Thursday, March 01, 2007

Hi5 Messages

I’ve been feeling a little down and disillusioned lately. In the meantime, a week or two ago, LondonBuki had a post about some of her weird(er) hi5 messages, so I decided to let you read couple that I got in the past that had me rolling with laughter or just going wtf:

1. how are you doing. Your face looks pretty much familiar. I think we've somewhere b4, i forgot. anyways, i just wanna make friends, lets start by introducing ourselves. I live in ***. i'm in college. i wud love to know more things about you too, if u dont mind. Holla back when u get this

(The often used “You look familiar” … lol… that brings to mind a Nigerian party I went to last year. A strange guy came up to me with the same line “Hey girl… you look familiar”… I laughed for a moment and said… “Nah sweetie… you’ve never seen me in your life. The worst part is that you’re still using 2005 pick-up lines… I think you’d have a better chance if you used something a little more recent.” The guy started laughing and was like dang girl… that was cold. He didn’t get my number, but at least got my name… that was something… oui?)

2. Hi dear ! how are you ? have you MSN? i have with webcam :-) *******@hard-core.hu i want to see you kissesss

(How incredibly exciting… this guy is just a tech. whiz… not only does he have MSN… he also has webcam… I’m stupefied!!!)

3. I am **** ***, a graduate of economics, presently running a master program in university of *****.i am a christain,i worship with living faith church. i work with ***** com.i am an exciting and interesting person who believe strongly in a heathy friendship.i would appreciate if you could oblige to have me as a friend.i await your swift repply.best regards...................

(He’s in a masters program and he can’t spell properly… but who am I to judge… maybe he didn’t want to wow me with too much vocabulary initially… I’m terribly impressed… he works, and is a Christian… that’s so hard to find these days)

4. I want fuck u because you is sexy girl

(That’s all the reason you need eh?!)

5. Hi Overwhelmed, Whats going down, I was just so overwhelmed by ya best friend,especially getting to know she is beautiful in and out.could you please do me a favor to hook me up with her.Just play a nice role for me and tell her i'm nice in and out too. I believe i am. Regards.

(lol… a dude I don’t even know wants me to hook him up with my best friend … the fact that he’s “nice in and out” is enough reason… who would’ve thought?!)

6. Hi there cute girl, I coulndt resist your profile, so I send you this email. I who send it is ***** from Sweden, but just now I work in Kuala Lumpur. Please let me know more about you. Hugs and kisses from your new boy firend *****

(I didn’t know a single hi5 message automatically made someone my ‘boyfriend’… but then again we learn new things every day… no?)

7. Hey wassup mah!its funny,i got you, the beautifullest woman on my hi5 list but i cant even talk to .what should i do to get in touch with you prettyboo!Im running outta ideas and patience...its like we were suppose to meet up with eachother allready! what you think!? am i asking too much!? or should i stop hoping!? ********!(keeping my fingers cross)

(oh my gosh… he called me prettyboo just like I like it… I can’t wait till he starts slapping my ass and calling me ‘down-ass bitch’… ahhh… finally my dream ghetto romance…)

8. Hi, I am ** from the netherlands(Holland) I am 44 years and wokring as an accountant. I am honest, romantic and sportive I am divorced for more then 10 years now I am searching for a nice woman that is honest friendly and romantic for being friends. My hobies are swimming, biking, travelling, driving my car, tabeltennis, nature, hiking and watching movies or dance on good music. Of course I also love romance with the one I love, I mean I love hugging and kissing PLease e-mail me to ****@q8.nl From there I can send pictures. I hope we can become friends

(I always did want a father figure boyfriend… and one from the Netherlands in Holland(not the one in Lagos State). I mean I’ve had guys who ‘danced to good music’… but never one who ‘danced on good music’… I think this guy might just have the secret of the universe in the palm of his hands… )

9. Hi!! I am mexican boy!. I would like to know you. I think that you are a interesting girl. I don't a lot of english, but I will try in order to chat with you better. Kisses

(I don’t recall any part of my hi5 profile where I mentioned being an ESL tutor… but I guess my mama is right… to whom greatness is given, greatness is expected)

10. Can i print up ur pictures to use to jerk it babe? What do u say?

(Well… since you asked so nicely… NO FUCKER!!!)

11. hi i'm not from your past but find you attractive and would want to be friends with you. i suppose i guy finding u attractive should not be new to you. i would be interesting however to find out how you handle it. it rather ineteresting you prefer not to answer about your status. may i ask why. out of curiosity though i also believe being friends is knowing you. looking forward to hearing from you soon. take care and stay blessed.

(Awww…. What a sweetheart… since he pays my internet bill and bought me my computer, I am obliged to answer his questions about my relationship status among other things)

12. I’m still loving your legs. Would you let me to cover them of kisses?. Would you let me to kiss you even between them? Kisses dear ... many kisses.

(Oh my gosh… this guy is a revolutionary… he actually kisses girls… and in between their legs too… Isn’t this terribly exciting?!)

13. When God created you, I believe that it was only you he create that day. You look so natural and beautiful. I just want to let u know that ur pic are killing me if i have the chance to meet a wonderful girl like u in my life i will blow the sky open and i will do anything anything to make my girl happy. Let me hear from u my lady.G. ***** from Amsterdam.

(I think this guy should be arrested… he might be a terrorist… blowing the sky open for my love and all… lol… I’m just saying)

14. Nice to meet you.... Nice profile you've got there.... What cupsize do you have? they look so yummie ;-) Do you use msn? Would like to chat and or cam with you.... ;-)
Mine is *******@hotmail.com

(I believe my La Senza and Victoria Secret helper now owns a hi5 page… I guess they have new bras in and want to reserve me a pair or two… what other explanation could there be for wanting to know my boob size?!)

15. how are u?i hope u are fine and cool. ***** is my name,i am 24 years,single and looking for a gal for a lovely n nice relationship. i am a highly educated guy,a sexy and fit black guy,curled black hair,brown eyes,5.10ft,average bulit. i am a student at the ******** university offering business administration,a trainee manager at royal mail and a dj for a radio and night clubs. i am a ghanaian but i was borned n raised in london and i live with my three lovely sisters in london so u can visit me at any time or day. i saw ur ad at the hi5 and i decided to write u cos i really love ur interest and i wish to know u better if u don't mind. i don't have a pic cos my scanner isn't working i am a friendly,loving,caring,good sense of humour,i love clubbing,reading,travelling, dancing,singing,sex,music. u can ask me any questions and i will surely answer all.
i will end here with much love and kisses to ur sexy lips. take care of urself and have a nice day love, **** do write soon..u can call or text me on 079********,sweetness no prank or private call n u can leave me a txt n i call u bk

(Someone please give this guy a book deal… he’s career- oriented, successful, lives with his 3 sisters and even has a cell phone… I mean Monica Lewinsky only gave a presidential blowjob to get a book deal… why not this guy?)

16. salut beaute je vous souhaite une bonne ann�e 2006 et une bonne sante je voudrais votre numero de telephone merci de votre comprehension

(Anuofia nwuru anwu… enwere ebe edere na hi5 profile m na anam asu asusu ndi akpuruka ahu ina asu.. ala nye kwa gi nshi oku… agadi ekwe nka… iche nam nwere ohere ina e decode okwu aturu e na ede?! Okuko na awi ara ‘comprehend’ kwa gi ebe ino… ya tupuo gi otele ka ihapu ina enyem isi owuwa with okwu enwero meaning… Bonjour to gi na ndi ‘psych ward’ gi… na 2007.)

17. 301-***-****.I told my mom that when I wanted to get married that the lady I wanted to marry would call her.Her name is Denise,just joking but an attractive woman as ur self makes some 1 like me want to come down there just to meet u,and come back home!Stay sweet.

(Oh my gosh… he/she/it is horribly funny! I think I’m in love!!!)

18. damn your so sexy in that dress...how about we let Nigeria and Jamaica meet...

(Why the hell not… what are a couple of oceans and thousands of miles of landspace… just geographical nonsense… I think a bridge can be built to connect Nigeria and Jamaica… that is what he means right?)


23 comments:

Favoured Girl said...

Hey I'm first!

Favoured Girl said...

LOL @ those hi5 messages! I used to get loads of them too, one time but now I've restricted my profile. I've had marriage proposals from both men and women. I've had random guys tell me that God revealed to them that I am their wife. I've had guys asking me out one minute and the next minute asking me to hook them up with my friend! The wonders of hi5! LOL .... Keep them coming love, I'm seriously laughing here...

(Oh by the way I took my pic down after 12 hours. I figured that was enough exposure for now! Your comment was hilarious, thanks!)

My Heart said...

LOL!! I don't get people for real! But you know what? I actually know someone (to my utter shame) who replies these admirers and hooks up with them.

azuka said...

Hilarious!

Someone conned me into joining. I took one look at it and left. Facebook's safer [at least to me].

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Favoured Girl: Hey congratulations mami… The prize today is some sexy winter gloves cos it’s colder than Iceland right now where I am… hopefully they’re useful to you! Lol@women asking you to marry them… no be small oh… but I sha don’t blame them… it’s not easy to be a fine girl no pimples(notice how that’s my new favourite phrase… lol) God revealed ke? Hehe.. that’s jokes… hi5 people sha kill me… heya… I wish you didn’t take down that picture… but thank God Buki now knows your face and will follow my instructions!

@My Heart: lol… this person is a joker oh… the person get liver sha oh… me I can’t and won’t talk to people I don’t know oh regardless of how sweet the poem whey them copy and paste for my messages sha oh…

@Azuka: lol… I never go on either oh… facebook self I don’t understand it oh… person go poke me today… poke me again tomorrow… I haven’t been on there in so long cos my best friend opened that page for me… you know me Azuka… I no sabi anything about technology oh… I’m even wondering how I managed to figure this whole blogger thing out self!

kulutempa said...

aww, thanks for checking on me babe! i'm just working on graduating, that's why i've been MIA. i'll be back on in a little bit...

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you're feeling down and dissillusioned.Hope you feel better soon. LOL at all those hi5 comments

laspapi said...

Some of those lines were distinctly Nigerian. They're easy to spot if you know how.

You sure know how to haul 'em in, Storm.

Naijadude said...

hahahah.. I love Nigeria and Jamaica part...why the hell not cant they meet? It was so freaking hilarious!

I rather go on Facebook, hi5 aint it at all....

Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista said...

lmao! ONB, i read half'a the post and niggeritis wouldnt lemme finish the rest... i'm too damn lazy,... pls for ma sake, write shorter more frequent posts...
lmao @ the hi5 messages thou! wonders shall nefa end.
and about u feeling down, no worries, we shall go jack dat ur mood up wid the best makossa tracks tomoro nite. pele, ndo, e go betta... (btw- yes de weathr dey horribu o! it took me 3 hrs to get back from work~ dont go out unless u gorra)

Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista said...

@ naijadude... do ya miss me? hun? *wink*

P.S
wia ma ring dey? i'm not getin any yonga na!

reen said...

bwahahahaha this is hilarious too too funny. oh wow there are some weirdos on hi5 with some wacky ass lines lmao

Simply Gorgeous said...

Wow- that is some real off the wall s@%. Seriously, why did you put up and disclose so much information about yourself? Overwhelmed, you have to be careful there are so many psychos out there. However, the messages were entertaining.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Kulutempa: I’m glad you’re alright… I hadn’t seen you on in a while… and I sha missed you oh… goodluck with the graduating… we’re rooting for you mami… be back soon sha!

@Anonymous: I’ll be alright luv… thanks for the concern…

@Laspapi: lol@ the Nigerians… you can just tell can’t you… me ke? Haul em? I no haul anything oh… I be fisherman?

@Naijadude: lol… I knew you would only notice the Nigeria and Jamaica part… nonsensity!!! Facebook self I no too understand the thing… you know Naijadyme opened up my profile for me and I don’t really understand that whole thing so I just let it be jare.

@Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista: lol… lazy fool!!! Oh yes… we should have fun tomorrow night… crap… I didn’t get her a gift yet.. and I’m broke man.. crap!!! Can I get her one later… and I’ll call Naijadude tonight to see if he’s coming with us… I haven’t partied with my Jolene in a long time!!! I miss his booty on the dancefloor! My dear the weather was a fucking bitch today… especially in comparison to how nice it was yesterday… I mean I saw people in flip flops and booty shorts (swear to God… lol… I was like ‘its not that warm’!!!). How dare you try to ‘chop’ my Jolene right in my presence?!?!

@Reen: My dear na so I see the thing oh… they’re funny… you won’t believe some of the shit I dey see for that place oh… but I hardly ever go there sha… I opened it to find old friends… it’s been almost 2 years now and I still haven’t found 1!!! So I tired jare!

@Simply Gorgeous: lol… my dear no be small oh… I didn’t think my age, country, age and a few pictures was too much info… but now that I think about it… maybe it is… I was trying to find old friends from Naija but e no happen like that sha! So I don boycott the thing jare… I no dey go there again self. And you’re right… there are really some psychos out there!

Nilla said...

Offtopic

Putting youtube on blogger:

* Go to youtube.com
* Search for the video you're looking for.
* You'll probably find more than one version of the video you're looking for.
* Click on the link to the one you think you're looking for.
* Once the video starts playing, look to the right of the page (or beside the video), you'll see subscribe, tag, url, embed, added by...etc.
* Click on the box beside EMBED. It will be highlighted. Right click on it and copy
* while making a new post, use the "Edit Html" mode instead of the "Compose" mode. Paste your embed.

Hope that helped Madmoiselle!

Later girl.

bhookey84 said...

lol, wareys

Idemili said...

LOL@ your Igbo! I'm not on any. Someone tried to get me interested in A Small World but it's just so cliquey, with professionals nattering on Conde Nast Traveler style about where to go on holiday, dropping money hints, yakking on about politics, talking like they know people...UGH!
The annoying thing is, they do know people. They are all connected.

Patricia said...

LMFAO @ "Bonjour to gi na ndi 'psych ward' gi"!!!! chei, too funny :)

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

LOl... some of these people seem very removed from reality..

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

gosh girl - those were some lines. I also liked your response to it - or should i say your thinking out loud version of their statements.

Vickii said...

Lol at these messages ... and I thought I had it bad! Why is it always the people that can't spell, have the cheesiest chat up lines and say the stupidest things that message you. I've yet to hear a sentence that begins with 'let me tell you about this hi5 message I got, he seems really nice ...'.

Do guys get stupid hi5 messages from girls too?

UnNaked Soul said...

wetin be ur Hi5 url/id? no run away oh.. LOL

BeReal said...

Hehe, so hilarious here. I never believe their scams. There're too many garbage profiles on Hi5, so I won't use it. I'm using millionairematch.com now. This is an honest millionaire site. As a successful business man, I would like to meet equally friends and share experience with them.