Monday, February 19, 2007

Love Letter To My Sweet Angel Vera Ezimora

Good evening my sweet ‘verastic’ pineapple, the only vaseline intensive lotion on my skin, the only cubic zirconia in my ears.


I want to first and foremostly… ask about your health. I hope your lungs are fine, as well as your kidney and other assorted internal organs. I also want to ask about the current weather which might be causing you to have cough and ‘katarrrr’. I also want to apologize for ‘telling everybody’ that you seduced my ex blog boyfriend NaijaBloke(even though you really did). However, let bygones be bygones, and please search deep into the recesses of your heart and pull out an envelope of forgiveness!


I love you more than cranberry juice (and knowing me that’s saying a lot!!!). I will go to the moon and ask questions if you wanted me to. I will pluck my eyebrows myself just to show you. I will even go and supply pure water to the troops... all you have to do is say "OYA GO".

Remember, I will always be loyal to you and never report you again to mommy again anytime you invite boys to the house(but the boys still have to pay me small 'consultancy fee' sha). I promise to also believe you when you tell me that Okonkwo Jackson was scratching your back that time I caught you people laughing paulina paulina.


Having said that, I want to please beg you not to ‘release the information’ because this will be detrimental to my health… you already know I have only 99.99% vision in my left eye... and bad ‘nerves’… and ‘the vapours’... etcetera etcetera.


You were when I wore my first ‘online’ bra, when I grew my first ‘online’ pubic hair, when I got my first ‘online’ nipple rearrangement and the first time I executed my first effective ‘online’ bedroom gymnastic... so don't forget... we have 'history'


If you can do this for me, your cup will ‘runneth over’, and you will always be going ‘forward and not backward’, the mammywater people will never visit your dreams, and you will never have zero account balance. You will be wearing designer shoes for the rest of your life and your future husband will not pay your dowry in Cowries. AMEN!!!

You will be approached by white people on horses giving you frankincense, Indian people giving you myrhh... Chinese people giving you the other one(the third gift... I can't remember it again). Like Beyonce, You will get a food gift card for life- but in your own case... it will be SUYA... not yeye KFC... AMEN!

I'm hereby dedicating a song to you... my special duet with Naijadude titled "Vera sweet bumbum... the only Naija babe with Russian accent, Nigerian and American accent"

Note: I have forgiven you for taking NaijaBloke from me… I mean when I hired you as my secretary to ‘assist with website developments’, I never knew you’d take on my then blog-boyfriend NaijaBloke and also try to 'develop' him… but I have inhaled the vapour of forgiveness… so no hard feelings. And come to think of it, he used to make me pound fufu for him every morning and I was beginning to develop calluses on my hands self… plus he wanted me to always wear ‘ankara thongs’ for sexy night… and I was loosing patience with the whole thing jare!!!


Your Blog ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend

Overwhelmed Naija Babe

Ps. I haven’t forgotten about the 'Tony Hilfinger' Purse I promised you for your birthday… In fact I'm feeling very generous and will now add a 'Dolcy and Gambino' short skirt to match it.

26 comments:

Naijadude said...

Hahah I am first on the hanging on Vera.....OWNB u are mad crazy see me laughing at 1 am.

Hey babes, call me I changed phones, infact you sat on my phone so the thing died, I lost all numbers, cant call u cos I dont have ur number!

Guy Horny said...

HMMMM! all this to make sure we dont see that overwhelmend movie? Well I will get to see it in the bedroom. Ist that so vera? LOL.

Nyemoni said...

ONB, you are crazy oh!!! Lmao @'Tony Hilfinger'

londonnaijachic said...

lol! u are one funny chic.The only cubic zirconia in my ears ke? lol!What happened to mummy sunday?

TaureanMinx said...

REALEASE IT JOOO!

TaureanMinx said...

er that was 'release'

temmy tayo said...

You and Vera will not kill person for blog land o. I forgot i was in the office when I laughed out loud.

ermn... no let them sack me before final sac date o.

Yosh said...

lmao! That was full of it! But enuff c0des sha that 'outsiders' cannot dec0de.

Well done o! :)

UnNaked Soul said...

I am so waiting for that movie... Vera don't be seduced by this Nubian goddess oh!

@ONB: Don't fight it, just let it go... *wink* te he he he he

@guy horny: I've got my eyes on you, if you slip na me push you... I'll be watching you...

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!!

I think you need to try harder ONB :-)

JJ said...

Lol!! This is too funny! She developed NB for you enh? I always knew Vera was a talented chic. But what exactly r u scared of ONB?We've seen ur legs n backside, it's only fair we attach a face to the rest of the body parts.

snazzy said...

nice one. though i will have u know that cowry dowries are all the rage right now. and u should not knock it until u try it.

I'm surprised no one screamed about how racist it was to give a black woman free fried chicken for life. NAACP was asleep on that one.

Oh and by the way, you still owe me for the purse, so until u square me I will not release the mini skirt.

Nilla said...

ONB you're just a character!!

That's just hilarious!

Ok Vera we are waiting for your response oh...

Ms zee said...

Vera.. please please release that movie, infact youtube it for the world to see...

OWNB - you fine, sexy bowlegged sister have nothing to fear so what if it is unedited? who wants to come over to myplace for guguru and epa while we watch the video....

Guy H - you aint replying my roff letters ooo

Naija Vixen said...

you pple are not serious...laffing paulina paulina...omg...just hilarious!;-)

Klara said...

Am still RONFL
Funny, Crazy babe..I love this post,,
Lemmi go re-read it

bimbylads said...

LMAO @ this post.. LOL!!

omohemi Benson said...

This wan na serious matter o!

Vera over to you!

Simply Gorgeous said...

So what goods is vera holding on you that you are using blog sweet nothings to text in her ear?

Favoured Girl said...

LOL! Overwhelmed, you this babe, you are too funny!

NaijaBloke said...

U r sure crazy ... LOL

I was just laffing reading this ...

Hope u had a nice weekend dear?

tiwalade said...

LMAO...ure too mad!

Vera Ezimora said...

*Blushing so hard*

All this time I thought the day will neva come. I thought I will neva get a sweet love letter from a girl. Hmmm, so this is what it feels like ehn? And I have been wasting my time waiting 4 men 2 write me luff letters when my very own Overwhelmed has been in my backyard...just waitin 4 me 2 say the word 4 her 2 whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

Overwhelmed, I just updated my blog; I wish I had read this b4 updating, then I woulda replied you on my blog.

Sweetie, you would have 2 wait o b4 I give you my answer. I cannot just answer you here on this blog like this; I have to do it publicly, in a way that every1 will know wetin dey happen.

*Blushing again*

Ah, Overwhelmed, you are making me go toffee toffee o!

I shall retire to my bed with a big smile on my face.

I'm off.

I will update my blog in a few days with my reply. I have 2 go and get ur reply ready 4 u.

*KISSES*

Calabar Gal said...

O Ga Oh!! Love Nwan tin tin!! This olive branch being offered - vera I hope you have accepted uncategorically.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

This is serious - ONB just so that we dont see ur pics - but yiou have style - charisma - u know how to handle vera.

Im looking forward to her answer.

Ms. SpicyTee said...

Lmao... this is very funny...
Makes me laugh so bad..LOL