Friday, March 30, 2007

Our Breakup

After not calling me for 5 days, Kimor called me on Monday night.

Kimor: Hey Overwhelmed. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been going through a lot lately. I think we should take a break and just not be together anymore

Silence

Silence

Silence

Overwhelmed: Kimor…. I left you a message on Thursday night telling you my mom had been rushed to the emergency. How come you didn’t call me back?

Kimor: What does that have to do with anything?
Overwhelmed: What?

Kimor: It has nothing to do with anything. I mean if I was rushed to the emergency, would your mom care?

Overwhelmed: What?!?!?! Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?

Kimor: Yeah

Overwhelmed: Kimor… you actually opened your mouth and told me that? Me overwhelmed? About my mother?

Kimor: Yeah

I hung up

And called him back in the same instant

Overwhelmed: Just to make sure that I’m not dreaming this Kimor… Did I ask you how come you didn’t call me to at least check if my mom or myself was ok after she was rushed to the emergency. We’ve been together for 9 months and you asked me if my mom would care if you were rushed to the emergency?

Kimor: Yeah… anything else?

Overwhelmed: I won’t forgive you for this

Kimor: That’s what I’m trying to show you… doesn’t matter

Overwhelmed: Ok Kimor… have a great life

... the ‘dream’ is over.


I’ve never before felt such a strong need to hurt someone in my life as I do now. I couldn’t believe it then… and a few days after… I still can’t believe it. This is Kimor afterall. He said he loved me even in our last real conversation. Is this how others love? Only in good times? In such a callous way? When things aren’t the way they want… you don’t matter anymore? I mean even if we were just friends… he couldn’t show the most basic concern… just ask me if she was alright… if I was coping? I’m more pissed off at this point than anything else… when things like this happen you start to doubt a lot of stuff. You feel like you know a person… something of the heart that beats inside them. You trust that the laughs and the truths and the talks would open them up to you as a person… make them understand you… that they'd be there for you when you need them… cos you know you’d be there for them no matter what but I guess it’s too much to ask.

I’ve been around friends since the breakup… they’ve all had so many encouraging things to say and haven’t even given me the chance to see if I miss him… I’m up to my neck in outings and fun events. I’m still processing this but I’m surprised that I’m not devastated you know… I haven’t cried… maybe it still hasn’t hit me… but I don’t think that’s what it is… The words he said in the end have almost cancelled every good thing he might’ve been in the past. Love isn’t about eating my ***** and telling me I’m beautiful. Love is about being able to put aside your ego and stand beside that person in crucial times… love is letting someone know they have a friend no matter how bad things get. Love is good times and bad times and the inbetween. It is the ‘But I love you’ that comes right after “You’re working my last nerve”.

Maybe I'm naïve…

63 comments:

Kpakpando said...

FIRST!!! (even know I know I'mnot, I just like saying it)

Nne FUCK HIM and the fucking horse he rode in on. Let him and his selfish self go, he doesn't know how to spell love much less recognize it. Go out with your friends, have fun, delete his number,if u start to miss him, go shopping, paint your toenails. Stop wasting any more time on him, that include thoughts and words oh. Its even good sef that it happened now, so you can take full advantage of spring and summer and get your flirt on.

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

ONB,

Love isnt just about the good times and im glad u said that urself, maybe its a godd thing you saw this now rather than later, i know u will be fine. we r all here for you!!!

Menina said...

Ouch...Sigh....Why do these things happen? Speechless!

JJ said...

Ok so i've never commented on your page before though i'm a regular reader. I just had to say that had to have been the coldest thing i've ever heard. That was cold, low and totally unacceptable. Therefore babz, do not give this as much weight as you normally should although you'd be inclined to. I doesn't matter if he was going through a lot of things, even if you had pissed him off unknowningly, love is about basic care and concern and for him to be so nonchalant about your mother's health even if he hasn't paid your freaking bride price is inexcusable and a deal breaker.
It is well.

Patrice said...

You are not näive. You are spot on!

Kimor has a self esteem problem, that much is clear. It seems that he purposely 'hardened' himself to be able to do what he tried to do months ago, and that is to break up with you because he can't stand feeling like he loves you more than you do him. This is a juvenile 'game' mostly guys sometimes play to get 'her' to feel hate for 'him' so that the end is swift and decisive. I don't believe Kimor is really so cold-hearted. An apology is forthcoming.

Stay strong and don't give up on men (just yet)!

ExcitedJade said...

ha.... let him go jare, u're worth more, that guy is a sucker...better guy go come ur way soon... wipe ur tears jare

how is momsie, i hope she's alrigt now... cheers

Jem said...

you are not naive, he is just not the one for you.

Biodun said...

I dont think its over between you guys though, its just a rough patch. I know he said some hurtful things, but I hope u can both work it out though. You guys need 2 sit down n talk, yeah really talk. You will alright girl!

Vickii said...

You're not naive ... that's what love should be. It sounds like he was being deliberately callous so that you would break up with him but that doesn't excuse his behaviour ... either way, you're so much better off without him.

LittleGirlLost said...

It may not seem that way now but this one is no great loss. What a prick!
Better to find out sooner rather that later(after you're married or worse still lumbered with his kids) what an arsehole someone is.

LTA said...

My brother once had a pet lizard.

It liked nothing else but to eat ants.

I hated the damn thing with every red blood cell in my body and some more.

Quintessential cold blooded reptile.

However, if my mum had to b rushed off to a clinic.

That lizard would have shown more concern than Kimor did.

I should stop now. Everything else i want to say is unlawful.




PS: I hope he learns Sepuku.

Anonymous said...

My dear, i came across ur blog & had to leave a comment. This is just to let u know that God has a way of REMOVING unnecessary & irrelevant people from one's life. See this as a blessing(u came out of it just in time, u r worth so much more) & pls trust HIM to take care of u.
Have no regrets, every experience carries a life changing lesson. Pls don't give up on love. There are good men out there.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Biodun.

chicka said...

hmm! na real wa o! (Lol) r u sure homeboy doesnt have a pussy???
no matta wat! he SHOULD NOT have said that. u dont say stuff lyk dat 2 any1 let alone ur girlfriend.
well u guys may stl work it out... but man, attitudes lyk dat r big no nos. hope ur gud tho

temmy tayo said...

Are you kidding me???

Men? I rest my case

How is your mum doing?
I know She will be well soon.

Take things easy. Not the best person to give advise on love issues. Going thru a lot myself.

Vera Ezimora said...

Aww that was very mean of him. He went from beng sweet to being something else. What happened in between?

I have to agree with Biodun that y'll r probably not done. I mean, you might not get back together as a couple, but you're not done yet. He needs 2 tell you abi you need to know what da heck went wrong.

You're not naive though; love definitely stays thru the good & the bad. I don't think Kimor is a terrible guy though cause I think something is/was going on with him too. We just don't know what it is yet. That being said, he still shoulda shown more concern bout ur mom.

Speaking of mom, how is she doing?

In Her Mind said...

wow, i dont know what to say!

Kpakpando said...

ONB, I can't believe I was first! I'm going to eat party rice and drink champagne.

They're other ways to get someone to breakup with you, basically psitting on their mother is not an approrpiate way to do it. If you decide to carry your two long legs ands go back to him, you better not act surprised when he shows more disregard to you or your well being.

Anonymous said...

Babygirl,
First things first, do not shed a tear for this fool,he does not deserve you. He might give the best head but so can some rabbit on a shelf.

Fuck him and everything he is and represents.

I hate ignorance!

Let me tell you, I have a little boy and if I took ill and some mess of a girl said this to my boy, woe betides my kid if he ever had any contact with that person ever!.

It is what it is!, he never deserved you, probably has some serious traumatic issue going on in his life, but he is wicked that is all I can come up with.

Imagine if you married this fool!

You know life gives to the giver and takes from the take, lose his number and whatever memories you have together, he totally rubbished that with his idiocy.

omohemi Benson said...

I agree with Vera, you have to get to the bottom of this.
Even if it means prying his friends to find out what went wrong. People don't just change over night,except he had been hiding the real him.

Take it slow,take it easy. You'll be fine.
How is mummy doing?

omohemi Benson said...

But on 2nd thought,
whatever it was,
He should have shown more concern with your mom andtalked about whatever"thing" he had going on his mind.

you'll be fine.

Freaky Deaky said...

No matter what his reasons were for breaking up he did it like an asshole. Even if it has been his intention to break up with for awhile he still could've shown some kind of compassion, empathy, and kindness towards you.

Don't even waste your time investing negative energy into hurting him. Just move on and live well. You being happy and having fun without even thinking about him is everything he deserves.

Have a nice weekend.

Anonymous said...

Girl, if i were you, I would get on my knees and thank God for the way things have turned out.
I understand sometimes that people want to break up or are angry about things and want to break up but honestly, there is NEVER any excuse to be cruel!!! NEVER! and that is the one thing i cannot ever forgive. This guy is gonna regret this and is gonna come crawling back. Bet on it!!!! And he will try to rationalize his actions by saying he was hurting blah blah blah when he said all that and he didn't really mean it!
When that happens,
I swear to God ONB- if you should so much as come on here and tell us that you smiled at him, I will personally hack into this ur site and jagga-jagga all your posts!!!j/k
Anyway, u are better off in the long run... keep urself as occupied as possible to help u get over him as quickly as possible and bide your time for when he comes crawling back!!!!Good-luck!

Anonymous said...

ABEG! don't call this fool. throw his number into the sea if you have to. and DO NOT call his friends to find out what went wrong! It will make you seem desperate.
It will also give him secret joy to think that you are hurting .which i believe was his original intention for doing what he did and saying what he said.
If he should call and want to talk, its your option to choose to hear him out or not. But Please do not call him and definately DO NOT call his friends.

Anonymous said...

i agree with BIODUN u guys can't be thru.every girl would probably say fuck him but his ego hasn't let him apologize yet... believe me a big one is coming..analizing both posts i'd say what happened to ur moms was bad timing witch makes the whole situation even worse...i know for a fact even he knows u forgiving him won't be easy.ur not naive enuff to not know this isn't the real kimor

Anonymous said...

We liv and learn my dear

Bubbles said...

I'm so sorry u have to go through this. It's better u found out now than after having invested more time in the relationship. I'm really baffled at how when u think u know someone, things happen that make u know how little u really know them.

Hope ur mother is doing better?

Chude! said...

I am going to agree with Vera and even take it to the extreme: and I'm sure some people will hate me.

The guy certainly has a self esteem problem but I dont think he is evil. He was pretty, pretty hurt by the way you reacted to him ovetr the phone. When I read the first part I could sense it. He is either insecure or very sensitive and he felt really, really, really hurt and it sounded like you didnt care.

I think in his heart of hearts he thinks you dont really care about him, and that if he tells you that you wouldnt react and he is trying to hurt you as much as he thinks you've hurt him.

It's immature. It' infantile. It's very inconsiderate. It's stupid. Its senseless. Yes. But hey I dont think he's evil. Not all guys are self-assured.

I'm not sure I agree with Vera that this shouldnt be over - because it sure seems like both of you are very different.

But what can I say? He still SHOULD have been there for you when you rmother was ill - no matter what - that is inexcusable. But when a human being is hurt he/she can do ALL kinds of things. Be strong babe! Thank God for your friends... Friends are the best!

Kafo said...

The need to hurt him
Look at this way
at least you weren't standing face to face to him when he said the thing about your mom
cuz if i was, He would here the GBAO then the glass shattering across his coconut head
so yeah omo u could be doing time for attempted murder.
so cheer up it could have been worse. You could be engaged to the MFer and then find out he is the a$# he is and then yeah.


pele.

Idemili said...

It's amazing how men and women are on opposite ends of the Universe sometimes.

At least you're alright.

Mchokozi said...

wow ... he was (rudely) insensitive, and i don't think that anyone deserves to be treated like that. You have to move on though and find someone who, first, *respects* you ... everything else follows from this.

be good!

Bluntremi said...

ONB -
I am so sorry about the break-up. You are not wrong in feeling the way you are feeling, but I honestly believe everything happens for a reason.

You are going to come across different kinds of people. good , bad and ugly. they are all meant to teach you a lesson. Learn from it and become stronger...but dont let kimor destroy who you really are!

Hugs...

Lolita said...

Wow. It just sucks what he said about your mom. Almost unreal. Enough reason to not miss him. Blood is thicker than water. This is your mom...if he wanted to break up, he should have done anything but say that about your mom. I'm sure you know, he ain't worth the tears. You're too much woman for him.

Nene said...

Nne...biko...fashi this boy abeg! first of all...9months aint that long...so dont worry about lost time or wages.lol. secondly, it is a blessing to see someone's TRUE COLORs before u r knee, neck and arse deep in the relationship. Babe...dust ur slippers and RUN! yeah he will apologise...forgive him for ur own sanity and well being...but please MOVE ON! if he knew half the shit u've written in this blog, his arse would have been patient and devoted in making u comfortable and he would have allowed u to come into ur own in your own time! Plus if i hear "like my ex-girlfriends..." one last time...i'll slap him thru this computer for u. all he's done is given u the fire to forget his sorry ass...and if there is shortage of fine bobos at ur end...Holla me abeg...i have very fine igbo brothers and cousins. God bless sweetie...

Nene said...

PS: Blessings to ur sweet, strong, wonderful and resilient mother! Take care of her oh biko...!

Noni Moss said...

I'm like oh no he didn't! Like damn!!! Its hella disappointing but whatever the case maybe- dust yoursef off. You seem to be coping fine - good luck! If you feel you've got closeure, then just let him go. He doesnt deserve you.

Ineka said...

You're gonna want some closure. And I always swear by the saying..'Agaracha must return'..im wan do Badoski movement, dey feel like James Bond now but best believe his ass will call you very soon.
With that said, He's a bloody Jackass for that callous comment. Yeah, maybe he was trying to protect his feelings and blah blah, but he's still a damn Jackass.
If you guys ever get back together, at least you'll know that your Kimor isn't the 100% sweetheart that you thought he was.
I'm sorry....

And, you are not naive.

Waffarian said...

Abeg, he is a big fool, what kind of stupid comment was that? you are not naive, his response showed a total lack of empathy for another person, who also happens to be your mum. He is an egoist, while you are anxious and worried, he is busy thinking of himself. What an idiot! Selfish fool!

Surviving with Truth said...

He was meant to serve a purpose in your life and he did just that. He taught you a little lesson in Love 101. If you need to cry, do. If you dont, then dont. But most times, it hits you later. Because even if you dont miss the Kimor who didnt seem to care about your mom, you might end up missing the Kimor he was before then. Hope all is well with your mom. take care.

LondonBuki said...

Most of wht you've shared with us about Kimor has been sweet... were there ever any signs that he could say something like this?
Was he ever so so mad at you that he'll say something so hurtful?

Whatever it is... it's your own decision to make. Relationships are about communication and whatever he was going through that made him say those unbelievable words... he should have told you.

Take care of yourself ONB... take care.

jadedKiss said...

i think he's just an insecure guy. he doesnt really believe he's worth you.. maybe he's not? on the other hand guys generally start picking fights when they'r getting 'restless'...

you'v got the love thing down pat sweetie,
you're not naive.

jadedKiss said...

(but maybe I am?)


how's your mum..

Justme said...

Maybe something happened when he went to jamaica......

Maybe he's looking for a way to break off.........

Maybe he's under pressure from someone of some people to dump you..........

Maybe, he's just not that into you...........

What goes around comes around, he will get his

fifi said...

babes!!! just surround ur self with people who love you!!! as i said -his loss!!! do something new everyday, then ull see your life has a deeper meaning than some guy who is insecure

chainreader said...

Oh boy needs some flogging.!!

I don't even want to vent, so am going to ignore him and ask about what's important.

How are you doing, babe? And how's your mummy?

That other one is irrelevant right now.

Anonymous said...

its MadSoul Sista

lets party tonight - theres suposedly some ghanian party thing. or we can go to Faubourg with the usual girls. lemme know. later
P.S
we better go out! i need somewhere to rock my new hot dress to

Anonymous said...

its MadSoul Sista (too lazy to sign in)



oh ya, about Kimor-

lets go beat him up. DO you have his address? we'll send some area bois (lol) over there to teach him a lesson for his lack of respect. Send me his address via msn or text (if ur phone can text. lmao dat ya fone get as e be)

Naijalove said...

Bia my sister, I will personally finish him for u oooo, NONSENSE!!! Infact even if he were to whisper sweet nothings in ur ar and beg u to come back, I'll finish u oooo!! LOL
aaaaah I'm vexed ooo (lol havent used that in forever!)

laspapi said...

There are different levels of development, Storm. He showed his.

Let it be.

chika said...

I'm sure that he was the last person in the world youd expect that kind of comment from.that was sooo cold,too cold!i know it hurts but you should be grateful cos its only a sneek preveiw of what he would say in the future.move on darling....u deserve better!

yellow ibo girl said...

I'm so sad for you hon. BUT i think its better this happened now ( after 9 mths) rather than later...say 2-3 years. Would have been tonnes more painful i assure you.

In my experience, the most difficult part was switching emotions for someone special from love to hate. its draining on the soul.

hang in there and make sure your friends help see you through it! XX

Anonymous said...

i for one have respect for the dude
he told u he didn't think yawl should be together lets take a break. its sudden but how else could he have said it. i think he was focus on breaking up so showing any concern for your mom might have slowed down the process.after all he had it on his mind before your mom was rush to the emergency. think of it this way he showed U the real HIM BEFORE DOING ANY MAJOR DAMAGE OR GOING TOO FAR TO TURN BACK. HE'S A NICE GUY RESPECT HIS WISHING. U GOTTA TO ADMIT HE'S A SUCKA 4 LUV

Simply Gorgeous said...

ONB- Sorry Babe... You are not naive. He just put on a good show to get what he wants. You see his true character, now what a jack ass? He does not deserv you. I hope you know that? You are so much better than him, you should not give him one more second in your thoughts, I know that is easier to say than to do. He has not experienced Love, so he does not know hot give love.

A loving person, cares, has feeling and is not heartless. Enough said.

Naija Sapphire said...

That is crap! Oh my goodness - he should be beaten up for that. I mean no matter how it ended he should still behave civilized. Maybe something just happened on his trip that he didn't tell you about or maybe he was drunk when he called you. Girl, go out and have fun. I think you should just move on, he was probably trouble anyways.

Favoured Girl said...

Awww. It sounds like he had already decided to break up with you, that's why he didn't want to hear about your mum. That might have weakened his resolve. I think there is more to the story. If you guys had a wonderful relationship, then he can't just go off you for no reason. Maybe something happened when he went back home briefly? Maybe his family didn't approve? Maybe he panicked because his feelings were too strong? You need to know, at least for closure. But whatever happens, keep your head up dearie. Learn from it and move on. You are still a beautiful, complete, confident and intelligent woman. It's his loss.

Anonymous said...

I agree with laspapi and chude. He's pretty insecure, or like laspap said 'under-deveoped'.

Like chude said, you guys are on two different points in the scale. Thank god you moved on!

Anonymous said...

hope ure fine sha? this one you havent spoken since...

Naija Vixen said...

Babes...keep ur head up...u'l be just fyne

Beyond said...

YOU ARE NOT NAIVE, AND I DONT REALLY THINK HE IS WORTH ALL THESE STRESS.
YOU DESERVE MORE THAN WHAT HIS SILLY ASS CAN OFFER YOU, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE , THE BEST IS COMING YOUR WAY SOON.

Candide said...

His response was uncalled for, dear!

Glad to hear your mother is better.

Neat blog!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I think there is more to this..when did he get back from Jamica and what really went down over there. I know I have been missing in action, but what happened between his return and his thoughts...

I guess he is some one who is scared of loving someone as intently as you, and then looked for a way to sabotage it, just so that he can feel exhonorated.

You are still only 21 and you will find better men that will love you in both bad times and good. Stay luvley hun.

Have a blessed week.

mimi said...

tryin not to judge but that was sooo cold

Sparkle said...

Na wa o....I read this blog all d time, but I never read am lately
YOU are so not naive, I guess he's not the right person
from they way I see it, he's jus a selfish egomaniac
abeg forget about him and move on