Friday, February 23, 2007

Short Man Devil

Last Saturday was such a fun day. My girl Ayo aka Chocolate (the same one who took me to get me ‘manicure disvirgined’) was over at my house. We were already having a blast when my girl MadSoulSista aka Hot Nurse dropped on her way from work. She wanted to complete her school assignment .. which of course never happened.

Anyways, later on we decided to go to the ‘Red and White Ghana Affair’. Hot Nurse looked smashing in her mini red dress and delicious silver sandals. Chocolate was looking mighty sexy in her white belted shirt dress, skinny jeans and red pumps. Being the rebel that I am, I wore a black Chinese wrap-shirt with skinny jeans and red round-toe stilettos (Honest truth… I couldn’t find a white shirt… lol).

We got into Hot Nurse’s car at 1:45pm…. And the damn thing wouldn’t start!!!

But because I am cute and God really likes me (Chocolate and Hot Nurse might beg to differ… lol), the car STARTED!!!

We got to the party 20 minutes later and… THEY WOULDN’T LET US IN!!!

(Apparently you can’t get into a party after 2am… and none of our ‘inside contacts’ were picking up their cellphones).

We were bummed to say the least… but then we looked around and boy were there some ‘interesting’ characters around. We saw a fat ‘gangsta’ Ghanaian boy ‘scoping’ girls with his binoculars… as in real life BINOCULARS!!! Another fat Nigerian guy was trying to convince us to ‘go on convoy’ with him and his boys… lol… who talks like that in this day and age?! Homeboy would just not get a hint… as in we’re not interested… move it!

Then came SHORT-MAN-DEVIL, the actual reason I wrote this post.

This dude is probably the shortest guy I ever met in my life at 4 ft 9 or 10 inches. He stopped by to say hi cos he knew Hot Nurse. We got introduced and talked to him for a little while. I mean he is a pretty pleasant dude but then again… does he really have an option?

Hot Nurse told us that everytime he talks to her on the phone, he keeps going on about how nice he is, so it’s quite obvious that the niceness is his way to ‘get in’.

You could imagine my surprise when Hot Nurse called me last night to tell me that Short Man Devil likes me and wants my number.

Chocolate/Ayo is 5 ft 3 inches tall… he didn’t like her

Hot Nurse/ Mad Soul Sista is 5 ft 4 inches tall… he didn’t like her

Oh no… he wants 5 ft 11 inches tall Overwhelmed Naija Babe

(Feel free to insert all the height jokes you could possibly make about a 5ft 11 girl and 4 ft 10 guy).

I mean even if I was single(which I'm not)… how could I?

While I can think of no obvious disadvantages of such an arrangement for him, in my case… I’m almost blown away thinking what my life would become:

1. I would have to carry him to kiss him

2. I will be the butt of jokes from then till any of my friends noisily farts in public in a Marciano dress

3. I’d constantly have to ward off questions about ‘my son’

4. My mom might send me back to Nigeria for spiritual cleansing because her enemies ‘have finally gotten her’

5. I would no longer be able to wear stilettos because the 13 inch height difference is intimidating enough

6. My 'market value' will go down…. Waaaay down

7. I’d have to deal with his probably horrid temper…I mean chances are if I ever made a ‘midget joke’… he’d thump me

(among other reasons)

Hot Nurse Aka Madsoulsista my dear friend… I’m gonna get you back for being the messenger of such nonsense… BEESH!!! lol

45 comments:

ceecy29 said...

LOL!!! You're an open-minded babe now, give him a chance. LOL!!!

I kid oh!

PS: I may or may not be FIRST! :)

londonnaijachic said...

don't mind ceecy oh,chance ko chance ni.he obviously thinks highly of himself which is another turn off.leave it to others to tell u how awesome you are mr 4ft 10.

and am secon to post.THank God vera is not here.

Ineka said...

The Third!!
Ooooh...I'm getting closer to my goal.
Ok, BRB...

Ineka said...

Ok I'm back.
First of all, LMAO @ the fool scoping chicks with Binoculars. Heelarious shit.

As per short man devil, how about when y'all are trying to kpansh up against the wall? Instead of him to carry you, na you go dey carry am.

P.S:- I want a pair of red round toe shoes.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@ceecy29: lol… open minded ke?! Babe I used to think you liked me oh… but now you’re proving something else oh… I was going to give you a trip to Paris for being first… but now I’m even going to take your favourite pair of sunglasses self to help console myself from the mental anguish I got reading your comment where you encouraged me to go for short man devil… lol.

@londonnaijachic: lol… thanks you’re the correct babe… don’t mind ceecy oh… my dear it is a real turn off when people keep praising themselves like you said… 4 ft 10 or not… but that’s not the only problem sha… lol… me I won’t say anything negative about Vera oh before she comes and floods me with her alphabet/numeric system or whatever long grammer fills her medulla next!

@Ineka: lmao… me and my girls almost had heart attacks we were laughing so hard watching this guy with his binoculars… I swear I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. Lol… notice I only mentioned kissing in my post… cos the idea of ‘kpanshing’ the dude makes me break out in goosebumps… would he need stilettos? A ladder? You know what… Ineka you’re a bad influence giving me strange mental pictures which are causing me emotional distress and spiritual agony… u berra be careful oh… b4 I sue you oh! But because you’re a fashionable babe and love my shoes, I will forgive you.

bibi said...

4th!!!!!! yay...

lol lol... wat makes him think he would ave a chance..guys sha

chai onb u are tall o

In my head and around me said...

Hey, girl!

Short people need love too!

But my mum has drilled it into me that I should never be the one to provide that love. Your own is spiritual cleansing? My own will be using good old whips to whip that bad idea outta my mind.

omohemi Benson said...

As you tall reach,you still the add high inches join.
Respect!

Who go con love the short people?

Ain no mountain high enough,
Ain no valley low enuff,to keep shortie away from you. lol.

ebenezer said...

Have you heard that short guy are "big" under.
Try him out and confirm.

UnNaked Soul said...

LMAO @ "I will be the butt of jokes from then till any of my friends noisily farts in public in a Marciano dress..."

ONB no let me catch you oh, if I do... ehn-hen... I no go yan too much. You no know say na laff kill all the Men wey dey Mars?

But don't write him off now, wetin he lost for height, e fit get am somewhere else oh *wink* ROTFLMAO

bhookey84 said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO haba, u just neva know o

Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista said...

I am only a messenger of loff ooooo! he said he wants ya nomba, so i had to ask u na... dont shoot de messenger abeg! lol but u know what? seriously, do u want him to get with another short female? how would his kids look if he did?
lmao u forgot about the guy that said "why is your name?" lmfao! dat nigga was da joke of da niteee! and fat man#1 with the binoculars and the guy that was wearin red-and-white lookin like steve urkel the second- we were laughin at him and for some reason, he thought we were checkin him out and actually came up to the car! lmfao dose pplz are jokes! anyway, i still have the short guy's # so hit me up for it... dont forget, he is "a nice guy". and u never kno, he just might be ur soul mate na... think about it... (pls tek de nomba na, if u no tek am, dis guy no go stop dey halla me... i tek God beg u... all u gorra do is jes call him a few times... u neva kno, might be tru loff)

mack said...

taaah lol...

um, market vlue(!)?-- you kidding right?

One of the bright sides is that he might have a relatively large dong, in which case you would have to agree to: i. lift him to make out, ii. take temper tantrums for your midget jokes, in order to find out... and I dont think you're adventurous enough to tackle i and/or ii...

But then if you hate basket-ball, (like he most likely does) y'all can get back at the world by having the shortest things that walked the planet.

cheers!! it's not always that bad.

Simply Gorgeous said...

It was a very funny post ONB- you had me in stitches!! I HAD TO GET THE MENTAL IMAGE JUST RIGHT. Just tell your friend to tell him you have a man and are not looking. End of story.

bimbylads said...

good things come in short packages u hear!! LMAOOO @ ur post and mad soul sistas comment

Kpakpando said...

Short men like tall women, it's the way of the world... and you're right short men do have no choice but to be extra nice, but they usually have one thing going for them, they're known to have their height somewhere else *insert knowing grin here*

Nyemoni said...

Girl, you never know with these things o! Give the guy a break, he just might be 'the one'... remember charlotte from sex and the city? Harry wasnt so bad, was he? LMAO :-)

Discombobulated Diva said...

LOL... if u were single i'd say have an open mind, but since ur taken, no need to worry... i once had a friends, she's 6'1 and always wore heels so she looked 6'3/6'4, who dated this guy that was only 5'6... they didn't last and yes they looked odd together, but they did have a good time while they were dating... short guys just have a thing for the tall babes... u can't blame them...

~DD

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Bibi: yay@coming 4th but come oh babe when are you going to come first self and collect the main prize?! My dear the whole thing flabbergast me no be small… as in… homeboy is 4ft 10 for crying out loud!!!

@In my head and around me: lmao… your mama is exactly like mine oh… she will go on her ‘drama tip’ asking God what she has done wrong to deserve the tragedy… lol

@Omohemi Benson: lol… I know oh… i don’t know… I don’t really wear the heels for height(its obvious I got that) but I just love the look… nothing shorter than 3 inches is my rule of thumb. Lol… that your song self get as e be oh… but I like am!!! Lol

@Ebenezer: lol…. Me I should try out… when I have you? You can help me do the ‘research’… all I want to see is your ‘lab report’ if you get my drift! I don’t even know if you need to do the research self cos you seem to already know ‘wassup’ with the whole thing.. lol.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@unnaked Soul: lol… my dear the whole thing get as e be jare… no be me and una follow for that David and Goliath stuff man… it might work if the dude was much taller than the girl… but the reverse just no dey happen... I’m a taken woman jare… short Man Devil should go and find someone else to romance.. preferably Madsoulsista!!!

@Bhookey84: lol… you self dey give me this kind advice babe?!?! And I thought you liked me!!!

@Diary Of a Mad SoulfulSista: YOU ARE A BIG FOOL… Did you hear me?!?! Olori Beske… MOSQUITO BITE OSHI!!! Last week somebody asked me to compile a list of my true friends and I kuku added your name inside… but after this travesty… I’m going to find tipex… and tipex you out!!! So even if somebody sends you that kind of message…how can you look me in the eyes and tell me self… and even having the audacity to laugh… so its funny to you ehn?!?!.. UR A BEESH… A VERY BAD BEESH!!! So its now up to me to make his ‘generations right’… una two no well together… babygirl… i’m going to do you so bad… the dude Im going to give you will only speak consonants… watch and see!!! It’s a promise oh… and babe I dey try call your phone from last night but e no dey work… you don loss am again?! You’re coming out with me and Chocolate tonight oh so you berra call me kia kia!!! lmao@why is your name… I can’t believe I forgot that dude… or the red and white no speaky English dude… I mean the whole time he was there… he hardly said a word… lmao… that night was jokes… annoying initially but jokes… remember the dumb bitch that said she ‘was classy and didn’t cuss’… what an amoeba!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Mack: lol… I’m not even gonna comment on your comment because I thought that even if everybody else would support Short Man Devil… you wouldn’t… if not nothing else… at least for our friendly understanding but you self have disappointed… o ga oh!

@Simply Gorgeous: lmao@mental image just right… you’re terrible!!! Isn’t it just a strange mental picture… ewwwww… lol…she knows I have a man but she’s just being a beesh don’t mind her! I will definitely do her back!

@Bimbylads: lmao@good things come in short packages… no be me and you follow for that one… that kind short package go too short for me oh except you want make I hook you up oh… the guy is nice, single and as short a package as you’d want… lol

@Kpakpando:Abeg short men should not like me jare… the thing get as e be… I mean 1 inch, 2 inch we go try understand…. We’re talking 13 inches babe… that one no be go come oh… I mean add some 3 inch heels and I’m 16 flipping inches taller than this dude… we fit make guiness world record book self!!! Lmao… I know say if nobody else get that info about short man ‘packing’… you kpakpando you must to get am! BAAAAD GIRLLLLLL… lol.

@Nyemoni: God forbid bad thing for this your Harry and Short Man Devil connection… a break ke? No be me oh… it doesn’t run in my family… we don’t date men we’re 13 inches taller than… you want my family to disown me?

@Discombobulated Diva: lol… they must’ve looked funny together… I mean I see 2,3 inch height difference(the girl being taller of course) and it cracks me up… anything more… I think I’d die laughing.

Freaky Deaky said...

Maybe he can make up for the 13 inches in other areas.

Have a nice weekend.

Patrice said...

A man's altitude is equal to his height plus his depth, h + d. Large d attenuates female disatisfaction with small h. Don't bother looking this up. It is an unpublished observation.

Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista said...

lmao i was just thinkin about going to work but if u dey tell me say partty dey for today and i have not been crossed off ur "party-friends" list den shuooooo! i go call in sick... *cough**cough* i think i just got a malaria!lmao
anyway, freal tho, where we goin tonite? tell me early so i can call work...
btw- do u have any short friends? this guy is a nice guy, i truly wanro hook him up... but knowin him, he wont even want a short girl... lollllllllllll
newsflash*** my phone is now back in effect... so is my msn, so hit me up on either one... ttyl baeeebayyy! (for the record, the guy is nice, so we seriously should hook him up)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Freaky Deaky: lol… thanks but no thanks… I will have a fantastic weekend… have one too.

@Patrice: you will go and come back and explain your big big grammer… it’s me you want to use and practice your ‘thesaurus simultaneous equation’… you never jam!!!

@Diary Of a Mad Soulful Sista: I’m at my mama’s workplace so I’ll call you after 6… I logged on msn for a second and holla’d u and of course you never responded… but I sha don’t blame you… when you have by the second high speed connection… how can you get my important messages on time?!?! Yes oh we’re going out(to the place me and you and our ‘attention loving’ friend went to last time that we were dancing small small techno… but we’re going to a different part of that place. Call me after 6 so I’ll give you more gist but me I want to boogie down jare… it’s my friend(the bodyguard/security’s)party and he specially requested I come with all my sexy friends… and since they were all unavailable I had to holla at you and Ayo… lol… just kidding… you know I love you beeshes like cooked food ‘Hot Nurse’ and ‘Chocolate’. You berra call those work ppl and tell them you have contracted ‘flu and craw-craw’… lol. Short friends? Me I don’t have oh… except Short Man Devil is willing to pay me commission then I can look through my phonebook specially for him… how does that sound? I have no clue what I’m gonna wear either… cos I only brought one ‘party outfit’ to my mom’s house… and remember ‘attention friends’ birthday is on Sunday… we’re reaching right?

mochafella said...

My mom might send me back to Nigeria for spiritual cleansing because her enemies ‘have finally gotten her’

err, she's already going to do that to cleanse you of the ‘Jaamaiikan’ people.

Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista said...

lmao ok, theres a lil pro'lem... de prolem na say i no fit call now... guilty kongi dey worry me.. besides, na ur fault na, i been dey call u since but u no ansa na.. so, how bout tomorro? i hear say dis wan hot parry dey shele tomorrow, we fit reach dat wan.
i have a friend thats 4'8.5 tall... but she she dey too damn racist. she no like black men... too bad.
oh about sunday, i dey work o! but we fit do sometin during the week sha

Naijadude said...

Are you sure we never had this conversation before? I think we did sometimes last week...
Anyways, yours na spiritual cleansing abi? my mum will do that together with physical chase! LOL short kini for where? ah nooooooooo

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Oh my! Great entry. Yes, oh, you cannot allow your market value to go down.

Why didn't your girl just tell him you had a man? That was dead wrong. LOL!

babe said...

i agree with you.....how man go jump for that kinda levels....men....anyway love is not hindered by height LOL.....binoculars...iyama...what kind of nonsense is that....CONVOY....that almost killed me.....i am suprised y'all still wanted to go insideafter seeing bino-boy

exschoolnerd said...

buahahaha..i actually had an incident like dis...i bl;ogged about it..u shud read it..twas a blind date from hell faya..the dude was like 4ft something..and m 6ft oh...so u can imagine...how hilarious i would have looked with him..like his grandmother or sumthng..

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

aint gonna work, everytime u guys have an argument u would really just feel like thumping his head.

long time babes. im in ghana!!!!! showing off all the 36inches. back in a few days though.

Calabar Gal said...

LOL at ur market value going down, way down. Take a leaf out of Bianca and Ojukwu's book now? They're still going on strong and her market value hasnt decreased in any way whatsoever. Neither has it prevented her from rocking her heels at all.

Oh well, too bad u arent single. LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

short guys need love too

Jaycee said...

LOLLLL, yeh...when did I last hear the phrase, "SHORT-MAN DEVIL" Kai, ONB...LOLLLLLL...couldn't help laughing.

PLUS u wanted to dash the guy to ur short friend too?

laspapi said...

Short Man Devil?

You know where that phrase came from, Storm?
A comic sold in Nigeria eons ago. They were 2 comics from South Africa actually, "Pop" and "Power Man" and could compete with the likes of "Buster", "Whoopee" and Co.
Short Man Devil was the name of a character in the "African Army", an army that often fought the invading "Hornu", some tribe that had horns on their foreheads like Unicorns.

But I'm the king of trivia, sha.

Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista said...

@ solomonsydelle,
i would've told him she has a man IF i had seen the whole thing coming... i was shocked when he asked about her and expressed interest in her because i thought "this man cant be serious"... so shocked that i stammered a few times. i finally answered "i dont know" ( because seriously i couldnt think str8 i was so shocked).
ONB: pls forgif me oooo! na trauma mek me tok say i no kno if u get man. i was going thru a new syndrome called "instantaneous-shocking-news-reaction" otherwise known as "ISNR". sowwy

The Mistress said...

I'm with you on this girl. I can't date a shortypants either. I like my men to have at least 3 inches on me height-wise~!!!!!!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

ONB - u will never cease to amaze me. Nne you wont kill me - inu la..LOLOL.

frenchsilk said...

Overwhelmed i just read your WHOLE blog and men fuck all this Nigerians and their judgemental attitudes....and as to this Post...LOL....men i dont fuck with midgets men....how e dick go reach????

Mrs Somebody said...

ONB what are you saying???Have you seen Oluchi and Luca luca??ehn???

Mrs Somebody said...

Ok if you haven't seen them,just go to bellanaija's blog.Lovely unequalled heighted couple.It's the love that matters innit???

Icy said...

buhahahaha lol ya off the market anyway so he should gan seedon.. Short Man complex is one of the worse things to deal with in a relationship..

Kafo said...

it's a moot discussion
u r already taken

Anonymous said...

hmm....
na wah ooo
everybody running their mouth....like they don't have a short DAD,MUM, BROTHERS,SISTERS,BROTHERS,UNCLES,AND AUNTS.....
when y'all can't find a BROTHER to marry u'll come back to ur senses......
OSHI....SHIOO....