Thursday, February 22, 2007

Unsure

She never said anything about what happened yesterday, but knowing my mom, that’s neither here nor there. My mom is not the sort of person who says everything she sees/ hears the moment she sees/ hears it. She could have dirt on someone and never reveal it until she feels it’s called for.

It often lulls one into a false sense of complacency… a really bad place to be.

You figure she didn’t hear, didn’t see… didn’t know. Sometimes you’re right and she really didn’t… but other times… she actually did… then you’re really FUCKED!


I remember when I was 16, in grade 10 in high school. We had a health assembly and received numerous health flyers, condoms and suchlike. I took mine home. I’m a pretty careless person so a day or so after I couldn’t find them anymore and just figured I’d trashed them somewhere… or something.

Cut to a few months later:
I think I’d gone out one night and come back later than my 10pm curfew. My mom told me to go back where I was coming from. I was a bit more stubborn and argumentative back then so I started getting wordy with her… trying to get her to let me in.

Then my mom told me to go back to those guys that I sleep with who give me tons of condoms for us to use together. She couldn’t believe I was so ‘lost and disrespectful’ for storing my condoms all over her house and possibly bringing the guys to use them there. She advised me to make sure I at least don’t get pregnant or contract HIV.

FACT: At the time I was a virgin… those condoms had been given to me at least 3 months before the incident… I never knew she had them and she’d never said one word about the condoms the entire time.

It’s been a couple of years since then and I guess she probably knows that I have sex… but like everybody already said… she’s in denial.

I mean even if she could accept that fact… the Jamaican part of things will probably cause her sleepless nights and endless days praying in church for God to deliver me from the grips of ‘Jaamaiikan’ people… lol.

I really can’t make any judgement based on her reaction cos she hasn’t shown any.

But in the meantime, I think I’ve learnt my lesson… any other ‘keep that pussy tight’ conversations I’m going to be having with the boyfriend… will be ON MY CELLPHONE!

24 comments:

Naijadude said...

Like the hell happened to him calling your cellphone to tell you that, why would he have to be talking about that on your house phone?

Ehn u were calling me with private number and I got an important call I was like "u and ur blocked number, the lady was like sorry is Mr Naijdude there...I couldnt laugh...

Nilla said...

Can't believe I'm first!!!

Yay!!

Going to read..

Naijadude said...

I am FIRST!!!!!!!!!!

Palm wine and a big cock for me

Nilla said...

Geeeeez... Naijadude beat me to it :-(

Naijadude said...

Lol Nilla,.,.,...I beat you to it by atleast 45 seconds!!!


In that case OWNB, get my palm wine and big cock ready oooh!!

oops and that is CHICKEN eh! cock and hen!!!

Naijadude said...

ehn now, power of fast typing skills NILLA.,.....cant blame that dude that knows how to type well eh!!! :)

Naijadude said...

I want to turn to the VERA!!!

Nilla said...

@ Naijadude
Your crazy...lol we had the same time twice!
I'm only letting you take the first prize cos you actually read before posting...lol

@ ONB
Your Mum is the opposite of my Mum...she says as she sees, and sometimes adds jara...lol.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Naijadude: lol… my dear I had run out of daytime minutes and just had to talk to him before he left… otherwise… you suppose know say me I smart pass that one sha. Lmao… that’s jokes… the person who called you was probably like WTF! One cock…coming right up… lmao.. u prefer it baked or fried? No please don’t go “VERA” on me… lol… I couldn’t handle it!

@Nilla: babygirl Naijadude beat you to it by just 2 minutes.. but it’s alright… there’s always tomorrow! My dear my mom adds jara of course… just sometimes not at the moment… trust me… Every Naija mom is almost the same… they just show themselves in different forms.

Patrice said...

Even if your mom heard none of what you thought she had, you will impress her if you go and talk to her about your boyfriend. You will feel much relieved, and so too will your mom . . . eventually.

Vera Ezimora said...

HEHEHEHEHE. Did NaijaDude say he wants palmwine and a big COCK?

Hahahahahahahaha. Am I just seeing things? Nope. I'm not.

...I'm talkin bout the third comment. LOL. Very funny.

Vera Ezimora said...

Your mom is like me, lol. I could have mad dirt on some1 and not say anything for weeks...maybe months. I'll just let the person continue feeling (thinking) he/she is fooling me. And then, I'll have the last laff.

Oh, am I supposed 2 be making u feel betta?

Poor Nilla. She thought she was first lol. NaijaDude musta been just a couple of secs b4 her. Hehehe.

Naijadude said...

LOL...Vera, I know u of all ppl go notice...na COCK as in CHICKEN I mean ooh...abegi!
Dem no teach u say chicken na pikin, cock na adult FOWL ni?...LOL

Vera Ezimora said...

NaijaDude, that one na ur own o! I saw COCK and I chose to interprete it my own way.... hehehehe.

Naijadude said...

LOL @ VERA na you now! How I go dey surprised say you no go get ur own interpretation for it? u are a nut-case!

The Mistress said...

Wow, Mom is like a private investigator ain't she!

Damn.

Simply Gorgeous said...

Wow, this is such a scary position to be in. Overwhelmed, i would be shitting bricks. I told you the Jamaican thing is going to provoke her the most. She is probably doing some more praying in her church, asking what she did wrong. But I don't think this one she will hold it in for very long. If that helps.

babe said...

OH MY WORD!!!!I just read your previous post about the boyfriend phone call...how do you sleep at night LOL!!!.....i would be having bad dreams of my mum chasing me!!!

Naija Sapphire said...

ONB, you're lucky. My mum does both. Talk as she sees and then brings it up weeks, months or even years down the line. As babe said, how do you sleep?
I'd be scared that she will wake me up in the middle of the night just to scream at me.

@ Naijadude, i was scared for a min. I thought it was cock as in cock. Next time use hen instead, lol.

laspapi said...

check your g-mail, Storm.

naija dude and nilla have actually "vera-fied" this post too without knowing so.

Noni Moss said...

I hate it when parents jump to the wrong conclusion though. I remeber at about 15, I wasn't getting regular periods and my mum was like are you SURE you're not pregnant? - made a big song and dance about it. (I hadn't even kissed a guy then - late bloomer)

Loll - you should have said the condoms were from a sex-education class. Or say that at least you're using protection!

:-D (dont blame if you get a dirty slap though)

Anonymous said...

"unsure" is very boring. i was expecting to read about your conversation with your mum.you are smart.i can tell you change your story at the last minute.you are a drama queen.try harder next time.

Kpakpando said...

ONB, like I said before, if your momsie wants to pretend, then do the right thing, pretend with her. That dance never gets old.

Discombobulated Diva said...

dang... i'm pretty sure she heard it and lets hope she doesn't bring it up... i learned a loooooong time ago never to give anyone, especially guys, my house number.... I have a very nosey popsy... if you can't reach me on my cell phone then just leave a message... there is no passing out of the house number...
~DD