Sunday, December 31, 2006

My 2006

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Such fantastic sex with a fantastic person in such fantastic positions
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I never really make resolutions... I figure out what I want for the year as I go along
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No
4. Did anyone close to you die? Some of my pain did……
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Everything that’s meant for me… More of what I already have….
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The 11th of every month (our anniversary), December 9th (she knew how much I love her and how much she meant to me but she turned her back on our friendship… it still hurts)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I read more books, sang more songs, wrote poetry, cried, and even laughed more. I’ve learnt to trust more, that it’s okay to let go. I started blogging and this gave me a forum to open up about a lot of pain from my past and some issues that I continue to deal with. Blogger has shown me people like me who dream big dreams, people that deal with family and personal stuff, people that don’t judge me, people that see the truth.
9. What was your biggest failure? Losing one of my best friends… I tried but I guess the dynamics of our friendship had changed a while ago and I tried to ignore that….it still hurts really bad
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Food poisoning on boxing day… I’m still recovering…. I’ve never had such terrible fever, migraines and stomach aches in my life…. I hope there’s no permanent damage cos I’ve been feeling crappy for almost a week.
11. What was the best thing you bought in 06? Black Nail Polish
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Naijadyme…. I love her the same as I did 5 years ago… she’s my truth! Naijadude…. He’s come so far this year it’s unbelievable… he makes me think everything’s possible.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I’ll talk about it next year…. It was so unexpected I still don’t even know where to start
14. Where did most of your money go? Regular girl stuff
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Every thing at the same time…. I’ve gotten excited over the shape of my thighs, the curve of my breast, the length of my fingers, the taste of his kiss, the sound of her laugh. I’ve been excited when they tickle me, when I drank hot chocolate and laughed with my best friend. I’ve always been excited about life.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Christina Aguilera’s “Hurt” and “Save Me From Myself”, Robin Thicke’s “Lost without you”
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? My tits are a cupsize smaller!!!
iii. richer or poorer? Practically broke
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Bought even one pair of flat shoes
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Eating Cheese
20. Did you fall in love in 2006? I might be taking that plunge in 2007.
21. Did you get your heart broken in 2006? I've never really had my heart broken cos I never gave it out prior this
22. Did your behaviour change over the year? The only thing constant is change...
23. How many one-night stands? R technically wasn’t a one-night stand. We’d been talking for months before we did it…. But since I didn’t want to take it further and there was never a repeat performance… why do I have a funny feeling that’s what you mean by a one night stand?!24. What was your favorite TV program? I have I have no tv on residence so I write.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time lastyear? There are people I don’t like anymore… but hate…. no
25. What was the best book you read? Can’t remember. I love books about rich and beautiful people, artists, glitz, glamour… actually I read anything but those ghetto books that are not ‘color-purple-esque’
26. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Anita Baker
27. What did you want and get? I was never looking for it but now that I have it… can’t imagine time without it… His love
28. What did you want and not get? Yellow, Baby Blue and Orange Stilettos (they’re nowhere to be found)
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Dreamgirls
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I can’t really remember… I think different people took me on different dates….
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A free year supply of light brown curly weaves cos I’m beginning to realize how much I’m spending on this stuff
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?Less cluttered/ frilly… I’ve basically evolved into a simple shirt, skinny jeans and stilettos kind of girl.
33. What kept you sane? The light from God and those around me
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Robin Thicke’s voice, Jennifer Lopez’s clothes, Victoria Beckham's shoes, Nicole Richie's Bags, Elizabeth Taylor's Diamonds(yes I'm exactly the sort of girl that'd wear diamonds with jeans), Stephen Colbert’s Humour, my best friend’s laugh, my boyfriend’s hug.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Obasanjo
36. Who did you miss? Different people at different intervals
37. Who was the best new person you met? They know themselves… and how I feel about them both in my ‘real’ and ‘blog’ life
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: When you think you have it all figured out, life will surprise you.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year… “I never want to be so afraid to fail that I don’t even try” by Dido

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Movie Dreamgirls

affected me like no other this year...

Dreamgirls is an explosion of sound
It’s the first ray of sunlight you see after being trapped in the dark for so long
It’s a symphony, an orchestra, it’s love, laughter, hurt, pain… it’s life
Dreamgirls is a religious experience


Dreamgirls is talented singers excited for their first big break
It’s the first time you see your name in lights… the first time you know they actually came out to see you
It’s your first hit single, your first standing ovation…


Dreamgirls is the first time a man sees the real you
It’s the first time your best friend steals that man from you

Dreamgirls is the jealousy that eats you up inside while you pretend not to care

Dreamgirls is when you finally pour your heart out to him and he turns his back on you
Dreamgirls is pain…. so much pain
You raise his child up on your own, taking welfare…when you could be singing… living
You turn on the tv every morning and see their success when it should’ve been you
You’re sorry but your pride won’t let you show it

Dreamgirls is having chances but not having the courage to follow your dream
Dreamgirls is loosing your sound
Dreamgirls is finding it again
It’s that one big break after years of struggling
Dreamgirls is the elation you feel when you go into the audition knowing he doesn’t believe in you but you proceed to blow him away nonetheless

Dreamgirls is when he loves you but won’t leave his wife
Dreamgirls when he dies of a heroin overdose cos they’re sucking the soul out of his music
Dreamgirls is when she won’t let you see his body because she knows you’re the mistress


Dreamgirls is when you’re married to your record producer and he thinks you cant leave him cos he ‘made’ you
Dreamgirls is stepping out on your own despite the fact that you have no shield from the world outside


Dreamgirls is being married to the songwriter and knowing that every love song was written about you

Dreamgirls is the day you all choose to put your differences aside, go in front of an audience and sing your hearts out
Dreamgirls is the last note on that goodbye song
Dreamgirls is when the curtains finally close down and you realize that now it's you against the world

Dreamgirls is what the future holds… the endless possibilities, the opportunities… the journey

Dreamgirls is the world I sometimes feel I live in

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Mummy Sunday 7

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my seventh Mummy Sunday post!!! This one is a prayer to the Lord above that He grant us all our heart desires during this festive season and after. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone… hope all your dreams come true and the new year brings even better things.

I Pray

I pray that my mom gets the contracts that she’s worked so hard for
She’s spent hours, days, weeks and months on them
She’s worked 10 hour days, slept 6 hour nights
God please let your grace shine on her and make things come through for her
{plus Lord you know that when she’s getting that… then I can ‘Tax’ her}

God please grant me the ability to be there for her always
You know I try but I’m only human
I try, but every once in a while I stumble and fall
Lord please pick me up… she’s everything to me

God please help my sister to be more understanding
Less Stubborn and more supportive
She’s a great girl but please help her see more clearly sometimes
Oh and please Lord touch her to stop taking my clothes

Lord please keep friends around my mom that can be there for her
Not fake friends… friends who want favours all the time, friends who want to see her fall

Just people who love and support her
You’ve kept her thus far… you’ve made things happen in her life and subsequently ours… Lord we’re too far gone to fail now!

Lord help us become better people
Let our family be exemplary
Let the world know that kids from a single home can and do turn out right
Lord let your light shine on us
Let the world know that girls are children too and don’t have ‘chicken brains’
Let them see your grace on us… let us be successful even beyond our wildest dreams

Lord send my mom a great man
Not a whiner, not a controller, not a miser, not a gambler, not a drinker, not a hitter
Just the right man

Someone who will see the genuine and beautiful woman she is
Someone that will look right into her heart and see what depth
Someone who can also help to heal some of the hurt, take away some of the pain, the anger
Actually Lord…. Do that yourself… you’re better at that than anyone else
Cleanse her Lord.
I mean she’s fine… but every once in a while I look into her eyes and I see the scarred soul

Heal her completely… wipe every tear from her eyes.

Lord send my mom:
A guy that doesn’t want her money… Just her
A guy that doesn’t want her status…. Just her
Someone honest, caring and kind
A guy that accepts her every flaw
A guy that makes her eyes light up
Someone that makes her laugh
Someone that my sister and I can’t intimidate

A guy that will kiss every wound, touch every scar
Someone to replace her memories
Someone who loves her ‘achi soup’ just as much as we do

A guy who’d rather have bad times with her than good times with anybody else
Someone who doesn’t want her to ‘make him a citizen’
Someone who doesn’t pretend to be single, but secretly maintains a family back home

Someone who’ll understand the reason she acts the way she does sometimes…the reason she finds it hard to trust, to believe… to hope


Lord please send her someone that will help her see, feel and taste the magic of love again!

I pray for peace in my heart
I pray that I be able to completely make peace with my past lord
I still have some issues you know… but with you… we can work something out right?

I pray for friends… new and old… bless them
May they continue to be there for me as I am for them
Help me to see the ones that love ME… not just a facet of me, not just a quirk of mine, not just my look, my sound, my ‘abilities’… ME

I pray for Orphans all around the world

Be their parent and help them understand that sometimes having no parent or one parent can sometimes be better than having both

I pray for LondonBuki’s mom… heal her.

All this and more I pray

{Don’t forget to go to TaureanMinx’s page and Vote for your favorite bloggers in the “Best Bloggers of the Year Awards”… the final decisions are made on Monday}

Thursday, December 21, 2006

My Big Baby

I called him on Monday night and we talked:

This man is beyond unreasonable…
He’s just a big baby!!!

He didn’t call me for 4 days because he likes me!!!
WTF?!?!?!

He felt like he was too dependent on me for his happiness and wanted to prove to himself that he could ‘do’ without me…
He can… and I can do without him… but do we really want to throw away all we have?

He loves being with me and will try to deal with his little ‘drama and episodes’ next time without hurting me
He better!

We’re back on track
What a relief!!

He still loves me still
Beautiful

I saw him on Tuesday:
It was a gorgeous evening… full of colour and new beginnings. I believe this is right if only for a little while… I believe this as much as the bee believes in honey.

He just held me and told me it was alright… we’ll make it. His arms around me were so comforting... safe, quiet, warm and comforting.

In those moments, nothing else mattered…
In those moments, anything seemed possible.
In those moments, every happiness was offered.
Before I thought I was traveling towards a destination… but in those moments, I felt like I had arrived.

It’s become obvious to me that my trusted iron wall beyond which no male could penetrate has started crumbling. I’m drifting and he’s the closest to catching me!

Before him, every time that I’ve been involved with a guy there’s always been a point when I realize that I’m like a stranger in a foreign country who tries to pay with the wrong ‘currency’.
I'm learning the hard way… “ You always have to ‘convert’ to survive!!!”

It used to feel like I was doomed to forever inspire love but never feel it.
A wind of change is blowing my way and for the first time… I’m kind of excited!

My excitement is bursts of colours and rainbows and stars and giant flowers…
In my excitement there are euphoric shouts, thrilled laughs, blushing giggles, beatific smiles… there are horses jumping, crickets flying, birds chirping, lions roaring.
My excitement is stories of joy, tales of sorrow and everything inbetween.

This is the time of my life that I think every other time will be compared to. I love it but some part of me watches me living it. I know that this might be my age of gold… that nothing this nice, this sweet, this great lasts forever… but as day turns into night… and night into day… my only plan right now is to enjoy it. I won't consider the future… never ask myself what will happen tomorrow or the day after. For now, each day will be enough!

I'm in it deeper than you know my big baby!!!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I'm Scared

I’m scared of love’s embrace
I have no more defenses

As the hours have turned into days, the days into weeks and the weeks into months, I’ve become more enamored with you.
Sometimes I want to crawl into your skin… to be so close to you that my heartbeat is indistinguishable from yours.
Before you I’d sort of forgotten the excitement of a look, the thrill of an unplanned moment together
It’s amazing the way we talk, what we talk about, the way we laugh, what we laugh about… our differences… our similarities
You've added colour and sparkle and fire to my life…

I’m scared cos sometimes I catch myself counting the hours I’m away from you because I can’t wait to see you again. And then I count the hours I’m with you cos I don’t even want you to leave.

I’m scared cos never have I felt such completeness, such total rapport
You teach me to look… I teach you to see
You make me happy… I make you laugh
You give me records to play… I give you books to read
You've shown me love… I’ve shown you life


I’m scared of falling into the abyss… scared of the blinding brights that could only be proceeded by colours so dark they might blight my very soul
I’m scared cos I’m already loosing my edge

I’m scared to show how much I really care
This is that great leap into the unknown
I’m becoming too dependent on you… I mean sometimes I just want to be part of you, part of the heart that beats inside you
I just want to give all of me and receive all that is you until all the emptiness has been filled with something that is me and you


I’m scared cos right now is a time of flux and uncertainty… a time of mottled grays for us
I’ve never really been down this road before

I’m scared

Monday, December 18, 2006

He Hasn’t Called

It’s been weird with the boyfriend for the past few days
I mean the last time I saw him was when he slept over at my house on Monday night last week
We had fun… talked, laughed, ate… fucked… our usual, regular fun

He called me on Tuesday night and we talked till I fell asleep.
It was a cute conversation…
I remember him telling me that he was continually amazed by how much he felt for me. I told him I felt the same

He usually calls me every single day so I was surprised when he didn’t call me on Wednesday. I still didn’t hear from him by Thursday, so I called him in the evening. We talked for a bit and I asked him why he didn't called me the day before.
He said he hadn’t been in a good mood.
I remember telling him that ours wasn’t a ‘good-times-only’ relationship.
I mean if something bothered him… he could always call me and talk to me about it.
He admitted that he already felt better talking to me.
We talked a bit more but I could sense a little change and asked him if anything was wrong… he said everything was cool… but that he would ‘come-back-to-me’… FROM WHO? WHERE? WHAT?… hmmmm

I was down that same day with a cold, cough and headache so he stayed with me on the phone while I sipped some herbal tea.
I told him to come and see me on Friday and he told me had to go and see his cousin/friend. I asked him if it was for anything important and he said no… It was only that he’d promised him. What? I was used to him sort of working his weekend schedule around mine. I told him he’d changed because it seemed like all of a sudden I was an option and not a priority. He didn’t say anything about that except that he’d see me on Saturday instead. Remember this conversation happened on Thursday night. It’s been four days now… and I still haven’t heard from my boyfriend. He hasn’t called!!!

I don’t want to jump to conclusions but this is wearing me out… is he punishing me for something I don’t even remember doing? The last time we talked we didn’t argue… the last time we saw, we didn’t fight… so what was this all about? I mean it’s been 4 days… the longest we have ever gone in our relationship without talking? Is our romance done before it’s even begun? Is he taking time off to think? To find him a ‘replacement’? Am I being paranoid? I don’t want to call him cos I didn’t initiate this… I mean I called him on Thursday and he said he’d call me the next day… it’s been 4 days and still nothing.. I don’t really know what to do except wait and see… I’m so new at this emotional ‘wringling’ bullshit. Should I just call him today and just confirm what I already feel in my heart? That we’re done… cos what other explanation could there be? I mean what could he tell me that would make up for the past few days… what could he have been doing that was so important he couldn’t even call me? I hope he doesn’t screw me over really bad cos I’m already hurting

I'm so confused… he hasn’t called!

Friday, December 15, 2006

NO LONGER YOUR LITTLE GENIUS

This is an open letter to the man who sired me

Daddy,

From when I started living with you in Nigeria after Mommy left, you pushed and pushed and pushed me. I know I’m smart, but would it have reduced my I.Q if I just went downstairs and played with children my age for just a half hour?

If I had died at that age it probably would’ve just read Overwhelmed the kid genius. Whatever happened to… “Overwhelmed the girl who was loved by many… who laughed, smiled and LIVED!”

I wanted there to be more to me than the fact that I graduated high school at 13. I would’ve preferred you tell people how nice I was, how sweet, how humorous, how personable. It’s very easy for you to brag that I’m ‘super-smart’ and graduated 5 years before my time… but did you ever ask me how hard it was for me to fit into the regimen? You’ll never know what hell it was to always be in class with people 5-7 years older than me. I constantly had to act mature just to keep up. I was constantly lying about my age… pretending to be 4 years older… cos classmates treated me like shit if they found out I was the same age as their younger siblings. Do you know how painful it was when my teacher whipped 12 year old me like an 18 year old? Do you know how painful it was not to cry just because ‘adults’ don’t cry after being whipped?

You blamed my mom once because apparently if I was in Nigeria right now I’d be a medical doctor… but at the cost of what? My peace of mind, my sanity… my happiness?! I’m only 20 for chrissakes. Yes… I would’ve had a degree but no passion for anything. You would’ve sucked the life out of me with your constant demands for overachievement… I would’ve been too busy reading biology at 3pm to go out and smell the roses. I would’ve been too busy reciting the periodic table to feel the rain on my skin. I would’ve been too busy doing logarithms to smile at the future love of my life. I would’ve been an empty shell… a competent shell… but rather empty!

Daddy I would’ve been a medical doctor who had no life ‘experience’… no human feeling, no emotion. I’d know how to cut open a heart but not how to touch the soul that lives inside. I’d know how to x-ray a bone but not understand the journey of its’ owner. I’d know how to prescribe pills for a cold but be unable to thaw the ice in my heart or theirs.

What joy would there have been in life if I had no social grace… if I didn’t know how to feel the tempo, to sway to the rhythm of life… to enjoy the symphonies … to sweat to the beat… to stomp my feet with the pulse of drum. How great would life have been if I still had not known the love of a good man… the touch of one who cares… the words spoken in the middle of the night to soothe all fears.

How could I have survived if after all this while I still did not know the delight of true friendship… relationships not based on you wanting to get into my friends pants… just on trust, honesty, loyalty… love.

Now I’m 20 and still in university but I’m happy you know. I'm not as focused or as driven as my life no longer revolves around simultaneous equations and labs. I don’t pick up a physics text book when I’m sad daddy… I slow dance with the man who loves me. I don’t view my life as a constant competition with your friends’ children… I view it as a success just by me being able to laugh again. I don’t think I’m a failure when I get an 85 on a test… I feel good that I can balance a social life and an academic one with no effort. I don’t think that life starts after I graduate with honours… IT HAS ALREADY STARTED. I would’ve been a genius who’s only idea of the world outside would’ve been what I read in books. WHAT A SHAME!!!

Oh now… I’ve seen it Daddy. I’ve seen the green grass, I’ve seen the blue sky, I’ve tasted the rain, the snow… I’ve tasted life. I’ve had joy. I’ve laughed at night, smiled in the afternoon and giggled in the morning. I’ve wanted to do things for my mother not because I’m terrified of her and it’s my filial duty but because she’s my mother and I love her very much. We talk, we laugh, we dance, we argue… yes Dad… I actually have a parent that I can share my opinions with and tell my side of the story. I no longer live in a dictatorship. She listens too you know… she doesn’t always do it… but at least she listens. She looks at my face too… not just to see if I have pimples. Remember the day you slapped me cos I had pimples? I was a teenager for chrissake… I asked mommy and she said that she too had had pimples as a teenager… so how on earth are pimples my fault? You slapped me for that daddy… why on earth?!?! Yeah… so she looks at my face to gauge my mood… she cares whether I laugh, cry or sulk. She thinks I’m perfect just as I am… she doesn’t think I’d look better as a boy, sound better as a boy, think better as a boy… no… I’m good enough for her AS A GIRL!

Oh what a jumble things would be now if the only memory I had of parenthood was yours… that a slap meant love… that a whip meant affection. What if I’d grown to hate my mother cos of you constantly putting her down… then I never would’ve known genuine love… someone willing to put down their life for me just so I can live… someone willing to give the clothes off her back so I can be warm, someone willing to deny herself companionship if her partner did not accept her children. I never would’ve known that not everybody thinks women are ‘second rate’ citizens, a waste of space, less intelligent, less capable of success, ambition if not pushed to the limit. I never would’ve known that there’s love in a glance, in a hug, in a word, in a meal, in a surprise. When was the last time you hugged me dad?

Every time I heard your voice, my heart jumped cos I knew you’d find fault in whatever I did. The vegetables were always overcooked, I was always too slow, the food always had too much salt! I never did know that love and fear are two distinct and separate feelings.

I never questioned the reason why I was always scared in my own house and uncomfortable in my own skin. There were tons of times I wanted to be ugly you know. I remember when I started growing breasts, I wore tons of shirts underneath just so you wouldn’t notice… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it… but I was wary. I knew what you did to other people’s children… so imagine yours… I mean you fed me, clothed me, housed me… I belonged to you right?

I was very good at the school work. I always came first or second in class, got 80’s and 90’s in every test… but my heart wasn’t in it as I wasn’t learning for me… I was learning for you. Now I learn for me… I read for pleasure… just because I can. I remember when I started reading novels… I did it to escape my life… it was just too rigid, too scary, too hard… the life in the novels were fantastic… girls had great parents, great friends, great lovers and eventually great children… why couldn’t we be like that? We reminded you too much of our mother didn’t we? I was so sneaky about everything then… But guess what- I no longer have to sneak around for stupid little things. I listen to Celine Dion now on full blast which I never could do with you. I mean you’d never told me not to listen to her but I just knew you disapproved of everything I did except bring in A’s.

I lived with you for years but you could probably count how many times you ever saw me laugh right? Well I had this whole universe planned out in my head… in it I was loved by all, treated kindly by all and did the same in return. In my daydreams, I was happy. Outside the house, I laughed a lot actually… everybody in school loved me cos I was so nice, funny and cute. All the girls wanted to be my friend and all the guys wanted to date me. I bet you never knew that at 12 I had a boyfriend. RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE!!! I dated Jimmy cos he was so nice, he smiled at me with his eyes. He held my hand all the time and hugged me a lot. He walked me home from school and told me how pretty I was. It was a good change… all guys weren’t the same. Remember those times I told you to give me money for some special evening or weekend lab at school which you encouraged cos you’re in love with ‘education’… I SPENT ALL THAT TIME WITH JIMMY... AND YOUR MONEY FUNDED MY OUTINGS! I BOUGHT NEW CLOTHES AND PAID FOR RIDES WITH YOUR ‘LAB MONEY’!!! oh and guess what… I went over to his house and we played computer games, went for dinner and made out… YUP… WE MADE OUT… KISSING, TOUCHING, GROPING… ALL THAT GOOD STUFF!!!

See daddy I’m not your little genius anymore… Sometimes I get 75’s, 78’s, 80’s on tests and midterms… hardly ever 92or 95… but I’m happy. I could always do better but at least I’m in a good place. I have a life outside the classroom and it’s pretty great. I have friends who love me and whom my mom doesn’t want to have sex with. I have a boyfriend who understands and respects me. I have a great mom who will do anything to ensure my happiness and success, a fantastic sister that’s funny, pretty and smart. Oh I know you like her even less cos she looks even more like mommy than I do… but you know what… YOUR LOSS!

I’m no longer your little genius
Your Daughter
Overwhelmed Naija Babe

Thursday, December 14, 2006

My Blogging Dilemma

I’ve known Naijadude for about 2 years and been close friends with him for a little over a year. From when I met him, we just always had a chill connection… we’d talk on the phone all the time, go shopping and all that fun stuff. At the time I was single, as was he. It’s funny cos Naijadude is handsome, about 6ft3 inches tall to my 5 ft11, but it never occurred to me to see him as a potential ‘date’. From the get-go, we just gelled as friends and never made any attempt to make it anything more. We shared an extensive love of music… old classics, soul, r n b especially… although he never seemed to love Sade as much as me, and I could never quite find the same love for that bald singing goat ‘Kem’… lol. I remember I kept telling him to specify the kind of girl he liked so I could hook him up with one of my gorgeous friends. He’d always just laugh and talk about something else. I never suspected a thing. As the months went by, we became closer and closer. One day I think he called me or sent me a message on msn but I was unavailable. I got back to him and he told me he had been stressed out at the time and wanted to vent. I was all ears but apparently for him the urge had passed. I abhor quarter-stories and will bug the hell out of anybody till I get juicy details. It was so hard for him that I even remember asking him if he’d gotten a girl pregnant or something. He laughed and just gave me a link to go on… HIS BLOG! I read the title and was like huh?!?! I mean I’d had no clue whatsoever… I just read everything he’d ever written on the blog… from his first post to the last one he’d put up at the time. I came back on msn and all I said was babe…. I love you… I’d already grown to love him and whether his dick stood up to Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt meant jack to me… they’re both hot in my opinion. We talked about everything from that point on and the rest of our relationship as they say is history…. He’s now one of my closest friends. Another thing I have to commend him for is making me pick the boyfriend. At the time (about 8,9 months ago), I was going on dates with a couple of guys, but Naijadude would not hear of any other dude except the boyfriend. …END OF STORY. Boy am I glad I listened?! No wonder the boyfriend loves Naijadude… lol.

Anyways, after reading Naijadude’s blog, I came across Disillusioned Naija Babe’s blog. I read a lot of her posts and I was just amazed. I mean I loved to write but her stuff was just phenomenal… the way the words flowed from sentence to sentence… I got lost in it… the happy, the sad… the inbetween… just everything.

After reading both Naijadude and Disillusioned Naija Babe’s blog… a lot of issues that I had came to mind.

To a lot of the general public, I’m a party and good time girl. I’m smart but just never feel the need to shove it in anyone’s face. Almost everyone’s first impression of me is as a complete goofball and joker. I am completely down with all the good times… but there’s a part of me that has pain, anger, hurt, issues… I wanted a place to express all of that anonymously. Nobody would know who I am… what school I go to… who my family is… my friends… they’d just hear my story for the first time and judge it accordingly… not based on how well I dance to Makossa, how many jokes I can tell, how long my legs are, how pretty I might or might not be. I just wanted to talk about those things that are harder for me to address in person… things that dredge up so much pain for me. I wanted to confront my demons… my memories.

I mean I used to think a lot of my issues were in my past… done and dealt with… but when a lot of things started to manifest in my older and adult life… I knew I had to open up or internally combust. I mean I found it so hard to trust guys. I subconsciously looked for reasons to disqualify them… to show how terrible, heartless, untrustworthy, they were… I wanted to show how much they were like my dad. I remember a sexual experience when I kicked the crap out of my ex-boyfriend cos he was creeping up on me while I slept… it reminded me of my ‘uncle’. Things like that among others were just coming to the forefront… so I knew I had to express stuff before I reached the point of no return. Naijadyme told me I used to be very angry… not to her, you, or the person who sees me on the street. Apparently it was all just bubbling under the surface… so even when I smiled… the hurt was one layer underneath.

I started this blog for a new beginning.

Four months into it, I’m a little confused cos I’m getting out’ed. Friends are finding out about my blog. About 4 friends did last week. I mean the thing is that I’m exactly the same person on this blog as I am in real life… open, honest and direct. That’s probably why it was very easy for them to find out it was me. So my actual dilemma is this… since I’ve decided that I’m going to be completely honest, completely real, completely me on this blog… what if being me would hurt someone in my ‘real life’. If I expressed something that hurt me or pissed me off about someone or a certain situation and they’re reading it… does that make me a bad person… a bad friend?!

Another thing I wonder is… if it was somewhat easy for these people after reading my blog or certain entries to realize it is me… how easy would it be for others to find me out too?

The only person I would really care and probably shut down if she found out my blog would be my mom. That’s only because there’s too many references to doggy style and cunninglingus here. I’m lucky for now, however, cos she knows almost nothing about the internet except yahoo mail.

I’ve never written for attention seeing as I get enough of that in my ‘real life’. However, I do appreciate my blog pals cos y’all come down and comment on every post I write no matter how stupid or trite my subject matter. But right now I’m just wondering what to do … be as honest as ever and ‘friends’ who find out can get to understand a little more the heart that beats inside, or censor myself and become a ‘safe’ blogger… the kind that writes stuff that nobody would get incensed about, the kind that talks surface but never goes underneath, the kind that tries to please everybody, the kind that says a lot but nothing at all?!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Happy 21st Birthday To My Best Friend Naijadyme

I love the month of December for Christmas among other things… but boy do I have to spend money. Three of my best friend’s birthdays are in the same month… so I gotta get birthday gifts as well as Christmas gifts. Sunshine’s birthday was on December 08; J and Naijadyme’s are both on December 14. Here’s a happy birthday to my best friend forever: Naijadyme.

The person you become is as a result of the people you’ve met or failed to meet

Not many times in a lifetime comes a special person who changes your way of thinking, your perspective…your life.

They bring in a special spice, a variety to your existence

They make you glad of your uniqueness; they occupy a special place in your heart and never really leave

They’re your friend, your confidante, your family

They’re there for you through thick and thin and just love you unconditionally

They see grace, skill and genius in your stupidest accomplishment

They see the best in you and as a result make you see the best in yourself

They stand up for you when you’re tired of doing it for yourself

They keep you in check when you’re getting out of line

They’re the only person who’ll tell you that you look horrible in lime green and that you don’t have the best skin tone for yellow nail polish.

They’re that person you never regret meeting cos they make your life richer just by being in it.

You’re that person to me Naijadyme

I hope every wish you ever made comes true
I hope you find everything you’re looking for
I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you whether you ask me to or not
I want you to know that I’ll never betray you, your confidence or your trust
I want you to know that you’ll be a friend in my heart for always

Here’s to 21 more years of friendship:
Happy Birthday Babe… you are my truth… I love you forever

Monday, December 11, 2006

Mummy Sunday 6

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my sixth Mummy Sunday post!!! This one is dedicated to those questions that we want to ask but never will.

Mommy… Who’s Uncle Israel?


Dear mommy,


In my first memories of my dad, I was 4 or 5. I tried to draw really pretty pictures of myself cos I figured if he saw how pretty I was he’d come back.
Remember I used to suck my thumb then and pull out my hair so you had them shave it all off? Well… in the pictures I drew myself with long hair cos I knew no father wanted a daughter with short hair and the left side of her head with little ‘hair patches’. I drew myself white… everybody in school loved Emily… everybody in our class, our teachers and she had a dad that came to pick her up from school everyday… so I drew myself white… I smiled and looked like Emily in those drawings.


I remember the crazy Jamaican woman near my school… opposite the butcher’s place. She was always cursing out at us and whenever we crossed the street… she did too. I think she made you cry once too. I guess it’s cos she knew I didn’t have a dad… or at least that mine didn’t want to see me.


I also remember the dreadlocked Jamaican man that was there the night we moved into some new apartment. It was really cold. You were crying, we slept on the carpet and I just remember a dog barking and me being really sad seeing your tears. I was scared of Jamaicans for a long time… its funny cos now that I think about it I realize that he was probably the past occupant of the house and was handing you the keys or something


I was 6 and I remember when I really started feeling bad about not having a father. I mean I loved you but I just wished that at least once my dad would come and get me from school… so Emily and the other girls could see that I had one. They started teasing me a lot at school you know. I could take it I thought to myself… I really tried to act like I didn’t care Mommy but I really did.


I remember the final straw. I decided I could not stand it anymore. My dad kept sending letters but he just wouldn’t come and see us. I wanted to go see him instead. You tried to talk me out of it… but I knew I just had to be with him. I couldn’t want to go to the amusement parks with him, climb on his back and bring him back to Lewisham… cos then everybody’d get to see my own personal Daddy. I knew he’d be tall and handsome and nice and give me lots of chocolate and tuck me in and read me bedtime stories and buy me fish and chips everyday and buy me pink socks and carry me everywhere and give me 7 barbie dolls and tickle me and… and… spin me round and round and give me piggy back rides and… and… take me everywhere and… and…and… BE MY DADDY


Plus you’d stop crying too mommy


I stopped eating cos you didn’t want to take me to go see my daddy. After a while you promised me we would and I believed cos you never lied to me. I remember when we were packing to leave. I was so excited. I took all my pretty clothes from my white closet and I wrote ‘sex’ all over my drawing books in red lipstick cos Aaron told me it was a cool word.


One distinct memory I have is after having packed up, right before we stepped out of our house on Lewisham into the ‘netherworlds’, you told me not to tell daddy anything about ‘Uncle Israel’


I don’t remember much else but I remember walking down from the airplane… we’d arrived in Nigeria.

We walked around and around… next thing I knew you were hugging this tall, huge man.

I remember this like it was yesterday.

I remember thinking that I didn’t approve of you hugging this man because when my Daddy came he was going to be mad about it.


Then you told me he was my dad.

I just remember a huge sense of letdown… this was HIM?!?!


You were excited… so I became excited… I mean he was tall and handsome… but… but…

I hugged him and he lifted me up… but… but…


He drove us home and on the way stopped at the domino’s convenience store.

He got us candy and chocolate and juice… but… but…


We got home and he showed us around the house… it was ugly… I didn’t like it… but you were excited… so I was excited


Then he told us to go and have a siesta

We just got back to Africa… we didn’t want to sleep but you’d trained me too well to disobey.

My younger sister didn’t care… she told him she didn’t want to but he enforced it

Remember when she told him to give her the number for the cops so she can report him for trying to make her do something she didn’t want to?


He forced us… I looked into his eyes and he seemed cruel. We went to bed immediately


I still remember the conversation I had with my sister that day on your bed trying to have our ‘siesta’


“I don’t like him Overwhelmed… I hate him”

“Me too sis… me too”


I tried to change my opinion about him… sometimes I was successful and some other times I wasn’t


I remember the day he made you cry in Nigeria

Your parents were over, it was Easter… I remember cos they were playing Jesus Crucifixion movies on the telly.

You guys were all in the living room and next thing I knew… you were crying

I asked him why and he said it was because you lost your 20 Naira.

I knew he was a liar then and I liked him even less…


HE MADE YOU CRY… AND A LITTLE WHILE LATER, HE MADE YOU LEAVE US!!!


I think I know all there is to know… or at least all that I need to know


Mommy, the only question I have left is… Who’s Uncle Israel?


Your First Daughter

Overwhelmed Naija Babe

Monday, December 04, 2006

First Time I Stuck One In

Lol… no… not a dildo…well… sort of… I’m talking about a tampon!


Strangely enough, this whole tampon thing just happened by coincidence. My period came out of nowhere (at least I felt it did)


The boyfriend is my new menstrual date-keeper (I have never been able to remember when my period is so every once in a while I appoint someone to keep my period dates for me)… but he obviously isn’t doing his job well as he did not alert me about the upcoming ‘bloodshed’. For that reason as well as the fact that I haven’t had an orgasm in almost two weeks (so I’m highly cranky)… HE’S FIRED. So I’m currently recruiting for a new ‘period date-keeper’. All interested applicants will have to go through a special screening process which will be in three distinct steps:

  1. They will display their knowledge of the multiplication table from 1-12
  2. They will give me a foot massage for 14.5 minutes
  3. They will be tested for mind-altering substances (the positive ones have a ‘higher’ chance of getting through to the next round!)

In the meantime: to increase your chances of winning, you can tell me some of your most recent accomplishments in the comment section of this post. Note: Finishing 2 McDonald Combo’s in 8 minutes does not count as an accomplishment!


Now Like I was saying:

I used a tampon on Saturday for the first time in my 20 years of living!!! I had run out of pads and was lucky to find a tampon that I don’t even remember buying. I was initially freaked out cos I didn’t know how I was gonna stick it in. I called a friend for a pep-talk and she convinced me that I’ve taken ‘dick’ bigger than the tampon (exactly what gave her this impression I have no clue). So I tried. I got stuck somehow cos I wasn’t sure if I put both the plastic part inside and then wind it up inside or if I do it outside the ‘vaginal area’ and then stick it in (lol… I can just picture my male readers going ewwwwww… but y’all gotta learn this… why? I don’t know… BUT YOU DO!!...lmao)


Anyways, I ended up getting the hang of the whole thing and finally got it in.


I walked around for a bit cos I wasn’t sure how I’d feel having a ‘cotton dick’ up my coochie… but somehow it was alright and strangely enough not sexual at all.


They’re not bulky, they just fit in and ‘do the job’ (lol… don’t I just sound like a commercial?!... My former manager Papa Okey always told me I was ‘made for fame’… but that was before he impregnated Ogechi in our village and had to move away to Agbaje… but that’s a story for another day but I’ll just put it out here for now… I am looking for another manager. I have 4 very distinct and unique talents that we can milk!)

Can someone please tell me how I’ve gone through my entire life and not ever been talked into using a tampon


On that note… I sort of expect a written apology from all my female friends, family members and blog readers for not telling me the absolute joy that are tampons.

My Name is Overwhelmed Naija Babe and I’m a New Tampon Convert!

Surprise Birthday Party

My best friend Sunshine’s birthday is next Friday. I want to have a surprise birthday party for her.


Problem is:

1) I’ve never thrown a party for anyone before(but she and another ‘friend’ had one for me before… so I kinda gotta… and actually want to)


2) I don’t know the first thing about throwing parties… I mean I know how to attend one… even make a splash there… but throwing one throws the hell out of m


3) I don’t know who to invite… my friends or hers, a combination of both?! How do I find out who she’d want there or not without her knowing what I’m planning. Should I go through her phone and just call the numbers there and tell them about it? Cos some of her friends from school don’t know me…. cos then I’d be going… Hi Tiffany… you don’t know me but I’m Overwhelmed… Sunshine’s best friend and I’m throwing a surprise birthday party for her on Friday. You gotta be there by 10pm before she gets in… interested?! (I’m honestly open to and actually asking for SUGGESTIONS… SO PLEASE HELP!!!)


4) What sort of food do I make… I want some suggestions so I can start organizing the people to make it (cos I make good pasta… just not ‘party pasta’… lol). So far I’m thinking fried chicken, fried meat, jollof rice/fried rice (or both). She’s Ghanaian, but I’m not sure if people would wanna eat ‘kenke’ or ‘banku’ in Gucci party outfits… lol. Need suggestions for appetizers.


5) For drinks I’m thinking tons of beer, Smirnoff ice, a few bottles of champagne. (Am I missing anything… keeping in mind I’m just a ‘poor student’… lol)


6) Is it better to have it at a mutual friends house cos if I planned it with her boyfriend and did it at their place… chances are… she might find out! And we certainly don’t want that!!!


7) Is it alright if I don’t have a dj? I’m kinda poor… lol… won’t really good speakers and tons of cd’s do? Except I can get her dj ex-boyfriend to do it… lol… but then I don’t know if she’d want him there!!!


8) What sort of cake should I get? Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, cheesecake? You’d probably say to buy the cake she likes most… but the thing is she doesn’t really eat cake… so I’d have to get something that the majority would like. What should the cake say… Happy Birthday Sexy Sunshine?!


9) How do I get her to the venue without alerting her suspicions? (Make her boyfriend tell her they’re going to pick up something from our friend’s place so he can take her to a romantic dinner for her birthday? I need something really believable so please help with this one…and it has to be a suggestion that would still make her look hot… lol cos I know her well enough to know that she would not love to be surprised looking ‘tired’… hehe. I mean half the fun is her having absolutely no clue about it!... lol… I just can’t wait to see the look on her face)


10) What present should I get her?


11) What should I wear? Lol


(Please I’m open to any party planning tips you can give me, suggestions for food, particular songs that I ‘just have to play’, what I can do to save some money but make it a really swell party cos she obviously deserves the best!)


Keep in mind her birthday is on Friday December 08… so I only have a few days to put everything together… so the earlier I hear stuff from y’all… the better… thanks.


Also remember the guests are going to be a mix of Nigerian, Ghanaian, Carribean… and probably a few non-blacks just to show we’re not all ‘Michael Richards’ up in that piece… lol.


Happy Birthday to my ex-friend Adesola in Lagos. We used to be close friends babe but when you started bad-talking me with Busayo cos I was doing better than you in physics class... you lost it. So I'm sorry when I'm coming back to Nigeria to visit... I'm not getting you 'American Shoes'. But in the meantime... Happy Birthday... I hope you're doing more with your 'physics' than I am...

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Mummy Sunday 5

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my fifth Mummy Sunday post!!! I dedicate it to the better babysitters in the world… you make it possible for parents to go about their business with a settled mind.


A date with a dog

I was in such a rush yesterday that we actually got home before I discovered the huge dog bite on Overwhelmed’s younger sister Mk’s leg. They made me work overtime at the office, I had to go pick up some groceries for dinner, Overwhelmed from school, then Mk from her babysitter. What kind of mother am I not to have noticed it… I mean a huge dog bite My precious little 2 year old baby … What? When? Where? How?... Why?!?!


I mean how come the woman didn’t even tell me before I picked my baby up?! She thought I wouldn’t notice eventually? I only took Mk there because the woman was highly recommended… she was polish, middle aged and seemed caring and competent. Last month ago Mk dropped a hot iron on her foot when I just stepped into the room to grab something. I just couldn’t take the chance of anything happening to her… and now this!!! I’m completely frazzled… having to do a million things at the same time… where’s their father?! Nowhere to be found!... In Nigeria… in law school! And I’m here with two children that he fathered! Or was I the one jumping on top of myself?! Now my baby is hurt and I don’t know what to do or who to turn to… but that babysitter woman has some serious answering to do… this happened at her place and she couldn’t even tell me… how on earth?!


I’d heard babysitting horror stories but nothing compared to this one! I mean what on earth was the woman doing that this happened… where was she when a dog was eating the life out of my child?!


I called the woman and heard a stupid cock and bull story… it just wasn’t good enough… I mean the dog could’ve had rabies… my 9 months pregnancy for nothing… 2 years of breaking my back to provide for this child gone for nothing?! No… it just wasn’t good enough!


I reported it to child services and they launched an investigation. I HOPE NO ONE EVER GOES THROUGH THIS IN THEIR LIFE EVER… not even an enemies child … THIS POLISH WOMAN LEFT THE CHILDREN UNATTENDED SOMETIMES AND WENT OUT TO RUN A FEW ERRANDS… SHE LEFT MY OWN DAUGHTER AS WELL AS TENS OF OTHER CHILDREN UNDER THE CARE OF A GERMAN SHEPPARD DOG!!! YES… A DOG!!!... I WAS PAYING THIS WOMAN WITH MY SWEAT AND A DOG WAS TAKING CARE OF MY CHILD!!!


This wasn’t the first time she’d left little toddlers with a dog… It had happened on numerous occasions and we’d never known as she was always there when we came to pick our children up… my daughter could’ve been eaten to death by a dog and what would I have said?!


I almost fainted… apparently my daughter was walking away and the dog was trying to bring her to order being the ‘highly trained’ dog that it was… had been trying to bring her back to the others. She didn’t pay attention and it bit her to ‘make her stop’…. A DOG>>> MAKING MY DAUGHTER STOP IN HER BABY SITTERS HOUSE!!!


The case went to the British government. The only upside of the entire fiasco was that the government paid for my childrens’ daycare until the day they left England.


Things started looking up a little… Life might’ve been alright if we’d continued that way