Thursday, January 04, 2007

Part 3: Angry

I planned a surprise birthday get-together for my best friend Sunshine on December 08, 2006. She was turning 21 and I wanted it to be big fun… basically I wanted to make things right with us.

I put up a post on my blog asking for suggestions to help make it a success and got tons of comments that really helped me out. I didn’t put up a post about the outcome because I felt disloyal talking about her on my blog and I knew I couldn’t lie about the situation. But I’ve decided that I’ll only feel better if I write about it (that’s the only therapy I know). Anyways… back to the surprise party.

I was almost broke… I had $200 in my bank account at the time, so I decided to get her boyfriend and one of our friends to contribute to the cost of the party.

My final budget for the party was $285 ($95 for each person). I was just going to get a little food and a lot of drinks. And a cake of course.

I did all the background work. I called everybody and invited them to the party including her friends that I’d never met. I made all the arrangements. No detail was left to chance(at least so I thought).

The day of the party, my mom was supposed to travel to Nigeria. I couldn’t arrange my friends to cook cos I had to be there when my mom was leaving. I made last minute plans with a friend to order Chinese food. I also decided to get a dj(and have Sunshine’s boyfriend pay his $150 fee instead of the original $95). Me and the other friend’s money was supposed to buy the drinks and the cake. I ended up spending $150 instead cos of unexpected expenses… but I just couldn’t let anything ruin the day. The only sucky part was that after my expenses, I only had about $50 left in my account, no part-time job… and sign of any money infusion anywhere… but anything for my best friend right?

I was so frazzled on the day of the party cos my phone was ringing off the chain… people asking for the address, directions, dress-code and just about everything. Plus my mom was going through stuff at work and had to cancel her trip. So I had to be a therapist for a few hours on that same night!

I had a friend pick me, my sister, Naijadyme and another friend up. I arranged for rides for a couple of other friends. By the time I had arrived at the venue, things were looking good. I was a bit miffed cos the guys had finished all the Smirnoff Ice which I’d specifically bought for the girls. I mean there was tons of beer in the fridge but some guys had two bottles of half- finished Smirnoff.

Sunshine and her boyfriend arrived at the party around 11.45pm. we turned off all the lights and the music and when they got in everybody just jumped out and screamed Surprise…. Happy 21st Birthday Sunshine!!!

It was fantastic too cos she’d never suspected a thing and was totally surprised!!
It was such a sexy night… Naijadude looked edible, Naijadyme looked classic chic and I looked ‘colourful chic’! The Birthday girl Sunshine looked absolutely fantastic…


For a while after that it was fun you know… she cut the cake, the dj spun countless African tunes and we just danced like crazy. She looked like she was having a blast.

Then the Dj started playing Reggae and Hip hop… she danced for a song or two and then sat down. I asked if she was alright and she said yes. She still wasn’t dancing 30 minutes later. At this time the house was completely full… and everyone was just having a blast!!!… Everyone except her

I was all over the place trying to make sure everybody was having a good time cos not all our friends knew each other… and I thought I was succeeding…

Until I walked into the room and found Sunshine and her boyfriend stiting on the bed saying they were about to leave!!!

WTF?!?! I BUSTED MY ASS OF ORGANIZING A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR HER AND SHE WAS GOING TO LEAVE BECAUSE THE DJ WASN’T PLAYING THE MUSIC SHE WANTED?!?!?!

I chose to remain calm and convince them to stay… I’d tell the dj again to change the music. She said her boyfriend was angry and she had to leave

Once again… WTF?!?!?!

I became really upset and I remember I snapped at my sister and a few friends… I mean I wanted this to be perfect for her… and she was going to leave? I mean even if she didn’t like the music… didn’t it count for something that I went through all this trouble putting the entire thing together?

I guess not!

The dj eventually changed the music but she said her 'mood was spoilt'… and true to her word didn’t dance anymore… the party ended about 20 minutes later… around 3am

The Dj wanted his $$. I heard her telling her boyfriend there was no point of paying the dj since he didn’t play the music she wanted. I didn’t say a word… he eventually paid.

I had fun that night but I remember I felt bad by the end cos it seemed like she wasn’t that happy… but she said thank you and we kissed goodnight.

I called her the next day… December 09, 2006 to say wassup.

I apologized for the fact that things didn’t go according to plan and asked her if she had had fun.

She was somewhat silent and then asked me how the entire planning of the party went down. I told her everything… the amount involved, the organization and just everything that went into the party.

Then she asked me:

Sunshine: so my boyfriend did his part right?
Overwhelmed: what do you mean by that?
Susnhine: well he was initially supposed to pay $95 and he ended up having to fork over $150 right?
Overwhelmed: yeah but I don’t get your point
Sunshine: nothing… but I still kind of blame him for the way everything went… I mean he’s my boyfriend and he was supposed to make sure my day was perfect. I know you’re my best friend and everything, but I can’t really blame you if things go wrong… I have to blame him. Same way if things work out great…
Overwhelmed: he did his part… so I still don’t where you’re going with that comment
Sunshine: I still don’t understand how come the party went that way… I mean how many people were involved and look at how stuff turned out. I didn’t get anything to eat or drink. That was bullshit
Overwhelmed: my dear I’m sorry… I guess I felt like I did my part and that others would take care of the rest. I bought the drinks and the food was provided… it’s just I guess they put everything out there at once and people just hoarded the stuff. If I had known I would’ve told them in advance to reserve stuff for you… but because I was so busy planning everything, by the time I got there… all the stuff you’d like was gone. And you weren’t interested in beer or pop or water… so there wasn’t much I could do about it. But I’m sorry though. I mean even I didn’t drink or eat anything
Sunshine: yeah I’m not mad at you but trust me I felt like it was bullshit though. I mean even the cake after I cut it… the went and cut me a piece and it was all icing.. I didn’t even bother eating it
Overwhelmed: girl I’m sorry… I don’t know man… I guess stuff was disorganized a little bit… but it was my first time having a party so I guess I learnt a lesson for next time
Sunshine: yeah… it wasn’t bad though… thanks… but girl be honest here even my boyfriend’s party that I organized last week… wasn’t it better than this? And imagine it was only me that put the whole thing together!
Overwhelmed: ok I don’t know what the hell you mean by that…cos it has nothing to do with it. I guess we’re different cos remember when I had my birthday party 2 years ago… I mean I spent so much on alcohol and I didn’t get to taste anything but I was happy as hell
Sunshine: yeah I guess that’s the difference between you and me… you don’t care as long as your friends are there(cos I even saw you having so much fun last night) but I guess me I want things to be perfect and I expect certain things.
Overwhelmed: girl I did try and I did buy everything… it’s just that it was almost finished by the time I arrived at the party… but I still decided to have fun nonetheless.
Sunshine: yeah it was alright but my boyfriend was mad at you though… he said that even if the other people didn’t do things right… at least you… you’re my best friend… you should’ve made sure things were perfect for me… I mean I didn’t even get a drink or anything… but anyways… Thanks for everything… I appreciate it forreal.
Overwhelmed: yeah… it’s cool…. I’m almost broke right now but when I get some money… I’ll get your gift
Sunshine: oh you don’t need to worry. Anyways girl… are you home right now?
Overwhelmed: yeah
Sunshine: oh k… can I call you later then cos I have to finish up some stuff?
Overwhelmed: iite girl


A couple of days later… her msn screenname read something like “thanks to my baby for making things perfect for me after my birthday”(so its all her baby right?). I felt terribly underappreciated… like all my efforts had gone to waste… but I guess such is life… live and learn!

In the meantime, I did not hear from my best friend from that last phone conversation…
From December 09, 2006 till December 31, 2006.


She left me a voice message wishing me a Merry Christmas(on December 31). That she hoped that I was ok and that in case I didn’t call her back early… I was to have a Happy New Year and take care of myself.


Yup… that’s my best friend Sunshine… I don’t speak to her for 26 days and that’s all I got!

Honestly I don’t know what to do anymore… I’ve tried to talk… but maybe I should nip our relationship in the bud… maybe it’s served its course… maybe we need time apart to figure out our personal priorities… maybe we need to realize what we want from each other in our friendship… maybe we need to figure out if we even have a friendship.

I just can’t keep getting hurt like that… she’s one of the best people I know but she hurts we constantly with her new attitude… but I guess she has more of a hold over me than I realize or acknowledge… I mean I’ve been angry for 26 days!!!

Maybe she’s changed… maybe I have… or perhaps we both have… I don’t recognize this ‘her’ and she probably doesn’t recognize this ‘me’ but I guess times have changed.

Ps: I didn’t return her call… and I’m still angry!!!

81 comments:

Beautifully Human said...

no way ! its not possible!! you mean.. I'm first?!!
I can really empathise with you; reading this post made me angry too! It really hacks me off when people dont appreciate the little things you do for them.Especially someone that's meant to be your 'friend'.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Beautifully Human: yay@you being first… I’m feeling very generous this new year… your prize is the Dreamgirls soundtrack!!! Are you excited or are you excited?!?!? You get to hear Jennifer Hudson sing “And I am telling you”… I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again… “It’s a religious experience!!!”. I swear you don’t even understand how pissed I was at the time but I just chose not to show it… I thought I’d be able to get over it easily but apparently not! Hopefully I figure out something new… but I will say writing about it has helped a lot! Babe update your blog kia kia!!! Lol

folu said...

It's pretty simple, she needs to grow up. I personally think you should nip this relationship in this bud. Life happens, people change, people grow apart. She was in your life for a season and that's about it. I personally can't take someone not being appreciative, no matter how "bad" things went (and from your post, things weren't even bad), she should appreciate the fact that you helped organize a party for her. Life is not perfect, stuff is not always going to be perfect. My goodness, she's very childish. That annoys me in people, seriously. What kind of person does this? When she's not a 5 year old? Please!!!

You have patience. I'm all about no grudges because there's no need for that. Just simply move on. Talk to her once again, tell her what you've been thinking about and that you think you both have grown apart; you're sorry for the part you played, bla bla and just want to remain friends (not best friends, but just friends). Seriously, friendships and relationships are not supposed to take such a negative toll on our lives. Yes they can be work, but what you just explained here is silly stuff and unnecessary.

All the best and happy new year!!!!

Reen said...

whoa....am shocked after all that trouble u went thru for that surprise birthday party. sounds to me like sunshine is ungrateful. if she's acting like this when u throw her a party...wonder what she would have said if u didnt throw her one...na wa o!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@folu: I think you’re right… if she’s causing me more pain than joy… maybe it’s not such a great thing for me right now… it’s a new year. I mean I love her but I think I need time to figure stuff out… I thought it was so ungrateful and like I was completely unappreciated… Maybe I’ll call her back… maybe I won’t… I mean it took her about 23 days to call me back… how much could I possibly mean to her… and why on earth is she calling me on December 31 to wish me merry Christmas… I mean even acquaintances did better! Thanks for your comment.. Happy New year to you too… I hope 2007 brings you everything you’ve hoped for!

@Reen: My dear no be small… that’s why I couldn’t talk about it… I mean everybody around me knows how much I went through just to get things off the ground… I mean I had only 3 days to organize it but I still made sure it was fun… the place was packed and I got a dj for fucks sake! I really don’t know what to do anymore… really I don’t! But thanks for dropping by sha… and when are you starting your own blog self so I can come and make some noise for you?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

Finally the finale!

I concur with what Folu and Reen said.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nilla: lol… yes finally! You do huh? But come oh babe… I can tell you’re trying to confuse me with your big big grammer… concur ke?! Lol…

FO said...

wow!! I can't believe she would do something like that, after all the trouble you went through. You shouldn't be angry anymore, just move on with your life. Maybe it's time that you let this friendship go cause obviously it looks like a one-sided friendship. People come into your life for a reason and maybe her season has come and gone. Take what you've learnt from your relationship with her and move on. Say goodbye to useless friendships.

Anonymous said...

Confuse you ke? you know your a smartie...LOL

You kept us in too much suspense, that now I'm tongue tied and can only concur...don't mind me jare (really tired cos i had a long day @ work).

Later girl and take care of you...let loose of the anger OK?

Anonymous said...

ok sweetie... I think the relationship "go bye bye" like my toodoles would say.. In my opinion, I would call her and let her know how I feel and tell her it was fun knowing her but you just have to move on.. asta la vista!!

You should move on, get rid of all the unhealthy relationships, it's a new year, new life, new paths and new adventures; Maybe just maybe it's time to move on and write a new chapter in your book called "life"

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Fo: My dear say it and say it again… I have no explanations for her reaction… I don’t want to say it’s a one- sided friendship cos she was there for me at moments when I needed her in the past and vice versa… but one thought I do have is I don’t know if she changed or if I just never really noticed. And you’re probably right… maybe the time has passed. CRAP!!!

@Nilla: lmao… no problem… I googled the word “concur”… so now I understand…. You know I always love your lyrics… oh by the way you’re a fantastic poet… you have to teach me oh! Cos I luv writing but I couldn’t do that whole rhyming thing to save my life… actually I never even try… I just write whatever comes out of my head but I was thinking maybe I should get more of a structure in my writing?!?! I’m trying to loose the anger… and writing this has helped… on the real! Heya.. I hope they’re not overworking you oh…

@zee: ‘go bye bye’ eh?!?!… I don’t even know if I’m ready to talk to her or what to talk about… and yes I do believe the relationship is somewhat unhealthy… always feeling guilty… I mean it’s not my fucking fault stuff is the way it is… it’s not like I didn’t try to talk to her and make things right… she just wasn’t willing to ‘go there with me’. Maybe it is time for a new chapter. Thanks babe

chainreader said...

awwwww! this is sooooooo sad.

now i'll say what i think.

1. i think she was a tad ungrateful. no, scrap the tad! i think she was downright ungrateful, and i wish i was there so i could have shouted,"girl fight!". i don't care that it would have had to go down over the phone. a fight is a fight.

2. she talks the talk of a hurt person. she's going through something. what it is, i have no idea. but if this behaviour is new, you can be sure something has happened to her to change her.

3. you need space. you need to breathe, you need time to re-evaluate this friendship, and how much drama you are willing to take if you decide you still want to fight for it. you need to decide if it's worth it.

3. i wish i was first! i want the dreamgirls soundtrack! *sulk, sulk*.

girl, everything is for a season. everything. some seasons are forever, and some are not. that's just the way the world works. if this is not working, girl, it's not working. you can't make the sun rise in the west, no matter how hard you try.

"go on, brush your shoulders off"

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Chainreader: Babe… thanks for your insights… I really appreciate them. I’m taking all this into consideration. I really love her but you’re right I do need space and time to figure stuff out. I just hope I make the best decision for me you know… something that I won’t regret in the next month or two. Lol… you have to be faster cos next time I’m giving away an even better gift!! make sure Vera is not the first because I can’t give her my husband and my gifts too!!! Lol… I look a little silly brushing my shoulders off all by myself in the house though… hehe. Hope your week is going great babe… you always make me smile with your comments!

Anonymous said...

na wa oh!!! can u imagine after all u did for her, she had the audacity to behave that way to u!!my dear all i can tell u is that u should pray and leave it for God. i've been thru something similar situation with an old friend of mine and i've come to terms with the ending of the friendship so u need to do the same.i know this is hard especially since it looks like ur the only one concerned with the current state of ur friendship...all i can tell u is that (at the risk of sounding cliche) people come into your life for a reason,season or a lifetime...just focus on making this year a prosperous one...

Anonymous said...

screw her, some people arent worthy of friends like you. An empty closet is better than old clothes that dont look right on you!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: My dear na really wa! You ended your friendship with that person eh? It is really hard for me.. I mean we’re talking almost 5 years with someone I considered a sister! I guess I have to do what I have to do… and yes 2007 does look like it’s gonna be a fantastic year…

@Naijalove: Right?! I keep trying to tell myself that but it’s hard for me to say yay or nay… I mean would I be wrong in letting go years for one or two incidents… but on the other side… I couldn’t stand if something like this happens again… actually I don’t even feel the same way about her as I used to… I think you’re right… maybe it’s time to retire this ‘friendship’ not that it’s served any use lately anyways… I mean someone I can’t tell the thoughts in my head, that doesn’t appreciate me or my efforts… what’s the bloody use cos I swear I’ll cut something if I hear one more thing about how ‘great’ her baby is! Abeg oh babe update us on the Dr. O situation… I’m waiting impatiently!!!

stacy jones said...

Even if it did not go perfect so what, no body got shot. This chick is very ungrateful. Maybe you should drop her as a friend.

Freaky Deaky said...

It's a new year try to let go of old hurts. Friendships aren't something that should be given an automatic pass. Things change, people change, and relationships change. Maybe she was good for you and to you in the past but she seems kind of self-absorbed, insensitive, unappreciative, and not a very good friend.

If she means that much to you then maybe you shouldn't hold it in. Tell her how you feel and how she hurt you. Give her a chance to make things right and if not then just let her go.

I know it's late but Happy New Years to you.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@stacy jones: Maybe I should! Thanks for stopping by my page… love yours too… hope you update soon!

@Freaky Deaky: It is a new year… I’m really trying to figure the best way for me… but thanks for your insight into the matter! Thanks luv… I can’t wait to read more stuff from you this year… cos your blog rocks!!!

Anonymous said...

if ur young word of advise...
relationships always comes with the most surprised endings...sometimes people can't except simple change or
patterns or new n even old behaviours balancin live is a bitch... but at the end of the day thats why we should look out4each other as long as these is a matual respect n understanding.

Anonymous said...

@ ONB
Madame who's giving you lyrics?...lol
Yay!! she thinks I'm a good poet.
I only started writing a few months ago and i only started rhyming last week. So my dear if i can, so can you.
You can try this Link..I got it from a friend even though I'm yet to look @ it.
I've derailed your post

Hope your feeling much better.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: That’s a good lesson to learn… thanks for sharing

@Nilla: I’ve checked out the page…I’ll try to ‘rhyme’ something in the next week or two and put it up here… but that might not happen… I never really set out to write poetry… it just comes sometimes… so I’ll tweak it accordingly… but babe no laugh oh if I rhyme die with dye… lmao… that should be fun actually!!! Yeah… I’m a lil better… but I’m screwed cos I think I messed up my mom’s laptop… the wireless isn’t working anymore and it’s producing strange sounds!!!

azuka said...

In a relationship, people change, although not as quickly as each other.

She sounds bitter over something, and I guess this was something waiting to come out.

Nip the bud? Have a frank talk? It's up to you.

laspapi said...

overwhelmed,
its your armchair shrink here. Folu got it right, I think. That couple, 'sunshine' and her eclipsed boyfriend might be good for each other but certainly not for you.

The complete lack of appreciation tells it all.

Let them be, love. You deserve much more.

Anonymous said...

Well, you know you'd better not tell me this after I persistently asked. I never knew you were underappreciated to such an extent, her demeanor that night actually threw me over the cliff, you could tell she was just being fake and unconcerned about it all.

Well such is life, you just keep being yourself, I will suggest just to let sleeping dog lie, dont talk to her about that day anymore, just chat her up nicely like nothing happened! Trying to mend the fence, and move on from there, yeah notice my emphasis, "MOVE ON"! We are all in everyone's life for a purpose I believe she served hers already!

Sweetie you know I love you still, and I still have your Xmas gift oh! "KEM's ALBUM II" CD, you will love it...

Anonymous said...

i canB't actuIally comTment Con tHis.

Anonymous said...

The outer apppearance is that she's ungrateful but the inner truth may be that she's bitter or jealous about something and knows no other to reveal it without sounding petty and putting her cards on the table all at once.
Let go of the hurt, if you can, and keep on as normal with her armed with knowledge and wiser.She knows full well,her actions are making you hurt, she who has been you best friend for a while and knew your secrets and thots. Believe me, she knows,play along if you can.But do try not to lose your head.Keep sane.Happy New year

Vera Ezimora said...

Baby, you've been mad 4 26 days? Awww, poor sweetheart. (pls dont get used to me being so nice 2 u, lol)

Sunshine? Cut her lose. You know wat I think the problem is? I think she's had a boyfriend 4 so long and is used to being the one "in love". Now she can't handle you being in love too.

I personally think she is really jealous of you. She cannot handle you being so happy...especially with a man who she does not approve of (because he doesn't have a car & does not meet 'her' standards?)

Girl, enjoy your relationship with ur man. Let him be ur new best friend. Life is too short to be tryna please some1 who doesn't appreciate it. Tell her 2 kiss ur black (or yellow) ass. Rubbish!

Can u tell I'm mad? LOL. You'd think I'm the one she offended. *hiss*

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Azuka: I’ve only told two people about this… and they both say what you’re saying… maybe I’ve been blind… I don’t know Azuka… I’m confused but I’m leaning more towards nipping it in the bud

@laspapi: Good evening papi!!! I think I’m beginning to see things that way… I mean if I meant jack to her I think she’d be more appreciative than she was… I mean her comments were like a thank and fuck you very much(at least that’s how I saw it). Thanks sunshine… you’re so great at this!!!

@Naijadude: I couldn’t say it cos I felt like I was being disloyal talking about ‘my best friend’ and you know I don’t really like to be that way. But honest truth you noticed stuff that night? How come you never said anything? I don’t even know if I can talk to her without coming clean about stuff(but then again it’s stuff I’ve said a million times before… so what real difference is it gonna make this time?!) Ewww@ the Kem Cd.. if that’s my Christmas gift… you’re in so much trouble… I’m gonna call you tonight… I miss you!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@JadedKiss: I could see why

@Thoughts: Bitter… jealousy… that’s never been part of our friendship and it’s hard for me to start believing or thinking that(is that weird?!). I don’t know if I can be normal with her… I’d probably either need to come clean, lay my cards down and see where things go… it’s either that or just forget about her completely. Either way… it’s gonna be hard for me! Happy New year to you too… I’m going on your blog right now… let me come and bug you over there!

@Vera: yeah… I’ve been mad for 26 days. It’s not that I haven’t smiled or laughed or had fun… but there’s been this underlying anger. It’s like I get pissed at little things(unusual for me). It was Naijadyme that finally figured out the actual reason I’d been getting snappy these days and I realized it was so true. I mean everybody’d noticed… but now that I know I’m trying to let it all out… by writing about it and just thinking the whole thing through. I mean 26 days mad is 25 days too long right?! You know what… I think you might be right with the ‘her being the one in the relationship’… cos there’s no other explanation… I mean how big a deal is it that a dude doesn’t drive if me(the one dating him) is managing just fine?! Thank God for the other people I have in my life… friends, boyfriend, blog friends(you included.. in spite of some of your misbehaviour in the past… I’ve decided to forgive you after you wrote me this juicy sweet love letter… lol).

Nyemoni said...

Hmm, I think it's all been said girl... no need to waste your energy on anger. Just let go and chill!! Ciao babe!

Anonymous said...

It sucks so bad... it makes you wonder about the sanctity of friendship... Sorry hun...what doesn't kill only makes you stronger.. you deserve better.

The Mistress said...

This bitch would get the taste slapped outta her mouth.

What a fucking immature, ungrateful hag.

Anonymous said...

She was seriously tripping, like i'm mad after reading this. Wth??? You hav e a right to put an end to the relationship cause she's being unnecessarily difficult. Hiss, i'm irritated now. Hopefully time will sort things out between you guys.

TaureanMinx said...

Jeez, how annoying. Maybe you should have just got her a huge gift! I can't believe what I just read, what ever happened to her bpyfriend planning the party with you. Does she know you spent more than him and he only organised the DJ? Sheesh how anal.

gbenga said...

We cant all be thesasme, I want you to understand that people are very selfish at times, and her been your friend does'nt change matters.

I think you should come to terms that "thats her behaviour", and with that if she acted or behave like this again, it won't hurt you.

Put it at the back of your mind that you did the best to make sure things went alright.......

At least, we in the blogosphere understand and justify that.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog recently. The last three entries(Angry) I can identify with. I had a similar situation happen to me and I decided it was time to let go of my best friend.

We are still friends. We call each other occasionally to check that the other is fine but we are more like acquaintances than best friends.

I believe th point at which someone becomes a liability rather than an asset is the point at which to let go.

Calabar Gal said...

Too bad she decided to throw tantrums and complain about the party instead of being happy you threw one for her. We girls can be so finicky sometimes. At least you now know where you stand with her - At arms length.

Anonymous said...

well i can understand the way u feel...these kind of things are not acceptable between friends.... but still ya... as u say times have changed...long 26 days has passed by...give it a thought...hope something positive comes out.... hope everything goes right for u shortly...passing by u can drop by My Friendship blog sometime...it may be of some good...!!!

Anonymous said...

well i can understand the way u feel...these kind of things are not acceptable between friends.... but still ya... as u say times have changed...long 26 days has passed by...give it a thought...hope something positive comes out.... hope everything goes right for u shortly...passing by u can drop by My Friendship blog sometime...it may be of some good...!!!

Anonymous said...

hey girl. i don't know about this "friend" of yours... she sounds really immature. and annoying.
you're much better than me... i probably would have cut her off ages ago!

yankeenaijachick said...

My dear.......am pissed off reading this storie after all our various contributions to the surprise party. Girl, your bestfriend is just an ungrateful chick. You don't need such girls as bestfriend. Don't let anyone ruin your NewYear 2007. Well, l feel ya pain but don't let it get to ya or ruin your day. Stay blessed.

Anonymous said...

overwhelmed, u know some things that work for u also work for me right.
so i want u to let my next statement work for u,"2007 the year u'll do away with all the unappreciative friends and enemies."

i might sound nutts but friends that dont appreciate u are tantamont to u having heartache and lungache. i sure wont stand around and watch my only overwhelmed have lungache cos of some undeserving friend. i'm sorta trying not to spit fire but, she dont know that she got it good.

NaijaBloke said...

Moi Dear..me I dont care what anybody say or have said ..U need to dump her and kick her ass to the curb cos she aint ur friend..
Lemme ask sef wherez she and her said BF from,cos it seems they dont even give 2 abt u sef ...

The stupid BF even get mouf to talk after just paying $150,who shd be planning the whole party sef ... chie OWNB ..u r nice o for u to seat on the phone and she was yarning all that opata.

Anonymous said...

babe i think u've tried ur best with the whole friendship thing and theres little u can do now....i can imagine how much it hurts and all but then mayb the friendship has run its course...theres prolly something shes not telling u or shes not as nice as she made out at first either way ur an amazing person chick and there definately better people out there that would make better friends dont worry and u know we love u in blog world now just forget abot her darl!!!mwah

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nyemoni: Breathe, Stretch, Shake… let it go right?!?! I’m trying to… and I must say… I am suceeding little by little!

@Elle: It really does make you wonder… I mean 5 years isn’t 5 days right?!?! And I keep trying to recall better times you know to help me swallow this bitter pill… I mean she was nicer, sweeter, more appreciative in the past right?! But what the terrible thing is is that when something bad like this happens you only tend to remember the bad times(and some of them look an awful lot like this!)… anyways… enough about me… I hope you’re iite what with your loss and everything. Be well

@The Mistress: lol… you always make me laugh with your comments… thanks though… comments like yours let me know that I’m not thinking the wrong things. Happy New year luv

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: Yup… she was. I don’t even know if things will be sorted out or not… but even if they are… maybe not at this immediate time… cos I can’t think of her the same way and I couldn’t continue on with her if I don’t express how I feel. And I don’t even know what explanation she could give me that would be good enough! I mean this is ingratitude of a best friend we’re talking about right?

@TaureanMinx: I probably should’ve… for all the trouble I chose to put myself through! I put in so much time… I mean all my friends around me knew how frazzled I was about the situation… I did absolutely everything… all her ‘baby’ did was bring the money for the dj and show up with her! You know what I’m tired of feeling guilty… cos she has this amazing ability to make you feel that e ven when you know you’re right… Fuck that 4real!

@gbenga: I understand selfish… but I think there is a time and place for that… and that time and place is most definitely not after your best friend put almost everything she has into a surprise birthday party for you! I don’t know if I want to be best friends anymore with someone that ‘that’s her behaviour’ is the thing. Thanks for your comment though babe… Happy New Year!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: Thanks for stopping by my blog… I thought it was only me going through these things with such a close friend… I mean they really should know better right? Or is it that I’ve been ‘taking it’ for so long that it’s second nature for her to believe this way and I only just noticed?! I’m confused as fuck! I don’t even know if me and her could be friends at all… I don’t know what I want from her anymore… it’s probably nothing when it boils down to it. Thanks though… and Happy New year

@Calabar Gal: EXACTLY!!! WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO HARD?!?! IF SHE’D JUST SAID THANK YOU… IT HAD ALREADY HAPPENED… THAT WOULD’VE BEEN OK WITH ME… SHE DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO BE EFFUSIVE… BUT OF COURSE SHE HAD TO COMPLAIN… SHE DIDN’T GET A SMIRNOFF OR SOME CHICKEN… TOUGH LUCK!!!

@Emmie: No they’re not! Yeah it has been a while and I’ll be honest… once I realized why I was mad and even started writing about it… I feel so much better you know. I’ll definitely drop by your blog once I’m done putting up my new post. Happy New Year and thanks for dropping by my blog!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Belle: that’s what everybody says… but I guess I usually get to thinking about the good times… and honest truth we’ve have our differences in the past but I can’t say I remember anything of this sort of attitude or maybe I just tuned it out then and remember this one because it hurt so damn much after all my troubles! I think that’s what it is… and now I’m having to deal!

@yankeenaijachick: yup… everybody put in so much thought into helping me out with the party and I was supposed to come back with great party and fun tales… but I guess no such luck!! I think I’m gonna do my 2007 without her for now… I can’t stress out or complicate my life unnecessarily… I mean if I was so important to her… she would’ve called me in all that time…. She called me on dec. 31st to wish me merry Christmas for fucks sake! I mean that’s 23 days after her party!

@ChiefO: My one and only Chief Engineer… I always knew you’d come up with the final solution and blueprint… lol. “2007 will be the year I’ll do away with unappreciative friends and enemies” is my new motto!!! I certainly wouldn’t want to have lungache… and now cause you heartache(lol… see the simultaneous equations I’m drawing up here?!?) Thanks sunshine… I completely understand what you’re saying and I appreciate. Happy New year luv… I missed you!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@NaijaBloke: They’re Ghanaian. See that’s what it’s looking like… like she doesn’t give a shit about me… but that’s so hard for me to believe after all this time you know. Exactly! That’s what everybody kept saying that he was even supposed to give me the money to organize the entire party and was even contributing the same amount as me and having the audacity to say he’s leaving because what his girfriend didn’t get a smirnoff… couldn’t he buy her one later… does the shape of the universe change if you don’t get food at your party… isn’t it more about good times with good friends?! I guess different people dey different sha. Honest truth I was on the phone cos I figured I’d try to make her feel better about it… but even during and after I got off the phone… I realize she was really ungrateful and didn’t appreciate me one bit. When she didn’t call me for 23 days… I chose not to call her either cos I couldn’t just go on being the same like nothing happened!

@Life though rose-tinted glasses: I think I have tried to… I just let the wind blow the leaves whichever way it pleases. It really does hurt but I guess part of life is learning to move on from situations and people. Thanks for your comment babe… I really appreciate it.. and I’ve missed you in the blog world by the way… glad to have you back… and I hope you’re feeling much better now as time passes… God bless you!

Anonymous said...

i think certain friendships run their course and end. I think it would be best to tell her how you felt about what she said and did and listen to her reaction. If the friedship ends , at least you know you tried.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@confusednaijagirl: I might do that later… I just don’t think I’m ready to go there yet! I think the friendship might already be over… but we’ll see how things go… Thanks though babe!

Anonymous said...

Babes, it's not worth the effort staying angry. You did your best, maybe its time the relationship ended coz not all relationshps are meant to last a life time. Think of it as an opening or more for another person to have you in their life.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Mari: It really isn’t worth the effort… and honest truth I didn’t even realize I was angry until about 4 days ago. And you’re right… I think that’s the way to look at it if I’m gonna be able to get over stuff and rebuild! And babe I’m still waiting for an update on your blog!!!

Anonymous said...

Gurl, you should totally dump her. Is she serious?!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: yup… she was serious as a heart attack!

Anonymous said...

WOW, how ungrateful that's all i'm gonna say cus shes u're best friend .I wish my BF wud OOOOWWIEEE.Kpele as Naija folks wud say "Take Heart"(to be honest i've never gotten that sayin but it makes me feel better) Kisses.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nigerican: I’m trying to ‘take heart’… lol… thanks luv… I really appreciate… but babe come oh who am I gonna have to contact to get you to update your blog ehn?! E don tey now.. update us with sweet gist now… anything… I mean even one of your overrated lists is highly welcome!

Anonymous said...

oh yes one more thing, recently in my conflict class i learned that all conflict is not bad ,infact the sign for conflict in chinese translated to english means oppertunity and change. Don't avoid u're friend ,talk to her let her know where u stand .But b/4 u do all this,consider 3 things a)what do u want?(friendship, clear understanding) b)how r u gonna get it(talking or arguing) c) is it worth it (how much does this friendship mean to u).Once more goodluck and i apologize for any spelling errors. : ) .

Anonymous said...

I read this post earlier, but I thought I had to come back and read all 3 'Angry' posts before making a comment. It sounds to me like your friend is dealing with some issues of her own (rivalry and jealousy come to mind), and she doesn't want to tell you. So she is hiding behind the issue of not liking your boyfriend. I dont think you can force it out of her by trying to talk to her. If and when she is ready to be your best friend again, she will let you know. If not, just drop it and move on. Sometimes, friendships come to an end.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nigerican: thanks for the advice… I’m still thinking about it… I’ll let you know what I do eventually but for now I think for my peace of mind… it’s better to let sleeping dogs lye/lie?! (I can’t remember how to spell that for the life of me!!!). and babe you still haven’t updated yet oh… I dey await oh!!!

@Favoured Girl: That’s exactly what I think I’m going to do for now… I can’t deal with most of those issues anymore… I mean I’ve been dating the guy for about 7,8 months now… so if she hasn’t been able to deal with it by now… when is she ever?! So I guess I’ll be here for whenever she thinks she’s ready to fix issues… and if she’s not… then I’ll just have to take it as one of those things… I guess this is life… the only constant thing is change!!!

Ineka said...

In all honesty,
I think your 'best friend' is an ungrateful bitch who truly does not deserve your time or energy. I mean, What the fuck?
Girl please, let's keep it moving. New year, cut all that stupid ass bullshit out of your life. I'm so pissed on your behalf. Arghhhh!
Seriously, it will hurt..emotions can't be turned off but keep that shit moving. People come and go, I've learnt the painful way. It will be hard, you will hurt, you will be angry..but eventually you will get over it.
Focus your energy on people who actually give a shit about you.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Ineka: It is a new year and you’re right… I think I’m gonna cut out all that stuff from my life cos I don’t think it’s gonna get any better… I mean if you can’t appreciate my time, money and effort that I put into planning your party… what else could I possibly do that would be good enough for you?! Her reactions and not being able to call me for 23 days show me that she probably doesn’t care as much as I do… and her life’s alright. So I guess the key is making mine the same way… life goes on right? Thanks luv…

DiAmOnD hawk said...

ONB...im going thru stuff right now with someone that I thought was a really close friend...and then I realized...everything has its season...my bestfriend from childhool is not the same one that I have now...things change...accept that she is how she is...you did something out of the goodness of your heart...it's a bit annoying/hurtful that your feelings for her dont seem to be reciprocated/appreciated...but you have to live and learn and let go sometimes...

Anonymous said...

you need to cut the bitch loose. now. permanently.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Diamond Hawk: Everything has its season right? That’s the side of the coin I’ve decided I’m gonna be looking at! It was very hurtful but I guess that’s life right… I just have to move on… cos I know I’d never do that to anybody…even someone I don’t even like.. talkless of my own best friend… na craze?

@Olawunmi: lol… I think I will/have… especially when you put it like that… lol… thanks sha

Anonymous said...

hey girl, your friend sounds very familiar like someone i used to know waaaaaaay back- coincidence maybe. Neways, it aint worth it. Trust me, friends who are like that are not friends at alllll. The least she could have done was at least say "ThankYou"

If a friend does that to you, its a sign that perhaps and maybe that friend is not the right friend for you.

Girls are just generallt a bunch of drama sha. Boys make a person's life so much easier.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Jem: true that… I definitely have way more male friends than I do female friends! I would’ve just said thank you and let it die… but of course she had to go into I didn’t get food, didn’t get drink… and it’s funny too cos Naijadude was there that day and I was having a conversation with him and he told me that even on that day she looked very nonchalant like the party wasn’t for her and she was just visiting or something. I guess sometimes we’re blinded by the love we have for someone… and then certain events happen to remove the wool from our eyes. Thanks sha girl… and Happy New year to you if I haven’t said it before… in fact let me go on your blog and bug you small(you know I’m good at that… lol)

Anonymous said...

Love is friendship and her actions doesn't appear to be love motivated. This relationship appears to be one sided where one rules and the other follow and it appears that becasue she knows you down to a T - she can walk all over you. People come into your life for a reason and a season. I think we can safely say self centeredness and selfishness is not a good quality to have in a friend.

I guess it is time to realise that you have served your purpose in her life and its time to move on.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@The Life of a Stranger: That’s exactly what I think… Maybe I have serve my purpose in her life… I mean what other explanation could there possibly be?! Thanks luv… looking back now I can see how I’d allowed certain things to slide cos I figured that was her personality and if you love someone you accept them… but I guess if she loved me back then she would’ve just accepted the surprise party as a token of my affection and not criticized it. Thanks so much… all these comments and suggestions have helped me put so much in perspective!

Anonymous said...

ONB, I think that one should always be careful when giving anyone advice pertaining to friendships and marriages.

You do not need validation fom anyone. I trust that you will do what needs to be done. Whether this is having a frank discussion with her or "breaking up".

I get the impression that you have a strong personality and that you can deal decisively with anything that life hands you. This should be no different.

Sorry you had to go through that. It must have hurt.

Anonymous said...

ONB, I think that one should always be careful when giving anyone advice pertaining to friendships and marriages.

You do not need validation fom anyone. I trust that you will do what needs to be done. Whether this is having a frank discussion with her or "breaking up".

I get the impression that you have a strong personality and that you can deal decisively with anything that life hands you. This should be no different.

Sorry you had to go through that. It must have hurt.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@In my head and around me: I have made up my mind… I’m not calling her anytime soon… whatever happens from here on out… happens! Thanks for your comment babe… I had wanted to make this decision from a while ago but I was just so angry so I needed to put it in print to be able to examine it and see if I wasn’t making a hasty decision… and now that I put it out there… a few days later… I’m not even angry anymore and I wanted to tell the story from the beginning so it wasn’t really biased… and a lot of readers agree with me and would do the same thing in my situation… so I definitely appreciate the feedback…

Uzo said...

You poor baby. Am i jaded now or what because i honestly expect the worst from people. So bad. And this is supoosed to be your best friend?

Anonymous said...

your girlfriend is on crack. simple.

Noni Moss said...

I left a comment like ages ago but I guess it didnt save.

I finally read all 3 angry posts - i read part 3 first and was annoyed for you then i read the other two ... She needs a serious bitchslap - ungrateful little cow - especially after all the trouble you went to for her. "THE BLOODY SHEEK OF IT"

Anonymous said...

what a bitch! damn why such the underappreciation??? What a "friend!" I have been through this route before the solution to this: the friendship is over!

curvyice said...

this is the first comment im making on ur blog and i would like to applaud your command of writing n if i may say, i do like your diction. now about the issue at hand, yea your friend went a little overboard but thats what friends are for, good times and inconveniences too. do you guys need an evaluation of what you have? damn right but that dont mean she is a bitch and stuff. yea her attitude is bitchy but u dont want peeps caling your "bestfriend" names and you dont say a thing. its okay that grievances are been poured and stuff and for crying out loud i would be angry; maybe for months but hon rethink your stand on this and be sure whatever way you slant would be the best for both of you.
before i go, remind her to tell her boo that when ladies are displeased at themselves, teh boyfriend should saty the heck out of it cos he arent one of the girlfriends no matter how hard he may try.
peace

Vickii said...

Awww, shame about this friendship ending ... no offence but she sounds very ungrateful! You did your best and as your friend she should have known how much effort you put into the party and appreciated it!

Maybe she'll go back to being who she used to be and you guys can go back to being friends but otherwise, you'll be fine ... hope you stop being angry in time and just remember the best bits.

enawer said...

My first time on here, and pls can i just say that your writing is amazing (i told myself i'd stop using that word, but in this case, i think it's called for). Your experiences are real and identifiable so pls don't feel like you're alone in having been through these things, though you might feel otherwise most of the time. As per this particular situation, I must say i'm shocked and have definitely bene there before, as I'm one of those pp who will go above and beyond for my close friends and sacrifice tons to make them happy. I've felt unappreciated by my "best friend" so many times, hence why i decided to distance myself from her as I found it was getting a bit unhealty, me putting in so much effort and loyalty and not getting appreciated (not even asking for the effort to be reciprocated, just at least some gratitude). I'm definitely an advocate of "fighting for your friendship coz it's worth it" but after a while, you come ot realise that your friend might just be an unhealthy relationship for you to keep hanging unto, so you might just have to distance yourself from her in order to have some peace of mind and happiness. Sorry for the rant, but I relate to this experience so precisely that I had to holla!

Anonymous said...

Be the bigger person and have no grudges against her. Her character is revealing its trueness to you. Can you deal with that or not? Since a relationship has already been established, talk/ treat her with caution and make sure you don’t place yourself in a similar situation in the near future. My female friends always have issues with babes. At the end of the day we are just complex creatures. Over the years I have learnt to deal with human beings with giving with limitations what I receive once I notice change of attitude. Don’t sweat babes people who got a heart like yours would always attract people who can have the same effects on you. Just started reading your Blogs of late, you are one genuinely real babe! True to the core!