Tuesday, November 14, 2006

You don’t impress me

You don’t impress me with your sexy new range-rover with the rockin’ navigation system and gorgeous black leather interior

You don’t impress me when you seek valet parking

You don’t impress me with your $500 sweater, Jacob the Jeweler watch, your Neil Lane diamond pinky ring.

You don’t impress me with your size 14 feet

You don’t impress me with your American accent, your wordliness… your ‘pizzazz’

You don’t impress me cos you do ‘business’

You don’t impress me when you tell me you just shipped a Lincoln Navigator home last Christmas

You don’t impress me when because you live in a big house by yourself

You don’t impress me when you compliment my ‘gorgeous legs and sexy smile’

You don’t impress me as you sip your Courvoisier and wink at me under hooded eyes

You don’t impress me with your sexual undertones

You don’t impress me when you casually make a v with your fingers and slightly lick it with your tongue

You don’t impress me when you announce your intention to show me ‘the other side of life’

You don’t impress me when you don’t flinch as I take just a bit out of my escargot before changing my mind and ordering tiger shrimp skewers instead

You don’t impress me when you give the waiter a $20 tip because he explained what side dish my steak came with

You don’t impress me when you pull out about $400 in 20’s from your Gucci leather wallet

You match my wit, my style, my elegance … but you don’t impress me

You don’t impress me Obiora… but we can’t be ‘friends’ anymore.


The Mistress said...

LOL, none of this shit impresses me either then dammit.

Patrice said...

Well, if you're not impressed, I am. I'm impressed by how unimpressive this person is. Or is it by how unimpressed you are by him? Either way, I am impressed.

azuka said...

Now that was deep!

I still think in keeping to your anonymous theme, you shouldn't have used the guy's name, except it's a nom de guerre.

None of this impresses me either :D. Unfortunately, most girls I try to ask out think I'm stupid because I always play dumb. I daresay the percentage of people who'd be impressed by all this is greater than that of those who wouldn't.

Anonymous said...

I do impress you with my charm
I do impress you with my aura
I do impress you with my style
I do impress you with my uniqueness
That little smile on your face gives me the pleasure that I impress you.
I am confident you are always impressed by my ways
I do impress you with my height.
My gorgeousness impress you
Even though I dont buy you Tiffany's diamond, but I do impress you with eating by the street corner.
I feel happy when I know I made your day.
My ambience blesses your soul.
I do impress you with my grace!!!

Prove me wrong hun!!!

Anonymous said...

You do impress me with your beauty
You do impress me with your greatness
You are awesome sweetie
I am marvelled by your lovely life
You do impress me with how cheerful you are
You do impress me with your great charm
You do impress me with how you live that thing called life

You do impress me by ALWAYS "Saving the last dance for me"

You do IMPRESS me by how many people you know!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Beautifully Human said...

'that don't impress me much!' - (Shania Twain)
nuff said.

Soul said...

Not impressed either.
Of course they are nice things and we all like nice things.. but when nice things are all you are what else is there about you?. What else do you have to offer.

Once met a guy at a friends restuarant, we were introduced and we started just generally chatting (it was independence day).
He stopped, brought out his blackberry kept talking about how he couldn't stay up because when you do the type of job he does . you know with 9am strategy meetings e.t.c. kept flashing his watch kept going on and on and on and on about what he had, his brand new CLK outside, his cousin who was Tuface's ex girlfriend.

I just kept quiet and looked at him. My friend came back he kept blathering on I made my excuses and left. the look of shock on his face was amazing.

I think he expected me to stop him and ask him what he did or flirt or something I just let him rabble on, and once I got bored I just upped and left.
My friend later told me that this guy does itall the time, it's funny..cos the only person who would pay him any attention was the waitress in place. I guess she was impressed.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@The Mistress: lol… it doesn’t at all… does it

@patrice: lmao… you’re in on in the joke!!!

@Azuka: Lol… that’s not his name… I just decided to be smartass with it and let you know he was Nigerian by my choice of fake name… play dumb how? U don’t tell them how much you know about Pentium 4 and lotus c++ internal circuitry and computer ventilation ehn Azuka?!?!?

@Naijadude: Awww my Jolene.. how sweet… but whatever happened to glorious mention of my gorgeous tits and legs? Lmao… these your comments made me laugh… you’re aces love… and btw… I’m still waiting on my Tiffany ring!!!

@Beautifully Human: Love love love that song!!!

@Soul: lmao… girl it’s not even funny forreal… homeboy was overdoing it forreal… I’m like you’re rich… so bloody what?!?!?! hehe@ the way u just fashied the guy… I bet he’s never had that before… olori buruku!!!

LondonBuki said...

You can't blame him oh (LOL!)... I am sure there have been people in the past who have been impressed.

I see you fixed your template! Well Done!

Anonymous said...

Ah, me I'm impressed kpa! Pls give him my digits 917-imp-ress :)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@LondonBuki: I’m quite sure there has… if not he wouldn’t be ‘flossing’ like that…lol… oh my gosh… I can’t thank you enough for the help with my blog love… thanks thanks thanks…

@Anonymous: I’ll forward ur digits… lmao

Uzo said...

well some people are impressed by stuff. that would explain why these people that have it all are gobsmacked when people arent bowled over by them,,,,

Anonymous said...

Lolll - did he really do the V sign - suck fingers thing? LMAOOO

I would have started laughing ... I mean how corny.

temmy said...

I am actaully impressed with his Nigerianity(i coined that.
Silly Silly SIlly.

azuka said...

Lotus C++ internal circuitry?

Anonymous said...

proud of you.

@ naijadude: na wa o. digging your style man, this broad appeal commenting is the shit men! lol.

nuff love.

sadly, too many people are swayed by this kind of "game" for your boy to ever feel the need to change. what you find abhorrent will leave some other girl weak at the knees and moist in the "joint". keep ya head up.

nosa101 said...

Frankly I don't give a shit. Tell him to get me a PS3 for your blog pal. I'll se3nd you the address

Mari said...

omo this girl, your posts just keep bringing me back even though i dont comment on all, i do read them all.
Guy must think his game is tight.

Calabar Gal said...

Such guys dont impress me either. Iwonder how some girls put up with them.

angie said...

lol.Nice one
So wat impresses u???

stranger said...

gosh...do u have to slam a guy so hard?...so the guy don't have what impresses you, but credit him for working hard on it...i mean, just bcos he's on the wrong alley don't mean he's not getting somewhere...even if it's nowhere...i do know this guy who thinks you're hot tho...he has no form nor comeliness...and there is no beauty that you should desire him...he is despised and rejected...and acquainted with grief...but he was wounded for you...and he was bruised for you...isaiah53v1-5...impressed?

Gramps said...

Madmoiselle, you're one tough cookie. The guy matches you for wits, charm, et al but you're not impressed. Pray what does it take to impress you?...

Ah...this will be my PhD thesis - how to impress "overwhelmed naija babe..."

Belle said...

typical naija man. **hiss**

hate to stereotype... but oh well!

Biodun said...

Love this post, too many negatives outweigh his positive traits, o well.

ChiefO said...

sure bet u'll be impressed by him being simple
sure bet u'll be impressed by him being who he is
sure bet u'll be impressed by him allowing u the option of making an impression about him instead of forcing an impression on u....
are impressed yet?

Through these eyes said...

I'm impressed. Send him my way, instead...lol

Anonymous said...

Bet u he's a loud mouth too, people like that always love to hear the sound of their voice. Ewww at the "V" licking , what a major turn off.

NaijaBloke said...

Hmmmmm.... ONB... so all that did not impress u? I hope me going to buy plantain and frying it will impress u sha,cos thatz a lot of work to do for nuthn o ..LOL

I rest my case then ..

zaiprincesa said...

Im feelin u jare...Cus All that Glitters isnt Gold..

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Uzo: lol@ gobsmacked... Love love love that word… you’re so right!!!

@Noni Moss: lol… yup he did… and oh so casually… like was he seriously serious with that?!?!? Like seriously….

@temmy: lol@nigerianity (I like)…

@Azuka: lol… you’re the computer wizard not me!!!

@Olawunmi: thanks gorgeous… I agree with you sha… his ‘game’ must’ve been tried and obviously succeeded with so many other girls before he sent it my way… no thanks though!!!

@nosa101: dang…. Long time no hear… are you alright sweetie? I missed your voice in the blogworld small… hope you’re back… lol… PS3? You’re not asking for much… I think that could be arranged… lol

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Mari: awwww… thanks sweetie… I appreciate that… lol.. he obviously does… you should’ve seen the way he kept flashing his pinky right in the darkness for me the catch the diamond glint… it was not funny!!!

@Calabar Gal: The girls might need to answer that question… lol

@Angie: Simple things Angie… simple things… call me from work to tell me you miss my smile, listen to me… actually listen instead of looking at my tits or my legs… intellectually stimulate me… a foot rub would be nice… trust me... just simple things work much better on me!

@Stranger: I am not slamming the guy… I mentioned the nice things the guy has… just how much they don’t impress me… I never during this post called him lazy, ugly or a terrible person (read the post again). I never said he has anything going on for him… I just said I’m not impressed with all what he does. Do you honestly think I should be impressed by a guy who makes a V out of his fingers and slightly licks it during dinner?!?!? Seriously?!?!?!?

@Gramps: lol… read my response to Angie up there…. Simple things… really simple things… and this is not to say that I don’t like nice things like the gorgeous car or the bling… but that can’t be the only thing you’re putting out there… there has to be stuff to back it up you know! I’m a sucker for a smart guy trust me… we have to be able to talk about everything… not just how much it cost you to ship a navigator home last Christmas!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@belle: lol… my dear… I hate to stereotype too… but I can’t even count how many Naija guys that are like this… it’s sad really… it is!

@Biodun: Thanks babe… you’re soo right

@ChiefO: EXACTLY! Oh my Gosh… EXACTLY!!!!

@Through these eyes: lol… kosi problem

@Nigerican: Funny enough… he’s not a loud mouth… he thinks he’s better than other Naija dudes by being a little bit of a smooth talker… he thinks by lowering his voice and talking to you under hooded eyes… the message sounds different… NAH BOSS!!... MAJOR TURNOFF!!!

@NaijaBloke: lol… now you’re talking… the dodo will impress me well well… but don’t forget that is just the appetizer… the main dish is going to be Namibian Sushi and I want Carrot cake for dessert (it has to have been prepared in exactly 100c George Foreman Oven… otherwise I get bumps on my fingernails… lol)… and oh I only drink water from the Spring of Zamunda! You ready? lmao

@Zaiprincesa: Yup… you said it mami

Anonymous said...

What kind of dirty man makes V with his fingers....LOL, nne, don't befriend him again oh....he is law and order svu material....but hold up, he gives 20 dollar tip....he must either be mad or he is dealing meth.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@babe: lmao@dirty man.. that's exactly the word for him!!! lol.. i know.. i don't wanna be friends with him anymore... I mean what kind of guy makes V with his finger in front of a 'married woman'.. lol... homeboy is rich but somewhat stupid.. like seriously!!! I guess the 20 dollar tip is supposed to impress me(I guess.. but I don't give a flying fuck really!)

imoted said...

That's deep!! Poor guy, probably thought he was impressing you.. LMAO. Eya..

Anonymous said...

Nice one!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Imoted: lol… yup… he really did

@Confessions: Thanks luv

Vickii said...

LOL ... poor guy is probably having a serious identity crisis and questioning everything about himself now!

That stuff doesn't impress me either but I don't blame the guys, my issue is with the girls that fall for this stuff! For every ugly/old/razz guy that steps to me because he has money/a nice car/ or even a gorgeous face, some girl has been impressed enough with his crap to convince him that he doesn't need to develop a personality/good manners/ a sense of humour/ a brain!

Amazing post as usual!

TP said...

Great post! I have met guys like that. They talk about their latest cars, how much money they have, the houses they have built in their village back home, their designer clothes, wrist watches etc. I'm not impressed with that stuff either. When it comes down to it, they don't have personality and real confidence. One of my girlfriends used to date a guy like that. I often wondered what she saw in him apart from the bling.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@1982: lol… not really… people like that always have excuses why a sensible girl wouldn’t want to be friends or date em… it’s always the girls.. not them!!! You’re so right… cos if girls weren’t fawning over him and his ‘stuff’…. He’d probably not be the way that he is!

@Tp: Lol… you’ve described the guy pretty much… He just had this air of.. I don’t know… money can buy everything including you… what rubbish!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

You still dont impress me - LOL - so he thought - he could impress you -

BabaAlaye said...

I can't beleive i got on this so late.

Anyhow, How about a babe that goes on and on about her Bling and the idiots who work under her and Daddy's Boat and blah blahblah?

Great post as usual

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@The Life: my dear… no be small oh

@BabaAlaye: lol… you suppose chop small cane for your lateness!!! But don’t worry sha… you’re dealing with a politician… so, I can be bribed… lol… just prepare me small ‘ghana fried rice’ with snails and a side dish of imported sushi… and everything can be forgiven!!! The babe with the bling and daddy’s mastercard doesn’t impress me neither!!! They can shove all of that where its dry! (lol… ewwwww)

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