Thursday, July 12, 2007

United States of Whatever

I was going to title this post ‘The American’ but chose not to for political reasons. Besides, the song (if you could call it that) of that title by Liam Lynch is stupid genius… the lyrics, video, artist is almost too much… I love it! Sad thing Liam became a one-hit wonder though… but then again however does one top such a masterpiece?! Make a song called Pirates of the Punani?! I guess not.

I met Exposition about 3 weeks on my way to my ‘volunteer job’. I was wearing light brown curls, slightly baggy skinny jeans (go figure), a big tote and simple cami. The only ‘comma’ was my feet. See the night before I had gone to a reggae party (the one where I met ‘The Chef’) with my friends, but I was already dressed up that night when I realized that my nail polish clashed horribly with my shoes. I was in such a hurry that I only painted the one toe that showed in my peep-toe stilettos.

I had to rush out of my house the next morning… and I was already 30 minutes away when I realized that:

MY BIG TOE ON EACH FOOT WAS PAINTED BLACK AND THE REST OF MY TOE NAILS WERE HOT PINK… AND I WAS WEARING FLIP-FLOPS!!!

Fashion police in Oshodi market… I looked like a cross between a hood- rat and a Japanese hippie.

I don’t know if Exposition noticed this or not… but he still asked me for my number… and if he could take me for lunch later that afternoon

I couldn’t… and wouldn’t (make people for no start to dey give me ‘university donations’ think say I dey do ‘Canada Rag Day’)

He calls me a couple of times each day… I pick up when I feel like it

The thing about Exposition is that it often feels like a history lesson talking to him… one day he’s on about the underground railroad and Harriet Tubman… and the next day it’s a discussion about Jamaican single mothers on welfare. I suppose it is somewhat interesting to debate on issues I learnt in my 2004 (and only) history course.

Speaking of 2004 and history lessons…

Sometime in that year, an ex-friend had dated a guy (Dave) whose great passion was discussing World War 1(swear to God). She had zero interest in politics and/ or history… and whenever we were together… would always tell me to make sense of what the ‘educated fool’ was saying. Luckily, at the time I had an African tutorial assistant who had picked up on my Nigerian last name and decided to make me class pet/ sound board. I basically had to know the work or risk the look he gave me on the third day of class when he asked me who Adolf Hitler was and I replied ‘a bad man’. In retrospect, perhaps it wasn’t such a good thing that I discussed history with Dave cos a few weeks after, he told my ex-friend that he liked me as well and wondered if we could have a 3-some! She never picked his calls after that… the bloody asshole!

Exposition is light-skinned, sorta cute, Black- American (boy it would wear you out to hear the ‘history’ on this one), sometimes humorous, exactly my height and a big lover of African culture (you know those black Americans who would go on yearly trips to South Africa to ‘discover’ themselves, fill their homes with masks and elephant/ giraffe figurines and give their kids names like Kwame, Emeka and Oladimeji).

He works at… I don’t even remember where... cos he was doing a lot of explaining and I was watching re-runs of the Search for the Next PussyCat Doll… and still rooting for Chelsea even though I saw the finale and knew that Asia had already won the competition…

I don’t think I ever asked him how old he was… or perhaps he mentioned it and I forgot…

I realize it sounds like I don’t know very much about him… but I DO!!!

I know that he drives a cute car and has a cute accent

I know what happened with the last girl he was talking to… who it turned out had a boyfriend (said dude had initially claimed to be her brother… lol... don’t ask… long story)

And I know that umm….

Ummm….

Ok to be honestly honest… I don’t know too much about him… perhaps that already says something…

I have a couple of parties to go to this weekend… but if I have a minute, I might actually take him up on his ‘going somewhere’ offer…

Come to think of it… it has been a while since I saw a movie in theatres (2002’s Undercover Brother… lol… I kid I kid) or ate cheesecake (last weekend… lol)

I don’t like him… or not like him…

Time will tell… I suppose.

41 comments:

femme said...

first!! ye!

femme said...

oshodi fashion police ke!
who send you for oshodi? I Was going to yab you for leaving home with the black big toes then i remembered i went to school once for a class in a hurry with only one eye brow. now thats a in ur face faux pas.lol

Soul said...

Aburo..
erm.. this guy is not really doing it for you right now is he?.
lol...

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Femme: lol… congratulobia… you get to share my suya (well when I get it!) lol@one eyebrows… that is fucking hilarious… chai!!! You must’ve scared a lot of people oh… hehe

Egbon mi Soul: yeah… I’m not terribly interested… I mean he’s nice and stuff… but I think it started with the history lessons… every once in a conversation… something more interesting will peek through… but it’s almost always masked under layers of ‘historical events’… I don’t know if I bring it out in him(perhaps he wants to show me how smart and well-informed he is)… plus he’s a bit too passionate about African people… “Nigerian women are smart, ambitious, well-mannered” … “African women are blah blah blah…” it’s all so text-book… I don’t know jare… I can’t be assed with this one at this point… funny enough… he just called me

Idemili said...

Nne, I am trying to hard to read your post but o na egbu m mbgu n'anya man!

Wetin we do you with all this colour colour font now?Biko nu, eji m chukwu ayo gi, I know you like to express your creative side or your wild-child side, but onwero ka i ga esi gbanwee ahiri okwu gi?

TaureanMinx said...

I know what you mean about the 'passion' for Africa. It shouldn't but it kind of puts me off

uknaija said...

LOL at the passion for "Africa"

Bluntremi said...

Give it time...
You never know what might come of it....

cinnamonqueen said...

should fashio police catch you, you could always say you're a harajuku girl.
loved your take on the black americans with their figurines and masks. :)

princess said...

Still trying to figure out the "slightly baggy skinny jeans". How do they look?lol.

Freaky Deaky said...

Have you tried steering the conversation to something other than history or Africa? If he's as smart as you say he is and he seems to think he is then he should get the point that you want to talk about something else. Then again based on how this post read it sounds like he might have a back to Africa fetish or something.

Omosewa said...

Bwhihihihihi lol dont ask. Okay this one sounds interesting. For some strange reason i want to see Friday d 13th. I dnt think thats a good first date movie though, if you're a screamer like me, lol. You should go see transformers together, i hear it's nice. Have a nice weekend babe.

laspapi said...

maybe he just gets tongue-tied around you and falls into his default setting- "history"

Anonymous said...

I agree.wtf?!!!!OWNB
sorry its true

Wetin we do you with all this colour colour font now?Biko nu, eji m chukwu ayo gi, I know you like to express your creative side or your wild-child side, but onwero ka i ga esi gbanwee ahiri okwu gi?

The Last King Of Scotland said...

interesting!

DebolaLagos said...

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DebolaLagos said...

hey,am loving ya blog sis!abeeg stop by mine sef.

...toyintomato said...

..hahaha, i tire with these akata boys.
anytime they meet an African..out comes the history lesson.
its so lame, and a definite turn off.

Obinwanne said...

LOL..... i love africa

Onada said...

lol!! painting one toe to go out cos its the only one that shoes through ur peep toe shoes!!! im so guilty of that too...hahahaha

catwalq said...

me i thought i left u a message...
hmn

Naija Vixen said...

Oshodi fashion police...that will be sumthin to see...lol! Let this dude go...he's not setting your heart on fire...dont settle for mediocre abeg...fyne gurl wiv fyne legs lyk you...lol!!!

temmy tayo said...

lol at oshodi fashion police. THe boy na correct akata boy.

LurLar said...

lol@ Fashion Police,nd ur one toe painting.

Vickii said...

I think it's pretty telling that not once in this post do you mention anything you really like about this guy ... you have such a 'so-so' attitude towards him, like I bet if he never called you again, you probably wouldn't care.

Saying that, if he wants to take you out for cheesecake, you might as well take him up on it and see how it goes.

I'm still rooting for barely legal ;p

Fatima said...

just see wht it may becm of, b4 judgn nd concludn...it always seems all wrong at first...blv me, been there done it!!!
xoxo

Nigerican said...

Babes i missed u, I'm back and re-energized Kisses.

damsel in the desert said...

what's ur email address so i can send it to you?

sugarlomps said...

missed and enjoyed your blog thanks for your comments
so mr history guy wants a threesome, lost for words for the guy.
lol black on one and hot pink on the rest please can i get a picture of that.

Jennifer said...

aww that sucks about you 'painting' your big toes like that I've been prone to making dumb mistakes like that when i'm in a hurry, don't sweat it happens to the best of us.

exschoolnerd said...

oshodi fashion police..was it that bad!!!

am imagining hw it might have looked now..who knows people might have been secretly scoping u maybe u started a new fad..lol.

Mari said...

You are really really having a blast!
Have fun!

Andy said...

Ha ha ha ......You definitely picked up on the info you wanted to hear!

Anonymous said...

It's that time again for another Mummy Sunday post :)

Through these eyes said...

African american man..hmmm..must be nice. Is he cute though...that's what I wanna know.

check out: foreveryourlady.blogspot.com

sorry for the shameless plug

Anonymous said...

how are you OWNB?

The Last King Of Scotland said...

thanks for ur comments. appreciated. come back for more music and my top 10 fav female artists. think some of urs are there too

Ms.Minx said...

U remind me of me...i'm scared, lol....how u been, sweetie?

Mona said...

havent been here in a while but no worries, i got u

zaiprincesa said...

babes..oya update now...ahn ahn!..and u'll be talkin bout me not updating..ABEG!..bring the gist jor...

Naijadude said...

Hahahah girl u are just crazy, dont u knw that? That was funny, good thing someone sees humor in my harajuku diss..haha