Thursday, November 30, 2006

5 Random/Weird Things About Overwhelmed

I got tagged by Daddy’s girl who knows I’m a meme and tag whore… and apparently I have to share 5 completely random or weird things about myself. Oh and craze craze Vera also tagged me (although she was an amebo and wrote more than 5 things)!:

1. I speak Igbo when I’m drunk. Lol… doesn’t matter if I’m chilling with Chinese, Arab, Jamaican people, White people… everytime I’m drunk I speak Igbo, answer questions in Igbo and make myself laugh in Igbo… days that I’m somewhat tipsy I speak other languages that I’m a little conversant in… like Twi (Ghanaian language) and Yoruba (Nigerian… lol.. just clearing that up cos I have non-Nigerian readers too… lol).

2. My skins crawls when people pop those things that are used to cover/protect new tv’s, vcds… I don’t know what they’re called. I cringe everytime someone cracks something made of Styrofoam or even scratches a fork against it… it just kills me every single time.

3. My laugh sounds sort of like a push and start engine (lol… I’ve heard this too many times from different unrelated people not to believe it)… I laugh, stop, pick it up, laugh again, increase the intensity, roll it back and stop and start again… lol.. it makes more sense when you hear it… maybe I’ll record it sometime and put in on here… lmao

4. Me and my best Friend Naijadyme are very weird… lol. One day we spent hours on the phone talking about our new get-rich-quick-scheme. This involved becoming a secretary for a 419 person and using British accent to tell people that yes… we were truly going to sell them the land in Port Harcourt with the Oil or send them the lions fur. She came over to my house earlier this year and we practiced our stripper moves together (just in case we ever needed that skill… lmao). We spent another day last month prank-calling and just laughing everytime someone picked up the phone…lmao. When we see someone dressed hideous… we never look at each others faces cos otherwise we’d burst out laughing no matter how much we try to control it. Lmao… she also provided me one of the jokes of the century… she went on a date with some Naija guy once… and they went to Red Lobster I think (if not there… then one of those ‘bar and grill’ places). Anyways… they were getting ready to order… then homeboy calls the waitress like “Waitress can I order some fried plantain?”… lmao… she was so embarrassed it wasn’t even funny… suffice to say… she never went on a date with him again! We probably bring out the creative in each other cos sometimes this girl calls me with a Jamaican Accent and the next day I’ll call her like an Ijebu on his way to England… trust me it’ interesting stuff! That was random enough right?!?! hehe

4.5 I don’t have any ugly friends… and I don’t mean this in the way that I have ugly friends but because I love/ like em… I don’t wanna admit it… I seriously don’t have any ugly friends and it makes things so much easier when I have to hook some of my male friends up. Plus I don’t have to feel guilty about always looking/dressing nice cos they do too!!!

4.75 I always have to actually think about it before I spell or write out words that start in ‘ph’ or ‘py’ or ‘ps’… say I’m spelling like physician, psychic, psychologist … I don’t know… I just get em mixed up sometimes (and to think I almost became a journalist… lol) oh and I never step on the cracks in pavements or anything cos I don’t want to be ‘sucked into an abyss’… lol… oh and I have a fear of getting eaten by a rat in my dream (it’s a book called rats I read when I was 14… it’s messed me up for life… I mean I actually started thinking about the personality and character traits of rats, their possible names, their political organizations, polygamy in their families, their inheritances(loafs of bread and opened bags of rice)… k whatever but all I’m saying is that book messed me up till this day).

5 When I was a child... I think 4 or 5 my mom left me and my younger sister in her Nissan in London for a few minutes right and told me to take care of my sister. She told me not to touch that button thingy in the middle of the car near the gearshift or box or stickshift or whatever it’s called in the car… cos if I did… that thing would make the car somersault (flip over) and kill us. I’m 20… and I still haven’t touched that thing before. Heaven only knows when I’m gonna get my license…

I said 5 things so I’ll actually obey the rules this time and tag only 5 people: Ms. Minx (RETURN PUNISHMENT!!!!), Ms. May, Icy, Beauty in Baltimore, Abbey, Olawunmi, Poetic Justice, Belle, Broccoli, Kulutempa, Through these eyes, Desola, Naijadude, CalabarGal, The Mistress, Nigerican, JadedKiss, Babe, Noni Moss, unnaked soul, rj, Mari, Vickii, Soul, Temmytayo, Through these eyes, Azuka, Biodun, Nosa, Beautifully Human, BabaAlaye, Funmi, Tp, Naijadyme and Mphahlele. Lol sorry y’all… I learnt how to count in Uzbekistan… it goes a little different over there!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


Disclaimer: Before I even write this, I want to apologize in advance to every woman who’s ever been pregnant, miscarried or had a child... y'all might get mad at what I'm about to say... but I'm sorry I just have to vent. So please proceed with caution.

I will slap this pregnant bitch that came to stay with her boyfriend in my house if she ever wakes me up from sleep ever again.

I don’t give a fuck if she’s carrying the new generation Osama or Martin Luther… I will slap the fuck outta her if she ever mentions my name again in a weed- induced rant!!

I’m not against people and their little party puffs/drugs… but if it’s making the bitch fucking hallucinatory… then I will knock the craze outta her… bloody stinkass cunt!

Ok I rent a room in a house near school (cos my family home is too far from school) and it’s much more convenient especially as I don’t drive… cos otherwise I’d be spending 6.5 to 7 hours to and from school each day… valuable time that I could spend reading, thinking or fucking!!!

Anyways, there’s so many rooms in the three floors of this house… probably about 10 or so and they’re all rented out… it’s a huge house mind you.

There are a lot of perverts in my house:

1. This old white rocker guy that keeps going on and on about his accident and the hip replacement surgery in 1996… he claims to be disabled (I guess for government and welfare purposes cos trust me he walks around perfectly normal and could do everything I can. Anyways he stinks a little and his room smells like dead roman ass. He has a cat in there and he’s always downloading porn. Our walls are cojoined and he’s always knocking on my walls when I’m having sex… I mean I’m not noisy.. so what his problem?... at least I don’t think I am. One good thing is this man is smart… I mean he can tell you anything from the price of gas in Somalia during the Cold War, the ingredients in a whole wheat bun or George Bush’s salary

2. This fat fucking smelly Italian dude who’s an absolute stinker. He’s so nasty… I mean when he opens his room the entire floor booms! Even my landlord has started asking him to take a shower. He told my housemates that he loves to eat girls out on their periods cos it’s the best… like how ewww is that?!?! Lol… I saw him in the popcorn line at the movie theater on Sunday and the people behind him gave him a 6 feet gap… it’s that bad!!!… good thing is I hardly ever see him!

3. Jamaican Short cutie upstairs(came to Canada for Caribana 2 years ago, got a girl pregnant and relocated here)… one of my favorite people in the house… we watch movies, talk together about everything and I tell his little girlfriends what a nice guy he is to convince them to date him… lol. He’s very nice and made me dinner my first night at the house cos I hadn’t unpacked yet… I mean he stares at my thighs and bow-legs sometimes… but I don’t blame him… they are pretty great if I do say so myself… lol. He’s aces... we’d probably be friends even if we left this house. (I wrote this yesterday but he just pissed me off today by siding with the pregnant bitch… SO FUCK THE BOTH OF THEM FOR NOW… UNTIL I CHANGE MY MIND(Jamaican Nitwits!!!)

4. Fucking White boy that grew up in Thailand that has hairy ass nipples for a 21 year old and a sugar mama to boot. I mean even my landlord thought she was his mom… but no sirree… she’s the girlfriend… goodluck to em… and I don’t know why she never smiles when she says hi back to me… dumb chick! Anyways he’s a cool dude but my problem with him is that he usually leaves little drops of shit in the toilet… like who the fuck can’t just wait and make sure everythings gone?!?! And one time actually tried to say it was me just because I wasn’t there… so that’s why I don’t like him that much anymore.

5. Angolan Christian dude… he’s so sweet… I hardly ever see him but he’s nice too… he’s a singer apparently… he sucks but ignorance is bliss… plus he’s trying so we let him live his dreams… he dances Makossa amazing and I respect him for that… HE ROCKS… I mean really good hearted dude!!!

6. Ugly Nigerian girl that lives downstairs always giving people attitude... I mean you say hi to her and she pretends she doesn’t see it… screw that shit

7. Some DUMB BLONDE that just pisses me the fuck off… In fact I’ll dedicate an entire blog entry to her!

8. Naija dude in the basement that’s pretty nice although it’d be better if he just spoke Naija English or broken instead of always trying to sound ‘Canadian’… its way too forced... but he’s a cool dude… I think he’s a Christian Christian and I respect that… lol… it only sucks that I found this out after I tried to get into a discussion with him about having sex to keep warm in winter or some dumb shit like that (lol.. I know.. me and my ‘openness’)

9. Some African man that lives upstairs that has a serious passion for groundnut soup and white boxers. He’s alright though he does creep me out by constantly checking out my booty and tits… but ah well… I guess he can’t help himself… they are pretty great after all!

10. Sum Strange Jamaican dude in the basement that’s always laughing.. I mean ask this dude whats his name is and he’ll just burst out laughing… like WTF?!?! Homeboy fix your issues… I swear he freaks all of us out… he’s so skinny and tall too but just soo weird… I mean ask him do you drink… he’ll laugh… for at least 10 minutes and no he doesn’t even laugh really… HE GIGGLES>>> LIKE WHAT MAN GIGGLES?!?! I’m sorry to say… I don’t trust a guy who giggles… (I’m open to other people’s opinions… but I don’t trust it all… never have… probably never will)

I hear your questions… why do I live here?! First of all I never saw these people when I came to rent the place and it’s cheaper than residence, it’s a room in a house so I have my privacy and it’s so close to school. Lol… and maybe… just maybe… I’m as weird in my own way as they are!

Now to the real reason I started this post… the room opposite mine is occupied by this Carribean dude that I’ve seen only twice during the whole time I’ve been here (since September). Motherfucker had the audacity to try to ‘chop’ me until I told him I had a boyfriend and no thanks to his short ass noways (even if I was single!) That was when he told me he has a girl who calls herself his girlfriend who he stays with sometimes… apparently she’s pregnant

I don’t care about any of this… but they both moved back in here this weekend… first time I saw her on Friday I said hi and she sort of gave me this nonchalant hi back and I said hi to her gorgeous little daughter. End of story.

Now imagine my fucking shock and surprise to be sleeping on Monday morning and keep hearing yelling in my background… I mean the boyfriend was over the night before and I was trying to rest my bones from the ‘lack of sleep’ the night before… so imagine how peeved I was to be woken up to shouting.

I even thought she was yelling at her man and I know pregnant chicks feel certain ways with hormones and watnot but bitch wasn’t just calling my motherfucking name… yelling oh how the house looked a mess and everybody in the house was a fucking bitch, stinkass and an idiot… the white people.. the black people, the BLACK GIRL>>> BITCH I KNOW YOU DIDN’T SEE ANOTHER BLACK GIRL LIVING UPSTAIRS>>> Bitch has no bloody manners or awareness of how to speak to or approach people… probably dropped out of high school with her slang-speaking, weed-smoking with a dirty-ass, trifling babydaddy… punkass idiot… people like her just get me so riled up and its better I talk about it here than say something that will scar the Dirty ‘Almost- Ugly’ probably grew-up-with-no-affection SKANK! No Brain ‘only-good-for-breeding’ angry tart!!!

She’s going on oh how the stovetop was dirty and how people left dishes in the sink and blah blah blah … I mean I’m not one to advocate any sort of dirtiness but at the same time this bitch just moved in during the weekend and hadn’t even settled in to know the routine or why things were like that at the moment. If the damn thing was so unpleasant why didn’t she get off her ass and do the damn shit and stop yelling all the time… you’re pregnant… but I’m guessing you’re too dumb to read pregnancy reports and books and suchlike… Exertion is obviously too big a word for your tiny ‘angry, fucking in your boyfriends trunk cos he doesn’t think you’re good enough to meet his parents whom he lived with till he was 29, welfare collecting and sucking your mans dick when he comes back from ‘constructing’ another girls pussy” BrainFUCKING CUNT!

The part that even got me mad was she’s going on bout she swears she’ll mess anybody up if she ever sees them talking to her daughter…and people in the house are bitches, cunts, assholes… I’m sorry love your daughter is gorgeous and I have nothing against her… but shut the fuck up before you taint her with your mess… a mother cursing like that in front of a 4 year old… and you wonder why people keep complaining about Most Jamaican mothers… you wonder and you’ll have the nerve to ask yourself why when you tell her to get you a glass of water next week and she tells you to shut the fuck up mommy and do it your damn self?!?! Or that’s acceptable to you?!?!

You’re telling your daughter not to talk to people cos you disagree with them or don’t like something they’re doing… you’re teaching her intolerance at 4, 5 years of age?!?!… how exactly you want her to grow up!?!?! I wish I could say I love everybodys child and therefore particularly give a fuck about not talking to your child… I mean I will tell a child’s mother their daughter/son is beautiful or smart or well-spoken but heaven knows at this stage I don’t feel the urge to get into conversations about the state of the universe with any 4 or 5 year old child regardless of who their parents are!

I just passed their fucking room right now and it reeks of weed… and yes there is a 4, 5 year old there… Seriously… don’t you know what you’re exposing her too… your man wants to smoke... can’t he go outside… and only heaven knows if you’re even smoking with him in there… and only God knows what will happen to your unborn baby… and people blame God when their children have ‘conditions’… like GROW UP AND SMELL THE FUCKING GRASS BITCH... SECOND HAND SMOKE KILLS!!! I bet you probably think there’s nothing wrong with getting wasted every Saturday night even while your pregnant… at least now you’ve cut down from the usual 4 times a week right?!?!?… SILLY BROAD!

So all I have to say is go and choke on a pickle you stupid dumbass fucking ignorant, intolerant and uneducated pregnant fuck... your boyfriend sucks and cheats on you and you’re too fucking stupid and busy getting knocked up to notice… fucking mission in life to accept welfare checks and provide the government with babies that are gonna grow up wearing blue extensions and cussing their teachers in elementary school if you’re not careful… FUCK YOU BITCH… and NEXT TIME YOU WAKE ME UP FROM SLEEP FOR ANY STUPID REASON… I WILL SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOU… DON’T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU ARE, WHO YOU’RE PREGNANT FOR OR WHAT YOU’RE CARRYING IN YOUR STOMACH… SINCE YOU’RE IGNORANT AND A DUMB BROAD… I’LL TREAT YOU LIKE ONE!

{Like I said before I put this up… sorry to any pregnant woman or mother who gets offended reading this… it isn’t a general post… just dedicated to a particular pregnant woman!!! She just got me riled up like you have no idea!!!}

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Part 2: I’m Back

Continuation of Part 1 of ‘My Weekend Gist’:

I don’t know if I mentioned that this birthday get-together was hosted by a friend of my friend YY. I mean I know her but the first time I met her at a party, she was giving me serious attitude… actually all my friends thought she was a bitch cos she just kept giving everyone cut-eye. Another reason I even disliked her more was that at the time she was talking to some dude JJ that I thought was so sexy… I mean he was tall, could dance like a motherfucker and i don’t know… just had something going for him. To cut a long story short… they ended up dating but broke up cos he went away for months and I guess she needed someone there with her. But they’re still friends sha cos even he was at the party. Yeah, so I initially didn’t care about her but I met her at a party a month or two ago and we just had a blast dancing and gyrating so she’s one of those people that when you get to know her you just love her… or at least like her. She’s not pretty but has an amazing body… cuteness!... besides I was over that JJ kid from long time… so that’s probably why I was in the mood for forgiveness… lol.. I know… females!!!

Oh and I think that same dude JJ likes Naijadyme… oh my gosh… he was totally flirting with her all-night… if she smiles, he smiles, if she shifts her yansh… he asks her if she’s uncomfortable… lol… it was the cuteness. She won’t believe me sha but trust me I got instincts for these things… I mean they were already friends from before so I’m guessing he doesn’t wanna mess up their friendship but trust me… he’s totally feeling her… I’m telling her to go for it cos they’d be cute together… plus she loves tall guys… so why the fuck not… and he looks like he’ll lick a good pussy and has big feet(lmao… I know… I’m terrible)… babe I know you need some right now… plus I want you to get over Mr. Slick and B!!!

Oh my gosh… we played WHOT (y’all remember that game… it was so hard for me to remember pick 2, general market, hold-on… lol… but at least I was better than AO who kept saying I have two cards left instead of second to last card.. lol). Victim came to pick us up but ended up getting caught up in the game, getting tired and just slept on the couch(fool had work the next day but because of 'girls' stayed there until 6am… wonder why he’s called victim… don’t worry.. I think I’m gonna write something about him and the other ‘victims’ of the world!). We ended up watching naija dudes freestyling on youtube… lmao… it was soo funny with their conc. Ijebu accents talking about “I’ll mess you up… you’re a nigga”… Apparently that’s a low blow… lol. Worreva!!!

There was a dance-off between one of my guyfriends SS and this chick CC. I mean she had liver oh trying to battle my friend that is an African Dance Fanatic with her white-girl moves.. lol.. he messed her up on the dancefloor it wasn’t even funny trust me… but I bigged her up still… lmao. SS was cold though… he’s like listen if I can’t beat anybody else in dancing… I will mess you up today.. lmao! CC self… her hair kills me all the time… her hair was flashing ‘peace sign’… lmao and its sad too cos she actually left the house like that… I mean she’s a nice girl but as AO would say… if only she stops rubbing the red eye-makeup and wearing furry shoes to parties, she’s be a prettier girl. lol… what can I say… I’m the nicest one of my friends (lol… they’d probably say something different)

Oh there’s this girl LT. That girl cracks me up cos she looks a little bit like mammy water. I mean she’s not ugly but she looks pretty in an ugly kinda way… I don’t know yo… and her face looks like she’s almost completing her bleaching… I’m so mad I didn’t get to check her knuckles. Lol.. and she’s a model… Naijadyme is so mean… when she heard that… she’s like.. MODELING WHAT?!?! Lol… the girl’s dutty-whine kills me that’s all I’m gonna say… and she kept looking at me weird throughout… but I bigged her up sha…

There’s this Ghanaian chick that we met there… luvs her… she’s so cute… soo nice, so sweet, so funny… I mean I’d take her to dance class if I could afford it… but she’s the sweetness and she loved me so I love her back!!!

AO thinks my Friend DD is a sell-out for dating a white girl… I don’t really care… I get my guys on the regular and if that white chick wasn’t dating him… I wouldn’t be… so I honestly don’t give a fuck… he’s a sweetheart tho and his girl is not a fat white girl so that’s good enough for me (not that there’s anything wrong with fat white girls… if you’re looking for papers or someone to fuck after arriving in the country 4 months ago with your leather coat and thick Onitsha accent… lol.. there’s nothing wrong at all!!!)

Oh my Gosh… I ‘shelled’ something terrible at the party sha… and I was the butt of jokes for hours jare… but it was all in good fun… it was the best night ever… we left around 6 sumthing in the morning and all our body hurt from laughing toooo much trust me. When Victim was almost at my house (dropping us off), Imagine the call I got from “Cheapness”. He’s in front of my house?!! WTF… at 7am… doing what?!?... he’s from out of town and wanted to see me… buddy … you think if I was sleeping I’ll wake up and come and go and brush my teeth at 7am on a Saturday when you’re not about to give me money or the deed to a house in the hamptons. I told him I wasn’t home yet but AO and Naijadyme wanted to see his face sha so I told him to wait for some minutes for me to get home. AO burst out laughing when she saw his face and Naijadyme thinks he looks like a grandfather… lmao… I know… I have mean friends... they’re right… but damn… mean!!!

It was a fantastic Friday night probably the best I’ve had in a long-ass time. Everybody knows that where 3, 7 or 24 Nigerian people are gathered together… there’s bound to be ruckus!!!

Oh and I went shopping on Sunday and got like four new pairs of skinny jeans(I know… the list of my addictions keeps growing… Stilletos, lipgloss, jewelry, black nail polish… now skinny jeans). Now my dilemma is that one of the jeans is exactly the same shade as another pair of skinny jeans that I have so I plan to change it up somehow… since I’m terrible with the cutouts thing… I wanted to like bleach em and create a ‘sexy messy’ effect. It happened in the past with one of my jeans (by mistake)… but this time I wanna try it out forreal… y’all got any tips?!?!

Another thing I realized is that ‘poorness’ or ‘laziness’ brings about all kinds of creativity… I was making stew during the weekend, started putting in some of the tin tomato I had and looking for another tin to supplement it only to realize that I’d run out!!! Too lazy to go out and get a new one… guess what I used to supplement tomatoes?!?! TOMATO SOUP!!! Lol… yup… I left it to cook/dry on the stove then put it in the stew… and voila… a stew is made… lol… k it doesn’t taste the same I’ll admit that but considering… it is pretty good… I mean a bit sweet (like maybe they put some sugar in the soup or something?!?!). The boyfriend came over after we saw Casino Royale which by the way is a totally awesome movie… oh my gosh... Daniel Craig is the Bond to beat… after Sean Connery… and Pierce Brosnan. He makes the action sequences look so believable… you totally gotta go see this movie trust me!!! Anyways we got home almost 12 midnight… so I couldn’t actually cook better food (this is not to say my stew wasn’t good… lol) and just boiled some rice quickfast. Lol… you should’ve seen his face when he was eating the stew… he’s like baby… so.. hmm… this food… ummm… this stew… ahhhh… lol.. I’m like shut up jo… you know you like it… he laughed and was like … you made it and I’m eating it… lol. We just cracked up after a while cos we dropped the plates after a while and just burst out laughing… Tomato Soup/Stew OSHI!!!

You know you’re comfortable with a guy when you can chew chicken bones in his presence… lmao… yup… I was chewing bones and doing all the sucking too… he just burst out laughing… lol… I’m even laughing as I type this cos I can’t imagine how funny it must’ve looked to him oh… the poor guy was probably like hey… when I asked this Overwhelmed Babe Out… she was looking and talking all sexy… I mean who would’ve thought I’d see this girl demolishing bones… I didn’t bargain for this oh… lol… roflmao

Stay Tuned To NTA 2 Blog 5 the story of Victim and Cheapness cos they are too long to tell in this same blog… so I’ll just do different blog entries

This is Overwhelmed and that’s your news for today!!!

Monday, November 27, 2006

I'm back

I discussed the issue at great length with my number one Jolene and we’re so over it… so it’s back to blogging now (and polluting the world with my mess…lol)… aren’t you excited?!?! I know I am!!! Triple yay!!! I really missed my blog sha, reading what my blogpals have been up to and communicating with my favorite readers. I learnt a big lesson from what happened and I hope anybody who followed the drama did too!!!

Thanks y’all for missing me and the great and inspiring comments you left on my blog, if you’ve read my blog for more than a week you’ll know how much I love blogging so trust me it sucked ass to think about giving it all up… but like I said before there’s people I love more than I love blogging and I wouldn’t want to hurt them in anyway through my writing… since I didn’t really(or at least it’s been cleared up)… your girl Overwhelmed has plenty gist to tell and questions to ask. Prepare to be bombarded this entire week and maybe even next!

The weekend started out really fun… and some shit ended up happening (yea… it’s about my relationship… I know… AGAIN!!! I guess we’re learning as we go along… but that’s a story for another write-up… or maybe not)

On Friday it was one of my closest friend’s birthday, so we went to her get-together. Actually she’s more than a friend… she’s like family that’s not really family you know… like an adopted sister or cousin or something… known her since I been in Canada and I love her more than I love Cranberry (and that’s saying a lot… cos some people in my life don’t measure up to it’s sweet and slightly bitter taste cos for some reason I love tangy things… like… k.. I Digress… lol!!!). I went with Naijadyme, and one of my close friends AO and we got this guy “Victim” to take us (I’ll talk about that guy in another post… or people that me and AO call “Victims”) there and oh my gosh… we had the funnest time ever!!! You know how it is… when too many Naija people are under the same roof, there’s bound to be ruckus…I mean we laughed so hard our cheeks started hurting.

When we arrived, after giving my friend her gift (which I won’t mention for fear or being outed… but trust me it was cute), we got down to the main business of the night… EATING!!! Lol… my friend AO said she didn’t even eat the whole day just preparing her stomach for the goodies to come… and we’d already planned all the insults we were going to lavish on them if the food was even slightly salty or burnt (cos we weren’t trusting my friends… lol). So anyways… there was Jollof Rice, Fried Rice, Fried Chicken, Grilled Fish, Pasta And Shrimp (my favorite). I used that one to wash my stomach first before I now got down to the soup… vegetable and egusi mix… I was just doing longthroat because I was already full… but I couldn’t resist the stockfish… I mean you’ll know I was into the food when they played my favorite makossa song and I didn’t go and dance because I wanted to finish enjoying the menu… lol. Naijadyme was doing ajebutter as per ‘on-diet-celebrity’… lmao… we didn’t mind her jare and ate all the food we wanted.

Anyways sha… after eating then came small picture snapping. This guy cracked us up when he was snapping some girls… I guess they were both frowning… homeboy’s like ‘Baby girl stop frowning… this is not a passport photograph’… lmao… that’s hilarious right… and imagine.. I just finished eating oh… we went outside for small cool air.. by the time we came back in the thing was on fullblast… better ghanian music… see your Overwhelmed breaking it down like the Dj owed me rent money… dang… I was shaking that booty oh… if Ludacris was there I know he would’ve tried to hire me for his moneymaker video… but don’t worry… I’m above that… I’m ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’ Material… lol.

Then they brought out the cake… ewwww… I hate vanilla cake… oh my gosh… terrible… whatever happened to chocolate cake ehn?!?! Anyways I ignored that one and kept sipping my water like Celine Dion. Then they just had to play makossa… hey… see me jump out my seat… and guess who they started me off with?!?! AWILO LONGOMBA… AWILO THE GENIUS, AWILO THE PHILOSOPHER, AWILO THE HIT MAKER, AWILO MY FUTURE WEDDING SINGER… OH MY DEAR… I DANCED LIKE IT WAS AN AUDITION!

They followed this up with Lagbaja’s Konko Below… heyyyy… NA DIE OH… me and AO killed that song cos it’s our other favorite song… see us ‘bere-mole’in (lol.. however you spell that!!!). Lol… Apparently I have a new name… ‘Electric Waist’… lmao… I know… only Naija people. Since this is my blog… I’ll make a small confession… it was hard to be bending and whining like that on that day sha… reason being.. first I was wearing low-rise skinny jeans… and because I didn’t want any of my goodies falling out… I was wearing a belt right… which is all well and good. I was wearing a long shirt-dress that went down to my hip so you didn’t see the belt on my pants… but then to make the whole thing more stylish I was wearing a wide belt underneath my breasts… lol. You could only see one belt and the whole outfit was sexy as fuck but trust me I was getting some circulation cut-off from the two belts and the skinny jeans… but did I pull it off.. 100%... lol… even Naijadyme didn’t believe me when I told her… lol (what can I say… I’ve mastered my craft!)

So after dancing they started playing reggae… see me I’m getting a little old school with the whole reggae thing… I mean I can whine like a professional hula- hooper, but for some reason I’ve never gotten into the newer reggae moves. I’m not trying to boost but I don’t think it’ll be good for my reputation to be seen dutty-whining or doing the ‘bad-man-forward-bad-man-pullup’. I don’t know… I just find it so blasé… and this is not to say that I don’t appreciate people that don’t… I mean some reggae dancers are amazing at what they do… but as for me Overwhelmed I’ll stick to the same old reggae ‘two-step’… a whole lotta whining and some movement….that way you keep it classy and a whole lotta sexy!!!

So we kept partying… there were so many funny people oh my gosh… I didn’t even have to entertain… I just sat around and enjoyed. A lot of these friends go to a different school and I was hearing some of their school gist. One of the guys LC used to be the president of the Nigerian Student Association of his school last year and is honestly one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. But the running joke on him is that as president he used all the membership fees donated to buy himself a Lexus and when the funds ran out… he resigned… lmao… apparently they were paying membership fee three times a year instead of once… lol… that was soo jokes.

Oh then there’s this funnyass dude LL… actually more funny looking… this guy kills me with his dressing.. I mean he’s soo overmatched it’s not even funny… homeboy will wear a white and yellow and blue jersey, lightblue jeans, yellow doo-rag, blue baseball hat, white blue and yellow bandana and wrist-band, yellow earrings, yellow white and blue nikes and lightblue bag.. like HOMEBOY SERIOUSLY>>> WTF… I’m a girl and I don’t even match quarter that much! But at least he’s famous around school (although at this point I’m not quite sure that’s a good thing… lmao)

There’s his close friend KK that is very weird.. he only has one dance move… I mean play reggae… he’ll do the same move, play hip-hop, same move… even damn Makossa… the same MOVE>>> HOMEBOY PLZ LEARN AT LEAST ONE MORE NOW!!!

{I just realized this is turning out to be some long-ass commentary… so I’ll break it down and finish part 2 later… hope y’all enjoyed reading my weekend sha… you know me and excessive gist.. but like I said… I missed y’all!!!}

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Time To Clear My Head

It’s funny… really funny how things happen…

Something seems like a good Idea at the time and you go with it

Only to realize later how much hurt, how much pain you leave in your wake

Anyways I’m not gonna beat a dead dog… it’s happened right?!?!

I didn’t write it… didn’t say it… didn’t think it… but I linked it

Sorry My Jolene… you’ve known me for a while and know that I’d never mean to hurt you ever… I love you and I don’t try to hurt people I love

I know I have without meaning to… I guess by linking to something so hate-filled, I’m in the wrong too

I’ve told you in person that I’m sorry but since everything started on this blog… I’ll say I’m really sorry here too…

It’s Live and Learn Right?!... Live and learn

I really shouldn’t… I really shouldn’t have… but I did

So now I pay the price…

Forgive me babe… you can take how much ever time you need… but I just wanted you to know that I regret it with all my heart…

I love you

{I’ll be out of this for however long… maybe hours, maybe days, maybe weeks, maybe months… maybe forever… I don’t wanna get caught up in any kinda drama and if my actions here is causing hurt to someone I love and respect then blogging be damned… I can vent here but I can vent somewhere else right?!?!}

In the meantime… thanks everybody for every comment, advice, suggestion, every word of encouragement that you’ve ever left on my blog… It’s really really helped me deal and grow as a person.

Be Well

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Part 2: What a weekend

The Boyfriend: I just can’t do this anymore

Overwhelmed: You can’t do what… anyways if you don’t have anything better to say… I’m tired jare


After 5 minutes………..

Overwhelmed: Hold on… are you seriously serious?!?! You actually want to break up with me?!?! For what?!?!

The Boyfriend: I don’t know… babe I’m nuts about you but I feel like you don’t appreciate me enough you know… I like you so much and sometimes I feel like you don’t like me as much as I do you… and never will. So rather than go through all that… it’s probably better I just nip it in the bud… and deal with it from now

Overwhelmed: are you seriously serious?!?! Like you gotta be kidding me with this

The Boyfriend: No… I’m not

Overwhelmed: Hold on a second… just hold on

This hurt so much… I mean I’d have never thought… I mean I like this guy so much it’s not even funny… so what does he mean he doesn’t think I like him as much as he does… that I don’t appreciate him… break up with me?!... This could go two different ways:

1. I could be the old nonchalant Overwhelmed and let him go his way and I’ll go mine… thanks and have a great life type of shit… I mean there are nicer, cuter, richer, better guys out there right

Or I could:

2. Swallow my pride… talk about it… hammer it out… listen to him… see what he’s saying… give him my point of view… preserve what I already got….

I mean I’ve never been broken up with before… I’ve always had the upper hand, always been the one that gets tired, gets bored, hates it when the guy gets too emotional, jealous, possessive… but for the first time in my life, I was willing to work on it... to loose some of my 'edge'. I wanted to keep him… he’s so good to and for me… I mea this couldn't be it!!!

Overwhelmed: Baby… listen… tell me what exactly brought about this change of mind

The boyfriend: I don’t know… it’s a culmination of a bunch of things… I feel like sometimes you talk to me anyway you want; you can be rude sometimes, stubborn, among other things. I mean I completely accept you for who you are and can deal with most of those things. You’re honestly one of the most genuine and greatest people I ever met… but sometimes baby it’s so hard to read you… it’s hard to know how to feel about certain things sometimes especially about me… and to continue to be with you… I have to know these things… I have to know you’re as committed to me as I am to you… I have to know that this relationship isn’t a joke... a game… a phase…

Overwhelmed: Hmmmm…

The Boyfriend: Listen… baby… I’m playing for keeps…

Overwhelmed: Ok… I hear you… and it really hurts that you don’t think I care about you… you’re usually the last person I talk to almost every night before I go to bed, I go out of my way for you… I mean I’m doing things I’ve never done for any guy, feeling ways I haven’t felt for any guy, saying things I’ve never said to any guy… and it hurts that you can’t see that. I’m so comfortable with you it amazes me… I mean I talk to you as a friend and as a lover… I tell you how I feel all the time… things you do that I like, things that I don’t like… EVERYTHING! It hurts cos I feel like I’ve come so far with you.. you know… I’m opening myself up like never before… letting myself be loved and opening myself up to the possibility of loving in return… I show you even my innermost thoughts… I’ve never tried to put on a show for you… it’s been just me from day one. It really hurts that you think this… but I can understand your point of view… I’m sorry about the way I reacted… I’ll watch it from here on out k? I guess sometimes I just expect you to know when to just give me time to process stuff or back off a littleI guess sometimes I forget that you too need to hear that I miss you every once in a while or that I like your mind as well as your balls.

The Boyfriend: laughs… you’re just a nutcase forreal

Overwhelmed: No seriously… I mean I’ve shared everything with you… I mean I’ve read you personal shit that I’ve never read to or told any other guy I’ve been with… I tell you thoughts that I don’t admit to most people… I’ve shared my mind, body and soul with you for the past 7 months of knowing you and I hate the fact that you’re not giving us a chance. Your reason for breaking up is soo bullshit… I mean things you’re saying now you never even told me before… is that how little I mean to you? You can just give up on a girl you say you love and want to be with for a long time… just like that? Me that kisses like heaven… Just like that?!?!

The Boyfriend: lol… you and your jokes

Overwhelmed: I’m not playing… you know what… if you wanna break up no problem… but before you do… then you have to restore the enjoyment you have taken out of my coochie…(I kinda giggled when I said that one). Yes… you have to… because as a lady there’s a certain percentage of sweetness in our pussy… and for the past 4 months you’ve been feasting and delighting and taking all the sweetness out… so imagine the next guy who comes along… he’ll only have limited enjoyment… and that’s unfair to him… so the minute you can restore my sweetness… then we can go our separate ways

The Boyfriend just burst out laughing for 5 minutes… and was like “Overwhelmed you’re the weirdest and funniest girl I ever dated. Baby… I’m really sorry that I overreacted… I guess sometimes I get scared you know… I’ve always wondered if we’re too good to be true you know… I just wish I’d met you when I’m 30 so I could just marry you and get it over with. I’m scared cos I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life and I keep feeling that at one point or another you’re gonna hurt me really bad… I mean sometimes I fight the feelings I have for you… Babe.. I think about you more than I think about myself and that scares me… when you’re sad or mad… it affects me… when you’re happy… I’m happy… and it scares the fuck out of me… so sometimes I guess I think my feelings might get even better/worse and who knows… but I’m sorry babe… I went to far with the ‘breaking up’ thing… I guess I lashed out the only way I know how

I’m sorry too… I’ll try to be more open too… I’m trying you know even though I know I can be such a drama queen sometimes…

The Boyfriend: lol... tell me about it... but yeah... even me… it’s like… you know….

yeah babe… I know…

The Boyfriend: so babygirl… when are you gonna get a bikini wax?

lol… where you going with that question?!?!

The Boyfriend: lmao…nowhere… I’m just asking….

Overwhelmed: lol… Good night!!!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

What a weekend

It started out great you know…

On Friday evening, my boyfriend came over… we hadn’t seen each other in about a week so you could imagine how it went down. He kissed the daylights out of me from the moment he stepped in the door… and proceeded to give me the pussy lick of my life. Homeboy turned me the fuck out… I mean four separate orgasms in one night. My legs were wobby as fuck after… it wasn’t even funny!!! I mean I don’t think anyone’s feasted on ‘me’ like that before (lol… pun intended!)

I took a shower and we slept naked… like babies!!! I was knocked out for almost 10 hours…

I woke up early… took a shower and just as I was putting lotion on my back… he lifted me up, plopped me on the bed and…. TURNED ME OUT AGAIN!!!

I went and took ANOTHER SHOWER and just gave his ‘member’ a good talking to… mommy was tired!!! Lol

Later in the afternoon he took me to the mall and got me this sexy ass faux fur knee-length winter trenchcoat, some groceries and went home.

My friend’s man was having a birthday party at a club so I went over to her place and with other close friends we just gisted and had fun catching up before dressing for the party (you know it gets when a couple naija girls get together in one room). Apparently in our group there’s a new term: “Overwhelmed’s Workout Plan”… anybody who starts having sex either for the first time or after a dry spell is apparently on “My workout plan”… lol… I mean I always knew I’d be famous… but I thought it would be for my cleavage, writing, my makossa moves or my bow-legs… I didn’t know it would be for my ‘workout plan’… lol (but I accept the honour sha)… oh and apparently I’m the go-to-person for little little sex tips… Gosh... when did it get to this?!?!?! Hehe… but I’m always a good sport sha and it was fun describing my new favorite ‘elevated doggy style’ among other things!

So we all got dressed and just looked absolutely smashing (if I do say so myself)…. B was in polka dot glory, K was looking too sexy in her halter, I was doing boho chic and E was rocking the fuck outta those gold heels!!! Our cabbie was an asshole and kept getting lost and still counting on the meter… ASSHOLE!!! His excuse was that we’re sexy so we should have no problem paying… ASSHOLE!!!!! Suffice to say... he got no tip!!! hehe

We got there too late so our friend wasn’t able to get us in and I just found out I’d left my Id and purse at home… Thank God my girl had an extra one and we kinda look alike. It was an old school and reggae party… and we met up with almost 30 of our friends there… it was pretty much an overwhelmed and co. party at the damn place… we Livened up the JOINT!!!

Fuck fuckers that try to grab your fucking booty when you’re on the dancefloor or ones that if you manage to dance with you want to bend you over… I look like your bitch?!?!? Nigga back off!!!

So anyways… me and my crew just killed it there and you should’ve seen your girl Overwhelmed jumping up and down in 3 and a half stilettos like they were runners… My feet paid the price for two days after that!

Lmao… my South African friend fell on her face when me and her were dancing… but she played it cool sha… I think the people around probably figured the ‘push-up’ was part of her dance routine… lmfao!

We left the club at almost 4am… we were worn out but it was sooo worth it… we had a complete blast… I mean almost 30 African friends together… we were just causing ruckus… doing the electric slide, dances that we’d improvised earlier, dutty whine, whine down low… soca jumps.. Michael Jackson moves circa 1989… just everything

After the party, walking back to our car… I saw this old friend DD that I knew at this place I used to work last 3 years summer… I gave him my number cos he was cool and we could catch up. DD was a fool back in the day though… he was talking to my best friend Naijadyme and never even told her he had a serious girl and child… lol… imagine Naijadyme’s surprise when his baby mama called her because she’d seen her number on her man’s phone… lol… suffice to say my gurl never talked to him again!!!

Anyways… it was funny to see the person DD was with. Some blue contact wearing Naija guy that tried to pick me up 2 or 3 years ago when I was with his best friend… yup you heard me… HE WORE BLUE CONTACTS>>> DANG! I mean granted… he’s handsome…but you’re dark, you’re black… where do you get off wearing blue contacts?!?!?! And please don’t mention Blu Cantrell right now abeg. Also, he’s a definite 419’er… with terrible pick-up lines… I mean who on earth tells a girl “come and talk to me by my lexus”… lol… you could’ve said car or even just tried to talk to me right there… FOOL!!!

I got home and I couldn’t feel my toes, my fingers…nothing… the boyfriend called me and I told him to come over on Sunday and give me a foot massage and he agreed.

On Sunday, he came over, I made us some rice and cornbeef stew and we just watched this funny naija movie “The prince” with Nkem Owoh and Pat Attah… lol… he’s getting seriously into Naija movies and everytime he complains about our ‘terrible movie soundeffects’… I ask him if Jamaica even has a movie industry… lol... I know... touché

Anyways… he gave me the massage and we chilled but to be honest I wasn’t really in a good mood cos I’ve been going through a lot of stress you know… from family to ‘school stuff’ to issues I’m having with one of my best friends (that I might talk about in another post).

He kept trying to find out what was wrong but I wouldn’t talk about it… and I know I was rude or whatever… but he already knew I was dealing with a whole bunch of shit at the time (and still sorta am!). I haven’t talked to my mom in almost a week and he kept trying to tell me to call her and going on and on about it… so I told him off( I mean I'm obviously gonna call her just let me be for a minute won't ya?!?)

He left an hour or two later and called me on his way home… AND KEPT GOING ON ABOUT THE SAME ISSUE… so I hung up cos I just couldn’t stand it anymore… I mean I’m stressed out… don’t add to it

I missed his call later on that night and his message said he’d call me the next day… so I was surprised to hear him call me around 3.53am(funny how I remember exactly the time)… He wanted to break up….

WHAT?! WHEN?!?!?!?! HOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? … No… seriously… WHAT?!?!?!

{To Be Continued}

NB: I read a write-up on Nosa’s page about ‘Western Infidels’… which to him has to do with homosexuality, promiscuity, sex, money and religion. I’d love for y’all to read his page and tell him what you think about the topic… and he especially wants to hear My Jolene- Naijadude’s opinion on it… but y’all go there and contribute your two cents… I think he has an 'interesting' point of view.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Mummy Sunday 4

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my fourth Mummy Sunday post!!! I dedicate this post to everybody who’s ever been a victim of any person, place or thing (lol… noun)…. We are victorious in His name!!!

I’m Tired

I’m tired cos I only just found out he smokes

I’m tired of a love so quick to find fault… to lash out… to hurt

I’m tired of living in fear

I’m tired of being beaten up all the time

I’m tired of hiding black eyes and split lips

I’m tired of always having to answer the children’s questions

I’m tired of not seeing my friends anymore cos I can’t stand the pity in their eyes

I’m tired of being father and mother to the children

I’m just tired of doing all the work by myself

I’m tired cos I haven’t had 8 hours of sleep in almost a year

I’m tired of the children thinking their uncle is their father

I’m tired of not having enough money to hire a baby sitter cos their dad spends all our money partying and smoking

I’m tired of being so jumpy at work cos I’m worried sick that 5 year old Overwhelmed might not be able to take proper care of her 3 year old sister

I’m tired of beating myself up about the fact that I’ve trained Overwhelmed to be so obedient that she won’t shake out of it when I’m home.

I’m tired of being the office joke

I’m tired cos I work two jobs and I haven’t gone shoe shopping in 6 months

I’m tired cos no matter how well I hide my savings, he finds it… even in my underwear drawer

I’m tired cos he hits me right after for ‘keeping secrets’ in our marriage

I’m tired of my girlfriend’s sarcastic smile cos she too has enjoyed what bedroom delights my husband has to offer

I’m tired of conversations ending just as I enter the room

I’m tired cos he almost bashed my head in last night and I still made him dinner

I’m tired, emotionally drained cos all I do is give give give… I have nothing left to give!!!

I’m tired cos in spite of all this I still have to keep up appearances

I’m tired

I’m tired of staying up at night, crying, praying for things to change

I’m tired cos he’s bleeding my soul dry

I’m tired cos I almost have nothing left to give my children

I’m tired cos I know I deserve more

I love him but I’d love to live without the anger and the pain

I want a father for my children… a love, a friend, a protector….a husband

I’m tired of the lies, the deceit, the arrogance, the conceit… I can’t take it anymore

……………………………… so when he sleeps I’ll pick the children and leave

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Keeping Busy

There’s Something I want to talk about… but I’m not sure if I should or not… so in the meantime I’ve been catching up on a lot of blogs… There’s still so many that I have left to read and some that I probably forgot to put here… but I’ll give y’all a sample of some of the very Interesting Blog Write-ups that I’ve read recently:

My best friend Naijadyme has a post up about a certain Mr. Slick that we both know… I honestly don’t know why she likes this guy… lol… but she does… she’s trying to wean herself off him (at least she told me that… lmao). Check out her page and that post in particular!

Mphalele: She’s a delicious writer… you know like you can’t wait to dig in… you indulge voraciously and you’re sad when it’s done… I mean couldn’t it just go on for a little longer?!?!.... she writes from the heart and honestly I read some stuff she wrote and I wondered if she is another me living in a different place and time… (I know Noni Moss and Soul currently have that ‘clone-o-logy thing going too!.. and for some strange reason 1982 and Noni Moss Remind me of each other… don’t ask me why)

My Blog Big Sister Soul has been writing awesome awesome tributes to Singers of old… I mean all time greats like Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Cassandra Wilson and my new favorite Nina Simone (I’m currently listening to her very best of album and oh my gosh… a lot of the songs make me cry… so much soul, pain, heart… and just life in her voice… God bless her heart!!!)

My Jolene has a thanksgiving post on his blog, as does DiamondHawk who’s currently doing an awesome 30 days of thankfulness post

Go on Noni Moss’s blog and tell her what you think of snarky anonymous commenters

Vera is just out of her mind

The Mistress has a very interesting write-up about ugly and beautiful people… Research indicates that ugly parents are usually terrible parents. Very interesting stuff…I just love her blog... I mean she’s so open with her sexuality and I think that’s so liberating to see a woman like that. Lol (my kinda girl!!!)

Nigerican has a funny post about the different kind of friends there are… go there and check out which one you think you are. Lol.. this girl just loves to make lists about everything… I mean for Chrisake she has a ‘Things that are overrated’ list (luv u still gorgeous… lmao)

Babe has a funny post about Nigerians and the spiritual conclusions we have about every situation in our lives… this girl kills me with every post… she’s obsessed with pure water and exposing mammy waters… lol

Go to Abbey’s page and let her know whether or not you’d operate on a hiv positive heroin addict (risking your own health in the process)

Tell Through these eyes and Olawunmi if you support Babangida or not in the upcoming Naija elections

There’s a chick that’s asking BellaNaija if she should get bigger tits or not… she’s 25 and never been fucked… ADVISE!

Be sure to check with LondonBuki each and every Monday for her fantastic Mummy Monday posts.. oh and other days too… cos she’s a nice girl from London State… lmao!

Uzo is just a meme fanatic (like me?!)… check out her latest one…. and tag her anytime you want to read funny responses… lol

My cybersis is not sure if she did the right thing or not by addressing a congregation of older men and women as ladies and gentlemen instead of sirs and ma… give her your opinion on it

Please don’t write me hatemail if I didn’t include your blog… I didn’t have enough time… I will next time… I promise

There’s more… but my pasta is burning… so I’m out like a lightbulb… oh and I gotta do my Mummy Sunday writeup earlier probably cos I have some new positions to try out with the boyfriend this weekend… lol… cos honestly I realized I was getting a little lazy when my thighs started hurting 10 minutes into riding him last week!!! Lmao… I’m gonna try and do some squatting in my spare time!!! I’m gonna surprise him this weekend cos he was feeling like a stud last time… lol

Have a safe weekend y’all and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (hehe… which isn’t much really…. Lol)

Love you guys… and like LondonBuki said… I’m coming to feel like y’all are friends… friends I’ve never seen or talked to in person… but friends nonetheless!

May the force be with you!!!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

45 more useless facts about me!!!

Ms. Minx has threatened to interrupt my future wedding ceremony if I don’t do this tag… so for the sake of a peaceful matrimony under the supervision of Celine Dion and Awilo Longomba… I’ll do the damn thing:

Whats your name spelt backwards?: Ebab Ajian Demlehwrevo (lmao… don’t hate… it’s not easy to be greek jare)

What did you do last night?: Listened to Robin Thicke’s new album and talked to the boyfriend on the phone till I fell asleep… I’m getting attached to both these men!!!

The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: I think Justin Timberlake’s My love featuring T.I(cocky bastard)… that song just does things to me… and I know my cybersis Jadedkiss can totally understand where I’m coming from with that one.

Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?: I licked an envelope on this day five and a half years ago… and I’ve never looked back since

Last time you swam in a pool?: I think it’s ironic that I can float on water but not swim… last time I was in a pool… hmm… I think the Marriot Hotel in Montreal 4 months ago…. Oh my gosh… that hotel makes waffles that you have to taste to believe…

What are you wearing?: Clothes… what you think I’m naked all the time?

How many cars have you owned?: Lol… I don’t even have my G1… I’ve been doing what oyinbo people call ‘loafting’

Type of music you dislike most?: Southern Rap… I don’t dislike the music.. more like the accents… they just sound illiterate most especially when they speak…

Are you registered to vote?: Never voted before actually… I want the conservatives out of government though… we gotta get the Liberals back in!!! so I’m gonna vote next time around (oh shit I think elections were last week!!!)

Do you have cable?: Yeah… and my mom is sooo weird… she got satellite cable from NAIJA… who on earth wants to watch NTA and AIT in Canada?!?!? Only my mom!!!

What kind of computer do you use?: IBM (lol… I actually had to look on my computer to figure this out… and I’ve had the damn thing for almost 2 years… I know what Azuka will have to say about that!)

Ever made a prank phone call?: oh my gosh… the stories I could tell… I do some funny Canadian, Ghanaian, British and Nigerian accents so trust me we have tons of fun with those…

You like anyone right now?: Yeah… I really like someone right now… and he likes me back!!!

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: Both… mommy thinks I’m a daredevil… I say you only live once

Furthest place you ever traveled?: Nigeria- Canada

What's your favorite comic strip?: Comedian? Ali G, Basket Mouth, Stephen Colbert, Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Chris Tucker, Martin Lawrence, Owen Wilson, Jackie Chan, Ellen Degeneres, Awilo Longomba

Do u know all the words to the national anthem?: Canadian and Nigerian

Shower, morning or night?: Both, especially when I have visitors… lol…

Best movie you've seen in the past month?: Cultural Learnings for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan!!!

Favorite pizza toppings?: Ok I just got into the new philly cheesesteak pizza from Pizza Pizza… trust me it’s excellent!!!

Chips or popcorn?: Popcorn with extra butter

What cell phone provider do you have?: Telus… ok plz don’t insult me… I know I’m poor… I’m a student jare!

Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: Have you ever smoked coconut oil residue?

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?: Not that I know of

Orange Juice or apple?: They both take a backseat to Cranberry in my life

Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?: Obiora

Favorite chocolate bar?: Snickers. Bounty is a close second… love love love Ferrero Rocher chocolate too

Who is your longest friend and how long?: Naijadyme and N*** were the first real friends I made in Canada and I love em still… BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!

Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: In Nigeria…. Maybe 7, 8 years ago (seems a lifetime ago)

Have you ever won a trophy?: Lol I won something in high school in Nigeria for being the most beautiful girl… whatever happened to the smartest girl trophy?!?!?! lol

Favorite arcade game?: Oh the one there’s like a flat thing in the middle and you both use those flat things with circular nobs on the top to like hit the flat thing to each others side… don’t know what its called but its terrible fun… oh and bowling is pretty good too… oh I luv Tetris and Spider Solitaire too.

Ever ordered from an infomercial?: Nope…

Sprite or 7-UP?: I honestly don’t know the difference

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?: Yeah… wore uniforms in the 5 different high schools I went to… so now I absolutely refuse to work at a job where I’d need to wear a uniform… don’t care how much you’re paying me!

Last thing you bought at Walgreens?: Lol… where is that?!?! Where you buy wall stuff?!?!? Lmao… just playing… I’m guessing this is like a Saudi Arabian version of Walmart… um… last thing I bought was hot pink nail polish and blue nailpolish too… oh and I got those totally delicious apple pies from Mcdonalds… yummy!!!

Ever thrown up in public?: No

Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: Both… i’m a big fan of money and love (I know… like every other Igbo chick out there… lol)

Do you believe in love at first sight?: Ummm… never happened to me and who am I to discredit what others feel… actually I take that back… If I meet a dude and he tells me he just fell in love with me the instant he saw me… you bet your pumpkin he’s not getting my number!(so much for open-mindedness eh… lol)

SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?: Lion King and Snow White and umm… Lagbaja!!!

Did you have long hair as a young kid?: I used to be the weirdest kid… from about 3,4… I used to suck my thumbs and pull out my hair with the other… my mom eventually cut my hair after a while…. it was so traumatic growing up looking like a boy!!! Thank God for my gorgeous smile and totally cute bow-legs or else Ishmael might’ve not noticed me then!!! lol

What message is on your voicemail machine?: My phone is kinda having some technical difficulties right now… I know… like always… but yeah be sure to leave your name, number and a message and imma holla back ASAP. Peace

Where would you like to go right now?: Lasagna tasting in Italy, Shoe shopping in Paris, Makossa dancing in Congo and Palm wine drinking in Nigeria.

What’s the name of your pet?:

What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?: I was never a fan of backpacks… even from Naija I always loved big totes… I’d look absolutely ridiculous in a pair of 3 inch stilettos and a backpack don’t you think?

What do you think about most?: you know... I just think about life you know… how I want to make it a better place… how I’m gonna go world vision on the universe and ‘sponsor’ everything!!! Lol… just kidding… you don’t even wanna know forreal… we’d be here all day… and you wouldn’t want me to miss what I’m thinking about now would you? Lmao…

{I tag anybody who ever danced to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, Lagbaja’s “Konko Below” or knows the words to ‘Mary Has A Little Lamb’… you’re weird enough to do this survey… lol}

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

You don’t impress me

You don’t impress me with your sexy new range-rover with the rockin’ navigation system and gorgeous black leather interior

You don’t impress me when you seek valet parking

You don’t impress me with your $500 sweater, Jacob the Jeweler watch, your Neil Lane diamond pinky ring.

You don’t impress me with your size 14 feet

You don’t impress me with your American accent, your wordliness… your ‘pizzazz’

You don’t impress me cos you do ‘business’

You don’t impress me when you tell me you just shipped a Lincoln Navigator home last Christmas

You don’t impress me when because you live in a big house by yourself

You don’t impress me when you compliment my ‘gorgeous legs and sexy smile’

You don’t impress me as you sip your Courvoisier and wink at me under hooded eyes

You don’t impress me with your sexual undertones

You don’t impress me when you casually make a v with your fingers and slightly lick it with your tongue

You don’t impress me when you announce your intention to show me ‘the other side of life’

You don’t impress me when you don’t flinch as I take just a bit out of my escargot before changing my mind and ordering tiger shrimp skewers instead

You don’t impress me when you give the waiter a $20 tip because he explained what side dish my steak came with

You don’t impress me when you pull out about $400 in 20’s from your Gucci leather wallet

You match my wit, my style, my elegance … but you don’t impress me

You don’t impress me Obiora… but we can’t be ‘friends’ anymore.

Monday, November 13, 2006

6 months into it

We are right now a new entity that’s neither of us and both of us at the same time

6 months into it

I’m all for exploring each other, for stripping away words, barriers, and just ‘being’

6 months into it

I still want to be a part of you, a part of the heart that beats inside you

6 months into it

You’re my light

6 months into it

I can still talk to you on the phone for hours at a time

6 months into it

I still think you’re beautiful… your mind, your heart, your body, your soul

6 months into it

You still give me butterflies

6 months into it

You still listen to and dance with me to the rhythm in my head

6 months into it

You fascinate me still

6 months into it

You’re still as charming, as sweet, as genuine as the first day I met you

6 months into it

You still make me feel warm inside

6 months into it

We still smile, laugh, kiss and make out heavy

Happy Anniversary Baby!!!

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Mummy Sunday 3

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my third Mummy Sunday post!!! I dedicate it to all the women out there who have been emotionally, mentally or physically abused. I dedicate it to all those who stay in terrible situations for ‘fear’, ‘the children’ or ‘love’. I hope that one day you find the strength to let go!!!

He Hits Me

He hits me when I argue
He hits me when we disagree

He hits me when he’s sad
He hits me when he’s had a bad day
He hits me when he’s mad

He hit me when I confronted him for cheating
He hit me cos I had girls

He hit me so hard after the caesarian that my wound reopened
He hit me so hard I had a double file at the emergency
He hit me so hard the doctor knew I didn’t fall down the stairs

He hits me when I dance with male friends at parties
He hits me when I hang out with people he thinks are bad influences
He hits me when I wear clothes he hasn’t seen cos he thinks I’m frivolous or they’re from another man
He hits me cos no one sees what he’s doing to me

He hits me when I don’t give him everything I make
He hits me when I’m helpless
He hits me when I try to defend myself
He hits me cos I have no one to protect me

He hits me when I’m wrong
He hits me when I’m right cos that implies that he’s wrong
He hits me cos I want to make things work and not leave him

He hits me cos my family already loves him
He hits me cos he knows I don’t want the kids to grow up without a father
He hits me cos there’s never been a divorce in my family and he knows I don’t want to be the first

My name is ‘Mama Overwhelmed’: I love my husband, but he hits me!!! I’m emotionally drained; He’s slowly sapping my energy, my life… my soul.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My A to Z of Music

I was tagged a few days ago by my CyberSis JadedKiss and seeing as how I can’t say no to family (even against my better judgement…lol)… goes nothing:

A. Awilo Longomba (My future Wedding Singer), Anita Baker, Angie Stone, Amanda Stott

B. Bryan Adams, Brian Mcknight, Barry White, Bright Chimezie, Britney Spears (She introduced the world to giant albino snakes, made ‘toxic’ seem like something other than poisonous, and singlehandedly made being a ‘slave’ an aspiration not a historical nuisance!!!)

C. Celine Dion (Duet Partner with Awilo on my Wedding Day), Christina Aguilera, Corinne Bailey Rae, Chantal Kreviazuk, Cher!!!

D. Dido, David Bedingfield, Dixie Chicks, Dolly Parton (She wrote the soundtrack to me and My Jolene’s hearts)

E. Etta James, Eve, Eminem, Evanescence (I think my next Halloween costume will be a Transexual Goth Virgin Gynecologist), Erykah Badu’s “Tyrone”…lmao… I can’t believe she won’t even let her man use her cellphone to ‘Call Tyrone’.

F. Floetry’s “Butterflies”

G. Green Day (wake me up when This Year ends!!!), Gladys Knight (I find it interesting that she chose to leave on the “Midnight Train To Georgia”… why not the 11.30pm one?... wouldn’t that have helped her get to Georgia faster?!?!)

H. Heather Headley

I. India Arie, Imogen Heap (lol… I have tremendous respect for the only female with the boldness to insert these lyrics in a song and just sing her heart out “Come on into my bedroom… I want to fuck you”), Igbo Funeral Music (if sweet music could bring back the dead… no Igbo person would be buried!!!)

J. John Legend, Jill Scott, Jennifer Lopez’s “Rebirth” Album, Jah Cure, Jimi Hendrix, John Mayer, Justin Timberlake (I still wanna slow whine to that new song wit T.I… JadedKiss )

K. Keith Urban, Kylie Minogue,

L. Leann Womack, Leann Rimes, Lionel Richie, Luther Vandross, Lagbaja’s “Konko Below”(however you spell that)

M. Michael Buble (Gave my first lapdance to his music!!!), Mariah Carey, Marc Anthony, Martina McBride, Marvin Gaye, Michael Bolton, Michael Jackson (used to do the splits to thriller when I was 5… what happened?!?!)

N. Nigeria’s national Anthem!!! Norah Jones, Never KEM (lol… hate that strange fucker and I know you’re gonna kill me for saying that Naijadude)

O. Otis Redding, Oliver D Coque (this man’s music made my grandpa’s funeral seem like his birthday party…lol)

P. Pink, P***y Clap(lol… u know that clapping sound when you’re getting it soo GOOD?... yea… that’s music to my ears too!)

Q. Quentin Tarantino... he doesn’t sing? Oh sorry… he’s the only person I know with a name that starts with Q… so just imagine if he did sing… the hits he’d come up with!!!

R. R. Kelly, Ray Charles, Ricky Martin (any man who can shake his bon-bon like that definitely gets my vote!!!), Rod Stewart, Robin Thicke’s voice and music makes me feel so good inside

S. Sting, Sheryl Crow, Sergio Mendes, Shania Twain, Stevie Wonder, Scissor sisters, Shakira (even though I have no clue what she’s saying sometimes) and one of my all-time favorites… SADE!!!

T. Tim Mcgraw, Tyrese (his body more than his music), Toni Braxton, Twister (for obvious reasons… just the thought of him rapping 1,000 words per second directly in front of my p***y will create unheard of vibrations and sensations!)

U. Uncle Okey (our village drunkard in Naija… that man was a great beat composer, freestyler, historian and expert ‘romancer of girls behind bushes’ and ‘father’ to almost all the fatherless in our village’)

V. Vanessa Carlton

W. Whitney Houston, Wyclef Jean

X. XXX soundtracks (lmao… what can I say… the constant rhythm and sometimes strange moans in porn are sometimes soothing to the ears!!!)

Y. Y do I have to name singers for letters that I don’t know?????

Z. Zack Orji!?!?!? Zouk (some of the most sensual music I’ve ever heard… it’s music for bad girls and boys like me and u… lol)

I hereby tag everybody who’s ever tagged me (return punishment), or anybody who reads this blog!!!