Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Political Astronaut

I was talking to one of my closest friends Miss BA last night. Since I really like her, and she pays me tons of money to be her friend… for the purpose of this blog, I’ll rename her ‘Dancing Queen’… something about her ability to move her body like a heterosexual jungle cat in heat.

So yes I was talking to Dancing Queen last night and I had said something and she asked me if I’d said ‘political astronaut’… lol. That just made me laugh so hard… I told her I was going to write a post on my blog with that title… political astronaut.

I actually just remembered a very special moment on my blog earlier this year when I won the title of 2006’s most scandalous Naija blogger. In my thank you speech, I had promised to put forward something so educative, so intellectually stimulating and informative that it would win me something along the lines of ‘most intelligent blogger’ come next blogger elections.

Now I haven’t done that ‘smart’ write-up yet but I decided to use todays post to practice my chops… My uncle Oganiru Adeleke once said ‘every successful person must have a strategy’ so I’m slowly developing mine…

Perhaps with that writeup I will be able to save the rainforest, find a solution for world poverty, deodorize public trains, ban the use of bleaching creams in Africa and combat mental HIV.

Yes there is hope!

And I promise you… I am going to pluck it like a Somalian Vegetarian farmer in an orange plantation.

Political Astronaut

I have never heard this phrase before my friend Dancing Queen coined it but I am going to interpret it very logically, and in the context I think it was meant… I hope you have your seatbelts on…

A political Astronaut can be defined as “somebody whose desire to rule their community has sent their brain to space.” A political Astronaut can be local, provincial or federal.

Ps. Olusegun Obasanjo is not a political astronaut… he is my presidential crush… I wonder why Nigerians did not let him go on for a third term but that’s a debate for another political writeup.

Local political astronauts can’t yet afford their ‘flight tickets’ and can therefore be found in canteens, grocery stores and other places of political unrest in the community.

A political astronaut is someone who rules the people by ‘bragga bragga’. Their socio- economic policies are usually based on events that happened in select leap years during the Roman empire.

A political astronaut is usually a democrat or dictator and loves movies directed by Tchidi Tchikere. They never have more than 6 partners at any given time or smoke Indian Hemp.

A political astronaut has geometric principles that can be conglomerated into a cubicle of governmental expenses and business marketing.

A political astronaut has a ph. D in universal metaphors and senatorial willpower. They usually have oil wells and geepee tanks filled with money in their backyards.

Physically secure but mentally unkempt, they stabilize their molecular ambition every night with a bottle of gulder and some isi- ewu… yes a political astronaut is a party animal!!!

In case of incasity, a political astronaut must have one piece of metal on at anytime be it a diamond stud or corkscrew… but no… cheap grills don’t count

Mike Jones is not a political astronaut

A political astronaut can sing the Nigerian national anthem in a d-flat note for extended periods of time in the winter and understands the concept of condensation and indecent exposure

Paris Hilton is not a political astronaut

A political astronaut understands the concept of God gives and God takes… they don’t file for insurance claims.

A political astronaut can be mono, bi or trisexual… but they must be screened quarterly for internal ringworms and emotional excema.

(Feel free to add any personal interpretation of ‘Political Astronaut’… I’ll tell Miss Dancing Queen to come on here later and say if she’s satisfied with my personal explanation and any others offered)

31 comments:

Orientatednaijababe said...

lol!!!! smart enough...u definitely get my vote

Olawunmi said...

lol. a political astronaut is able to float above honesty, common-sense and reason as though gravity did not exist.

Mad Soul said...

okay senorita, repeat after me : "shorter- posts- easier- read-" thank you.... now repeat it 10 times real fast and hopefully, u can memorize it.

Idemili said...

Hehehehe! Very funny and smart! I think you might have achieved your goal!

Favoured Girl said...

Huh??? This girl you are a clown

Waffarian said...

Political astronaut......heheheh, I can already hear myself using it as an insult......"abeg, sharrap there, what do you know about politics? you political astronaut!" hehehehhehe, I think it will work!

omo-obanta said...

@ Waffarian, I know right?

A political astronaut makes many nighttime space journeys (dreams)to a world he will never be part of...

cathouse teri said...

I think political astronaut should do it! You have my vote!

A political astronaut is an idiota estrella.

beautyinbaltimore said...

I would like to read a future post on why bleaching creams should be banned in Africa. Good to see you back dear.

Soul said...

hee hee..
a political astronaunt is one who has an answer to everything, but the solution to nothing..

Ugo Daniels said...

A political astronaut is a pain in da a$$

snazzy said...

how canadian of you: "local, provincial and national", Anyway I'ma try and play:

A political astronaut will never fiddle when Rome burns as he is already in another country seeking asylum.

A political astronaut will never say "let them eat cake" because he has already sold all the ingredients on the black market.

A political astronaut subscribes to the philosophy of "it's legal if I do it."

Time to get back to work i think. laters.

Nyemoni said...

YOU, Overwhelmed are my political astronaut...

Naija Vixen said...

hilarious sturvs oh!i will personally volunteer (naija phrases sha!) to be ur campaign manager ban the use of bleaching creams in Africa...gba!

Mari said...

okay, i wont lie and say i understand what you are blogging about but its good to see you are STILL blogging. Been away for awhile but everything is fine. Its nice to know I can always count on u to check up on me every now and then. So sweet!

omo naija said...

politics and I are not friends. I tune off immediately i hear the word.
thanks for checking up on me girl.

ChiefO said...

a political astronaut is a nonsensical jinta manta who has a low level of sexual scrinch scrunch. he acts like VOLTRON is the face of fellow political astronauts while they all dream of their next slice of the national cake.

overwhelmed abeg no vex o, i've been MIA for a minute. all these lil demons are messing with my peace of mind. anywho go read my blog update and be sure to say ur mind. same goes for all u reading this.

Anonymous said...

LOL! This is just fantastic! *goes off to think about all the possible uses for this phrase*

~Mimi~ said...

lmao! that was funny!! well done!!

Naijadude said...

LOL...u are crazy....I bet ur back from Zamfara now...so atleast return my calls!

Naija Sapphire said...

ONB!!! I've missed you. Only to come back and see political astronaut. I beg of you, what do you see in OBJ? Third term - I'm waiting for that topic, you hear, lol!

Justme said...

I know this totally unrelated to your latest post but have u found ur shoes?

UnNaked Soul said...

political astronaut? lol... and this is just it "somebody whose desire to rule their community has sent their brain to space." LMAO

very hot definition... *wink*

The shopaholic. said...

Ha!! I support you deodorizing public trains. They need to be!
Uncle seggy si your crush ke?
You don mara o.
Good to see you back. :)

zaiprincesa said...

babes, ure a nutter..lol..how did u come up with this??..
brings to mind, a jack of all trades and a master of none...yes, i know im goin off on a different tangent..allow me jare..lol

Anonymous said...

Complete madness!!!

temmy tayo said...

good to have u back hun. As per this ur oyinbo, e pass me o.

akin aworan said...

Political astronaut.. Brilliant!! You should go into scripwriting!!

LonelierThanAkon said...

Academic exercise.

Prof: 15 plus 15?
Political astronaut: Ask my PA.


Prof: 100 minus 50?
Political astronaut: Impeach?who?where?

Prof: How many Ghana must go bags do you...
Political astronaut: 23.3452

Prof: OMG!! how did you know the question and the correct answer?
Political astronaut: On the Job training. BTW the last 2 decimal digits vary with inflation.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao@everybodys response.. if i have a minute later.. i'll reply em all individually.. hope you're having a great weekend so far...

יושה (Yosh) said...

hahahaha, interesting.

A political astronaut is one who touts his astronomical goals (true or false) in the media and hopes he can get much of his constituents to swallow this...

A political astronaut would want to make himself the first private owner of a space shuttle that'd whisk away he and his family to space in the event of an unprecedented collapse of the 'system'

A political astronaut is one who believes he can take his nation to the peak of political excellence