Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I'm Scared

I’m scared of love’s embrace
I have no more defenses

As the hours have turned into days, the days into weeks and the weeks into months, I’ve become more enamored with you.
Sometimes I want to crawl into your skin… to be so close to you that my heartbeat is indistinguishable from yours.
Before you I’d sort of forgotten the excitement of a look, the thrill of an unplanned moment together
It’s amazing the way we talk, what we talk about, the way we laugh, what we laugh about… our differences… our similarities
You've added colour and sparkle and fire to my life…

I’m scared cos sometimes I catch myself counting the hours I’m away from you because I can’t wait to see you again. And then I count the hours I’m with you cos I don’t even want you to leave.

I’m scared cos never have I felt such completeness, such total rapport
You teach me to look… I teach you to see
You make me happy… I make you laugh
You give me records to play… I give you books to read
You've shown me love… I’ve shown you life


I’m scared of falling into the abyss… scared of the blinding brights that could only be proceeded by colours so dark they might blight my very soul
I’m scared cos I’m already loosing my edge

I’m scared to show how much I really care
This is that great leap into the unknown
I’m becoming too dependent on you… I mean sometimes I just want to be part of you, part of the heart that beats inside you
I just want to give all of me and receive all that is you until all the emptiness has been filled with something that is me and you


I’m scared cos right now is a time of flux and uncertainty… a time of mottled grays for us
I’ve never really been down this road before

I’m scared

43 comments:

Soul said...

Aburo...
breathe. okay.
It's alright to be scared, certain things are scary, putting everything into someone else can be scary.
you know, I'll never tell you to ignore your gut feeling, because we know when things change, we feel it. And then we start making excuses for it. I wouldn't tell you to do that.

You know, it takes a lot to let go and when you do, it's like you reaach this place where you can almost sense a thought before it gets hatched. you feel me.

If I was looking for clarity, I'd go to the only place I could get it, which is to the person concerned. But i have to know and be prepared for the fact that I might not like what I hear.

Anonymous said...

ONB, it's not something that you can control. It's a beautiful but mixed feeling. Defenses won't help you no matter how you try. Just be careful and sometimes it's best to just let go and let it hit you right there. Even when we get hurt, it's not our fault for falling in love but it's the person involved for making himself so damn loveable.

Besides as the old saying goes...It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Good luck girl!

angie said...

did u call?
wat happened??

angie said...

i agre with soul, that it is alrite to be scared.
i believe we all shld just take each day as it comes, thanking God for each wonderful moment and learning from our mistakes.
wat u shld know is that we shldn't put all our trust in to a human being cos they will always fail u(except GOD)
if someone disappoints me, i have learnt not to feel it too hard cos i may do the same(hurt or disappoint someone un-intentionally) to someone in future, but that doesn't stop me from being scared or angry but it makes things easier to bear.

Stranger said...

OWNB...there's a reason you are human...and there's a reason He is God...and there's a reason He's crazy about you...do the math...on God's behalf, I LOVE YOU...and it doesn't get old...Lamemtations 3v23.

Uzo said...

Oooh! I wish i could give you a hug. Soul has said it all. Its okay to be scared but you need to just let it flow.....

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

babes,

its really okay to be scared love is always scary, but really sometimes u just gotta let urself go, give it ur all, dont be afraid to give all of u. and at the end of the day, even if thingd dotn work out (i really hope they do o) u would at least know what its like to love and to be loved. now that u cant trade for anything else.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Just be careful babes. It's okay to be scared, but be careful. Whatever happens with da boyfriend (copying Mari), don't let it ruin ur Christmas 'cos the love God displayed by sending his son, Jesus to die for our sins is much more than what da boyfriend can offer you or u him. U're worth so much more and keep on being beautiful. Sending some cyber hugs and kisses ur way.

nosa101 said...

mehn, your love dey o

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chainreader said...

if you want to know what i think, go read soul's comment again. i think she hit the nail were it needed to go. so i'll not repeat.

it may not seem like it now, but everything is going to be just fine, and that holds true no matter which way the cookie crumbles. you are stronger than you think.

one big, fat hug coming at you!

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Anonymous said...

First time inlove is always intense. It's very hard to draw a fine line, because you have nothing to compare it to, so it's always extreme emotions - really happy, really sad, really high, really low.
When in doubt as soul said go to the source. No you're not crazy for feeling what you feel - there is nothing worse than not knowing what's going on.

Anonymous said...

Hello girl,

As usual everyone has said everything!
Just know that You'll be fine.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Soul: Egbon it is scary… scarier than most things I’ve ever contemplated in my life… I’m trying to learn to deal with it all.. the highs, the lows and the inbetweens… You’re so right that. I’ll put up a post about how everything went when I called him ‘for that clarity’

@Naija Sapphire: I’ve decided to try to stop fighting and give in… cos I guess I owe it to myself to know how far this can go… Thanks sunshine

@Angie: yeah I called him last night… we’re still on but it was a confusing conversation oh babe… I’ve only begun to grasp the potential this dude has to hurt me forreal oh babe… I’ll write all about it in my next post!

@Stranger: Thanks sunshine… I appreciate it…

@Uzo: lol… I kinda need one… I’m letting it flow but I just hope I don’t flow away with the current…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@36 inches: Right?! That’s how I’m trying to look at it… but babe it’s hard oh I no go lie… it’s me against the storm now… nothing standing between us.. but I guess I’ll never know till I experience it fully

@Cherub: You’re so right… I just can’t have a bad christmas… Thanks for the hugs and kisses… I really need em right now.. God bless you

@Nosa101: lol… which one now Nosa ehn?

@Chainreader: lol… I’ve read soul’s comment like a milion times and I think I understand exactly what she’s saying… thanks babe… I really appreciate the hug

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Maiden Voyage: lmao… am I in love? I thought it was extreme love… lol.. But I understand exactly what you’re saying… Thanks sunshine and welcome to blogsville.. you’re gonna have way too much fun!

@Nilla: I’ll be fine

Freaky Deaky said...

Nice post. I like the honesty. I wish I knew what to say. Whenever we're afraid it's only natural for us to fight or flee. Of course that's not the only thing we can do. Embrace the fear, suffer the uncertainty, and ride out the storm. You might surprise yourself.

NaijaBloke said...

Am just reading all ur post from last week and me I will say it"We told u so"
All those time u were doing the shakara for the guy,now the pressure is on u now ..
U dont have a choice like Soul said,u need to go to the person concerned to get clarity on the issue.

U have a nice day

Anonymous said...

ONB, take it easy. Eveything will be okay. Have you called him??

Lol@ Cherub(FKA: Bijouxoxo)

Biodun said...

With everything said, (great advice from soul) just take it easy n breatheeeeee. Sending u a thousand hugs!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Freaky Deaky: Thanks luv… Embrace the fear eh? I’m trying

@NaijaBloke: lol@ we told you so… leave me hand jo.. have a great day yourself

@Mari: I called him last night… we’re going to see a movie tonight… I’ll put a post up tomorrow or so about the conversation

@Biodun: Whooo saaaaaaaaaa… thanks sunshine

TP said...

Awww, babe emotions cannot be controlled rationally. You just have to trust your instincts. If you are happy, enjoy it. I know it is scary to think that you are allowing another person to affect your emotions and moods, but it is part of sharing your life with someone.

Anonymous said...

COMPORT URSELF, WOMAN!..:)...ok, i had to be stern wif u, for a sec. But seriously, that man aint stupid...(i hope). He knows what he's got in you, so just calm down...Let him work thru wotever he's goin thru...U'll be fine.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Tp: I’m learning as I go along

@Zaiprincesa: lol… He knows

nosa101 said...

on your request I have resumed

Anonymous said...

eeyah my dera hang in strong but remember u cant make a person love you. You can show them how you want to be loved, but its up to them to want to love you that way. Dont force someone to ever be with you, it wont be worth it in the end.

Anonymous said...

girl i'm scared too and i'm getting more scared by the minute .I do hope we can over come our fears and not be so engulfed in it that we scare our better halves away ( they might begin to think we r crazy lol).U can over come u're fear ,but only u really knows how. Goodluck blogger buddy.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nosa101: Yay!!! As the Jamaican people would say… “EXCITEMENT”!

@Naijalove: He loves me already… so that’s not the problem… he just had stuff on his mind that we’re working through… it’s all good(I think) Thanks though luv

@Nigerican: lmao@ us being crazy… we kinda are… aren’t we?! Thanks sunshine… be happy too… you deserve nothing but the best!!! Can’t wait to read your new list(lol.. you know I luv those!)

belle said...

you have reason to be scared... love is one h*ll of an emotion!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@belle: It is… isn’t it?

Anonymous said...

Hey baby,
i hear u honey... its scary when u're there, yet when u not there, u're looking forward to being there... enjoy the ride honey... breathe, relax and just take the moments for what they are- just moments...
dont think about what it could be like tomorrow or what it was like yesterday.. just think of; now.

Take care hun

TaureanMinx said...

Just let go, let it flow let it flow let it flowwww... We are always here to listen to you girl. Take it easy..and oh abou tthe last post, guys need their space sometimes, don't let it bother you. He'll come back. Sometimes a breather is neccessary. xx

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Diary of a mad mad mad soulful sister: Breathe, stretch, shake… let it go! Thanks babe… you can be quite sensible when you’re not busy yarning ‘Canadian slangs’… lmao

@TaureanMinx: Yes mami… that’s what I’m beginning to understand… na my first time for this arena… so I guess it follows that I get confused sometimes… Thanks luv

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DiAmOnD hawk said...

just breathe baby girl...

Vera Ezimora said...

Oh God, if I see one more poem for a lover (that isn't me) ehn... I will hurt someone o!!!

Overwhelmed, girlie, don't misinterprete this as love oh, but I missed you. I'm glad that I'm back to read ur stuff again.

Merry Christmas baby!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Diamond Hawk: I’m trying luv…

@Vera: My one and only vera… the babe that managed to steal my boyfriend and retain my friendship at the same time!!! I missed you oh… Glad your back luv… what am I getting for Christmas ehn?! You know I deserve a gift to take the place of NaijaBloke in my life!!!

Anonymous said...

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Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Diary of a Mad Soulful Sista: lmao... na oyinbo craze dey worry you oh.. Canadian oshi.. where is your citizenship and Canadian memorial card?!

Anonymous said...

The more scared you are, the more anxious u get. Tr and take it easy hun. It is well.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@ The Life: Easy is the word… thanks luv!

Anonymous said...

wow i was so sure i'd put up a comment on this.
love the poem babe.. guess writing runs thru our cyber genes eh? Lol.
a brilliant piece.. hope you read it to him?