Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My First Fuck

I curse the day I met you

Minding my business walking home from OF’s house, you confidently walk towards me with your bigger belly.

We talk, click and exchange numbers


You’re French, tall and smart… in hindsight I suppose too smart for me

You come off sensitive, sweet and utterly besotted with me


You shower me with attention and affection

You want to be there for me and care for me

I let you in… in a way you remind me of my dad

Maybe I’ll get from you what I never did from him


You promise to protect and cherish me for as long as it took

You betrayed me!!!


YOU’RE A PYTHON, YOU CAUGHT ME AT MY MOST VULNERABLE MOMENT AND STRUCK


I come over to your house

You tell me your car is broken down so you can’t drop me home

I trust you and fall asleep there

I wake up to being touched in my ‘spot’

Hmmm that feels good… we continue making out…

Silly me, I think it would end there


But no, you have other plans

YOU STICK IT IN!

I cry out but you kept at it

I scream but you keep at it… you had an agenda


I displace myself and wait for you to finish

You aren’t

You flip me over into another position and start all over again

My body is your playground


YOU DOGGYSTYLED ME ON MY FIRST DAY AND FOR THAT I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU


I hate you for breaking every promise you ever made to me

I hate you for making my virginity a one night-stand cos I couldn’t bear the thought of you ever touching me again

I hate you for showing me that at 19 I wasn’t as immune to guy’s tricks as I thought


I HATE YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST FUCK

67 comments:

Angie said...

Whao!!!!
Thats all i can say 4 now...!!!
Such men should be....(i leave that to ur imagination)!!!
I m speechless(..more like typeless)

TaureanMinx said...

Those kind of guys should be locked up. How dare he!!!!!! I'm so mad right now. I would have bit his 'little man' off. Bastard.

Anonymous said...

OH MY! That is awful and painful - people like that need to have their dicks cut off and forcefed to them. Or a driveby stoning. Pele my dear

Glad you were able to get over it and move on.

As for your writing - very viceral and painful. I can feel the anger just radiating from it. You know what, just tell us his address - i'm sure we can hook you up with someone to go beat him up and stick a vibrator up his ass.

nosa101 said...

'Tis like I am going to be an agony Uncle today. I just finished convincing someone that she was special.

My Prescription:
Next time y'see 'im. Knock the bitch out. All y'pains go after that hit

TP said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that horrible experience your first time. I would almost call that rape. The guy just took advantage of you. He is a vile, selfish bastard and he deserves to be shot.
That said, I hope you have been able to put it past you and move on...

Anonymous said...

I empathize mama. I get it. The fact that you can talk about it is amazing to me. STRENGTH.

Biodun said...

Guys n their crazy tactics, sorry 2 hear that ur first brings such bad memory. The guy definitely lost it or somethin, he crase

2plus2 said...

Being the victim of rape or unconsented sexual intercourse is never pleasant. You will heal and feel better, try therapy it does work and might be your best option. I just hoope it was not a family member, uncle, cousin or otherwise. You know you always get to see them as they are in the family all the time. Rape is never right it is always wrong. You should let your parents know if this is possible even though it might be difficult.

LondonBuki said...

WHAT?!?!? ONB, I cannot believe this!

Do you know where he lives? Let me send my people to DEAL WITH HIM!!!

Seriously though, it says a lot about you to be able to talk about it now... like Ms May said - STRENGTH.

Take care babe.

Calabar Gal said...

I came over to ur page to see what was up wit u girl and my first words when I saw ur post title was: JESUS OH!! I couldnt help laughing to myself. you this girl!! You are becoming quite adept at shocking all who visit ur page arent you? I'm going back to read the post now - preparing myself for the worst!! LOL

Calabar Gal said...

Awwww you poor dear!!!
You know if there's one thing thats sure, its KARMA. That horrible fench guy will certainly get his fate in more ways than one for subjecting you to such trauma.
I'm so sorry dear!

temmy said...

This may sound very harsh my dia, ever thout of poring acid on his sorry face?

Monkey.

zaiprincesa said...

VIOLATION OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!!!...WTF???...No Woman Should Ever go thru that..EVER!...No MEANS F*King NO!!!That is just sick...and only a punk will take advantage of any woman. But u have pulled thru it all, ur strength is amazing!

Mari said...

Oh my gosh. Thats soooo wrong. I applaud your strength, btw.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Angie: Yup girl… they should be “______”.

@Taurean: lol@ biting his lil man off… girl… to a guy like him… that might’ve been ‘kinky’ to him!!! But thanks for being angry on my behalf… means a lot!

@Noni Moss: You’re right…absolutely right… but you know the honest truth…. It took me a while to get to that place where I could talk about it more openly cos I initially thought it was my fault you know… or that I was somehow responsible… I mean if I’d just never gone there you know…. lol@ someone sticking a vibrator up his ass… he just might be into that too…

@nosa101: awwww@convincing someone she was special… so sweet (see I knew you had it in ya!!!). Funny enough I’ve never seen the dude after that day… just couldn’t…

@TP: Yes he was a vile, selfish bastard that took advantage of me… but a certain part of me always wonders if I didn’t have it coming… I mean could I have possibly been that naïve? that trusting? After all the experiences I’d had with guy? Oh yea… I have been able to put it behind me(to a certain extent I think) cos I mean before I feared that I could never have sex with anybody else… cos my first sexual relations were from a family member, now this fucker… I just thought all guys might be like that… but maybe later I’ll talk about my “second fuck”… lmao… I love this my blog… its so detailed!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Ms. May: Thanks mami…. I just love the way you put it: STRENGHT!!!

@Biodun: My dear it does… you don’t understand girl… it was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me ( or one of em at least)… I just couldn’t believe it… It was almost like I was having an outer- body experience… immediately after he was done I went and took a shower but I knew I’d never be the same… I felt like he’d tainted me somehow with his zeal, with his sex!

@2plus2: Nope, you’re right…. it NEVA IS! It wasn’t rape in the textbook sense of the word… just because I was enjoying everything before he actually wanted to start having sex and I said no… I guess it was more unconsented sex. Nah this wasn’t in the family or anything… just a regular guy that I met on my way home from my friends (oh I rue the day!!!) That’s one of my life regrets that it was him cos he put me off dudes/sex/trust too… I mean add that with other issues I had in my past and DANG!... but trust me… I’m alright… there’s still some pain and anger… but you never know… maybe I’ll send him what y’all just read… what you think?(I have his email… cos I kinda want him to know that I think he’s an ass… have his number but I don’ wanna talk to him). Hmmm… I don’t really think I need a therapist… @ least not when I have y’all… lol

@LondonBuki: lol…. I trust u babe now… I fear for am self if y’all get a handle on him… lol. I just like the way Ms. May put it… STRENGHT!!!... thanks my dear… I shall…you too babe… be alright!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Calabar Gal: lol@ becoming a shocker. Thanks for your words of support… they really mean a lot… u guys are just great in helping me deal with my many many issues!!!

@temmy: lmao… I love your suggestion…. He should thank his lucky stars we don’t have any available ehn? Or else he’d just get what’s coming to him courtesty of my favorite blogfriends… lmao… him be really monkey!!!

@Zaiprincesa: Yup… real violation… You’re Right… but I guess just hoping some guys will just listen and calm down is too much to ask sometimes. He was a punk, but I won’t let that punk determine the way I like the rest of my life (the trust and sexual side of it @ least.) Even my best friend couldn’t believe it… even when I tried to downplay the incident… she was like nah babe… HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU… cos I tried to blame myself and whatnot… cos I figured that was what most girls went through… SHE WAS LIKE HELL NO… you have to want to do it… he has to listen to you… he can’t just do it cos ur sleeping there… HE”S AN ASSHOLE… she was so angry for me too!

@Mari: Thanks mami… I appreciate it… my dear we just try… we live one day at a time and we just figure out how to go on… I mean we gotta go through life… not have it go through us!!!

Icy said...

Damn!... I'm speechless. I really hope you're working through it... Wow ! really am at a loss for words!

Anonymous said...

Shocking! How do you begin to forgive losers like him?
As in how do you forgive? All I can say is that he is ready on a first-class plane to hell...eternal damnation!

Hope you find closure to this really awful incident, I really hope you do.

Anonymous said...

I had a similar experience...as a teenage girl who felt inadequate to my father I was also vulnerable and people like this are predators...they deceive one to think they care..I had started viewing my assailant as a father figure I never had and then he STRUCK...apparently...everything was a grooming process.It's the oldest story in the book.

I'm past it now and pray you are too.
I have a daughter whose dad dotes on her and for that I am eternally grateful.

Overwhelmed...youy should NEVER stop writing.

apart from the fact that you write sooooo well.
I sense it is somewhat cathartic for you.Talking(or writing) about pain or painful experiences make them that less powerful...and realizing that others have similar experiences make you feel like you are not alone or tainted beyond hope in this race of humanity.
KEEP IT UP!!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Icy: Yup… I’ve worked through a lot of it actually… much better now… all that’s left is just a lil hurt and some anger… thanks babe

@Confessions: My dear I have no clue how to even begin forgiving… but for my own sake, I guess I have to… I am finding closure everyday… it’s been over a year and I’m much better now… Thanks babe

Soul said...

aburo...
sigh. I dunno what to say.. I feel like running on a track really fast.. don't you?.

I don't know why men don;t see manipulation as non consensual or forced but it is.
sigh.
aburo, come here...

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: Only after all this while am I beginning to understand the incident for what it was… cos initially I blamed myself. I sort of saw him as this father figure, which he was aware of… and I guess took advantage of the fact! What hurt me the most was that was so casual about it… I felt so used, so disgusting, so dirty… and all he could say was…ur a woman now!!!.. Like WAT ON EARTH KINDA STATEMENT IS THAT? DID I ASK HIM TO MAKE ME ONE? AND WHO SAID THAT HAVING SEX WITH AN ASSHOLE MAKES YOU A WOMAN?

Here’s the thing… how do you know you’re past it? When you stop being angry? Cos I haven’t stopped… I just get so mad when I think about it… about him… about how I could’ve done everything different… but then again… I guess that’s life… we sometimes wish we could rewind things in our past

It’s just terrific that your hubby dotes on your daughter cos it’ll save her from so many issues… a lot of stuff that I’ve ever done in my life have been to prove myself good enough and that takes a lot away from a person… now I’m just living my life knowing that “I AM GOOD ENOUGH!”. You’re right… not just for fun, I also write to let loose the voices in my head cos without that... the talking and the writing… I don’t know what I’d do. All I want is to stop being a little messed up on the inside and live my life the best that I can you know… to stop hurting, to stop remembering. It’s been hard but honestly I’ve improved so much from back in the days… but what sucks especially is the fact that sometimes when you’re not over a certain issue in your past, another one creeps up. When you’re almost getting over the fact that your dad took you to see a gynaecologist at 8, at 14 a family member starts touching you in your sleep. When you’re almost over that, a French asshole has sex with you without your consent… FUCKERS!!!

It’s great to know that others have been through things like this before cos a lot of my friends haven’t so its hard to explain sometimes… really hard… cos I realize that putting it out there does help with the healing. Thanks for stopping by my blog… I really appreciate it…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Soul: Thanks for the hug… really thanks! I cry sometimes cos I don’t know I just wonder if it’s gonna get better you know… am I gonna spend my forever getting over one issue or the other? WHEN IS IT GONNA STOP YOU KNOW? I think I’m gonna come out and run really fast on that track with you… After we sweat, everything seems not so bad, not so hard! Thanks big sister mine… I really appreciate you!

NaijaBloke said...

Nne ... all I can say is thank God that u have moved past the experience .. I cant say i had the same experience u had,but just thank God for letting u to be able to deal with it and move on.

Well I was raped/disvirgined too o and am still thinking of taking the assailant to court for it,but I no go lie it was sweeet o ...LOL

U have a nice day and smile jo

Anonymous said...

dang! that hurt me, and i'm not even a woman. he did what?

bastard!

you have a remarkable and direct way of telling your story, it engages and resonates passionately inside my very soul, and i hope the process helps you with your pain.

i hope that you can get over the horrible experience that you went through.

take care...

Anonymous said...

babe, here's a hug. hope it makes you feel better. some men are just monsters. absolute beasts.

Freaky Deaky said...

Wow, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that asshole came into your life and that he did what he did to you.

babe said...

OH MY GOSH...that is crazy. I pray that God heals you from all the pain that resulted from that event....i hope he hooks up with a mammy water(lol)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@NaijaBloke: lmao… you always make me laugh with your comments. Thanks for that… have a great day yourself… and update ur blog kia kia… I need some more jokes!!!

@Olawunmi: yup… he did. I am so much better wunmi u don’t have any idea… just talking and writing and getting a lot of feedback like yours has helped me loads with every terrible experience that I’ve ever been through. That and Robin Thicke and John Legend’s sexy ass voices… lol. Thanks for the hug sweetness… I really appreciate…

@Freaky Deaky: I’m sorry he did too… but I guess in some way it’s made me more stronger( and it’s actually ironic that now I love doggystyle with the boyfriend… quite ironic!!!)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Babe: AMEN!!! lmao.. roflmao… you are just too funny babe… I too hope he hooks up with a mammy water with ogbanje sensibilities… lol.

Anonymous said...

Overwhelmed...b4 I start..I just want you to know that I am the same anonymous as the previous post.

I felt an overwhelming need to write again(hee hee...get the pun).

Yes...FUCKERS,ASSHOLES,CREEPS...men like these are indeed the scum of the earth.

The unfortunate thing is that one questions themselves alot after an incident like this...was I naive, was I so gullible, did I invite it,am I to blame in some way?Maybe I should have been more sensible...surely I brought this on myself...somehow....(maybe if I wasn't so sexy).....NO NO NO.

You are right...you didn't ask for SHIT and you are definitely not to blame.So big ups to you in realizing it's not your fault.

I had an older half brother(my dad's son out of wedlock before he married my mom) he came to live with us when I was a baby and had sexual intercourse with me almost daily till I was 8 years old. I never told anyone about this incident until almost a decade later.Thankfully he left our house when I was 8 because my mom caught him fingering my little sister...the ASSHOLE!

This guy I spoke about in my earlier post raped me in my late teens.
My dad was pretty much a dictator and a very angry man who didn't seem to like his daughters much(I think his issues ran much deeper than that...although that's another story) and he beat my mom almost every day for 17 years till she left him...or rather..he threw us(her daughters) and her out of the house.

I have also tried everything possible...(I'm a medical doctor in the United States)...to prove that I am good enough...and like you it HIT me sometime in my 20s(I'm 32 yrs now) that I am good enough...just as I am..all of me inside and out(with my foine badass self)!

I don't speak about getting past it lightly or casually.It is definitely a process and I did spend my early 20s being very angry...I was such a prime BIATCH(I shudder to remember those days).

Anger is a normal reaction and definitely OK but anger becomes counterproductive and self destructive if it lingers too long(don't ask cos I don't have a time frame for too long).

I also empathise cos I had no friends with similar experiences. They all had such normal,happy,honkey dorey lives.
I used to ask myself...I know shit happens in life but does it happen to only me?

I know we have no power to change the past...but ...the future...now there's something that we have some(even if not 100%) control over.

I decided my past wouldn't define me.I don't mean to get all spiritual on your ass but hey..indulge me...I believe in God...I also believe that there is an enemy who senses greatness and sees God's hand upon some people really early.Sees their potential and immediately begins to literally wreak havoc in their lives in order to crush their spirits long before they get wings to soar.

If the experiences don't kill us then the enemy thinks perhaps the anger and the bittereness and the hatred will surely destroy us.

aaah but God has a much greater plan...I prayed, I cried. I asked Him and He helped me...I even got angry with Him cos I had a strange solace in my anger..I felt it gave me power.

To cut a long story short (whew...I've become a preacher..I'm sorry about this lengthy post...the irony is I hardly post on blogs...just endure)

God helped me to forgive..as only He can.Cos it's not natural to forgive these kind of people.It's only a supernatural force that can help one do it.

I currently do volunteer work with sexually abused,raped and battered women.
I keep thinking of a way to create some awareness of these issues in Nigeria cos some of these incidents happended in Nigeria.

I would like to recommend a book by TD Jakes called WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED. It deals with these issues and I was really blessed by reading it.

There's a story in 2 Samuel 13 that deals with a similar story and if you ever read it...for every Amnon in your life there is an Absalom

azuka said...

Dis one don pass play. It seems we need to go into your past and tan some backsides with custom-made kobokos.

Thanks for the concern, by the way. I'm just trying to move on to a new phase in my life. Apparently, I won't be blogging for a while...

Anonymous said...

PS...I'm sending prayers your way

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

This is very disheartnening indeed you hear of this happening but not to someone close to home - Some people dont even have the strength to admit it happened to them - much more of coming to terms with it by speaking about it as you did - You know He could go to Jail for RAPE - casue this is what this is - Im sorry hunney - I wish I can say time will heal - But I can promise you that the Lord will and has already healed you. Take heart my dear. Have a blessed week.

Funmi said...

wow! Sorry to read about this,do try and deal with things though........talking/ writing about it is therapeutic(the worst thing that can happen is if u continue to remain the victim). God will heal u completely

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: lol… when I just scrolled down to read the entire post… I was like DAYUM!!! But I completely understand every point you’ve made. I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through… it’s interesting cos sometimes you feel like you’re the only one who’s going through or has ever been through something, you hear a story that’s even worse than yours. When the person’s doing just great… it gives you hope you know. That half- brother that did that to you… wow… I’m glad he got caught, but it’s terrible that things progressed to the level they did.

I’ve stopped beating myself up about a lot of shit trust me… I’ve come to understand that its not my fault my dad is the bitter and angry person he is (like your dad) or that my family member was just a pervert or that my first fuck was the person that he was. It’s hard to explain to someone who’s had a great life my outlook on life sometimes you know… how do I explain why it’s hard for me to trust guys sometimes when almost all my life… most of the important guys in my life have been assholes. Like your dad, mine hit my mom so many times… I mean he hit her so hard the wound from her 2 ceasarian’s opened up and she had to be rushed to the hospital. How do I explain to someone who has a great dad that I can’t stand mine for what he did to my mom, what he did to me? How do I explain that I might Kill any dude who ever hit me for any reason, even if I loved him? How do I explain to someone who thinks family is the best that I might never trust any family member except my mom and sister with any child of mine? Cos I know that those nice uncles and aunties could oppress my child into having sex with them at night and create the same cycle I’m dealing with right now? How do I find that balance between necessary wariness and just blatant mistrust? My dad tried to touch his wife’s daughter from another marriage when she was 10. How do I explain that I grew up in a house where I hid my breasts for a long time cos I had a feeling my dad might rape me if he noticed them?

You are so right about the devil trying to thwart the life of certain people because he senses a greater purpose for their existence(not that everybody doesn’t have that)… and you have no idea how glad I am that I’m at this place that I can sort of look at so much stuff objectively. I’m not over everything… but I can look at it objectively and understand it for what it was… I think that’s healing in itself!

My healing process started a few years ago when I decided that I wasn’t gonna just hate everybody and live inside my head. When I decided that I’d actually give people a chance cos they couldn’t possibly be all bad. My healing is on course especially now that I started talking about people that have hurt me from the very beginning. I started this blog a few months ago and it’s been my first chance to talk about a lot of stuff that I kept bottled inside.

The funny thing is that sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that we’re fine.. but when our past starts creeping into our present… we begin to realize that we might not be as fine as we think we are. I mean I thought I was over all the sexual sort of abuse that happened to me in the past until I started having sex… I kicked my exboyfriend in my sleep when he tried to touch me… I guess cos I superimposed my family members face on his. That’s when I realized I wasn’t really fine…
I’m getting better and better and I really appreciate people like you sharing your story with me and just letting me know that I’ll be alright eventually after I work through all my issues!

I am really trying to let God into my life so he can help me out cos there’s only so much I can do by myself… Thanks… I mean really, thanks for sharing with me and for your comments and support… it means so much to me. Keep up the good work that you’re doing with the sexually abused women and just creating awareness about the issues cos it will definitely help some people cos it is honestly one of the hardest things to talk about!!! I’m studying to eventually become a doctor too actually and I’d probably love to help abused women too (I just need to finish my own healing first).

I pray for everyone who’s ever been hurt or abused physically, emotionally or mentally. We shall Overcome: AMEN!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Azuka: lol@tanning some backsides with kobokos… and you’re just the guy to do the job for me… heya… goodluck with the new phase sha… I hope it’s all you want it to be… you deserve the best cyber brother mine!!!

@The Life of a Stranger: Amen at the lord healing me… A really big, hearty AMEN to that cos there’s only so much I can do myself… I appreciate your prayers

@Funmi: Nah… I’m not willing to be/remain a victim… I will not live my past… I look forward to my future… a great one void of these strange occurrences… but I guess they were just there to shape the person that I’d eventually become. Amen to complete healing… thanks

Vera Ezimora said...

Overwhelmed, I'm warning you now o. Make you dey warn person now, ah ah! Wat if i had opened this in front of my pastor (ok, I know I wouldn't be opening your page in front of my pastor, but what if?...). And you giving me the visual of you getting it doggy style...not good! Overwhelmed, we have to set limit for this our love oh, ah ah.

On a serious note sha, I'm sorry that happened to you. That guy would get his. What goes around comes around

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Vera: lol… only a church member who wants to get 3.5 weeks suspension from choir will open my blog page infront of pastor… lmao… I no give any visual oh.. u just have a dirty imagination… BAD GIRL!!! How did you know doggystyle is not about the style of dog that I bought (Chihuahua, German Shepard, Bulldog… lol)… u know bad thing well well! Yeah… forget that French fuck… he’s a fool! As babe would say… I hope his next girlfriend is a mammy water!!!.. lol.. u and that girl are just too funny sha… and come oh lady… when is chapter 3 of every woman coming out ehn? I’m hooked oh!!!

NaijaBloke said...

Seconding what Vera said jere ... one of my stupid co worker was talking to me when i was opening ur page and when she saw the title ..she no wan go again o ..say she must read what it by force.I had to chase her comot sef .. LOL

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

NaijaBloke: lmao… sorry oh… I’ll censor myself from here on out (lol.. NOT!!!) your co-worker self is a bad girl self… lol…I think I already like the sound of her… convince her to start blogging self… why you no gree the babe read am now? Lol… she wan catch obere entertainment!

Anonymous said...

ONB, where do I begin. I feel that you write my story. From your personal experiences to your family, particularly your father, down to the career.

I recall when it happened, the rape. I was so young. My momsie always had a big issue with us leaving home without her permission. I went to my friend's home. This was back in Naija. I played with her. Then she left with our other playmates and my sisters. I found myself alone in the room we had been playing. Her uncle, big tall ass guy cornered me. Banged into the door and raped me. He tore my vagina. I recall going home and being so scared when my mom bathe me. She asked me what was the injury in my vagina. I told her I hurt myself. My vagina is still split from that.

I have spent my whole life trying to prove myself and I have achieved the highest one can think of yet, a part of me is still angry. I have pain, anger, anger and more anger. Like the other anonymous, I now realize that anger is counterporductive and I am slowly but surely trying to change that. It is a very difficult journey from rapes, neglect, sexual molestation to domestic abuse. However, I am and we are all stronger than our past. So, we move on towards healing and hopefully someday giving voice to the voiceless children out there. Sadly, now that I am becoming comfortable speaking about this, I am running into other Naija women with a history of being raped or sexually molested by strangers and family members! Thanks for the blog. Keep it up, it's quite therapeutic and you just always are on point with me.

Angie said...

I m very happy OWNB that u r on the road recovery.
Abt forgiveness..i dunno. I don't even know u personally and i can't even forgiven the punk!
@anon...agree totally wit wat u said cos its only with God's help that we r able to forget(and not feel too bad abt) all those hurtful experiences.

Anonymous said...

hey ONB. i'm actually a blogger..but i dont plan to cover this ever on my blog...so i'll remain anon.
i had a nasty "experience" in college, but i think i'm still in denial about it. infact till this day i refuse to refer to it as the r word. i keep blaming myself..
it amazes me how many of my friends have had this happen to them. alot of them were molested as kids. but no one ever talks about it. esp nigerians. infact my own mother shared her own experience with me...
what is it about some men and the sense of entitlement they feel about a woman's body? how can someone get turned on when the woman is crying and yelling no??
God help us heal!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous1: Whao… isn’t it just uncanny how much of ourselves we see in people that we’ve never met?!?! Babe I’m so so sorry to hear what you went through at such a young age (not that rape of any form is tolerable… but it’s even worse at a younger age). Jesus Christ… I’m sorry to say this… but how could your mom think you hurt yourself in your vagina? How? What could you have been doing? I think sometimes our parents take certain things for granted and don’t do as much investigation you know… when you notice a tear on your young daughter’s vagina… I believe there should be a lot more explanation and investigation needed… not just taking her words at face value cos a lot of times we’re so scared to say anything… we feel responsible or that we’re going to get into trouble for something that was out of our hands!!! I really don’t mean to attack you mom… but I just mean this in general… cos when these things happen we tend to start withdrawing you know… start becoming afraid… sometimes shells of our former selves… somebody’s gotta keep an eye out on us you know and bring us out of it… help us out!!! I understand the hurt, the pain, the anger from these issues cos it’s so hard to deal with, hard to understand, hard to get over…but I guess get over it … we must!!! I hope you keep finding strength to deal with issues from your past so it doesn’t clout your bright future… thanks for dropping by… I always appreciate this sorta openness, cos it takes us to the next level as individuals, as women, as a people! God bless you and give you forgiveness and peace of mind!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Angie: Thanks sunshine… it’s so great to know that there’s tons of people out there rooting for me (many of whom have never even met me!!!). Yup… God’s healing is what we all need you know… and for any form of abuse you know… cos asides from the more obvious sexual stuff, there’s physical, even emotional. I really appreciate your comments all the time babe!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous2: I’m really sorry to hear about this ‘experience’ you had… I love the way you put that… “still in denial about it” cos that’s exactly how I was about this my first sexual experience. Initially when it happened and I told friends, I said all the same things I said on the entry… but I just never talked about the hurt, the pain, the anger it caused me… how worthless I felt, how dirty, how disgusting, how used I felt…. “I was still in denial about it”. I didn’t wanna call it rape cos I knew him, I was ok with the making out… just not with the sex… so I figured it was my fault anyways. I never openly said it to anyone… but I knew I could never have sex with him after that because I never wanted to feel that way in my life ever again (not for an act that I’d heard was a celebration you know). It’s really sad how many people have been through this, and it keeps going on you know cos nobody hardly ever gives women a forum to talk about it… to let younger women know that it’s “NOT THEIR FAULT”! My dear… there’s a lot of asshole guys out there that feel a woman’s body is their personal playground and they’re automatically entitled to it if they’re talking/dating/seeing each other.. NOT SO!!! It’s a woman’s choice if she wants to share her body with whatever man or not! I guess these monsters will keep wreaking havoc in other females lives if something is not done about it… if we don’t speak up, if we don’t address the issues, the effects it has on us, and how we’re forever changed… and not necessarily for the better!.

Eagle's Nest!!! said...

Sorry Overwhelmed..some men are stupid with no sense of worth! But then again, you can't stick to the past, so I'm glad to know you have let go...

Time heals!


Take care.

Terra said...

Funny how I went from cracking up at your entry and wondering why everyone was getting all sympathetic when it clearly seemed to me that you were being a pure joker "YOU DOGGYSTYLED ME ON MY FIRST FUCK"... abi how you talk am! I was Rooooollling!!!!!! LOL
Anyway, I come here and end up thoroughly balling.. comments n co. from the anonymous'ers,, then you.. reading entries from the pages of my life, familial hatred and all.
Anyway its all good. Im glad youre taking all in stride. I exude many of you alls traits but Im almost definite Im over all n most of my shit,, as anonymous whoever noted..All is only possible via Gods help cause all that shyte can make you want to put a gotdamned knife to your neck on some lonely nights.
So keep searching for his light, let it flush out every last fiber of filth youve ever known or experienced and you go GURL! LOL

You still crack me up the way you put your stuff up, cause it seems (unless Im reading it backwardsly) you make light of it sometimes.
anyhow roll on through any ole time. Im here with ears, you dropped a line a while back and I mentioned being at a loss after reading your pieces to comment. ...well not TONIGHT!

Payce.stay up

Anonymous said...

Wow, ONB, wow. Like the other Anon, I am a blogger who was violated sexually as a child - but I no fit to blog about am o. You are strong, woman! Keep keepin' on. It's definitely a process but I'm glad you're ok.

beautyinbaltimore said...

I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you.I think this happens a lot in the Naija community its just not talked about.
You are such a strong writer. You are able to convey your feeling in such a clear way through your writing.

BabaAlaye said...

Baby, i know people who know people.
We can take this guy. Hola at yr boy.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear of this ugly violation upon you. I won't even attempt to begin an apology for our species (male)...but I will offer my most sincere and deepest regrets that a punk son of a whore would do such a thing...on the first date. Any date for that matter. I am too damned old to have ways with the finer grace of human touch...but I am not too old to remember...no means no...even in the 60's and 70's that much was respected...regards to you, Lady...shake this off, and remember...there is always an animal among us...but we aren't all animals. Peace to you.

Anonymous said...

I am the anonymous commentor. I can't remember my password...But I am Exhumer...from ShadowCrypt.com
Again...regards and peace to you.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Joel: Time Heals… that’s a great one. Thanks a lot for your moral support!!!

@Terra: lol… you’re in on the joke. That line was written in ‘humorous pain’… I do that sometimes cos it helps me deal with stuff sometimes you know. Great to know you’ve dealt with many of your own issues… Amen at having God flush out all filth from our lives!!! Thanks a lot for coming through and leaving your comment… I’ll always remember Terra my ‘ghost reader’… and smile for the both of us when I write cos ‘I know you get it!’. Have a great weekend sunshine

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous1: God bless you

@beautyinbaltimore:Thanks babe… here’s to healing and all the good stuff that come with it… absolutely luv ur blog.. you and your small daddy stories… hehe

@BabaAlaye: lol… I trust you

@Anonymous2: it wasn’t the first date… just the first fuck.. but painful nonetheless… but it’s all good… I’ve shaked it off(to the best of my ability!) I gotta go check out ur page in case that… thanks for stopping by

chioma said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

tp - "I would almost call that rape"..No my sister that was rape. I almost wept when i read this.He must have found his self irresistable and thought u wanted it (idiot!). I remember my first time was with a guy I was dating but i knew i didnt want to sleep with him..we had been dating for a few months and he told me one day that there was no way he would let me go home a virgin. He didnt rape me but told me later that if i had refused him he definitely would have.. I hated him for a long time, still despise him for taking what he didnt deserve..but God dey..

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@anonymous:Exactly!!! YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! but like you said... God dey!!!

Anonymous said...

I sent that last post..wrote my name but changed my mind ( for a multitude of reasons) anyway u have visited my blog a couple of times (just moved).Was just wondering have u seen the freak since then? and if u have how did/do u react? I have not seen my villain in 7yrs and we live in the same city.I am completely freaked out at the prospect of walking into him somewhere..the few months i was with him messed me up sexually and mentally. For a long time i was kind of frigid with my husband and i lost my confidence.. I thank God that he has renewed me completely and i am married to a wonderful and patient man.I have forgiven him and gotten over it but i just pray i never run into him

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: oh I completely understand the need for anonymity… definitely not a problem! I think I might have an idea who this is (but that’s not even important) I saw him a day or two after we had sex but then I was still processing stuff… I didn’t really talk to him throughout the dinner… I just kept looking at him like seriously… how can you tell me you like me… love me even and do this to me… I just kept looking into his eyes… I wanted to see his soul… the dirt, the evil in his soul that would let him do that to me and still be able to walk around breathing, smiling like he hadn’t just soiled my very being! He tried to talk to me but I kept silent… that was the last time I’ve seen him. I honestly hope I never see him again because I’m probably more pissed about it then cos then I was just shell-shocked! My dear you have no clue… I thought I would never be able to have sex again cos every experience till that point had just been someone doing something I didn’t really want to do!!! I’m sooo happy for you that your husband was able to restore your faith you know… cos it’s really hard to heal after incidents like that. You gotta forgive yourself, forgive him and have someone who just loves you soo hard that you can completely let go! I hope I never run into him again… I mean I still have his email address and days when I was pissed I almost sent him an email telling him what I think of him and what he really did… but I stop just in time… I still might… I think that might be the last thing in order to completely get it off my chest… or it might start me getting pissed more… I don’t know really! God help us all!!

Gbade said...

Sorry to read of your experience. It's a shame things like this happen.

I am a young man, and was assaulted by a man (a pastor) when I was about 14. I never knew anything called gay at that time and the stupid man was married. I trusted him so much and when he came to our house that he needed some extra hand to get his house tidy before him wife returned from a trip, I was nominated.

Instead of the house cores he requested me for, he abused me and damaged by being. I tried to report him to my parent but I was treatened about how they will take it, doubted if they will believe me. 12 years on, this is the first medium through which I've spoken about it.

I know I'm not gay but he damaged my self-esteem. How many times have I had to give excuses when a lady feels the passion to have sex with me, even on one night stand? How many passionate friendships have I ended abruptly because of the harm he did? It makes me cry as I am typing this, I know I need to seek help but I have never been bold enough to do so.

Angela said...

Gbade,
don't let the devil hold you captive. Knowing you need help and that getting help will get a step closer to freedom. Pls don't be ignorant of the devices of the devil by not getting the help you think you need.

Mona said...

haha this is deep oh...oh well thats life, but ure still a dime, to at least one guy....or will be (whatever the case may be)

Adeolu said...

Just read this now (decided to get to know you), and feel i have been a bit hard on you. Sorry for everything that sounded like an insult, and I sincerely pray for you that your best days are ahead.

Can a brother be forgiven? (Do, Pele, Ankali)

If you can send me a mail, that would be good. So I can start the "moral cleansing" -lol. But seriously, I'll appreciate reaching you (preferably email) outside of your blog - if you don't mind. You can reach me at my blog

I think it's a case of my not seeking to understand fully before being understood.

Can we bury the hatchets?

think about it...

regards

The 14th Apostle, prof, youth pastor, Rev, holy roller... et al

ebenezer said...

jeez!
that was an horrible experience.
i own a gun licensce wuld u need my help.
shabbie