Monday, January 15, 2007

I hope he didn’t hear me

The boyfriend was over on Sunday.


He’s one of the most genuine people I know

I remember the day I met him like it was yesterday...

I was in a terrible mood and he still managed to make me laugh.

I spent the rest of the day thinking about him and the months after falling deeply into him.


He’s that one boyfriend that I’ve been able to tell everything… the tragedy, the pain, the hurt and all the mistakes that I’ve made.

In front of someone else I might’ve felt some embarrassment… some need to keep some of it to myself… but we’re past the point of secrets and fiction


It used to feel like I was stuck in an eternal winter… but he’s brought sunshine.

There’s enough warmth and heat that the ice in my heart thaws just a little more everytime we’re together.

I no longer feel as emotionally empty… as cold


Sometimes I wonder how someone who’s been through so much could retain such honesty and charm.


He’s given me back something I thought I had lost a long time ago…


Now I have laughter and spontaneous celebration


The past 9 months knowing him has been a marvel, an adventure, an exciting journey.

Being with him is easy… safe, warm, comfortable and easy.


He was over on Sunday and we just held each other.

With the familiarity that comes from extended intimacy we knew not to rush as we were already aware of what the night would bring.

He lit a candle and we talked and laughed, ate and drank.

When all our other needs were satisfied and passion was the only one left, we made love.

It was sweet, tender and gentle… all the things that he is


Then I blurted out:

I Love You


(and instantly went into panic attack mode)

(I mean I’ve never ever said that to a guy before. I really like my boyfriend but I'm not sure that I love him... I mean I couldn't... at least not yet... I'm so confused...)

I know he already loves me

I still have some thinking to do… but in the meantime… I really hope he didn’t hear me!!!

55 comments:

Noni Moss said...

Yah first! (for the first time ever!)

And I hope he did hear you! Loll

Nilla said...

He so heard you.....LOL

Have a wonderful week Missy!

bitchy said...

Wow... I'm not even a regular and I'm like the 3rd person to leave a comment. Yaay! Your blog is so good... I'm envious :-(

I hope he did hear you!! If you had that kind of amazing experience together, I'm sure he feels the same way. Might take him sometime... if he's Nigerian, you'll be waiting a while oh, but he will definitely say it back to you.... xx

Uzo said...

Ah my dear. He heard you....Its great

bitchy said...

P.S. I just saw that you listed me under your favourite bloggers... Yaaaay! Thanks hun!! Lol xxx

boorish male said...

Lol:
Obvioulsly you had a GOOD time!!!
Cheers gorgeous!!

Elle said...

Oh honey he totally heard you. But from what you've said it sounds like you are into him big time! so maybe it isn't such a bad thing... ;)

UnNaked Soul said...

lol... you said it! yes, you did!! lol... I've only said it to a few, and each time I say it, I ask myself if I mean it, and its significance... am psycho like that...

anyways, you said... I said this before right? ok...

blog on

Mphahlele said...

OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!! what does it take to be first around here eh!!! k i'm coming i'm going to read!

Mphahlele said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhh you said it!!! you love him!!! ne ne nee poo poo!!!!! you know i can totally feel your fear, i so can, but i hope he heard you and how come u don't know if he heard you, because he was sleeping? you said it quietly????I HOPE HE HEARD YOU!

stranger said...

"Madea's Family Reunion" put it this way...Love is many things; it's varied, but one thing it's not and can never be is uncertain...u really should see that movie girlfriend, it's story of an abused past too...it's good you were able to blurt out those words, you know, you were created to love, and no matter how you try to get away from it, sooner than later, it will look you straight in the face...take a deep breath and say it again...and don't forget the greatest love of all...1 John 4v19 says it like this "we love...because he first loved us"

Confessions of a moody crab said...

She said IT!! She said IT!! *doing the victory dance*

My sista, he so heard you and there is nothing to worry about. From what you've written so far about him, it looks like he's already into you. So fear not, ok.

By the way, I just finished my exams and I have alot of catching up to do on ur blog. I can see alot has been happening around here. Hope your weekennd was good, though?

In my head and around me said...

In case you did not hear what every one else said, let me say it again: "He heard you o!"

Discombobulated Diva said...

yeah, i'm pretty sure he heard you too.... but things must have felt very right for it to come out so naturally without being forced... as you always tell me, girl go with the flow of things...
being in love is great so enjoy it...
~DD

azuka said...

Open up, open up...

Reciprocate...

Ms zee said...

Babe... you said it loud and clear and guess what.. He heard you! he heard you and he is happy and yoooouu know it I bet you feeeeel it.. LOL

TaureanMinx said...

Theres nothing wrong with loving your mannnn. I could be a lyricist maeeennn. Take it easy girl, slow and steady...enjoy.

Soul said...

hmmm....
you're not ready are you?.

i dunno aburo..me being me, I wouldn't say anything else about it. i'd just leave it floating in the ether but then that's me.

it's always a pain to blurt out things you don't feel ready to blurt out yet or are unsure of.

Biodun said...

lol, yeah yeah i hope he heard you girl, lol. You are in love and love is a beautiful thing my dear, enjoy!!! I am happy for you!! With that though, when r u gonna say it again?
Reminds me of the time I first "I love you" to my man, it just came out of my mouth too, lol, I was a lil embarassed, so girl no be only u o!

Naija Sapphire said...

I hope he heard you loud and clear. It's a lovely feeling to just get it out.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Someone once told me, LOVE is a passionately feeling, which u eith have or don't. And very rarely is it said - excpet for all those u use the word willy nilly without fully grasping the meaning. Im sure he heard you. He's probably waiting on you to fully realise what it is you said.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

ooh and by the way - what happend to mummy sunday????

Icy said...

hahah chic did u hallucinate/imagine/only mentally say those words abi did u actually say/voice it ? lol either way it's out in the universe. It's a beautiful thing jare don't fret, Relax and one day at a time hun!

Belle said...

sweetie, it's ok to be vulnurable...

Dimples said...

Love is sweet..it seems to be all over...u caught the bug too...
Sister if he didn't hear u then...he has heard u now....lol

I love this so much!!!...MORE MORE!!!

confusednaijagirl said...

awww thats great. you no he loves you too so it doesnt really matter that you said it first.

LonelierThanAkon said...

“I hope he didn’t hear me”

OWNB, haba, you know you’ve already told him in more convincing terms than the spoken word.

So, no matter ur worries, keep in mind that nothing soothes half as much as genuine affection, unstated or confessed.



PS:

Love is a sustained high, some sort of an enduring orgasm

Don’t compromise your cloud9.

Breathe,

Bathe,

Soak it all up.

Freaky Deaky said...

Ditto what everyone else said, he heard you so you can't really take it back. Well, you could but that would be kind of mean and he already knows so what's the point?

Have a nice day.

nosa101 said...

Now that aint good. NEVER LET THE OTHER PARTY KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE 'EM.
Then you can keep the upper hand

Poetic Justice said...

The first time is the most genuine!

Folu said...

Keep the upper hand? If you just want to have fun then I guess that's the way to go. BUT if you're looking for a real, genuine, open and honest relationship, there should be no upper hand...both parties should be vulnerable to/with each other. I know people have been burned in the past and all and should obviously be careful before they open up themselves, but from my little experience, I really believe a couple needs to be open and honest with each other to truly have a genuine commitment to each other. I say if one does not have that, develop that before moving to the next step.

chainreader said...

ha! he so heard you! even if he was deaf, he'd have heard this one! eeeeya that you feel you are not ready to say it. but i think you really feel this guy sha. so maybe it's not a bad thing. maybe your heart just wanted to say what your head hadn't let it for a long time.

heheheee. ONB is in love!


*duh!*

Favoured Girl said...

Babe, it's okay to let your feelings show. You've probably let him know already in the little things you do together. Saying it out loud only confirms what you had been feeling all along! I really hope he heard you :-)

The Mistress said...

How sweet! You guys sounds like the perfect couple!

owimin said...

Hmmmm ...make una see wetin Good Nakin can do. All men should learn from ya man :D

laspapi said...

"I hope he didn't hear me"-
Like they say in Lagos- "Wanna hear you die?". Of course he did.
You haven't put yourself at a disadvantage with him. Those who love us, love us.

Nigerican said...

I wanna be like u when i grow up,do u know how u r ?MUSHY lol.ONB said "I luuuuuvvvvvv uuuuuu".Just kiddin girl u know i had to give u shit about it.In all seriousness that's awsome "One small leap for mankind ,one GIANT leap for ONB".

Lee said...

LOL.. I'm sure he heard you..its ok to let your feelings out. Being in that state is such a wonderful feeling, so enjoy it while it lasts..:)

BabaAlaye said...

He's gonna ask you to say it again.
Then you'll know he heard you the first time. Be prepared!!! lol

A few glasses of Hennesy, and i'm dropping that "I love you" shit all night long.

temmy tayo said...

It is sooooooooo cool to be in love. Especially with someone you think the world of.

Mona said...

hahah! Well if he heard and hasn't said it, he'll say it soon hopefully....

Check out the M word on my post xxx

Nyemoni said...

LOL! I hope he heard you for the sake of more stories from you!

jadedKiss said...

aww sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!

angie said...

Whao!!!
I m sure he heard u...lol
This is soo nice, i m happy u have him.

Mari said...

Ohhh how sweet. I hope he heard you. There's nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel about him/her. Imagine if something really bad (knock on wood)happens, then you'll realize that you never got the opportunity to say it...you'd feel like you lost out.

Ineka said...

He heard you.
The world didn't end.
Just give in to it... :)

babe said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR AUNTY OH....How are you doing?

beautyinbaltimore said...

AH Overwhelmed you better be good to that man oh. Or I will come after you. Since he has told you he loves you first you should have no problem telling him now.

reen said...

lol am pretty sure he did and considering all the posts u made about him, he probably feels the same way about u ;)

Vera Ezimora said...

woah! I cannot believe this. You haven't told him you love him? Wow.

Awwwww. That's so sweet though. The fact that it was not premeditated means you actually do love him.

And he definitely heard you. People do not NOT hear such things.

iGwatala said...

I heard you babe!

Ha, just kidding. It wasn't me, as much I wish it was. lol.

Maiden Voyage said...

Love is a good thing. Saying it is even better. You've got me all mushy and wanting to fall in love, and for me at this point its almost Sacrilegious...LOL!!

Own your love for him and say it loud and clear. He's obviously made it easy for you to love him - well done I say.

Omohemi Benson said...

Relax girl!
So what if he heard?

I am a johnny just come to your blog,
And I loooveeeee it!
Specially the high horses &Mummy sunday post.
Keep it coming girl!

chioma said...

what are you scared of? your big sis

Daisy said...

Hey girl, whatever happened after you said the L word. Did you both ever get to talk about it? Curious to know