Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Beginning of the End

‘Ah love! Could thou and I with fate conspire
To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire
Would not we shatter it to bits- and then
Re- mould it nearer to the hearts desire’
………………………… The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam verse 73

Kimor slept over at my house on Friday night (the Friday before the past one). Everything was great… we ordered some Chinese, took turns feeding each other and listened to Kt Tunstall. We talked on Saturday and Sunday and a bit on Monday.

On Tuesday, he called me in the evening to chat, but I told him I wasn’t really in the mood because I’d been up the night before talking to an old-time friend for over 4 hours so my mouth was ‘tired’. I would listen to anything he had to say though. After a few minutes chatting about nothing in particular…

Kimor: I don’t know Overwhelmed… I feel like these days we don’t talk as much… and it’s beginning to bug me
{Note: It’d only been a day}

Overwhelmed: What are you talking about... we talk all the time… I’m just not in the mood today…

Kimor: I know that… but I don’t think things are exactly the same between us as they used to be…

Overwhelmed: Seriously Kimor why is it that everytime we don’t talk for a day or two you analyse the situation to death. You worry about it until it becomes a big problem in your head. We haven’t talked in a day and all of a sudden our relationship is in trouble?

Kimor: I don’t really know… I haven’t thought it through… but I know that things are changing a little bit… and part of it is that I think I love you more than you do me… and I’m more invested in us than you are
{Get over it already}


Overwhelmed: I have no clue what you’re talking about… I don’t see what emotion you’re showing in this relationship that I’m not… this argument is tired

Kimor: That’s not really what I’m trying to say. For example with my ex-girlfriends… when they said they loved me, I saw it more… in everything that they did and in the way they were… they paid more attention

Overwhelmed: Kimor I do what I can to make sure we talk and spend enough time together… but I couldn’t give up everything that I am just to prove how much I love you. I am not those girls…

Kimor: I know that… and that’s part of why I fell in love with you and why we’ve been together this long… but sometimes I resent it as well

Overwhelmed: I do pay attention

Kimor: I guess it’s something about the amount of attention… like in the past, my ex- girlfriends...

Overwhelmed: you know what Kimor… if you want to go and be with your ex- girlfriends why don’t you just let me know… or if there’s someone else you think would pay you more attention and be better for you go for it. Lord knows that I love you and it would hurt like hell but I simply can’t spend most of my time explaining and defending our relationship. I swear if I wanted to break up with you right now and not give you the real reason… I know exactly what to do… not talk to you for a day or two… and agree with you when you start going on about how ‘things are changing’. The bottom line is that you either want to be with me or you don’t. You wanna break up?

Kimor: No

Overwhelmed: How do you feel about me?

Kimor: I love you

Overwhelmed: then why do you make it so hard sometimes? Why can’t we just enjoy what we have? If a time ever came when we caused each other more pain than happiness… then we can end this relationship… in the meantime why can’t we just be Kimor? Do we have to analyze every silence?

Kimor: No. I realize there are some things I need to think through… but anyways I’ll call you back in 30 minutes

Overwhelmed: Alright

He didn’t call me back… apparently he’d fallen asleep. I called him about 4 hours later, right before I went to bed. I remember telling him to come and see me the next day (Wednesday) so we could talk things over and spend some time together. He said he’d let me know if he could.

He called me on Wednesday afternoon to say he couldn’t make it to my place. It was his cousin’s birthday and they were going to the strip- club. He had asked me before if I wanted to come but I decided not to cos I had planned to go shopping for my Saturday wedding outfit. He was a bit off(rude?) when we talked then… not the Kimor I was used to…

But I let it slide

I called him later on during the day to discuss the outfit I was about to buy. The conversation was ok… but he wasn’t really any help so I told him I’d call him back after talking to one of my girls.

I called him 3 hours later and he didn’t pick up.

“Kimor, you’re pissing me off. Anyways, call me when you get this message”

He didn’t call me back that Wednesday… or on Thursday…

I found out my mom was in the emergency on Thursday night about 10pm. He was the next person I called right after my younger sister. Once again, he didn’t pick up. I left him a message:

“Kimor, I think you’ve been acting a bit off… you didn’t return my call yesterday… guess you’re too busy doing you. Anyways, I just heard my mom was admitted into the emergency... I'm not really sure what's wrong. I’m on my way over there now”

He didn’t call me back that Thursday night…

I didn’t hear from him… for 5 days
I decided not to call again… it wasn’t a matter of pride… I did call him for two days in a row and he didn't return my calls… I had done absolutely nothing to him. I mean even if he was trying to ‘figure things out’… I’d been with him for over 9 months… shared my love, my life with him and had called to tell him my mom was in the hospital... couldn’t he even call to ask me if she was alright?
{He knows more than most how much my mom means to me}

Bloggers who only read me showed more concern than a man who said he ‘loved’ me…

I had left him to his ‘thoughts’ and he didn’t call me for 5 days until Monday night… the day of “Our Breakup”


42 comments:

mochafella said...

Sounds like someother opeke has been hanging on his every word.

Kafo said...

HE DID WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay let mii go and read it now
Pele

Henry said...

Move on, OWNB.. it's gonna be hard, but very doable.. I know ladies on this blog are going to be mouthing off about 'typical guy' and such... I really don't have any defense with behavior like this... My gender is flawed.

P.S: Damn comment moderation!! Giving everybody false hope of being first..

Kafo said...

I just read it
Sad
Very sad
It seems like u r the man and he is the chick
what does he want flowers

Ineka said...

Wow...
Damn.

Ineka said...

BTW, your ma was in the ER? I need to go back and catch up. Been so busy, I can't even think.
I hope all is well my sister. *Hugs*

Nigerican said...

I do hope u're mum is better now.As for Mr. Man and u it will hurt for a while but u know like i do u'll be fine.Remember its ok to cry, sometimes its better out than in , I got mines out and i feel not great but alot better and everyday it gets better. Heres a big HUG from me and a slap on the ass to motivate u.GET DRESSED, LOOK BEAUTIFUL and u and u're best gal pals should go out this weekend and paint the town RED.Feel better deary.

Vera Ezimora said...

Is your mom okay, babe? I hope she is okay o! That one is the most important thing right now.

Awww, what's going on with Kimor? I'm not gonna judge him cause he obviously has stuff on his mind. Stuff that he either hasn't told u or stuff that you have not blogged about. Are u doing okay? Be strong baby. I imagine it must be tuff, but you're a strong girl. If all the things u went thru didn't break u, then this certainly won't.


Stay strong.

Naijalove said...

u know what? screw him! the fact that he didnt call u after u left the message that ur mom was in the ER! You were his girlfriend, if any friend of mine left that message whether or not we were close or not, I would call them back. Its only right. The fact that he wasnt there when u needed him most, makes me question the basis of his love. What use is a boyfriend if he cant be a "friend".
I'm sorry dear, u wil overcome evn without Kimor.

Naijalove said...

had to come back and post...5 WHOLE days! 5 days when anything could have gone wrong. Dont mean to curse him out but what a stupid moron, excuse my language. He's selfish, selfish because he only cares of his own feelings, and whether or not he feels that u love him the same. Selfish because he doesnt care enough about u to care about the fact that something serious happened to your mother. Selfish because the only logical reason he could use was that him himself was sick IN the hospital and he wasnt.

Thats no a friend, if friends are like that, then I'd much rather wine and dine with my enemies.

Waffarian said...

Ah ah? Five days??????just like that? He wasn't there to support you? This is tough, but I'll wait to hear the rest of the story.

Vixen said...

There is more to this than meets the eyes. He hasn't told you everything. It seems very fishy and very out of the blue...there's something else going on.

Pele o. I know we don't have to tell you this, but it will be alright. You've been through so much in your life already and you've always come out on top. Hang in there.

I hope your mom's is doing much better now. I can't believe he didn't call you at least after that happened.

Jerk!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

babes i hope mummy overwhelmed is okay now!!!!

i dont really know what to say about u and kimor o!!! im confused. just take it easy sha.

LondonBuki said...

I don't want to amalyse anything...

Just know I am sending you hugs... and your Mummy too.

Simply Gorgeous said...

OK - so it wasn't a dream...I don't know what is going on with him, but I think the least he could have done was to call u on the day your mom was sick, that is not a big thing, c'mon he knew you were suffering. But that is the point, maybe he wants you to suffer the way he is.

Or maybe he has moved on and is looking to pick fights, guys could be childish like that. ONB- how is your Mom now? I know your whole life must feel like it is in shambles right now, but it will be ok.

Nyemoni said...

Hope your mum's better now... I will wait until you conclude to say anything about your relationship. I'm just hoping it'll be an early APRIL FOOL! Boy, would I be relieved......

Idemili said...

Fuck. Maybe he thought you were trying to get him to talk to you by lying about your mum? I know, I know. He probably know what your mum means to you but some guys can be pretty stupid. Thinking about themselves all the time.

Anyway, continue the gist before I talk.

BOBBY said...

Well Overwhelmed...its during trying times, that you really know who loves you and who doesnt.

I am not saying that he doesnt love you...but because of 2 days of not talking? (gimme a break)

You did nothing wrong, you know in your heart that you did nothing wrong...

Let him go! There will be many more men.

Be strong okay?

Sisterly hug**

exschoolnerd said...

I sure hope mumcy's feeling alot better.

About the boyfriend...whats there to do than to try and move on..as hard as it may be..its the only thing to do...

Kpakpando said...

ok well he's a fuckface, be glad its over. It might seem harsh now, but one day after you've met the 18millionth Kimor who wants you to devote your entire life to him just to prove something to him, you'll realize that this is what you must do each and everytime. Move the hell on, and concentrate on you he's stolen enough of your time.

The dude is selfish, plain and simple. Nonsense and ingredients, I should throw Bata slippers at his head, anuofia. Your momsie is in the hospital and he can't let go of his "beef" to even text you and say it will be alright, in fact ala gba buo ya!

Noni Moss said...

Sending you a big hug. Pele my dear

Nigeriandoll in a Man's World said...

Hang in there girl.

I'm sure you guys will work things out soon. I'm sure if he loves you as he says he does, he'll come around.

I hope your mum gets better soon. I leave you both with the comfort of the lord!

xxx

Patrice said...

This is the third time that his insecurities over you have gotten the better of him. On two of those occasions, this one included, he has gone AWOL. On any other day, you might be tolerant of such behaviour, as immature as it may seem. But when your mom has fallen ill, and he is not there for you when your immediate needs must surely take precedence over his, he begins to look like . . . forget it, I will stop there.

I hope your mom is well. Stay strong for her. Kimor will sort himself out, one way or the other.

Mari said...

OWNB, shit happens abi. Its sad it went down like that but dont linger too much on it. Like Nigerican says suck it up and have a blast this weekend. She should know!

My take is, he's taking the chicken way out of the situation. He couldn't even call after u left tht msg about ure mom and the emergency room. Tres sad!

Hope your mom's doing better now.

omohemi Benson said...

Hmm...
I will wait till you end the story.

Jem said...

What an irony? I went through something like this recently. Some guys are so finicky about everything and make an issue out of everything and nothing..... infact, nothing that you do is enough to show them how you much you love them. They are extremely selfish and you know what? Infact, you are better off without him .....

chainreader said...

This is so not funny. I don't know what to say. Be strong, babe. This too shall pass.

Hope your mum is much better.

chika said...

hey yah!you must be going thru so much.not to worry babes these things happen,just keep your head up.

Anonymous said...

thats a real jerk move... selfish indeed...he must want something specific from you... his little insecurity seem to b his only problem too bad... i would have rooted for this guy all the way until now... and the other hand it could have been bad timing on his part...i don't fucking know any more... boy he messed up a good thing...

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

THANK GODDD!!! now dat mista Romik (i could never get his name right anyway), is out the scene, how bout me and u ;)... ok, here goes me toast:

u're like lillies that serenades the wind's scent
thou arst like the morning dew on the grass as i take a jog around the sahara dessert
thou arst beauriful and lovely beyonger any imagination that can be ever compareth
thou arst like the colour red- never failing to brighten up any outfit
(to be continued)

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

... (continuation of my proposal of my love for you)
thou arst like a great marinade made by that italian chef that says "Bam!" on channel 57
thou arst like cappucino peanut butter cheese cake- even better than the one we ate on my neice's birthday!
thou arst my love
i loff u
i wanro do u
and now dat mista Romik is out of the way,
can u please be mine???


if you get with me, i shall give u all of my life and be fully devoted to you. forget my other e-boos! u are my number WAN!
lets go on a convoy, just me and you. and i shall make u forget there ever was a person named Romik!

Overwhelmednigerianbabyyyyy! will you be mine?

yes or no?

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

like all else that was, this too shall pass. it seems like such a bigger issue now than it will later. but take your time. and whatever decision you make, is fine. Because even if you do make the wrong one, it aint in vain. you'll learn from it, and grow from it. take care hun

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

BITC U ACCEPTED IT!
i hate u
delete dat shit before i come down there and beat ur overgrown pink ass into a purple mush!

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

I HATE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! i cant believe u're doing this to me! undo dat shit, right now! or i'll be down there bangin at ur door u binshhh

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

i now u're there! dont fucckin ignore me!

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

witch i deleted the darn ting maself! nanananana! (god! this is how bored i am? wow!)

Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

Babe be easy... i feel ur pain but it would be well u'll see..thots

Anonymous said...

I pray that your mum completes her recovery speedily.

I will not comment on you and boyfriend till you finish the story.
In btw, I have seen that some people are already calling him names without waiting for the complete story. I'm not saying it's not possible he didn't mess up but who knows what happened? Let us all wait to hear the complete story before passing judgement on bf.

OWNB, I know you will get through this. Whether bf was wrong or right, you've come through a lot of things in life that you will surely come through this even though it may be tough at first.

In Her Mind said...

LET ME TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO, i'm not going to say move on or nothing cos you like this guy, but you are going to overwhelm yourself with school, work, fun, happiness, let him go and see how life is without you and he'll come crawling back. trust me, just trust me. you need to go get a make over, hair cut, nails done, new shoes, new belt, new pant, new everything, rejuvenate, and after that if u feel u love him dearly then u will have to examine exactly why things are at this point, it's not a break up.it's just a block in the road. u'll get out of it. i promise and kimor will be right behind you. and the whole supporting thing, i've learnt that when we need people the most they are never there for us and kimor has probably experienced that with you as well. so it's okay honey, that's why you've got us, that's why we have friends.when guys get like this i think they need to take a step back and examine shit, 2 days of not talking, do u guys live together? shudnt he be busy doing other things? somethings wrong and until he's ready to say what's really on his mind u have to keep on living my dear.

Justme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Uzo said...

Hmm....Relationships are hard and complex and u guys might end up back together

tink said...

Don't know what to say to you about this. Glad your mum is ok. She's going on my prayer roll. The boyfriend, hmmm...