Thursday, May 24, 2007

They Spoil it for others

My best friend Shawn is probably the sweetest and most sensitive guy I know. I don’t mean in that ‘puppy/pushover’ sort of way… he’s a guy’s guy who just happens to really ‘understand’.

We clicked from the first day we met… and have been close for about 3 years. We can talk about anything for hours from relationships to music to recipes for making the best oatmeal (he’s something of an amateur chef while I can’t cook to save someone I love). He has a fantastic sense of humour and like me finds ‘funny in the mundane.’ Shawn’s mind is a deliciously nasty and beautiful place(at least I think so).

During the course of our conversation last night, I’d asked him about his ex and his nonchalant almost rude response shocked me. It confirmed what I’ve been thinking for a while now… Shawn has become quite jaded.

It didn’t really happen overnight… it took days and weeks and months… and years.

The change started about 30 months ago when he started dating Tyra. Tyra was beautiful, a little chubby and had quite the ‘bubble butt’. He fell in love with her and couldn’t see past her smile. He found out later that she did drugs… not weed or shrooms or ‘e’… she was doing the white stuff. Shawn was quite upset about her coke habit and tried to dissuade her from her ‘little fun’… but even when he realized he wasn’t succeeding, he loved her still.

8 or 10 months into it… Tyra got pregnant. Shawn was scared at first but was still man enough to go with her to break the news to her aunty whom she lived with. Within days, he was ectastic… he was going to bring a life into the world with the woman he loved.

He’d already told his employers to give him more hours at his part-time job so he could save up for his baby. He’d started thinking of possible baby names… but for reasons I still can’t understand, he repeatedly rejected ‘Overwhelmed Naija Babe’ or ‘Overwhelmed Naija Bobo’. Myself and 2 of his other close female friends were to be godmothers and all 8 of the ‘jungle guys’ were to be godfathers… that baby was going to be adored and pampered like none other.

But as the days past, Tyra started withdrawing from Shawn. She wouldn’t pick up his calls or return his messages. She wouldn’t open the door when he went to visit her. Shawn was out of his mind with worry.

Then she called him… four weeks later…

…to tell him that she was ‘young and couldn’t handle the stress anymore… and had chosen to abort their baby’

She had never even consulted him

To say Shawn was devastated is a grave understatement.

He was dazed for weeks, then angry… and depressed… and sad

He was broken inside.

Although there were quite a number throwing themselves at him, for the next couple of months after, Shawn stayed away from females completely.

About a year after his break-up with Tyra, he met Sheila. He resisted for a long time… but emotion overruled. In a few months, he fell again… madly, deeply, crazy in love with Sheila. They were inseperable and just perfect together.

A year into it… she broke up with him. She’d found somebody else.

There he was again… back to square one… the shock and confusion and frustration and anger and resentment… and even hate.

Three months after, he was still trying to piece himself together when she called him… to invite him to her current boyfriends birthday party

OF ALL THE INSENSITIVE, HURTFUL AND INCONSIDERATE THINGS TO DO… THE BITCH!!!

Shawn basically decided to write off females… he’d have ‘relationships’ and sex and fun… but he’d never again love with the same intensity that he did Tyra and Sheila.

He didn’t think he had it in him to go through another painful breakup.

A few months ago Shawn met Bridget. She was beautiful and smart and sensitive and sweet…all the things he ever wanted in a female. He was into her but unlike before, he didn’t immerse himself entirely in their relationship… he just ‘floated on the surface.’

He returned her calls whenever cos he didn’t want to get attached to her voice…

He saw her whenever cos he didn’t want to get used to her presence…

She liked him and I found that sweet especially as she had never even known the beautiful soul he was before.

She wanted more from him… he couldn’t give it and they broke up.

I pray my best friend Shawn finds the superglue he needs to piece things back together…

Some girls… they really ruin it for others

{and vice versa}

40 comments:

Nanya said...

first! LOL.

Henry said...

true talk that.. people do spoil it for others, and dont think bout karma.. good luck to him though..

Pink-satin said...

eughhhhhhhhhhhhh as in all the pearl necklace and co....wow!poor shawn....i know that feeling of not giving your all to somebody cos u have been so hurt in d past!he just has to let go and not change his loving self cos of what some girls have done to him

Spook E said...

this guy is something, he friggin dated a crack head and impregnated her? lol. that mess is funny!


He has no luck with women, every one of them broke up with him. Maybe he's doing something wrong? Maybe he should just become a man-ho, sleep with women with no emotional attachment until he finds one that just can't get enough of him lol. But seriously, and this goes for anyone reading this, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU IMPREGNATE A CRACK HEAD, ITS JUST WRONG AND YOUR KID IS GOING TO BE F'ED UP!

*notes from an evil mind*

monie said...

Yeah... I hate that... Those that spoil it for others...

Uzo said...

Hmmm...An all too familar story - for both sexes and its really easy to say people will get over it, or that people should relax but its really so hard...Excellent post and i hope that your friend meets the right person that will make old hurts fade away

Waffarian said...

The girls did not spoil if for others, they spoilt it for themselves. They missed out on a great guy. Don't worry, he'll come around, he just needs time. Time for himself, maybe he does not want a relationship right now? can't deal with it? He'll be okay, we all go through this, a necessary process in the world.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nanya: you get the prize… a hb pencil and eleganza pen

@Henry: It’s sad though isn’t it… I mean bad things happen everywhere in the world… but it sucks especially when it keeps happening to the same people though…

@Pink-satin: lmao… I took that part off cos it somehow detracted from the theme of what I was writing… but yeah they truly were ewww.. shawn is a nasty bastard(lol… love him to death though). It’s so easy to say forget and keep hoping for the best but when your heart has been broken a good many times with people you loved completely… it’s incredibly hard. I honestly hope he recaptures that part of himself cos it would be a damn shame (and loss to the world) if he doesn’t

@Spook E: she wasn’t a crackhead… just a recreational user (doesn’t justify it… but she only used once in a while… something about a friend who was a drug dealer and gave her and her girls some every once in a while). I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong… I guess sometimes people don’t like things that are good for them… they question when it’s too great… and doubt. Well bad on them really… it’s their loss.

@Monie: It’s sad… and it also makes me wonder… how many people have I spoiled it for? I know I probably have… though thankfully not as callous as any of Shawn’s females.

@Uzo: I hope so too Uzo… for his sake… I really hope so.

LurLar said...

E yahhhhh i feel for the guy oh.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Waffarian: “The girls did not spoil if for others, they spoilt it for themselves.” I like that! Yeah he’s been taking the time off for a long time… I hope he comes back strong sha… cos it really would be a damn shame otherwise… he’s such a nice guy

@Lurlar: me too my dear… me too.

Beyond said...

THATS LIFE FOR YOU, PEOPLE MOST TIMES DO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHAT IS COMING AHEAD FOR THEM TOO.

SOME PEOPLE CAN BE SO COLD. I REALLY FEEL FOR YOUR FRIEND , AND I PRAY THAT GOD SEES HIM THROUGH THIS.

Simply Gorgeous said...

I feel sorry for him.But hurting someone else is not going to ease his pain...

Soul said...

seconding Waffy..

Firstly, seems like shawn was addicted to being in love.

The minute anybody tells or shows you that they are into cocaine.. leave them. immediately Because in the battle of importance, Cocaine will always win.

I wouldn't put it past a cocaine junkie to lie about a pregnancy anyway. Cocaine makes you feel that the world should revolve around you. Makes you egotistical, maniacal and down right mean.
She really could have just been toying with him..

Shawn needs to take some responsibility for his choices as well. If he goes around with his present attitude then in effect he is still letting that cokehead and the other 2 bastards determine his happiness...what a waste..

Especially since the coke head is probably somewhere coked the fuck up and doesn't even remember her own name.

TaureanMinx said...

lol@impregnate, I don't know why that word makes me chuckle. Some Nigerians even shoten it to pregnate.

Anyhoo I wish him luck in Life and Love.

catwalq said...

well, i don't think it is ur job to fix him...

Boborygmi and gas said...

thats good, shawn has taken the right steops, its really advisable that he thread softly.

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

whn the right person comes along he will find the 'superglue'. it really is hard, but my motto is 'love like you've never been hurt' lifes too short abeg.

Naija Vixen said...

Oh,it's such a shame bout your friend...and true,both sexes spoil it for each other...

SET said...

hmmmm, Time heals. I feel bad for him but break up knows no one. I hope he finds himself a good woman and commit totally,to be loved and feel it you too have to give in or its a waste of time.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Beyond: Amen… Karma can be a bitch sometimes…

@Simply Gorgeous: I don’t think he’s trying to hurt anybody… he’s not going into anything serious I guess cos he realizes that he’s not completely ok inside…but he’ll be fine… time heals all wounds right…

@Soul: I realize that when you read it and don’t know him personally it seems like Shawn was addicted to being in love… but I disagree. He’s a guy who just happened to fall in love with the wrong girls. He never knew she was into drugs until he’d fallen in love with her… I never understood why he stuck by her… but I guess when you’re in love you might find yourself doing strange things… and sometimes people are of the impression that if they love someone really hard… they can change em(wrong… I know… but it’s easier to see things clearly when you’re not in the situation yourself). She was pregnant… they did the tests together. She hurt him so bad… until him I’d never seen a guy broken before… but the good thing is that with the passing of time he’s gotten better and better… perhaps with a little more time he’ll go back to the way he used to be… cos as you said… if he goes around with this ‘I wont love again’ attitude… he just might miss out of something great…
Speaking of cokeheads… there’s one that comes to stay with her boyfriend at my sisters school residence… she is soo bloody annoying… always asking for clothes or food or just something. One of her kids was adopted by someone cos she couldn’t take care of em… the other one is adopted by her sister.. and now she just got pregnant. She claims she’s stopped the coke but she twitches a little too much… I don’t know sha… there are some weird people in this world. I feel sorry for the kid in her belly… probably a future crack baby(she says she only does weed… and that it doesn’t matter because her 2 other kids were born fine)… i think I had my mouth open the entire time I was hearing this… people dey sha…

@TaureanMinx: lol… I could see how the word is funny sha… I was reading on someones blog some words that show you that you’ve been out of naija for 2 long and funny enough I think I said everything the ‘north American way’… gas station instead of petrol station, trunk instead of boot, hood instead of bonnet, extensions instead of attachment… if I can find the link I’ll send it to you…. I found it hilarious.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@catwalq: I’m not making it my job to fix him… I just said the way he was… and how it concerned me cos he’s my friend… perhaps you read it differently than I wrote it

@Boborygmi and gas: lol… what a funny name yours is. That’s exactly what he’s doing… threading softly

@36 inches: amen… but I don’t think it’s up to someone to provide him with the superglue… he needs to find it within himself… and slowly but surely,I think he is. Love like you’ve never been hurt before… I like that. How you dey mami? Still showcasing those long legs abi?!

@NaijaVixen: Right on point… it happens both ways… girls hurt boys… boys hurt girls… damn shame really cos sometimes the wounds fester

@Set: I hope he does too… but before that I think he’s gotta be completely ok with him and realize that sometimes… people fuck up! It’s a lesson I’ve learnt myself.

butterfliesandstars said...

True, some girls spoil it for other girls and vice versa but we all need to have faith and keep looking because being with someone feels better than being alone and hopefully, we'd find someone to treat us like we deserve to be treated...

butterfliesandstars said...

...thamks for the comment - feel more welcome already ... just can't seem to find enough time to get my head together and blog my thoughts... would do my best though...

Love

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@butterfliesandstars: Welcome to blogsville sweetie… you’re gonna love it… but I hope you don’t become an irregular updater oh… cos as I don like you so… I will harass you… lol. About shawn… yeah I guess the best thing is to have faith… but I don’t agree that we always have to be with someone to validate ourselves… we can be alone and be quite happy… have a great weekend luv

luminousnubian said...

awww poor shawn and all the fantastic women he will encounter that will never know how he used to be.but when the right one comes around,she will draw out his true self.

Idemili said...

What pearl necklace? Better tell me or else I will bombard your blog with useless comments and send you emails!

Your friend will be fine. Just fine.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@luminousnubian: I really hope so luminous…hope everything is everything with you

@Idemili: hey mami… which pearl necklace you dey yarn about?!abi have you been having jewellery dreams featuring me?! Tell me more nwanne cos I seem to have no recollection of this oh

Ugo Daniels said...

Obu gini na afio inside here? I think both of'em are gulity as charged...

Ka Chineke mezie okwu!

Do have a lovely weekend!

foxynaija26 said...

lol, you are talking about others spoiling it.I think my dad spoilt it for me and for a lot of people i think this is true. I'm like Shawn I'm a believer, but one more time and thats it.

laspapi said...

I don't know...What the first girl did was terrible but he can't spend the rest of his life dwelling on evil that's been done him...
"The best revenge is living well".

mack said...

Jesus to go through that kind of pain again and again? I'd rather run for pope-- Pope Mack the XIX. I mean cut off my wangies, sew my buttocks together, ha, and run for pope, if I don't get that, I'll run for archibishop of canterbury.

The Mistress said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Pseudo-Independent said...

In my mind, I am sure I have been here before and left a comment regarding your best friend? Where is that comment?
Take care

NaijaBloke said...

True that ..... hmmmmmm...... might need that superglue mesef ..lol

LittleGirlLost said...

He's ruining it for himself. He will go through this a few more times until he realises that its just a part of life and he can't let one or two or three bad experience define the rest of his relationships.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Ugo Daniels: lmao@your igbo… iT SUCKS!!! I have a ph.D in Igbo linguistics… come and let me teach you the real ‘edemede’… lol. I had a fantastic weekend... hope you had a great one too

@foxynaija26: I feel you on the ‘dad spoiling things’… my dear I don’t even want to get started on him… cos none of it’s good really… but we don’t wanna be stuck in that rut do we… here’s to the future… one where we live in spite of the past… cheers darling(abeg don’t give me the one more and that’s it… I don’t even want to get started on you and ‘skinny’… beautiful the both of you)

@ Laspapi: “the best revenge is living well”… I’ve come to learn that(well I’m still learning it… but it’s a beaurrriful saying papi)

@Mack: lmao… mack you are never serious oh… wangies ke… I never hear that one before.. only for your mouth… and how on earth does one sew their buttocks together? Lol… how you dey now? E don tey small… I been want put out missing persons alert self… so thank God say you come yarn me say you still dey alive oh

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@The Mistress: I honestly don’t know why that happened cos my email should be working ok… I’ll email you today.

@The pseudo- innocent: I never saw your comment here before… perhaps you left it on someone else’s blog… there is another onb(orientated naija babe) and another in my mind(zaiprincesa)… so it might not have been me… hope you had a great weekend though

@NaijaBloke: ahhh bloke it has been a longass time… where you dey all this while? I don miss you no be small!! Which girl is taking you away from blogsville self? And please don’t even tell me it’s work(cos you have used that excuse too many times… lol)

@Little Girl Lost: I see where you’re coming from… and it’s something he’s learning with time…

Blogger-General of the Federal Republic of Nigeria said...

My dear ONB, abeg nor vex, ehn. Power they say corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Na my position as Blogger-General dey enta my head wey I dey feel say I fit talk to anybody anyhow. You know, as Blogger-general, uhm, na like EFCC + ICPC + SSS + Senate i be... maximum power for bloggistan, weda anybody like am or not. I hope say u go forgive me o, bcos you dey on my longlist for official consort of the BloggerGeneral.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Blogger-General: lol… since you put it that way… you’re forgiven especially seeing as I’m on the ‘shortlist’ for a position… however beware I love cute shoes and nail designs, so make sure there are provisions in your budget for those things oh… I can be a Margaret Thatcher if my demands are not met! I need 2 bodyguards, 1 chef and 3 personal shoppers.

NaijaBloke said...

Wetin I wan do now since you decided to divorce me now .. I had to go away for a while to nurse my aching heart back to normal ...

Hope u r aiight sha..