Saturday, July 07, 2007

The Chef

I met him at a reggae party a little over two weeks ago. He’s 23, 6 ft 3, dark and cute.

… plus the man could whine…

!!!wHaT!!!

The boy was digging yours truly as he rightly should…

We flirted a little and after making him work for it a bit… I gave him the digits.

He’s called me almost everyday since… and hOmEbOy iS hIlArIoUs!

I have a mildly sarcastic, somewhat self-deprecating sense of humour with a hearty appreciation for cultural and dirty jokes… and so far he’s been giving as good as he gets.

Funny enough, for the first week or so after I met him, I thought The Chef was Jamaican… and my friends keep asking me what it is with me and the Jamaicans to which I put on an intellectual air and paraphrased a physics law “Opposites attract’.

During the course of our 3-or-so hour conversation last night, I found out he’s actually a Canadian- born Nigerian.

Ahh… so they still make sexiness in 0.3g blocks… someone get me a toothpick!

Speaking of which…

I dated a Jamaican Chef back when I was a teenager with a penchant for mismatched jewelry and t-shirts with witty sayings on ‘em, the former which I still find myself gravitating to despite my best efforts. The Jamaican Chef wore reading glasses, which I found terribly sexy, and was a great dry humper… but then we got caught making out in a sacred part of my house and things were never the same after that.

But I digress…

So I found out that The Chef is really close friends with a dude I know whom I’ll call Benylin (for no other reason than the fact that I have a slight cold right now and Benylin is my drug of choice… not that the said guy is my drug of choice… but I’m sure you get my drift)

I met Benylin on the dancefloor cos he’s a big fan of African music like myself… he’s an alright dancer although his movements always put you in that ‘I-can’t-exactly-figure-out-why-this-doesn’t-look-quite-right’ frame of mind. That aside, he is great fun on the dancefloor especially seeing as I haven’t updated my dance moves in 3 years… earlier in my life, I found 5.5 moves that work and I stick to them be it reggae, techno, makossa, hip-hop or gospel.

A couple of Benylins friends had liked me… but they were all too short and/or razz… the only one that might’ve been ‘iite had long index nails, which were a complete turn-off.

“… ain’t no ‘jabbing’ us now… we’re on the move” hahaha (I never did quite understand the ‘buahahaha’ phrase for laughter. Other than the laughter voice guy at the end of Michael Jackson’s epic movie/ music video 'Thriller' when his eyes turned ‘cat’ and Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, I have never see the expression used in real life… or are people trying to bring it back sort of like those hideous gardening clogs that almost made me lose my movie love for Jack Nicholson when I saw him in a people photo rocking a green pair?)

This part of the post feels like the perfectly appropriate time to introduce a Janis Joplin song… sort of like a pathetic fallacy thing… which oddly enough is the only Shakespearean theme I can still define cos I hated my Grade 12 English Teacher for her potato sack skirts, whiny voice and mostly for giving me a 60% performance participation mark when I chose to recite rather than re-enact a magic trick (but I didn’t wanna mess with that Black ‘baba dibia’ Magic stuff… A+ be damned)

Shakespearean themes aside, The Chef and I are supposed to be going out for drinks tonight (and I’m actually looking forward).

Regardless of the outcome of the entire thing, when I come home, I will try to practice my memory exercises… I really want to remember the last names of my two best friends in Jss2 cos I’m probably going to Nigeria this Christmas for the first time since I left.

I feel a weird urge to pretend this bottle of water is a frothy French fruit concoction, and sign off this post with some ‘culinary speak’… but Bon Apetit is the only one I can think of…

The Chef:

Nigerian sensibility with a Canadian swagger… This might be nice.

33 comments:

azuka said...

Somehow, you sound different :-D

Calabar Gal said...

"Ahh… so they still make sexiness in 0.3g blocks… someone get me a toothpick!~"

Girl you are hilarious and u sure do know how to choose ur words. This and benylin.... LOL!!

Have fun on ur night out with the chef.

butterfliesandstars said...

OMG, my dear overwhelmed, please remember that we are supposed to be getting them abs in shape - i really don't think a chef would help us with that - because soon, he'd be using you for catering-practicals. Lawd help, imagine if he starts making some Naija dishes - say bye-bye to sexy abs.

He whines?

Naija at Christmas...are you for real?

Soul said...

ohhh ohhhh....
i likety like like....

Max said...

But really,dont you just love Dr.Evil's laugh? With his finger at the edge of his mouth...he cracks me up,

Anonymous said...

hey, OWNB! Hurry up oh! I hope this Chef of yours is the right one oh, cos me I miss those days with classic posts like "my sex"
wink wink


the Drifter was here

Jaybabe said...

Ha! you? okay i'm coming back...!

Teediva said...

more chef gist quick.

temmy tayo said...

You never cease to amuse me darling OWNB, ypu think reading glasses are sexy?? I need to come spend some time with you o. I dont find anything sexy any longer. Old age maybe.

catwalq said...

are u sure the chef did not slip u something?....

Omolola said...

Overwhelmed,this is one of ur craziest posts,buhahaha ;-).whats with you and jamo guys,they r bad 4 ur health.Come back and give us d low on ur date.have fun!!!

BeautyinBaltimore said...

I hate men with long nails.

Keep us updated on the Naija chef.

Porter deHarqourt said...

hey! what happened to my previous comment?.... and to think i thot i was first...i go vex o!

can't say how much i like this post without sounding all 'syrupy'. hope the date went well...compliments of course to the Chef.

Jaja said...

What happened to my comments on the other posts..

I ve been stalking this blog for a while cant believe i ve left no comments

anyway,superb yarn...
plus you make delicious digressions..

Vickii said...

Lol you're way too funny this girl!! 'So they still make sexiness in 0.3 blocks ... someone get me a toothpick' is a classic!!!

You better update us on the Chef. And I'm not implying anything but I'll sleep much better at night knowing you're dating someone that can cook!

Pink-satin said...

update us sa

snazzy said...

there is something called "canadian swagger" i never would have guessed. Maybe some americans were done with theirs and threw it out. LOL.

Anyway you can write about anything you want, and if people disagree with you, argue back or ignore them it's up to you. In order to sign up just go to the nds website
www.nigeriadiscussionseries.com

and there is a future authors post page that is linked on the main page just leave a comment with the date you want (it has to be available, no bouncing of other authors allowed - i know u!) Laters

My 2 cents said...

Nigerian sensibility with a Canadian swagger, sounds like a keeper and he's tall..Good to go!! Likey likey..

SapphireAster said...

Naija in december? yipeee...me too (likely)!
Chef huh? Have fun girl!

femme said...

when i think of black canadians, taye diggs comes to mind(not because of his name o)
in my dating days i always checked out a guys nails b4 marking him up as a potential yes but those guys with the long pinkie or thumb nails are a total no no
ps
i see that when u come avisiting u plan to overwhelm. really appreciate ur comments.
tank u very mush

Waffarian said...

Hi guys! A new series is about to start on my blog. Its called " The professional player" and is based on true life events, its crazy and involves me and one of our fellow bloggers! Don't miss it!

Parental advisory: EXPLICIT CONTENT.

SET said...

HMMMM YOU ARE SOMETHING ELSE O, YOU ARE HAVING FUN,

geisha said...

@gmail.comomg i think ive left u like a million of these , forgetting the comment verification/permissions thing was on! officially feel stupid!!
jadedkiss-now-geisha
(lol)

geisha said...

hmm... or maybe not.. and i wrote a couple funny ones too! :(

nosa101 said...

he made the first move? that shit hard as hell if you ask me...i must be on some parallel universe

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Azuka: really? How so?

Calabar Gal: lol… he’s actually mad at me… I ended up going to a friends party the night we were supposed to go out because he was loafting about initially… and then… (ok this is a long thing that I’m gonna have to analyze… so I’ll probably write a post about him later…) how you doing mami?

Butterfliesandstars: lol… nne you get better memory… but I’m registering with a gym today… God please give me the motivation to work out … because there really is a lot of temptation around me these days… chai! Even he said he’s gained a few pounds in the past few weeks… chineke. He whines like somebody owes him rent… but no worry sha I held my own(I think… lol)… yeah seriously thinking of the going to Naija thing… I’m about 75% on it right now…

Soul: lol… I sorta do too… but there are a few things I’m not so sure about…

Max: oh my gosh… you’re a Doctor Evil fan… I LOVE UUUUUU… Mike Myers is bloody genius… Dr. evil never ever fails to crack me up… I watched all 3 austin powers movies.. and would still watch if there were 33 more as long as Dr. Evil’s involved…

Jaybabe: lol…

Teediva: I shall… we haven’t gone on the date yet… talked yesterday but me I sha don’t know if I’m as amped as I was before… he sort of deflated it a lil on the day… I’ll give you the koko later

Temmytayo my heart: I really do think reading glasses are sexy… I actually wanted a pair… but apparently I can’t when I don’t have eye problems… bloody optometrists!!!

Catwalq: I know that’s the kind of thing you will be thinking about… lol… we haven’t gone on the date (I’m not even sure if I should put in a yet)

Omosewa said...

LOL, dont let him feed you too much o. And was this post random or what. Lmao@you calling someone Benylin, buhahaha(yeah i dont like like that in real life, bite me:D). Anyways, dont overdrink on your date, have fun.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Omolola: lol… I don’t know oh… no be me dey find them… na dem find me oh… how you doing darling?

BeautyinBaltimore: lol… isn’t it terribly disgusting… I can’t stand it when guys have those… hows nursing school?

Porter deHarquort: I’ve told you before how much I love your name right? I didn’t see a comment from your previously… perhaps blogger ate it up… or something. Lol… you no first… but I’m in a great mood today… so I’ll get you some cheesecake… and a strawberry daiquiri although I’m sure you’ll go on now and tell me how ‘unmanly’ that is… and how you’d rather a beer even though you know ur waistline will probably shoot to hell in the next few years…

Jaja: ahhh.. porter said the same thing… is it my blog abi kini? Thanks my darling… I love your blog as well… you already know that…

Vickii: lol… I will update sha… and I’m glad that you’re always looking out for me… even though in this case… I will most likely have to go on a diet if I actually get involved with the dude… but it’s the thought that counts… lol

Pink-satin: I will… how was your weekend my angel?

Snazzy: lol… I WILL MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO INFORM MY PRIME MINISTER NEVER TO LET YOU INTO THIS COUNTRY>>> WHETHER YOU DEY COME SEE NIAGARA FALLS>>> OR EVEN BUILD US OLYMPIC STADIUM>>> YOU ARE BANNED! Americans ko… crustaceans ni!!! Lol… so you think I’m a trouble woman abi… you haven’t seen anything yet! Lol… yeah I’ll go there and find out wassup… I’m still not sure what I’ll say but I feel like feeling smart… (haven’t done that in a while… lol)

My 2 cents: lol… I knew you would

SapphireAster: oh gosh… really you’re going to naija too for xmas?!?! It’s gonna be great fun… me I can’t wait ohhh… I need to invigorate my system with palm wine and suya…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Femme: Taye Diggs is a sexy bitch… and so are some black Canadians… but Americans probably have the finest set of black men there are… chai… if I lived in that country. In your dating days ehn… madam settled down … hehe… ewww @ grown nails… and for some reason some grown-ass men that would be potentials otherwise choose to look a damn fool… like bloody coke dealers… me no interest! Lol… I like you is why sha… keep it rocking mami

Waffarian: I already went to check it out.. cant wait to read more.. it promises to be greatly interesting… as is everyother thing you do… have a great week gorgeous

Set: lol… that I am

Geisha: lol... hey darling.. update your blog! That two-liner thing was um… NOTHING! Lol… the verification is to keep the loosies at bay

Nosa101: ahhh… I understand your dilemma… but follow my advice… look in a gilded mirror and say ONB three times before you ask her.. and victory shall be yours… ASHEEE… lmao… keep me updated sweetie

Omosewa: lol… I won’t… I promise… let me try and remain cute for the rest of the season although I am becoming blacker and blacker by the second… I tan like a Spanish girl mainnnnnn! Hehe so I am random… but not randomer than you oh this babe… I learnt from the best… lol…

The Last King Of Scotland said...

heavy babe. heavy

Through these eyes said...

Benylin ko, Benylin ni...what a name to pick. It is so funny though. I remember when I used to be on Benylin back in Nigeria...*cough* *cough* brings those bad memories back. lol

יש (Yosh) said...

Lol @ Benylin...

I almost thot u were talking of this SouthPark character! http://www.scientomogy.com/stopscientology/chef_scientologist1.jpg

:D :P

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

The Last King of Scotland: lol… it sorta is… isn’t it?

Through these eyes: lol… I was just drinking the cough syrup when I wrote that jare… that’s the only reason I gave him that name… I couldn’t be assed to find a different name to call him jare… how you doing gorgeous?

Yosh: I don’t watch south park… the only cartoon I watch is family guy(actually not really cos I never watched it on tv but saw the family guy movie)… but I’ll check it out later in the day… how you doing my blog backbone?