Sunday, January 07, 2007

Kwame

Kwame has liked me for about 3 years. My family friend Emeka introduced us at a Ghanaian party. He kept trying to get my number but Emeka already knew I wouldn’t date him and didn’t even bother telling me the dude liked me. Kwame is an alright- looking 27 year old who's about 5 ft 7 to my 5 ft 11 and remember that's without the 3 inch stilettos I'm always in. Even if he was Tyrese cute and had Robin Thicke’s voice (which he doesn’t)… I still would not date him. Anyways I bumped into him at a couple of different parties and he always tried to get my number. I kept inventing excuses.

About a year ago… I bumped into Kwame at a Ghanaian party. He just would not let me go inside without giving him my number. I told him I was talking to somebody at the time and just couldn’t talk to him ‘in that way’… but he insisted he was alright just being my friend. I gave him the digits. He called me sometimes and we talked. We always discussed neutral issues… I mean there was an undercurrent that he liked me but nothing we particularly delved into. Plus he was actually a very funny guy so I didn’t mind talking to him every once in a while.

Anyways, he’s been wanting to chill for quite a bit as I haven’t seen him in almost 9 months. I’d never really gotten around to it seeing as he wasn’t that close a friend and I was just content with us ‘talking when we talked’.

On Friday night, my friend Mad Soul Sista told me about this Nigerian party that she wanted us to reach the next day. I called him to find out if he wanted to go to the party. He said he’d love to come and would bring his cousin with him. I asked him if we could pick up my friend Ayo on our way and he said ok. I told him we could leave around 10pm.

About 9.30 pm, homeboy called me asking if I was ready… which I obviously wasn't. I told him to come get me around 10.30-10.45pm cos I had to finish doing some stuff for my mom. He told me to hurry up and I remember he kept calling me every 15 minutes to “see what’s up”. Unfortunately for him, I had a last minute ‘change of clothes’ and had to shave my legs and take another bath so that took me even longer. Anyways I called him around 11pm and figured it’d take him about 15-20 minutes to get to my house, which was more than enough time for me to get ready. Imagine my shock and surprise to hear him say:

Kwame: I’m on your intersection
Overwhelmed: On my intersection… how come… don’t you live like 20 minutes away?
Kwame: I’ll tell you when you get in the car… listen I’ll be at your house in 2 minutes
Overwhelmed: oh fuck!
Kwame: You said you’re ready though right?
Overwhelmed: um… yea… let me just um… find my um.. bracelet?
Kwame: Ok… I’m in front of your house…

(He called me 5 minutes later)

Kwame: Where are you… how come you’re taking so long
Overwhelmed: Um… I was looking for my key… to um lock my door?
Kwame: ok…hurry up

I got into his car and his cousin was in the passenger seat. They looked so angry and I tried to ‘sugar-talk’ them. I told Kwame he should’ve called me before he left his house cos I would’ve hurried up. He told me that he’d been waiting at my intersection since the first time he’d called me cos I’d told him to come pick me up for 10pm.

First of all... WTF?!?!? How on earth do two grown ass men wait in the car at my intersection for an hour and a half without even calling me to confirm they were leaving their house… what kind of ‘juvvie’ and ‘virginal’ behaviour is that?! 90 fucking minutes… I mean I know what I said… but who still does that… shows up on time and without confirming… and you sit in your car like a loser and wait for me ‘with another dude’ for that long?!?! Whao!!!

Anyways… I told him I was sorry and tried to give him directions to go and pick up Ayo. He kept complaining and wanted us to leave without her cos she lived about 30 minutes away from my house. We made a couple wrong turns so it took us about 50 to get there. When we arrived at her house, he kept making motions to leave just because she took a few extra minutes to get out.

Oh we were looking fabulous by the way. See Ayo is big gold fanatic… she was wearing a gorgeous navy green minidress with gold accessories. I was rocking a bright blue minidress with bright red accessories… yes… a technicolour dream!

So we drove from Ayo’s house to the club. Homeboy was totally clueless so I had to keep calling friends for directions… I mean what sort of guy lives in a city for years, drives and still doesn’t know his way around town?!?! It’s Kwame… that’s who!!!

Did I mention Kwame and his Cousin (I’ll call him Bush for the purposes of this blog) spoke their native language the entire time in the car talk about rude!

Mad Soul Sista called to tell me she wasn’t coming to the Nigerian party anymore cos the organizer already told her it was a flop. I didn’t even tell Kwame cos I didn’t want him to have a coronary… my game plan was we’d all go inside…see the flop for ourselves and I would somehow cajole him into taking us to the Makossa club my friends were now going to.

That plan didn’t even see the light of day! We got to the club and someone outside told us where we could park for only $5… and that we didn’t even have to pay to get into the party. Excitement right?!?! NOT KWAME! So I asked him if he could go with his cousin to park the car while me and Ayo waited for them into the club to save us a bit of a walk in our sexy stilettos.

Kwame: Listen Overwhelmed is it possible for you guys to go inside… and later find one of your friends to give you guys a ride home
Overwhelmed: what do you mean find someone to give us a ride home… we came with you
Kwame: I know but I’m not going in… I’m tired and I have to go to church tomorrow
Overwhelmed: say what… We just got here… I mean we haven’t even gone in yet and you want to leave? Seriously… exactly how long did you plan to spend here?
Kwame: I’m sorry but I just can’t come inside… I’m too tired… so can you guys tell your friend to drop you
Overwhelmed: No my friends are not here and I already asked you before and you said you wanted to come and get me so I obviously did not call anyone else for a ride. I’m not sure what other people are doing and I would not want to take a chance and get stuck downtown calling for rides in this weather and time of night!
Kwame: so what do you want to do
Overwhelmed: Whatever… if you're leaving now, we'll just leave with you... cos I'm not taking any chances

Enter his Ugly cousin Bush

Bush: Oh Ayo… can you call someone to drop you home cos you live pretty far off
Ayo: I don’t think I could get a ride at this time cos everybody’s already off doing their ‘Saturday night thing’

Half the ride home was in silence… I called Mad Soul Sista to tell her of the developments in halting Yoruba… it was hilarious cos I always mix up my twi(Ghanaian language) and Yoruba… and the result is something you have to hear to believe… but I think she got the gist of what I was saying.

About 20 minutes later we were at my intersection…Ayo asked Kwame if he’d drop her home.

Kwame: No I’m sorry I can’t… I’ve got to sleep… I’m tired and I’m going to church tomorrow
Ayo: That doesn’t even make sense… I mean
Kwame: hold on… did you just call me stupid?
Ayo: WTF are you talking about? I did not call you stupid
Kwame: I swear I just heard you call me stupid
Ayo: Listen I’m not scared of you… if I called you stupid before I wouldn’t be scared to say it again… I don’t know why you’re trying to cause drama… all I said was that this was so ungentlemanly of you… you picked girls up from their house and you don’t even have the decency to drop them back home?!
Kwame: Listen you can’t talk to me anyhow… do you know who I am?
Ayo: who the fuck do you think you are anyways… I don’t give a shit... this is stinky attitude
Overwhelmed: Kwame… you’re just creating drama… she didn’t call you stupid so I don’t know where you’re hearing things from… I mean why don’t you ask your cousin if he heard anything
Ugly Cousin Bush: I wasn’t listening
Ayo and Overwhelmed: Sure you weren’t

Overwhelmed: You know what.. Ayo let’s get out of this car… I can’t take this anymore

I came out of his car… and I think Kwame and Ayo had a few other words that I didn’t hear… next thing all I hear is Kwame saying “Get the fuck out my car”

She came out and he just zoomed off


Now that’s a bitch, punk-ass, trifling dude… I mean it’s not like he’s someone I just met… I’ve known him for a very long time. He knew he was coming to party with usHe knew he was picking up my friend Ayo and He sure as hell knows that any man worth his salt makes sure a woman gets home safe and sound! I don't know how he'd sleep at night... I mean this dude is talking about going to church the next morning!!! You see I’m not the most Christian person… I mean I haven’t been to church in months… but even the great sinner Overwhelmed knows that the right thing to do is treat another person as you would have them treat you… I think somewhere in the good book it says ‘whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers… that you do unto me’(lol… that and John 3.16 are probably the only bible verses I remember cos I know them in song…lol). Anyways… all I’m saying is a lot of people carry this Bible and spiritual stuff on their heads and preach and pray and rant... meanwhile the simplest thing they can do for another human being… they don’t do! I find it quite hypocritical when people can't even practice what they preach. I mean how bloody difficult is it to drop her home... he left us outside and drove off. So what if something had happened to us walking home in miniskirts around 2am?! Could he honestly say he had no hand in it?! Ayo took a cab home around 5am this morning... she got home safe and sound... Thank God!

And to think I wasted my bloody time shaving my fucking legs!!!!

Kwame will rue the day he met me if he ever chooses to call me again… as in ever !!!

61 comments:

Beautifully Human said...

hahahahaha!!!!!!
LMAO!!
Sounds like a man scorned!

Anonymous said...

Quote Overwhelmed: all I’m saying is a lot of people carry this bible and spiritual stuff on their heads meanwhile the simplest thing they can do for another human being… they don’t do!

TRUTH!

Anonymous said...

orishi rishi oro ni iwo kan ti ma n so. orishi rishi drama lo ma n sele ni aye iwo omobirin yi. se ki n se pe o ba were rin sha? o se je pe iwo nikan soso ni awon kini yi ma n sele si?

iwo lan player-hate nijosi tori wipe o se party fun ore re to flop. baby to se birthday ko ri ounje je, ko ti e ri nkan m u. o de so pe o se party fun omolomo.

o ye kin bu e ni o, fun nkan to ko sori blog mi. latijoyi, mi o ti reni tumo e fun mi. sugbon, mo kan ma ko trash yi sibe, lati fun e ni iseti di e.

boya lo mo pe omode to ba fabo ko gbodo ku ni kekere. to ba lo ku ni kekere bayi, o gbodo ni bo se je. gba be!!

ogidi omo ni jare

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Beautifully Human: My dear no be small oh… I no understand this matter at all.. I told the boyfriend and he said exactly what you said… and also that the dude forming cos he had another dude in the car…

@Anonymous: Say it and say it again… I really don’t understand some folks… and they call me the sinner!!!

Anonymous said...

je ki n tun so fun e, iwa buruku gba lo fu yen. nitoripe bobo ghana yen gbadun e lo se ma treat e bi omode. owun gan o sharp, ka lo sharp ni, o ye ki owun na fi e si "is coming" fun bi wakati meji. so mo, ko ti wo aso, pelu makeup ati bata, ko wa ma duro de eni ti o ma gbe jade. wa wono wono to ma fi su e. leyin yen lo ma sese de. awon omo ghana yen o l'action jo. to ma je omo eko gidi ni, ati se e bi ose se n soju.

o ti mu je sa, nitoripe fine girl ni e, if not wa ti gba. O fe fi bobo lo jo makosa, o de da yin pada si ile. bobo yen fuck up gan. anyway sha, ko ti baje ju. bobo ti o le ni iwo at ore e fe ba jade. so backfire abi ko backfire?

ogidi omo ni jare

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Olawunmi: Bia Nwokem.. Ejim oyinbo decha ihem dere… kedi ihe mere iji were asusu ndi Oduduwa na enyem isi mgbakasi ebe a biko? First of all… Asusu ndi be unu m na anu epeka… ko fo zikwa I ghota nke e dere ede! Adim sure na ihe idere ebe ahu gbasara Psalm 23… so a gam e quote ihe John the baptist ka obu apostle kwuru na John 3.16. O si na… Maka chineke huru uwa nanya ka onyere opara ya na onye obula kwere na ya a gaghi anwu… but ga enwe ndu ebighi ebi!!! E de chalam ya but ihem dere adighi ogologo so kam tinye more stuff… Agam enye gi proverb ndi be anyi… Ha si na Awo anaghi agba oso na ehihie without reason… o ga abu na something na achu ya or na ona achu something! Also, ha sikwa na Nwata si na nne ya aghaghi ehi ora abali… ga amu anya the whole night… (ochi ochi ochi… hehe). Mr. Oliver D Coque kwuru na platinum album ya na… enwere nnukwu mmanwu nwee otimpu oh… Nnukwu mmanwu puta… obodo agbaba oso… otimpku ana eti… igidigi bu nke Eze… Overwhelmed… obu nnukwu mmanwu!!! Naija Babe… Obu kwa nnukwu mmanwu (anam achi ochi ka onye ana aritu aka na ike… hehe).
(Ps… plz anybody who understood Olawunmi’s comment… plz translate for me… cos me I don’t understand a word oh… or maybe I should actually try to translate it and give you guys the small understanding I got from it… lol… and yes I do realize oko can be husband or penis… so this should be interesting!!!)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

This is my interpretation of Olawunmi’s first comment and plz feel free to correct me if I’m wrong cos I interprete my Yoruba word for word… as opposed to in sentences and I understand different accents on different words give it a different meaning… so plz bear with me:

Interpretation: I’m going to be saying Different different things. Different kinds of drama occur in the lives of these (you?) females. Should I assume you laughed with the crazy person(lol… I know that doesn’t even make sense). It seems like it’s only you all the crazy things happen to.

You were player hating(obvious much? Lol) that day because you had a party for your friend which flopped. She(baby) that had the birthday didn’t see food to eat or anything to drink. She then said you had a party for kids

{I should insult you/It looks like I should insult you} based on what you said on my blog. Till this day, I still don’t see the person who gave you to me! You hear? I’m just going to keep talking this trash here… so that I can give you ‘ni iseti di e’… lol

I hope you know that a child that enjoys in his youth…and doesn’t die… will live till he’s old (wiser words were never spoken… lmao)

It’s well child… hehe

Guys… who well did I do?!?! Grade ME!!! Hehe… and feel free to correct sha… lol… this was fun so I’m going to translate his second comment!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

This is my interpretation of Olawunmi’s second comment. Feel free to correct or even commend me on my excellent command of the Yoruba language(not!… lol)

Interpretation: Let me now tell you… ‘iwa’ (something/conversation?) stupid they have given to you. Because that Ghanaian dude has enjoyed you are now treating him like a child. He himself is not sharp… let’s go and sharpen(him?) It seems like he is using ‘is coming’ to ‘bi wakati meji’(act like he’s three? Lmao… this one is so much harder!!!). don’t say anymore… so you wore your outfit, and makeup(correction oh Olawunmi… me I don’t wear makeup oh) and your shoes, and he ‘is now’(started?) waiting for someone he will be taking out. You have ‘wono wono’ and he will use that to ‘su’ you.(lol… my interpretation is not even based in logic is it?) That day… you should’ve just arrived. Those Ghanaian people/children… they don’t have action/they don’t use action. If it was a real eko(Lagos) child, we would’ve done the same thing with eyes closed?

You have used him ‘je sa’ because you’re a fine girl. If not… you’ll get a beating. You want the dude to go and dance to Makossa and then take you guys home. The guy fucked up big time. Anyways, it hasn’t gotten too bad! Any guy who takes you and your friend out(lol… I realize that’s not a complete sentence but I can’t seem to find the missing links… hehe). So backfire or go backfire? Lmao(that doesn’t make any sense either right?)

You are a strong(ogidi?) child for real!!!

Lmao… that was incredibly hard oh… plz y’all fill in the blanks for me and don’t forget to tell me how incredibly awesome I am at translating Yoruba diction… hehe.

chainreader said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
chainreader said...

tehehehehee! that kwame guy is tres scrubilicious! taking the word to whole new heights!

ps: i don't know about your yoruba, but your engri_igbo is on point. you had me in stitches!

Anonymous said...

Overwhelmed!! You don kill finish me with your ibo!! LMAO! .Let me tell you:

Hapu Olawunmi na ihe ahu ona asu ebe ahu.

About Kwame- ara gbabo kwa ya ebe agu. O tolo enweyi nne na nna agbgbuo ya. Afo osisa sawuo. O na omaghi etu esi ebulagi ebe obutelugi. Amaghi ihe na enya ya nsowu. Anu Npam!!

Abt the first proverb, the full saying is-Awo anaghi agba oso na ehihie na efu. And Oh.. I love Oliver DeCoque- na ezi okwu, enwere nnukwu mmanwu, nwee obere nmanwu. Otimpu adighi etimpu na efo.Nukwu nmanuw puta obodo agba oso!

Btw, Onye ebe ka ibu i.e. kedu afa obodo gi? Cheta na agwaram gi na amam onye ibu? So u might be surprised!

Olawunmi..beat that!!

Anonymous said...

"churchianity is not christianity"
said by my fav man - Uncle OGBO

Anonymous said...

kai kai Nigerians where is the love @ olawunmi, ONB et al.... stop this language fight thats the reason official lang at home na oyibo man tongue.. no let the oyibo man win by having all this lang wars ooooo, den dey laff us plenty plenty.....

One love beautiful Nija peoples....

azuka said...

I wouldn't exactly side with you all the way, which will be unusual.

Dude shows up on time because he wants to be punctual, spends an hour at the intersection. Who's he going to blame? Not himself.

Some other minutes are spent trying to get you ready, then you lose your way to your friend's place and she takes her time coming out. It's easy to see where he got strained.

I think both of you were in the wrong. He displayed quite ungentlemanly behavior, but who's going to spend 4 hours plus (60 + 50 + 30 + [the time it took him to drive to your place] + [the time it took him to drive from friend's place to the party] + [the time to drive from the party to your house] + [the time to drive from your friend's house back home]) in a car? That's a real mood-killer.

Other people have obviously highlighted his faults so I won't go into that here. Anyway, it's an experience...

Now, Overwhelmed, have you finally taught your mom's computer to speak English? You can email Vera to put you through the process we talked about. She's attained hemi-demi-semi-guru status -- or at least, I think so

Anonymous said...

shit men u killed me with the ibo dude, totally lost you there. The yoruba... Your translation had me in stitches! but you're not so bad. the second one you were totally clueless about though.
not that i'm fantastic meself but lemme try and translate.u'l get the idea.
the second comment: let me tell you again, bad behaviour 'gba' is what you gave him (ok this is gonna be very literal!) because the ghana boy enjoys(likes) you is why you treat him like a child. Even he is not sharp. If he were sharp, he should have put you on 'is coming'(ie delayed u)for like two hours. You know, you'd have worn your clothes, make-up and shoes then start waiting for the person that would take you out. You'll watch the road watch the road till you're tired(lol) only after that will he now come. Those ghana boys don't have action jo. If it were a real lagos boy, he would have done you how you did ni soju??(not sure bout that line) you used him to eat(i guessed messed/played with him) because you're a fine girl. If not you would have got it(the harsh treatment i guess). You want(ed) to use the boy to go and dance makossa, and he returned you to your house. That boy fuk(ed) up alot. Anyway, it hasn't spoilt too much(all is not spoilt i guess). Its a toughboy that you and your friend wanted to follow out. Did it backfire or did it not backfire?
he's a solid child(person) jare.

phew! Thats it. Not a particularly fair comment but i get the feeling it was in retort to something you said to him on his blog? Anyway now translate all that ibo stuff!!

Anonymous said...

ok also babe the boy tried for you, waiting hours. lame excuse- Church thing- but men you kept him waiting ages.
However, it was very un-gentlemanly of him to'v left you like that, and to'v sworn at y'all. i mean, i'da been so pissed! you're right to cut him off, i think, but you aggravated him sha.
But dude, that waiting outside stint was a very 'jjc' move. Noone expects girls to be ready on time! Plus if he'd told you he was waiting, maybe you coulda given him a seat inside?(right?)

azuka said...

Jadedkiss

Flip the personalities, replace Overwhelmed and her friend with Kwame and his, and find out if 'no one expects boys to be ready on time.' I bet she'd have been thrice as pissed as he was.

Double standards, eh?

Anonymous said...

LOL @ post and comments

Quoting Zee: "churchianity is not christianity"
I so concur with that.

laspapi said...

Havent sorted the 'new' name yet, love.

Olawunmi's comments had me in stitches and your interpretation of his lines were terrible, particularly the 2nd.

Azuka's comments made a lot of sense, though, you didn't get it right.
You stiffed kwame, too.

I'll get back to you on this.

Anonymous said...

ugh men are too ridiculous for my liking, WAY TOo RIDICULOUS!

WAIT WAIT WAIT, why are we leaving comments in yoruba and igbo. okay i saee how it is, lemme go and refresh my memory, i have to read this entry again cos the kwame boy was pissing me off abeggg!

The Mistress said...

Wow, can you say BITTER?

ROFL!

This was too funny!

Oh and I don't speak any of these languages so I haven't the foggiest fucking idea what the hell's going on.

Anonymous said...

You should have just told him "Kwasia" and to stuff it! No offense o jare, my ex was Ghanaian and I know enough Twi to pass as half ghanaian sef!
Sure Overwhelmed I bu nnukwu mmanwu, engli-igbo nka I de di ka sugar! LOL
girl see the idiot, thats the end of that friendship, definitely a waste of time, MEN pls, no boys needed!

beautyinbaltimore said...

You get +10 points for pointing out the hollyrollers on their trash.

You speak Ghanian Twa and Yourba. Are you part-part like me(Nigerian and African-American)?

UnNaked Soul said...

omo, the guy nack you gbosa for ground! I dey wait ur return march oh. anyways, you'd be surprise what frustration of not hitting a pu**y can make a man do. It's only human nature.

@zee: iwa (character, attitude) and kudos to ur interpretation (funny sha).

@ONB: your igbo strong oh. did you use google? LOL

blog on sista! still loving u like the first time... LOL

Anonymous said...

Overwhelmed: totally loving your translations. truly.

i swear i can barely recognise my own comments in your "speech", but i give you full marks for trying.

its still on... (kpa chanya gi o)

(ps: holler, be resourceful and find a way)

Anonymous said...

dede urun ri m so re, so kan miss re. mi so fo wo m playa hate, mo fo wom playa hate re. we mo urunkurun, subon mo ma dari jire, nitorifo mo laanu.

alaraka riwo wa.

ko ba le tumo iwe, award ri m ma fun o.

Anonymous said...

@ azuka: i agree. women expect to be late for everything, and they expect guys to grin and bear it. i would never have acted like that dude though, i would have been the perfect gentleman that night but never taken her out again. very simple.

i honestly don't see how you can be over 2 hours late and expect a man to keep his cool. this girl once made me wait about 2 hours while she got dressed, and i wasn't even trying to date her. sadly, i was sitting in her house with her mom while she got ready, so i couldn't just drive off, but when she emerged, no prettier than when she went in, i made it clear that i would never pick her up again.

the next time we were due to hang out, my friend offered to pick her up and i wouldn't allow him. in the end she had to make her own arrangements, which suited me just fine. i didn't care whether she was upset or not, my time is too precious to be spent like that.

he should never have acted that way though. never. its inexcusable, but sometimes people get provoked to act out of character.

and its true, church is but a masquerade that covers our nature, its by no means a guarantee that we are christian.

Anonymous said...

Quoting Zee: "churchianity is not christianity" I double concur!!!

Nyemoni said...

LMAO!!! Hehehe This is too funny! jeez... this guy gets the award for being an a**

Anonymous said...

damn, what an idiot!

Uzo said...

What a turd

Anonymous said...

lol@ you and Olawunmi. Babes, am sorry but I'm gonna have to side the boys on here (Azuka most esp coz I've no idea what Olawunmi said) on most part of this gist.

I can see how Kwame must have ran out of patience as the night dragged, a reason for why he reacted like that in the end. I was "Ayo" in a situation like this before, though I didn't end up cursing the guy out, I tried to make my friend understand that we did go a little too far by making them wait on us for so long. The boys were casual friends so I wasn't expecting special favors.

Everyone's upset now, but if u see or speak to Kwame, just apologize for how bad the night turned out and for making them wait too long. I hope he apologizes for being rude and if he doesn't at least you can be the bigger person.

Anonymous said...

Kwame is a such an iddddiot!

belle said...

he probably felt used... the same way i would have felt. you have to admit you did use him for a ride...right??
i think it is unfair to pull the "what type of xtian is he" card-- because he IS human, and being a xtian does not exempt him from behaving inappropriately at times.
he probably felt that he was being a gentleman by showing up early...lol.
Sorry to say, i probably would have left your a**es at the club. i hate people wasting my time. At least he was decent enough to drop you back home. LOL.

NaijaBloke said...

Hahaha ..Olawunmi u dan crase finish ..after u wan kill the poor gurl with yoruba u come change to Ijebu again ..LOL

@ONB .. mehn u need to see me laffing my head off here with the post and ur translation and damn gurl ur ibo is .....

Anonymous said...

LOL
show him pepper when you can
revenge is a dish best served cold (insert evil laughter)

Anonymous said...

hey there! u have the first blame but Kwame was childish for letting ur act get to him. He's human anyways so nt's understandable but he coulda been a li'l more matured about...
Olawunmi i dey feel you jare....Eweso Omo Alare! Anyone brave enuff to translate IJEBU?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Chainreader: lol… I love that word scrubilicious(I’m gonna use it in a post sometime soon… permission?) lmao@ my Engri-Igbo… it’s not that bad now abi? Or can you do better eh babe?! In fact I challenge you to an Igbo “Speak-Off”… we will have the Igbo panel of judges decide who is the champion… Beware: I speak Igbo with my mom at home 70% of the time so I have practice… YOU ON?!?! hehe

@Confessions of a moody crab: lmao… shebi my Igbo is great eh? Olawunmi thinks he can confuse me with Yoruba so I now showed him spiritual and linguistic ‘pepper’!!! lmao @ the insults you reigned on kwame… otolo enweyi nne na nna gbabuo ya… Lmao… that’s just terribly funny… I almost collapsed laughing at that!!! hehe@ the first proverb… I was close sha abi? I didn’t realize until I tried to write it how much I mix my Igbo and English when I actually speak it! Oh babe… ima wassup!! With the Oliver D Coque… Dr. Engineer D Coque is my James Brown and Michael Jackson and Celine Dion and 50 cent all mixed in one… hehe @ NNukwu Mmanwu.. you self you’re an Nnukwu Mmanwu… lol… abum onye Imo oh… it would be totally awesome if you knew me sha… but amarom how maka ino London… tell me more tell me more!!!

@Zee: Churchianity is not Christianity… Uncle Ogbo hit the nail right on the head!!! Lmao… abeg oh Zee don’t be angry just because you don’t know how to speak vernacular and you can’t sell the oyinbo people with us!!! You know this is no more Nigeria where we have to pay ‘levy’ or ‘fine’ for speaking vernacular in class (lmao… you have any memories of those fun times?!)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Azuka: I hear what you’re saying about him showing up on time… but listen… we talked a long time before and what I gave him was a time frame for when we should be leaving. What he was supposed to do(and what I’m used to every guy doing) is to call me when he’s getting ready or even an hour before the time to confirm that we’re still on for that time. You don’t just leave your house and start coming to my house when it’s not set in stone… I mean things can happen… so as a smart person you Call to avoid that sort of wait time!!! I know I can’t be blamed for him spending that long cos even when he called me at 9.30pm, he didn’t even tell me he was at the intersection waiting for me so I thought he was at his house the whole time and that when I called him that I was ready… he’d then leave his house… that was why I called him at 11pm cos I knew it’d buy me a few more minutes to get ready… but unfortunately… he was already there for 90 minutes waiting.. that’s so stupid if you don’t mind me saying… HE SHOULD’VE AT LEAST TOLD ME THAT INSTEAD OF ACTING THE MARTYR AND GETTING MAD AT ME FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS OUT OF MY CONTROL!!! Lol @ all your calculus calculations… na only you sabi all those ones sha! The 90 minutes he spent waiting had nothing to do with me and things happen… I mean people get lost… he didn’t know the directions and neither did I so we had to call and ask… I mean as a person… you have to realize that things don’t always go according to plan… so you gotta expect the unexpected. I mean who drives all the way to the club only to turn back because he’s “Going to church”… WTF and he doesn’t have the decency to even drop us at my house and even my friend at hers! lol@ my mom’s computer not speaking English.. I don’t know whats wrong with it and msn.. it just converts to some Arabic font that me I don’t understand… I’m going back to school tomorrow sha so I’ll probably just use my computer from there to communicate with you or contact miss Green Eye… with her semi demi guru stuff(God save the Queen!!!)

Biodun said...

This kwame guy is a trip really, but why am I no surprise, guys can be such punks atimes!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@JadedKiss: Lmao@ my igbo… it’s fantastico… just come cybersis let me teach you how the speak the language of love… any person who speaks Igbo has a better chance of getting a job with Bill Gates, Britney Spears or Burger King… lmao! My Yoruba is horrible… and it’s even worse when I speak it cos I literally think of every word and translate directly from English to Yoruba… my friends just laugh at me sha… DANG I WAS SOOO OFF WITH THAT SECOND TRANSLATION ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY… hehe… I was just off on my own tangent yarning nonsense! Lmao… the reason he did that was because once he put up some Hindu poem on his blog that I didn’t understand so I left him a comment in Igbo… lmao.. he’s “revenging” me! No oh… me I don’t think he tried for me because he should’ve told me he was leaving cos the timing wasn’t set in stone… and I told him that hours ago… every dude I know confirms before coming to pick you up… you don’t show up and wait for my intersection without at least telling me… I mean the whole time he was there… I did not have a clue about it!!! So for all I knew when I’d called him at 11pm… he was about to leave his house… only to find out he’d been waiting… me I don’t want to talk to him anymore sha


@Azuka: No oh… if I was supposed to meet someone somewhere and I had talked to them about it a long time ago… I’d call them before I left or something just to confirm… so then I’d be able to get mad if the person was too late… cos “THEY KNEW”… this is not double standards oh… for me it’s just common sense!!!

@Nilla: I totally luv that statement too… it covers pretty much everything I wanted to say!!!

@laspapi: Lmao… is my Yoruba really that bad?! And here I thought I was doing fantastic! Oh we have to exchange names before my 21st birthday next month… you just have to cos me I expect a sweet poem from you oh! And you just have to have a name by then.. you just have to!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Mphahlele: My dear say it and say it again!... You can’t speak Yoruba or Igbo?!?! SHAME oh… so you too can’t sell oyinbo people… that’s just too bad… but all is not lost sha… me I only charge $345 an hour to teach you the inner workings of the Igbo language! Textbook and Handouts already included… although you still have to pay $950 yearly retainer fee… how’s that sound?! Lol… my dear… forget Kwame… he’s a wanksta!!!(oh dang… that’s the first time I ever used that word… EXCITEMENT!!!)

@The Mistress: My dear that’s exactly how I see it… I mean he was so incredibly stupid… I even forget to put in a part of the story about some guys trying to pick us up… I mean what if something had happened to us where he dropped us off… Spiritual Motherfucker!!! Lol… we should teach you a Nigerian Language… then you could talk dirty to Mr. K in a foreign language(it can be very sexy… trust me… lol)

@Naijalove: lmao@Kwasia... I should’ve eh? But I just didn’t want to cause ruckus… hehe… me too… I dated a Ghanaian boy or two back in the day… lived there for a year so I speak quite a bit… so any Ghanaian dude that tries to talk shit cos “I’m Nigerian” gets to hear it!!! Lmao… yay!!! You can write Igbo too… this is so exciting!!! I thought I was the only Igbo major up in Blogsville… YES MAMI>>> MEN PLZ>>> NO BOYS NEEDED! He wasn’t even really a friend… just someone I talked to when I talked to… and now we just “WON’T”
@Beautyinbaltimore: Thanks for the 10 points mami… I love God but I really hate it when people use that religion stuff to ‘camoflage’. No… I’m totally Nigerian but I lived in Ghana for a year so I speak a bit of their language… I never even asked… have you ever been to Nigeria before?!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Unnaked Soul: lmao@nack me gbosa for ground… but no problem sha… I don stand up again! You’re too funny… and you’re right… that’s exactly what my boyfriend said was probably his motivation cos it made no sense whatsoever… I mean I have known this dude for years! Oh Iwa is character? Lol… your Yoruba self is good… you saw how I mangled Olawunmi’s comment there?! Yes oh… My Igbo is terrific… if I didn’t already have my hands full with the wanting to become a doctor and write on the side thing… I’d take up Igbo as a proffesion(teaching it to the world? Lol) But come you dey speak Igbo and Yoruba join together? Thanks babe… loving your blog too… you ROCK!!!
@Olawunmi: Lmao… don’t go there abeg… I did a terrific job… I believe I retained the ‘essence’ of your comments… lol… oh dang with your small Igbo… I like… why do I have a feeling you called one of your Igbo friends to get that statement self… I bet all the Igbo you know is “Kedu” so I still won this battle!! In fact if you even want French, Spanish or Chinese self… I will show you ‘linguistic pepper’!!! Holy Makossa… that your last Yoruba comment… make I go bath come back then try to translate the comment cos e dey like say this one na fire for fire!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

This is my interpretation of Olawunmi’s latest Yoruba comment:
___________________ playa hate________ playa hate_________ ???_______!!! _______.(lmao… yup that’s right)

@Olawunmi: No oh… me I only consider myself to be a few minutes later (the few minutes I wasted when he was at my door to get my keys and put on lipgloss) not all the time he was ‘waiting at the intersection’ cos me I didn’t send him message. He should’ve called to confirm cos we’d set that time a while ago! Me I don’t take long to get ready at all.. I just had to do stuff for my mom… lmao@ what you did to that girl… I don’t think you should even have dinner tonight for that inexcusable action of yours!!! He left me outside man… that I just won’t condone!!!

@Elle: lol… I so love that comment too!

@Nyemoni: lol… The award for ‘Acidic Asshole of the month’ is hereby award to Kwame for his atrocious crimes against the very nice, very sweet, very cute Overwhelmed Naija Babe.

@9jamommy: my dear say it and say it again!

@Uzo: lol… I’ve never used that word b4 but me likey… Turd eh? Yes he is!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Mari: Me I blame Kwame oh… he should go and take a ‘chill pill’… I don’t think he waited too long for me… who sent him to ‘wait at the intersection’?! me I’m not talking to him oh… he should then apologize if he wants my apology … in fact read my next entry… you’ll understand why I said that!

@Bella Naija: I second that!

@Belle: lmao… well he’s been wanting to go out for quite a while… gentlemanly? Abeg… I still feel he should’ve called me to tell me he was on his way or leaving or something… I had absolutely no clue… my what type of Christian is he has to do with why on earth would he drop us on the way and drive off… what if something had happened to us… In fact read my next post… there’s a part I omitted so you might understand more… no oh… I never waste any time if someone comes to get me(maybe 2-3 minutes)… but you have to understand the whole time he was waiting for me… I didn’t even know he was waiting for me… I thought he was at his house waiting for me to tell him when to leave

@NaijaBloke: lmao… me I couldn’t even comprehend talkless of interprete his ‘ijebu’ comment! Lol… shebi my translation wasn’t that bad now?! give me small props.. I try… you see how Olawunmi didn’t even attempt to translate my Igbo… because he doesn’t have my skills!!! And yes my Igbo is sexy… lmao… I just remember I had an ex that used to talk dirty to me in Igbo… it was the funniest thing ever!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Omo Naija: lmao… I follow you dey laugh the evil laughter… you know wassup babe 4real!!! Hehe

@Anonymous: Me I still don’t see why I have to be blamed oh… lol… how come everyone is confusing me with the Ijebu Yoruba… it’s so hard! I don’t even understand a word… actually I know omo… child… hehe(1 out of 3 ain’t bad oh!)

@Biodun: He is a trip 4real… stupid fool!

Anonymous said...

hey there! it's the anonymous Ijebu writer. I can help you translate the Ijebu but you need to put up the translation for the ibo/Igbo (need to be educated on the difference) remarks...nothing goes for nothing..
Keep the posts coming....and don't waste time looking up my blog cos empty is what it is.Can't b ring myself to write yet.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!!!!1
Dude has issues for real!!!!

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year! Busy year already my dear

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@b-a-y-u-s-c-h: This your blogger name no ez at all sha… abeg explain am oh! Lmao… so you’re doing trade by barter with me ehn?! Lol… in spite of your warning I still went on your blog just to see if I could see anything… but abeg oh… try and put something up now so we can come and speak vernacular on your blog self! lmao… the Igbo when I write no even get meaning at all trust me. I just wanted to fill space… but since you asked real nicely… I’ll explain.

Translation: Look Mr… I used English to put up my post so please explain your reason for using ‘Oduduwa’s Language’(lol.. Yoruba) to give me scatter brain(headache? Lol… don’t mind me jare cos I’m giving you the direct translation). First of all… I only understand a little a little of your language talkless of being able to decode the written one. I’m sure that what you wrote up there has something to do with Psalm 23 so I’m gonna quote John the Baptist or is the apostle on what he said in John 3.16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have life everlasting”. I finished writing that but I realize that my speech is pretty short so I’m gonna put in more stuff… let me give you an Igbo proverb: They say that the frog doesn’t run around the daytime for no reason… it’s either running after something or something is running after it. Also, they say that a child that says his mother won’t sleep that night will also have to stay up the entire night!(laughter laughter laughter… hehe) Mr. Oliver D Coque said in his platinum album that “There is a big masquerade… and he always has followers(bell ringers?). When that big masquerade comes out… all the small masquerades serenade(respect?) him.” Overwhelmed is a big masquerade… Naija Babe is also a big masquerade(I’m laughing like somebody that’s being fingered… hehe)… lmao

I told you I was yarning dust jare don’t mind me… lmao… that was fun to translate sha… hope you’ve learned something from my wise words!!! Lol

@Boorish Male: He truly does jare… he’s living in his own universe

@Zeyi: Happy New Year to you too luv… Hope everything’s good with you… you haven’t updated your blog in a while… Be well

Anonymous said...

LOL... that was crazy... he was tripping... i hope that you never run into him again, i'm afraid what u'll say to him...

DD

Anonymous said...

C wot a li'l deceit can do? Now you think am Ijebu and can actually transl8. Well, I'll try. Here u go....

All i said to you, you missed (u got all my writings wrong)...
I said you are playa h8n not that u r playa h8n him...
You don't know anything. But i will 4gv you cos am merciful.
You are an ALARAKA (alaraka's some Ijebu word..never bothered to learn its meaning)...
If you can transl8 this i will give u an award..
Sorry Olawunmi for blowing your spot. Hope i did a decent job besides ur Ijebu's not that sound....

Anonymous said...

....IGBO is the language and IBO the pple..right?

Anonymous said...

I love this blog!

Anonymous said...

Do you always laugh whenever you're being fingered?

Anonymous said...

guys piont of view... double standard 4real... only time i ever disagree wit ya ONB...even if he did show up early(he's fault)girls seem to think its ok to not prepare anything in advance...NOT ALL MEN are good with directions... and somewhere down the line dude got tire...and saw that ur was obviously using him...i mean U called HIM asking to take u n friend out...not to go out with HIM... its like woman want equal respect n all but expect to nothing to earn it... repeated too offen...STILL LUV YA...but i had to speak cause I DON'T PLAY DAT SHITT.

laspapi said...

My next play's titled "Anatomy of a Woman"- February or March at the Muson Centre. I'll dedicate it to you. I promise. A play for a song. And when its in book form, the dedication'll bear your (real) name. I'll have that poem for you too.

Tell me when your birthday is, will you?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Discombobulated: he really was tripping… lol… I hope I don’t either… for both our sakes… at least not in the next few weeks!

@Anonymous: hehe… I no dey even comment for this comment!

@Anonymous2: I’m not sure.. I say them both the same way…

@Anonymous3: Thanks luv

@Anonymous 4: lol… not that I know of… I’ll ask my boyfriend later on and I’ll come back and tell you what he says

@Anonymous5: Me I wasn’t using him oh… we were all supposed to go partying… note I didn’t ask him for a ride… I said we could all go to the party… and he said ok.. he’d come pick me up… and that was that! Me I don’t even want to explain again self… I’ve tried… you can read my above reply to Azuka for further explanations

@Laspapi: oh my gosh… that’s one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me… I mean I’ve had songs, poems… but an entire play… dedicated to me?! I don’t even know what to say… like seriously… You’re beautiful!!! My Birthday’s February 7th… I turn 21… yay!!! Anatomy of a woman huh… I’d love to read it (if that’s not bad luck or anything)… wish I could be there!! Thanks so much…. Honest truth… you’re officially one of my favorite people in the world. How come I’m unable to see your blog… like it opens up but there’s not an actual blog?

laspapi said...

blog's there, love. Nilla's always leaving death threats on it. Got your new year message there too. Script's being tweaked here and there but about ready, I think you'll like it. I'll keep you abreast.

Olawunmi said...

why are you people translating my comments for ONB?

why?

i fit vex o.

Anonymous said...

you guys put the guy thru alot, i can understand his agony but at least he took u and ur friend to ur place.. he tried!