I called him on Monday night and we talked:
This man is beyond unreasonable…
He’s just a big baby!!!
He didn’t call me for 4 days because he likes me!!!
He felt like he was too dependent on me for his happiness and wanted to prove to himself that he could ‘do’ without me…
He can… and I can do without him… but do we really want to throw away all we have?
He loves being with me and will try to deal with his little ‘drama and episodes’ next time without hurting me
We’re back on track
What a relief!!
He still loves me still
I saw him on Tuesday:
It was a gorgeous evening… full of colour and new beginnings. I believe this is right if only for a little while… I believe this as much as the bee believes in honey.
He just held me and told me it was alright… we’ll make it. His arms around me were so comforting... safe, quiet, warm and comforting.
In those moments, nothing else mattered…
In those moments, anything seemed possible.
In those moments, every happiness was offered.
Before I thought I was traveling towards a destination… but in those moments, I felt like I had arrived.
It’s become obvious to me that my trusted iron wall beyond which no male could penetrate has started crumbling. I’m drifting and he’s the closest to catching me!
Before him, every time that I’ve been involved with a guy there’s always been a point when I realize that I’m like a stranger in a foreign country who tries to pay with the wrong ‘currency’.
I'm learning the hard way… “ You always have to ‘convert’ to survive!!!”
It used to feel like I was doomed to forever inspire love but never feel it.
A wind of change is blowing my way and for the first time… I’m kind of excited!
My excitement is bursts of colours and rainbows and stars and giant flowers…
In my excitement there are euphoric shouts, thrilled laughs, blushing giggles, beatific smiles… there are horses jumping, crickets flying, birds chirping, lions roaring.
My excitement is stories of joy, tales of sorrow and everything inbetween.
This is the time of my life that I think every other time will be compared to. I love it but some part of me watches me living it. I know that this might be my age of gold… that nothing this nice, this sweet, this great lasts forever… but as day turns into night… and night into day… my only plan right now is to enjoy it. I won't consider the future… never ask myself what will happen tomorrow or the day after. For now, each day will be enough!
I'm in it deeper than you know my big baby!!!