I’ve been feeling a little down and disillusioned lately. In the meantime, a week or two ago, LondonBuki had a post about some of her weird(er) hi5 messages, so I decided to let you read couple that I got in the past that had me rolling with laughter or just going wtf:
1. how are you doing. Your face looks pretty much familiar. I think we've somewhere b4, i forgot. anyways, i just wanna make friends, lets start by introducing ourselves. I live in ***. i'm in college. i wud love to know more things about you too, if u dont mind. Holla back when u get this
(The often used “You look familiar” … lol… that brings to mind a Nigerian party I went to last year. A strange guy came up to me with the same line “Hey girl… you look familiar”… I laughed for a moment and said… “Nah sweetie… you’ve never seen me in your life. The worst part is that you’re still using 2005 pick-up lines… I think you’d have a better chance if you used something a little more recent.” The guy started laughing and was like dang girl… that was cold. He didn’t get my number, but at least got my name… that was something… oui?)
2. Hi dear ! how are you ? have you MSN? i have with webcam :-) *******@hard-core.hu i want to see you kissesss
(How incredibly exciting… this guy is just a tech. whiz… not only does he have MSN… he also has webcam… I’m stupefied!!!)
3. I am **** ***, a graduate of economics, presently running a master program in university of *****.i am a christain,i worship with living faith church. i work with ***** com.i am an exciting and interesting person who believe strongly in a heathy friendship.i would appreciate if you could oblige to have me as a friend.i await your swift repply.best regards...................
(He’s in a masters program and he can’t spell properly… but who am I to judge… maybe he didn’t want to wow me with too much vocabulary initially… I’m terribly impressed… he works, and is a Christian… that’s so hard to find these days)
4. I want fuck u because you is sexy girl
(That’s all the reason you need eh?!)
5. Hi Overwhelmed, Whats going down, I was just so overwhelmed by ya best friend,especially getting to know she is beautiful in and out.could you please do me a favor to hook me up with her.Just play a nice role for me and tell her i'm nice in and out too. I believe i am. Regards.
(lol… a dude I don’t even know wants me to hook him up with my best friend … the fact that he’s “nice in and out” is enough reason… who would’ve thought?!)
6. Hi there cute girl, I coulndt resist your profile, so I send you this email. I who send it is ***** from
(I didn’t know a single hi5 message automatically made someone my ‘boyfriend’… but then again we learn new things every day… no?)
7. Hey wassup mah!its funny,i got you, the beautifullest woman on my hi5 list but i cant even talk to .what should i do to get in touch with you prettyboo!Im running outta ideas and patience...its like we were suppose to meet up with eachother allready! what you think!? am i asking too much!? or should i stop hoping!? ********!(keeping my fingers cross)
(oh my gosh… he called me prettyboo just like I like it… I can’t wait till he starts slapping my ass and calling me ‘down-ass bitch’… ahhh… finally my dream ghetto romance…)
8. Hi, I am ** from the
(I always did want a father figure boyfriend… and one from the
9. Hi!! I am mexican boy!. I would like to know you. I think that you are a interesting girl. I don't a lot of english, but I will try in order to chat with you better. Kisses
(I don’t recall any part of my hi5 profile where I mentioned being an ESL tutor… but I guess my mama is right… to whom greatness is given, greatness is expected)
10. Can i print up
(Well… since you asked so nicely… NO FUCKER!!!)
11. hi i'm not from your past but find you attractive and would want to be friends with you. i suppose i guy finding u attractive should not be new to you. i would be interesting however to find out how you handle it. it rather ineteresting you prefer not to answer about your status. may i ask why. out of curiosity though i also believe being friends is knowing you. looking forward to hearing from you soon. take care and stay blessed.
(Awww…. What a sweetheart… since he pays my internet bill and bought me my computer, I am obliged to answer his questions about my relationship status among other things)
12. I’m still loving your legs. Would you let me to cover them of kisses?. Would you let me to kiss you even between them? Kisses dear ... many kisses.
(Oh my gosh… this guy is a revolutionary… he actually kisses girls… and in between their legs too… Isn’t this terribly exciting?!)
13. When God created you, I believe that it was only you he create that day. You look so natural and beautiful. I just want to let u know that ur pic are killing me if i have the chance to meet a wonderful girl like u in my life i will blow the sky open and i will do anything anything to make my girl happy. Let me hear from u my lady.G. ***** from
(I think this guy should be arrested… he might be a terrorist… blowing the sky open for my love and all… lol… I’m just saying)
14. Nice to meet you.... Nice profile you've got there.... What cupsize do you have? they look so yummie ;-) Do you use msn? Would like to chat and or cam with you.... ;-)
Mine is *******@hotmail.com
(I believe my La Senza and Victoria Secret helper now owns a hi5 page… I guess they have new bras in and want to reserve me a pair or two… what other explanation could there be for wanting to know my boob size?!)
15. how are u?i hope u are fine and cool. ***** is my name,i am 24 years,single and looking for a gal for a lovely n nice relationship. i am a highly educated guy,a sexy and fit black guy,curled black hair,brown eyes,5.10ft,average bulit. i am a student at the ******** university offering business administration,a trainee manager at royal mail and a dj for a radio and night clubs. i am a ghanaian but i was borned n raised in
i will end here with much love and kisses to
(Someone please give this guy a book deal… he’s career- oriented, successful, lives with his 3 sisters and even has a cell phone… I mean Monica Lewinsky only gave a presidential blowjob to get a book deal… why not this guy?)
16. salut beaute je vous souhaite une bonne ann�e 2006 et une bonne sante je voudrais votre numero de telephone merci de votre comprehension
(Anuofia nwuru anwu… enwere ebe edere na hi5 profile m na anam asu asusu ndi akpuruka ahu ina asu.. ala nye kwa gi nshi oku… agadi ekwe nka… iche nam nwere ohere ina e decode okwu aturu e na ede?! Okuko na awi ara ‘comprehend’ kwa gi ebe ino… ya tupuo gi otele ka ihapu ina enyem isi owuwa with okwu enwero meaning… Bonjour to gi na ndi ‘psych ward’ gi… na 2007.)
17. 301-***-****.I told my mom that when I wanted to get married that the lady I wanted to marry would call her.Her name is Denise,just joking but an attractive woman as ur self makes some 1 like me want to come down there just to meet u,and come back home!Stay sweet.
(Oh my gosh… he/she/it is horribly funny! I think I’m in love!!!)
18. damn your so sexy in that dress...how about we let
(Why the hell not… what are a couple of oceans and thousands of miles of landspace… just geographical nonsense… I think a bridge can be built to connect