Monday, January 08, 2007

An Ordinary Day

Life’s catastrophies happen on ordinary days just like today
Days without major bomb threats, terrorist attacks and war announcements
Just ordinary days


Days without earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes or other natural disasters
Just ordinary days

Days with no special headlines, no special sunsets, no special signs from above…
Just ordinary days


He used to creep into my room on ordinary days just like this

I still had Kelloggs cereal for breakfast
I still sang to Celine Dion in the afternoon
I still ate fried rice for dinner

Yes, it was an ordinary day just like this

Lying half asleep, 14 and innocent, he taps me:
“Overwhelmed are you awake?”

I turn towards the wall keeping my eyes shut tight and my body rigid… showing no sign of life

He comes even closer and my heart starts beating really fast… I hope he can’t hear it

I begin to shut off, to lock away my emotions, to close off my senses… to hide my pride and empty my mind.

He keeps tapping me… I respond because if I resist a moment longer, he’ll know I’m faking sleep

But If I stay in the room, she might wake up and see him… then maybe he’d stop… but then she’d be tainted forever
I follow him out

He tells me to sit down on his bed
I do and a second later I feel his weight push down on the mattress
Even though I know it is useless I hold the blankets closer…

He strokes my cheeks and then leans over to kiss me
NO!!!
He could do whatever with my body cos I could pretend but never would he kiss my lips… never would I let him taste my joy, my pain, my laughter, my hurt… MY LIFE!!


I smell the Guiness on his breath
He’s not drunk though… sometimes I really wish he was cos then I could excuse this atrocity… I could say that he doesn’t know what he’s doing… and blame the liquor… that maybe he didn’t remember what he did the next day
BUT HE KNEW… AND WORSE STILL HE REMEMBERED… THAT’S WHY HE DID IT ALMOST EVERY NIGHT

He keeps touching me
“Don’t turn away from me, please help me out Overwhelmed.”

My heart hardens as I look into his face… I can’t bear the lust in his eyes, so I watch his hands instead.
I watch as his hands rub me, grab me and touch me on an ordinary day just like this

I beg him to stop… try to make him see reason but he can’t… he’s such a poor soul… so tormented cos he finds pleasure in the body of his family.
He promises he won’t put it in… he’ll just rub himself around and he’ll be alright.
He pleads for my understanding and forgiveness even as he does stuff that I almost can't remember.
I still have clothes on but I feel as though he’s seen into the deep recesses of my soul.

He’s tainted me with his exploration… but still I let him
He doesn’t understand why he does what he does
He tells me he wishes I was not family… he’d want to be with me forever… he loves me
But couldn’t he see that I now hated me? I hated myself for allowing the ugliness that happened in the same room almost every night that had that blighted my very soul.

Uncle mine… you made sexual advances on an ordinary day just like today!
You took the song out of my mouth, the words out of my pen, the light out of my eyes on an ordinary day just like today!

I try to escape my memories…
Sometimes I’m successful and other times I’m not
Some days my anger comes in explosive spurts and on other days it’s a slow flame that builds into a bonfire.
Some days I’m sad and others I’m not
Sometimes I smile cos all seems forgotten and other days I hang my head in shame
There are moments when I feel guilty and there are moments when I feel nothing at all


All these things happen on an ordinary day just like this

74 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just to say I'm first :-)

Going back to read...lol

Anonymous said...

I'm at loss for words....

I'm really sorry ONB....

:-(

Anonymous said...

Oh my word, I want to cry... it is so sad, ONB I am so sorry... in fact I am now crying..

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nilla: First Prize today is a compilation of everything Celine Dion ever sang… I listened to her in some very bleak periods of my life and it gave me hope sometimes. Here’s to rediscovering Celine Dion (Raise your palm wine glass!). It’s alright girl… the pain is there but it’s not at the forefront… so I’m dealing! Thanks sha

@Elle: Thanks angel… it is sad but they say I’ll be fine… and I think I’m getting there… every once in a while… it peeks in though… I can’t completely shut it off… so maybe the key is make my peace… wish it’s as easy to do as it is to say!

Anonymous said...

You know the saying "Anything that doesn't break you, will only make you stronger"...
{Clinks palm wine glass with ONB}...To brighter and happier days.

Anonymous said...

@ONB I know how you feel. Just keep on trucking.. and the writing helps... I know.. I just finished my short story.

Anonymous said...

@Nilla where is my palm wine?? :(

Anonymous said...

that is such a sad thing to happen to a young female... I sorry that u had to go thru that experience...

~DD

Anonymous said...

You have risen above the very murky waters that held you down,
you have risen above the very dirt that was on your feet
you have risen above all that filth and guilt
you have risen above all the lies, torment and tortoure

You my dear friend are not alone.. We rose with you, the day you agreed to let go. we rose with you when your healing begun, we rose with you when you soared so so so high, we rise with you to see the sunlight and we shall rise with you when the curtains finally drop...

You are not alone, I share your pain, hate, sometimes self disgust and guilt.. It is not your fault, hell! it is not our fault..

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nilla: To Brighter and Happier days… oh and I have some Isi- Ewu on the side… want some?

@Elle: Thanks sunshine… Writing really does help… I never knew how much until I started writing again cos there was a time in my life that I couldn’t write anymore… my brain was just frozen cos I couldn’t even process the stuff going on in my life… but now that I’m able to again… I just love it… things don’t seem so dreary in print… I can deal with stuff… I mean I’ve been able to talk about so much of my past here… and it’s great cos I’ve learnt so much and grown so much in the few months since I started blogging. It’s fantastic!!! Oh and I can’t wait to read your short story… I hope you’re gonna let us(I’m getting excited and about to click on your blog!)… lol… we didn’t know you drank palm wine too… iite… Bring your glass so we can drink “To Brighter and Happier days”… lol

@Discombobulated Diva: it is a sad thing… but I guess there’s not much I can do about it now… I mean there’s so much stuff I would change if I could… but I guess that’s how almost everyone feels at some point in their life. Thanks luv

@Zee: That was so sweet and thoughtful. I love it… I actually printed it out and put it on my table. Every once in a while when I get to feeling a little down… I think I’ll pull it out... and remind myself know that ‘ I have risen’. God bless you for this… I knew you understand exactly what I’m talking about when I read this… Here’s to healing… one that surpasses even words, the healing of the soul…Thanks for coming with me on my journey.

Anonymous said...

Molesters & rapists should be castrated. period.

Anonymous said...

@ONB to the bighter side.. lol.. the story is up.. had to creata new blog for it.. hope you like it!

RJ said...

Hey U! Sorry about your holiday, but hope you feel much better now though.
I just read you poem, em....I know saying sorry doesn't particularly take away the pain but it’s a start, and you writing about it has therapeutic benefits (for you). So keep doing you and hold your head high and know that no one can take away your dignity if you don’t want them to - my palm wine glass is up, just poured a little to wash away all your pain.

Cheers!!!

Anonymous said...

How sad. You've always been a fighter so I that you heel fast.

Anonymous said...

How sad. You've always been a fighter so I pray that you heel fast.

Anonymous said...

lmao @ my last 2 comment...anyways u know what I mean.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Belle: That would be fantastic… but it’s funny cos till this day I’ve never quite thought of it as molesting… but I guess that’s what it is? I mean it wasn’t sex(rape)… I honestly don’t know how to label the whole thing my dear… but that’s not really the point… I’m just trying to be ok with the whole thing and completely put it behind me!

@Elle: yay… I’m going to read it right now… I’ll let you know what I think but having your blog for a little while now… I know it’s bound to be good

@Rj: Yeah… I got over the food poisoning… it took me a while but I finally did. Yeah… writing has helped... at least it’s put the ball in motion… I mean there are things I write on my blog that I’ve never told another soul… and it kept festering inside… but when you air it out… it starts to heal right? this rocks oh… I didn’t know there were many bloggers like me who enjoy palm wine oh… fantastico!!! Cheers to you too babe

@Mari: Amen to healing!!! Lol @ your two comments… my dear there’s nothing wrong with repeating a strong message… hehe…

b-a-y-u-s-c-h! said...

Hey there!
Healing in itself is a process...though it may tarry before you reach its end point, you will surely get there....You are doing fine along this process. you are a day closer to it..
It helps to spit it out...Believe me, I understand completely...

Was begining to like you from y2day's post...Now i think am in luv wiv u...

欢呼 (Kampe-chinese for cheers) to the ogogoro glass I av raised up for healing.... Wldn't mind some isi ewu though..

b-a-y-u-s-c-h! said...

i hope u don't feel am crashing in on your drinking party...lol

chainreader said...

girl, you made me cry. i really don't know what to say.....


......sorry.

you are stronger than the pain, stronger than these memories. your healing has begun.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@b-a-y-u-s-c-h: Amen to getting there… yay… I’m LOVED!!!(Excitement… lol.. that’s my favorite word this month!!!) Come oh… so everybody is here drinking diluted palm wine and you’re raising ogogoro glass… I dey suspect you oh!!! We have Isi Ewu plenty so wear your short knicker and sit down so we can enjoy but prepare to sweat oh… cos it’s very very hot!!! You dey speak Chinese too?! You be really multi-lingual oh… I never thought I’d see the day I’d meet a Chinese Ijebu!!! Lol… but what fantastic White Garri and Chow Mein you must have in your household!

@Chainreader: Most of the times… I really am stronger! Thanks babe… it really touches me when people are touched by me

b-a-y-u-s-c-h! said...

FYI, am not Ijebu...a li'l multilingual....nederlandse/vlaams, yoruba, hausa, a li'l chinko...etc bet u an't beat that!

The Professor said...

I'm outraged. People who commit crimes like this should be shot!

I've been a silent reader for a while. You have a great blog [and an interesting personality] even though sometimes I don't understand what you're talking about. Some slang?

Cheers.

Favoured Girl said...

You are so brave girl. Keep your head up. He defiled the 14-year old, but he cannot touch the woman you are now. I know that you are on a journey of healing and at the end of it, you will be much stronger.

Anonymous said...

Baby girl, thanks for talking about the secret world of African girls. In my case, it was my aunt that molested me from age 5-8 right there in beloved Nigeria. I come from the kind of home where people will think this kinda thing will never happen. African women are victims of this crime on a daily basis.

The culture of silence kills us all.

Girl ,realize that you are not alone. I first shared my story with a best friend at age 14 and that was the beginning of my healing.

I still don't know what I will do if I ever see her again. Monster Bitch that she is!! Anyway, girl you are not alone. There are many of us who have through sexual abuse and just keep silent about it. People don't like to talk about it. I think I have told only 5 people in my lifetime. I have never told a boyfriend eventhough I have had my share of them and I am about to be married.

Believe me, you are not alone! I think I have coped by not thinking about it too much, keeping it as my dark, dark little secret. Of course, when I think of her, I wish her all things evil. That cheers me up when she comes to my mind.

Hang it there chica!

Biodun said...

I am glad ur healing n even though it cant be forgotten, I hope u get to a place of peace with everything. The sad thing about this is that is a lil girl going thru the same thing even as I type this.

laspapi said...

don't know what to say, love. Don't ever lay the guilt at your own door.

"...The darkest night lived will turn to day". It's daytime for you now, and you have good friends waiting for you outside.

confusednaijagirl said...

As you know i have been there. I am one of the few people that can say i no what you must be feeling or must have felt and mean it. I dont think we can let this sick men take the remaining part of our lives. You have to be strong and heal from this. I no you can. Writing and not keeping the rage and hurt bottled up helps and praying to God to stop the hurt you feel because you cant control your emotions also helps.

It makes me wonder how common this shit is in naija and no one talks about it. I am glad you are talking about your experiences. Time will heal your wounds babes!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@b-a-y-u-s-c-h: Oh really? That’s so cool… we no go fit sell you too many places sha as you dey speak all their languages but let me ask you again… Do you speak the language of love… Igbo? I think NOT!!! Lol

@ The Professor: It is indeed a crime… oh whao… congrats on your first comment here… thanks for it though… well I always speak English(lol.. I think)… but the slang is most likely in my comment section cos most of my readers are Nigerian so I use broken English sometimes (just a mash-up of English that Nigerians speak sometimes). Thanks for reading my blog and liking…

@Favoured Girl: I am on a journey of healing... thanks for being with me every step of the way…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: You’re so right… the culture of silence does kill us cos they never ask… they never notice… they trust everybody with us… we are somehow of the impression that it’s our fault… that they won’t believe us… that we did something to provoke it. I told only one person in 2005 and last year I told 3 more… then I wrote about it… and it’s started getting better with time. I feel your pain with the Aunty… I know exactly what you’re talking about… I guess we’ll be alright right? It hurts even more when they see you and pretend they never did it… like you dreamed it up… I mean I wonder how he could smile at me in the morning like nothing happened! I understand wanting to keep it inside… I used to… I mean I lived with it for years before I said anything… and the first person I ever told was my ex-boyfriend cos I remember I was sleeping and he tried to touch me and I just kicked him in reflex… I woke up and had to expain the reason that happened… you don’t even know how hard it was… I mean I made him turn off the light… close the blinds… not look at me… I had to wear my clothes… I needed protection from my memories… but now I realize I need to bare them or I’ll always have certain issues… and I just wonder… don’t you think that might work for you too? Don’t you think the abuse you went through in the past affected you and still does till this day?

@Biodun: I am really hoping for that place of peace… I’m praying for myself and for that little girl

@laspapi: I try not to do the guilt thing… but it creeps in sometimes. I mean I think of so many things I could’ve done differently… that might’ve changed the way things happened… I mean I’d rather not have those memories… but I can’t escape them… I mean for a large proportion of the time… I’m alright… and it’s in the recesses of my mind… but every once in a while… it comes to the forefront and I feel mad and guilty and hurt and sad all at once. I don’t know when this will end… I really don’t. I can’t wait for when those dark nights will turn into day. Thanks for being there for me papi

@confusednaijagirl: I still find it hard to think of him as sick… it’s crazy cos I don’t even know if I think of what I went through as abuse… as molestation… even though I guess it is… it’s almost like it happened to someone else but of course I know it’s my memories… and I hate him but then I love him cos he’s my family right… but I really hate him for loving him( I don’t even know if this makes any sense). Yes writing has helped… it has helped to purge me of some of the rage… it’s sad cos I wish I felt it then… cos maybe I would’ve been able to prevent a lot of it… cos all I was then was hurt and bewildered. I don’t even know anymore…

Ineka said...

Shit, I'm getting all emotional here. Babe, I ADMIRE your strength and courage to talk about these things, to share these things. You are a strong woman and I respect you.
Where the hell is this bloody uncle? Holla at me babe, we will castrate his dumb ass!
*Hugs*

The Mistress said...

This is just gut-wrenching. It makes me think of my cousin actually. Her grandmother's husband molested her and it took her years to reveal it. He was in jail 10 years before dying there. I wish your uncle's fate would have been similar to his.

Anonymous said...

Keeping quiet about it has worked for me for a while now. I knew I had to tell someone eventually, so I let it out to a best friend. A few years later I told my siblings, and lastly a random friend. For some reason, I guess its a place deep in my heart that I don't go to. I know I should tell the man I am planning to marry, but I just cant. Talking about it always makes me feel very vulnerable. I know he will love me no matter what but I don't think I will tell him until much much later. Look how long it took me to tell my own siblings!!

You are so right about our parents trusting everybody that they let come live with you. I have sworn that I will be extra carefull before allowing any relative around my kids. Because, you never know! This aunt was my mother's sister for God's sake. I hated seeing her face in the mornings and if I ever see her again I am sure I will go bananas. I hate her guts and my siblings all hate her as well.

People can be very, very, wicked even the "aunties" and "uncles".

Protect your family people. Sexual abuse is real in our community.

Anonymous said...

I was telling someone the other day, that I estimate that one in two Nigerian girls has been molested in one way or another. It is truly the secret world of Nigerian girls. So many of us, say nothing then and even now we still keep silent. Some girls are molested multiple times by different people. Teachers, uncles, houseboys, drivers, housegirls. Predators lurk in every corner. We just push these things down and it manifests in different ways. Some people find ways to survive the pain, others become hardened and such...infact sometimes when I hear stories of people acting so wickedly, I think how was that person wounded in the past? We are a nation of wounded people. God bless you for sharing your story, perhaps it will encourage others to share theirs and slowly but surely we can begin the process of addressing sexual abuse in our communities, healing the victims and prosecuting the offenders.

angie said...

i m speechless.....
But i thank God that u r now healing.i m happy u are not allowing this xperience affect ur life negatively(even though it is hard to forget and not feel hurt atimes).
I wonder why such creeps are allowed to move freely, i shld say he shld be castrated and his hands cut off!!!

Lee said...

Overwhelemed,
Pele..Im sorry about your experience. But thank God you are healing.. It must have been very hard!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

still speechless.......

BabaAlaye said...

Sweetie, it's okay to let it out and heal properly.

If you need to em.. deal with this Uncle of yours, send me a mail privately.I can make him sorry.
Hola @ yr Boy.

TaureanMinx said...

The first step is talkin about it. Girl you are not alone with all this molesting going on, I just hope we can protect our kids better. Keep your head up and be proud of the gorgeous bow-legged lady you have become :)

UnNaked Soul said...

my heart was beating so fast while i was reading this piece... i turned cold... same feelings i had while watching 'Hotel Rwanda' (then shed tears)... yea, I said it!

there's nothing positive about been molested, but your sharing is a positive thing.

my heart is with thee... and i respect u for opening up...

Noni Moss said...

I read. I nod. I smile quietly cos I know you're dealing and I send you along distance hug.

:-)

Elle Woods said...

This is so alarming. The most dangerous thing bout this is how our ppl like to cover it up. Dont they know they are just enabling these monsters?
Wa she ori ire lagbara jesu.

Deacon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Freaky Deaky said...

I never know what to expect when I come here.

That's awful. I'm sorry it ever happened.

stranger said...

happy new year naija babe...i deleiberately dropped the "overwhelmed" bit...one question, girlfriend, do you plan to heal or live a pity party the rest of your life?...i mean, how long are you going to keep spilling over the same issue...i know this story, you've told it before in different words...am wondering, are you looking for emphaty, cos from your comments you got plenty of it...or do you want to heal, then hit rock bottom and rise again...i know healing is a process, and i will probably never understand half of your pain, but cut the panting, and just EXHALE...there is someone who completely KNOWS your pain, do you want him to take it away, or have you grown attached to it?....this is 2007, it's a new year, let's do a new thing...let him rewrite the text of your life, not by your venting but by HIS Mending...read the BOOK...Psalm 139...and just to make sure you do....here's a copy/paste...

A David psalm. GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too-- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful-- I can't take it all in! Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, You'd find me in a minute-- you're already there waiting! Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God--you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration--what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. Your thoughts--how rare, how beautiful! God, I'll never comprehend them! I couldn't even begin to count them-- any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers--out of here!-- all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. See how I hate those who hate you, GOD, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies! Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong-- then guide me on the road to eternal life.
(Psa 139:1-24)

stranger said...

girlfriend, its your call...pop quiz, to heal or weal?

laspapi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beautifully Human said...

I'm totally lost for words, overwhelmed. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy!

Beautifully Human said...

ps: just read the psalm that stranger posted. I think it's really beautiful and definitely worth pondering on.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Stranger: If you read my profile on this blog… I said I have issues that I need to deal with and this is my place to talk about them and try to deal with them. If you go back to even my first post I ever wrote… I never wrote a “I’m new to blogger please love me speech’… I wrote about something I’d only told one person in my life that had terrible results. I started writing here because it’s hard for me to talk about some of it in real life… I wrote this stuff because it affects my life till this day no matter how great other things are. I started writing here because I didn’t want to be judged. I resent the fact that you’re asking me if I’m writing here to get empathy… I am not really writing for entertainment… this is my online diary to discuss whatever happens in my life… cos I am aware that in understanding my past and present… I can sort of make a better future for myself. I am not trying to mention the same issues over… I AM TRYING TO BE ALRIGHT WITH STUFF… do you honestly think that because I put up a comment here and people tell me Overwhelmed you’re going to be alright… that makes it alright? NO! I mean it helps when people encourage me and share their stories with me… but ultimately it’s about how I heal… the steps I take, the way I’m able to make peace with those situations… these things happened to me years ago for a long time and it doesn’t just go away with “ONE BLOG ENTRY”. If you have followed my blog you’ll realize that I have grown somewhat over time cos I never even used to be able to trust any guy or give myself (at least not my heart)… but being able to express myself and deal with certain issues has helped me a lot. I am not completely where I want to be and that’s why I continue to talk about it cos there’s still stuff I have to get off my chest. It’s people that judge others that make it so hard for us to deal … I mean especially in our Nigerian culture… Molestation and sexual abuse is never talked about… it’s so taboo that we’re never able to deal with it when it’s happening and possibly prevent it! If you read my comment section you’d read how many people have stories of sexual abuse… you’d see them in real life and never know… they’d probably end up with so many issues in the future but people always judge at face value… they never know there’s stuff in the backgrounds… reasons why people are the way they are. I respect that you’re a Christian but you do some off a big judgemental and I don’t appreciate that at all. I was a teenager when all this stuff happened and here I am… almost turning 21 and that time of my life still bothers and affects me… so I think I should be allowed my method of healing. I think it’s better for me in the long run as opposed to bottling it up inside and exploding later on… you hear about girls that can’t stand guys, hate guys, use guys… I could be that girl… actually I probably sort of used to be… and now that I’m going somewhere… I’d really rather not be judged and told I’m dwelling in the past. You’re not there when I wake up some nights disoriented, you’re never there when I have nightmares featuring my uncle…you’re never there when I look at myself sometimes and I start crying for no ‘visible/apparent’ reason, you’re never there when I kick out at a boyfriend cos he’s touching me when I’m sleeping and my subconscious thinks it’s my uncle(still think it’s in the past and I’m dwelling there?). THIS IS NO PITY PARTY… IT’S MY LIFE, MY EXPERIENCES AND MY INCENTIVE TO TALK ABOUT AND DEAL WITH THEM AS THEY COME. I’m so pissed right now

laspapi said...

hallo stranger,

not sure your 'shock therapy' stratagem is the best way to go about her healing. What are you, Dr.House?

I know a D.H. Lawrence poem, "I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself..."- but sometimes it takes a while to get there, to be strong enough to shrug off the pain. Sometimes it takes falling and rising again, and again.

Overwhelmed's not 21 yet and you throw lines like that at her?
Weren't you listening when they taught compassion in your church?
Aren't you aware the mind is where the heaviest (and all major) battles take place?

Your advice was incredible in its bad taste. I know many believers who would cringe at your approach. You'd better go back to the basics and sought out your own angst.

ps. This isn't a slanging match. Just go pray and let her be.

laspapi said...

first put up my post, removed it cos I didnt want to turn "In my mind" into a war zone, but then I thought again, advice from 'strangers' is what all our mamas warned us against.

Noni Moss said...

To Stranger - SHUT UP! If you've never been there you HAVE NO RIGHT to tell anyone how they should and shouldn't deal with whatever issues they have. If she chooses to write exactly the same words over and over and over AND OVER again - that's her perogative. Dont you dare come up and start sprouting nonense you have no clue about and quoting the bible. People like you make me soo mad. Have you even stopped to consider the fact that she helps many of the people who read and empathise with her cos they've been there? the fact that by sharing those experiences, they are able to see that they are not alone and they can get help? Screw you - crawl back under whatever sanctimonius little rock you came out from.

As for Elle Woods - i think you need to not judge people for not talking about abuse. It would be very naive to believe that by telling someone, everything would automatically work out and the "evil molesters" will be exposed and punished. Especially in Nigeria - i mean come on. Even if people believe you, they wont do anything about as it's always easier to ignore the ugly aspect of life and pretend like everything is ok. Often case, the molester is the one with all the power and calls the shots. It can also lead to further abuse as retribution. Often case, even if you do report it, the family often chooses to cover it up to prevent tainting the family's reputation.

OWNB - sorry for ranting but please carry on. Your writing is beautiful and helps many. Hopefully none of the stupid comments will prevent you from expressing yourself fittingly.

Vera Ezimora said...

Hey girl. I tried leaving a comment earlier, but my darn laptop was being naughty.

I dunno what 2 say, Overwhelmed. I'm just glad you've gone beyond it. I'm sure your healing isn't complete yet, but I'm glad you're on your way there. Thank god 4 that miracle.

Anonymous said...

Overwhelmed, please ignore this stranger woman. I am Christain myself, born again, also a victim of sexual abuse and I do understand the importance of your writing. Don't mind miss stranger o.

Believe me, as a victim myself, unless you have been there, you may not get what overwhelmed is talking about. I know God heals all wound but we do need to talk about this topic. I mean, we were praying day and night in my household and that did not stop my aunt from molesting me. My house was a christain house but that did not stop abuse by a family member.

We victims need to share our experiences so people can be more careful in protecting their family members, little girls and boys from so called "aunts", "uncles", househelps etc.

stranger said...

Naija Babe...no offense was ever meant...i know that came out very harsh...it was meant to be...like laspapi rightly deduced it was a "shock therapy" thing...but really, girlfriend, until you let go of your past, how can you reach out for your future?...i don't pretend to understand your pain cos i havent felt it, but i know pain too, and i know someone who specializes in taking away pain...i respect your ability to talk about your hurt and acknowledge the fact that it helps others, but am thinking of YOU now...am thinking of helping you past your hurt into your healing, i am not there on those nights when you wake up trembling because of the memories,i can't be there, but someone else is, and he's willing to trade away your pain...don't be pissed, girlfriend, am not picking on you, am just loving you tough...letting it all out like you are doing is the first step, but there's a next step, and am just trying to help you take that next step...for what it's worth, i do love you in my own way, which is why i bother to read and respond, without being judgemental, but ofcouse sometimes, we all come across that way...

stranger said...

@laspapi, sometimes strangers are angels in disguise...you saw my point which is why am talking back...we are both looking out for Naija Babe, just in different ways...it's not a war

snazzy said...

since we are all trying to take over ur blog i thought i'd throw in my two kobo:

one main reason why they tell people to talk about rape is that they need to believe it is not their fault and talking helps. This is not hysteria that a good slap can sometimes fix. One of the biggest crimes about our society is that people expect babes to just chest rape, or believe in God for their healing. Believing in God is good, but a glib psalm and a homily about whining is about as useful as a condom is to an eunuch. It is almost impossible to give good advice about rape to someone based on a comment on a blog page. So even if what ONB wants is a reaffirmation of the fact that she doing good despite, what is your own?

Last thing I remember reading a book in college called surviving the silence by a C. Baker. Cos Black Americans have a similar culture of silence about rape it may be useful.

See stranger that is how you try to give probably wrong advice on a comment page.

Anonymous said...

This is for stranger...I think you lack empathy. As a christian who was sexually molested for 8 years and who works with sexually abused girls I know that talking and talking and talking and talking about it is very good for healing.So Overwhelmed can talk or write about it every day for 10 years if she likes.
You obviously don't understand because it never happened to you. However,some people empathise even with what they haven't experienced and that is what Christianity is REALLY about and what Christ came for.

Anonymous said...

Stranger...it seems what OWNB discusses makes you uncomfortable and you need to ask yourself why.Too many people are uncomfortable with sexual molestation in nigeria despite the fact it's a harsh reality...This propagates the problem.You can't just pray it away,keep silent and deal with it. I know because I've been there.I know a girl whose maternal uncle repeatedly molested her and unlike many girls she was bold enough to tell her mother. Her mother beat her so bad,put pepper in her genitals and told her never to say such foul things again.Needless to say...the next time the uncle molested her he said mockingly..."If you like go and tell your mother". The mother was soooo uncomfortable and so ashamed that she rather acted as an accomplice in destroying her daughter's soul than confronting the issue head on.This is the tragedy in Nigeria.
Some people like to stay in denial and fantasy land and believe everything is fine and honkey dorey. There's ugliness in this world and if we are the salt of the earth we are to help it heal and not just stay in our comfort zones.

runawayluv said...

I agree with stranger, its regurgitated. get over it .sheesh

chainreader said...

@runawayluv,

that was a mean thing to say. if you want to hate on her, please wait for a post she didn't write while probably crying her heart out. i know it's hard, but we really should remember that behind all this anonymity, there is a real person, with real emotions, and words do hurt.

Ineka said...

All these dumb bitches.

Anonymous said...

Lots have been said. It was amazes me the "get over it part." I think that's the most painful aspect in the process of healing. In super busy world ridden with pain, anger and hate, people build a wall and become desensitized to the hurt and pain of others. I finally got to a point where I screamed back, even as a Christain, and said, "the hell with all of you!!!!!" "I will grief and talk, talk, talk and talk about it till I get it out of my system." Especially, when you've gone over a decade keeping it in, you can't just GET OVER IT. The loneliness, pain and feelings of being less worthy than you are is indescribable. The pouring out is necessary. Most victims who transition into being overcomers, which is where Stranger wants you to get, take a process. God has an order, life has an order, work has an order, schooling has an order, healing for women raped & sexually molested has an order.

KI

Olawunmi said...

i am going to kill someone one of these days. its going to be a spineless motherfucker like one of these perverts. so many of my blogfam have been hurt, so many innocent little girls were robbed of the innocence that was their right and due.

this makes me mad. i pray i never get the opportunity to hurt on of these fools, because he will pay for all the sins of all his ilk.

so sorry baby...

NobodylikesmeCrymeariver said...

This is not a matter of desensitization. Rot in the past or get with the future.

mimi said...

oh sugar, im so sorry, that is so sad, its a good thing to pour it all out, i'm glad u did, indeed pple like that shd be castrated. i can't imagine how u felt at fourteen, sorry luv, in time it'll heal, amen
:(

Oma said...

i'm so glad there's someone out there who's gone through the same stuff i went thru...tho' mine was when i was 6 when it first happened 2 me...my blood uncle....lol....my own uncle...oh well...sometimes, i used 2 wonder how such a big guy could have sex with a skinny, tiny, 6 yr...he fucking scared the shit outta me...i kept that as a secret for 13yrs of my life...my parents knew i hated him but they thot it was jst cos he was staying wit us 4 such a while(well, he IS a lazy piece of shit anyways)...i guess i got tired of hiding...cos it was holding me back in so many ways....now, i'm moving forward, looking back sometimes but neva letting it hold me down....keep it up, girl...i totally understand how u feel...

B in the GTA said...

ONB -
Not many know how prevalent molestation is in the naija community, or would rather not know. I know...I was victim 3 different times growing up (7yrs to 11yrs) three different men - One time my immediate older brother (~1+yrs) walked in and out w/o saying a word. We never spoke of it, but we are so close today and tell each other anything, it's a miracle. He's also protective of me, even though I'm a grown a@# woman, married and pushing thru 30s, but I love it :)
I think that the fact that you are able to pursue a healthy relationship and enjoy sex is a testimony to the healing that you've experienced. for a long time i thought i was dirty or 'abnormal' because i knew (w/o asking) that my other friends didn't go thru those things. I wondered what was wrong with me. over time I pushed it out of my head (trust naija, thera-what? when you're not crazy? why do you need to go to therapy?:), and developed a wonderful sense of self-esteem. Today I totally enjoy sex with my hubby in all its forms - sans accessories :) and i feel absolutely, divinely, sexy and gorgeous (no he's not my first and I've had some not so great guys in that department, in fact only 2 have really made my toes curl - hubby being one). I know there are some who've been thru our experience and are unable to enjoy intimacy, and I pray (yes I am a christian, and I enjoy sex - who knew?)that they will experience the sort of healing that frees them from that bondage. I like reading your blog, it's fresh, blatantly honest,raw and quite honestly I see a lot of me in what I read, as well as a lot of similarities. At the end of your journey when you look back, you will see how far you've come and be pleased with the progress.

Be Blessed,
B. (GTA)

Belle said...

hmph. may stranger never experience such trauma.
karma is a B*TCH!

boorish male said...

I hope you have the patience to accomodate a guest, even one quite as boorish as myself. Everyone in attendance raise your glasses of palmwine.

Sweetie, You are a survivor and not a victim. For you to turn out so damn amazing shows that it will take more than some loser child molester to break you.
Here is to overwhelmed our friend and survivour she has stared adversity in the eye and calmly stated; "do your worst".

Keep your chin up sweetheart......

Ms SoontobeMum said...

Sweetie, keep your chin up! Your blog is not only educating, its an inspiration and i for one i'm thankful that you have found solace and comfort in airing your thots not matter what anyone thinks. As you said this is your personal dairy online, and made public. If they dont want to read it, they should do just that.

But more importantly, my boyfriend gave me a book some months ago which i think you may enjoy and maybe even learn from (fear not, no preaching) its called "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant. Its a wonderful book and i for one for it both enlightening and inspiring. Its a book celebrating the lessons of living and loving.

She too went thru some of the gruesome experiences you have stated and has come out successful, victorious and most importantly at peace with herself and who she is.

I pray that this book amongst other things will aid you on your journey of healing.

Take care and keep smiling!

All the best.

Akin said...

ONB,

I never read beyond the other two blogs that caused such a rumpus.

I can emphathise and I am glad you have come through it to be the self-assured woman you are.

Strangely, comments of the religious right are conspicuously absent, like I wrote in my blog, they are so quick to notice sin and morality issues and slow to show mercy and kindness to help heal pain and suffering.

DivineLavender said...

I am sorry. I stand with you in living life to it fullness after evil has touched your body and soul.

Love never hurts or leaves scares on the body or soul!