo I need a part time job from you …. Hahaaaaaa

Guerreiranigeriana: Tell me about it… dang your name is interesting as hell… never heard that one.. haha… soccerplayers are the hottest… after writing this I actually realized I’d written something about soccer players on my blog before… I think they’re the sexiest athletes that exist… right after pole vaulters and ice skaters… actually they’re all in different leagues of their own… don’t get me started… lmao… omo don’t squish my sexy oh… me I eat an apple sexy oh… talk your own… haha… and please don’t say guava cos theres no way of doing that one…

William Shakespeare: I miss your blog-ass… COME BACKKKKKKKKKKKKK… facebook message me your number!!! And yes I do eat apples very sexy… you know me now… I’m capable!!! Hahaaaaaaaaaa…

Unbiased: haha… I no overdo oh… don’t worry… it was just right… it was funny cos I was laughing at myself inside but it took the embarrassment away small sha… I will practise more sha… haha… (only you will give me this kind of advice… haha)… have a great week gorgeous.

Naijadude my shrimp perempe: I miss you my darling…come back to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… I’m gonna go on your blog and leave you daily comments telling you to…. Come back to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… and yes I have cute knees… you know that better than most oh… the worst part about this your comment is that I know that if you were there your first reaction would’ve been to laugh your ass off… lol…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Mari: lol… dang… so I’m usually sad on my posts? Omo I’ve missed you and my darling Nigerican… where have yall been?!?! Tell that babe to HOLLA at her sister oh.

Zephi: my sister from another mother… kilonpop?! Ahhh the sandwich can never be as juicy as the soccer player oh… omo you should’ve been there with me to revel in the beauty I saw with my two naked eyes oh… I’m soooo going to their next game its not even funny… lol… I will be forcing them to play more and more matches self… lol… and one of my best friends plays on a half black half Spanish team and has invited me to his matches every month in the how many years that I’ve known him but I never got around to going… you bet before the end of the year… I will reach one… hehe… omo serious cheerleader oh… them never holla… its like an athletic version of a stripshow… na really FIRE!!! I shall check the story out once I go downstairs and finish my fantastic pounded yam and egusi soup(eat and quench… the soup is so sweet ehn… chai!) everything is perfect oh my sweetheart… my life is in place oh… as in… things are flowinggggggggggggg… I hope you’re coping with school too… and about the fingers red oh… soo sexy… my nails are short too… so its like ‘to-the-point-sexy’… omo overwhelmed fire is moving like a magnet(I’m so full of shit it makes me laugh… haha)… haha@someone taking your nail polish… only you… I for ship you some… but emmmm… emmmmmm

K I’ll get back to you on this one… haha

Belle: lmao… its my pleasure to be of assistance… hope you’re coping with this horrendous fall… abi is it even better over there… the weather changed so fast I can’t even keep up… but at least I’ll loose the kponkious ‘tan’ I got this summer…

Ozymandias said...

ONB...i dey enter that side first week in November..so you get fine elbows ehh..lol...dat mean say u go fit pound iyan well well....lol..just kidding..peace out.

NikkiSab said...

I would av done d latter too cos surely d guys would surround me like a queen bee, oh d buzz and d slight touch, offers to help and.....i am drifting off. Sorry though hope ur knees .. i mn ur face dont hurt tooo bad. lol. scarlet cute knees (dat guy no try for compliment, he missed d nice legs n skipped up). thanks for stoppin by.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

CATWALQ ACADEMIE IV IS HERE!!!!

Kafo said...

lol
i'm still laughing
this is good
pele
you rocked tho
two thumbs wayyyyyyyyyyyyy up

onydchic said...

OMG, i have NEVER thought of footbalers that way. Naughty naughty. Like ur wriing style though!!

Writefreak said...

Lol...i'm ROTFWL...you must have been a sight! But men, that must have been painful o! Hope you didn't have a headache after it

Ekoakete said...

Ouch! That must have been painful. Pele.

A reporter recently had this to say about Deco & Linel Messi (Two of the world's current top footballers) "When Deco and Messi take you apart it's like watching George Clooney and Brad Pitt steal your girlfriend: you feel privileged just to have been able to compete for a while."

Nwanyi Ocha said...

lolol.... na really powwwww..lololol.

Mehn ur right thou, some serious eye candy play that sport.

Hmm, might just be popping down to the school pitch's this weekend !

30+ said...

I would have given you mouth if you did not milk it with the damzel in distress card

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Ozymandias: yes oh… fantastic elbows now that you mention it… lol. Emi omo.. pounding iyan… you’re not serious oh… when they have iyan flakes… mba oh… lol… I no pound anything oh… now if you wanna talk jollof pasta.. ehn henh… we can communicate… I’ll sha try and find out what I can about that Vancouver sha… and it’s a damn shame that me self whey be Canadian self never play reach that side… how can I be an ambassador for my country ehn? If I find anything… I’ll let you know on your blog… or email it to you… take kia

Nikkisab: my gorgeous 5 ft 11 sister… and yes oh they did surround me like a queen bee…. They were all offering help oh… lol… my face hurt oh I wont even lie cos the ball blindsided me for a moment… I actually had a slight headache afterwards… but it wasn’t that serious and my face wasn’t swollen the day after… lmao@cute knees… my dear no be small oh… the next one will be nice ears… haha… hope you’re having a great week my angel…

Catwalq perempe: this lagbajess that you added to the end of your name you still haven’t explained it… you and your nwa-nwa phenomena… lol. I will come by and read oh… can’t wait oh to see what you have me up to this time… this babe I miss you small oh… I go holla you soon soon.

Kafo: lmao… thanks my sunshine… we dey try jare… kilonshele for your own side?

Onydchic: haha… I have a lot more to say about footballers… don’t even get me started… as in… I think they’re the sexiest athletes there are(basketballers who?!?!??!) thanks my angel… we write as the spirit directs (lol… that doesn’t sound right does it?)

Writefreak: I was oh… lol… it was painful my dear… but I manage am small… slight headache… but it didn’t last for over 30 minutes/ 1 hour… but I survived. Hope you’re doing good my dear…

Ekoakete: oh God… abeg can you find out the name of this reporter… that is BEAUTIFUL writing… sometimes I read something and I’m like dude… I wish I’d written that… this was one of the times. Thanks for that oh Eko… hope you’re having a great week.

Nwanyiocha: you see why you and I get along… we think along the same frequency sometimes… lol… you sabi better thing… my dear soccer plays are the shizzzzz… but come oh are you laughing at my pain ehn?!?! Ngwa send me some cheesecake to make up for that oh… haha.. take care gorgeous

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

30+: lmao… I had a feeling you would… so I definitely played it to a tee… how you doing gorgeous?

Afrobabe said...

Lol...The damsel in distress works like magic all the time....

It pays to be a girl..yipeeee

cally-waffybabe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mineexclusively said...

Pele. Soccer and cute go hand in hand.

p.s: updated already

Madsoul said...

wait a fuckin minute... wtf happened to soul? i just went on her blog and nothing came up on her page, tell me that woman didnt quit!
by the way, this is madsoul :)

O.šeyï said...

HAHAHAAHHA.

I love IT!!!

zerkhezi said...

Whoo whooo!!!! you go girl
lol, u took advantage of the situation as u should have.
any girl who enjoys soccer gets a thumbs up in my book.

DAVID said...

You've got a BANGIN' blog! Gonna add it to my fave list! *God I'll try not to be here TOO often*