Saturday, November 18, 2006

Mummy Sunday 4

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my fourth Mummy Sunday post!!! I dedicate this post to everybody who’s ever been a victim of any person, place or thing (lol… noun)…. We are victorious in His name!!!

I’m Tired

I’m tired cos I only just found out he smokes

I’m tired of a love so quick to find fault… to lash out… to hurt

I’m tired of living in fear

I’m tired of being beaten up all the time

I’m tired of hiding black eyes and split lips

I’m tired of always having to answer the children’s questions

I’m tired of not seeing my friends anymore cos I can’t stand the pity in their eyes

I’m tired of being father and mother to the children

I’m just tired of doing all the work by myself

I’m tired cos I haven’t had 8 hours of sleep in almost a year

I’m tired of the children thinking their uncle is their father

I’m tired of not having enough money to hire a baby sitter cos their dad spends all our money partying and smoking

I’m tired of being so jumpy at work cos I’m worried sick that 5 year old Overwhelmed might not be able to take proper care of her 3 year old sister

I’m tired of beating myself up about the fact that I’ve trained Overwhelmed to be so obedient that she won’t shake out of it when I’m home.

I’m tired of being the office joke

I’m tired cos I work two jobs and I haven’t gone shoe shopping in 6 months

I’m tired cos no matter how well I hide my savings, he finds it… even in my underwear drawer

I’m tired cos he hits me right after for ‘keeping secrets’ in our marriage

I’m tired of my girlfriend’s sarcastic smile cos she too has enjoyed what bedroom delights my husband has to offer

I’m tired of conversations ending just as I enter the room

I’m tired cos he almost bashed my head in last night and I still made him dinner

I’m tired, emotionally drained cos all I do is give give give… I have nothing left to give!!!

I’m tired cos in spite of all this I still have to keep up appearances

I’m tired

I’m tired of staying up at night, crying, praying for things to change

I’m tired cos he’s bleeding my soul dry

I’m tired cos I almost have nothing left to give my children

I’m tired cos I know I deserve more

I love him but I’d love to live without the anger and the pain

I want a father for my children… a love, a friend, a protector….a husband

I’m tired of the lies, the deceit, the arrogance, the conceit… I can’t take it anymore

……………………………… so when he sleeps I’ll pick the children and leave


Soul said...

I wish she had left. I really wish she did. Part of me hates her for not leaving.


Anonymous said...


The story sounds all too familiar. Mine left but still allowed him to come around all the time. She finally shook him off her when I was about thirteen, physiclaly that is. Mentally, emotionally she always wanted him. She stayed wanting him for over three decades. Now, she has closed the door permanently. Boy am I glad!

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness. It hurts when I see real stories. It is well!


azuka said...

Why is life this complex? Dominant men and submissive women tend to be attracted to each other :(.

The Mistress said...

How unhealthy. Where is the self-esteem in women who accept this? No amount of love is worth this.

Excellent post

Anonymous said...

did she leave? did she??

Anonymous said...

my head hurts really, i mean is this everyone's tale? are men so messed up in the head, are we women so weak?? it's scary, this is all to familiar, i hope she left but isnt it silly to understand if she didnt leave?
'this life is too much sometimes.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Its a very sad post of showing what you mum had to endure at the hands of the man she loved cherished and bore children for. Even though she was tired her love for the man kept her staying in an abusive marriage -

Your father would have been a trully happy and blessed man if only he accepted 1/10th of this love - He damaged His favour and wondered why things didnt go the way it ought to have.

Send my Love to your mum - she reminds me of too many of our wonderful mothers.

Anonymous said...

Run Mama OWNB Run!
(hugs and kisses sent to you btw -this cant be easy).

btw - what did you want to write, mentioned in your "tribute" post that you werent sure you should talk about?

Soul said...

@Azuka and Mphalele..

These women are rarely submissive and usually dominant. It is their strength that attracts the men to them.

No-one ever willingly goes into this, and the abuse never starts immediately.

It's a slow, gradual process, where they are slowly isolated from their friends and their spirit is broken. They in turn become tired and ashamed of the way they have become a shadow of themselves and begin to focus on survival.

How do you leave when your children are involved?. How do you leave when you have been systematically stripped of all of your strength.

It is never about being submissive.

Funmi said...

wow......ONB please give your mum a massive e-hug for me. I honestly can't wrap my mind around why anyone would torment the one they claim to love so much.

I’m tired cos he almost bashed my head in last night and I still made him dinner

Now that takes alottttt of inner strength to do. I would have poisoned him!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Soul: Egbon… the story is sooo long… so soo long

@Anonymous: It’s terrible cos things ended so long ago but last year me and my sister were having a lot problems with her… and she was saying maybe she should get back with him to bring back ‘semblance’ into our lives… like what?!?!?! I think she knows how much he hurt her… but there’s another part that’ll always think theres something she could’ve done differently… or that things might change now… I mean she never went through with that… but to even think of it after all this man had done!!! Like seriously!!!
I’m glad for your mom and you too… I hope you’re good

@Anonymous2: Thanks luv… I’ll go on your blog and check you out.. I appreciate your comments and for stopping by my blog

@Azuka: She wasn’t submissive… she was just stripped… stripped of her dignity as a woman, a person… stripped of everything that made her happy, confident… alive… so I guess after a while… she just accepted it and tried to make the best of the situation(I wish she hadn’t…. I really wish she hadn’t)… but on a level you’re right… after years of neglect, pain, anger… she became ‘submissive’ to try to make things better… but you can almost guess how this story is going to end!

@The Mistress: Babe… he took away all her self-esteem… everything that made her her own person… with every slap, every punch, every public put-down… he robbed her of her innocence, her dignity… and eventually her confidence. You’re right… no amount of love is worth that… I pray we never fall into the same traps or make the same mistakes!!!

@jadedKiss: Yes she did… but cybersis the story stretches for a decade or two… it’s so long… but I guess we’ll take the journey together cos it’s such a long and painful one. She left… but after he had taken almost everything from her if not everything.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Mphahlele: It’s not really that cut and dry but I can understand why you’d think that. It’s scary, it’s familiar and it keeps happening time and time again… but usually women stay in it for a multitude of reasons… he has managed to convince them that they can’t do any better for themselves… he’s convinced them that they’re worthless without him… she wants her children to grow up with a father… she really wants to make it work cos in spite of the devil in him… when he smiles at her or apologizes she sees the angel she married…. WHAT A MIRAGE!!!

@The Life: Yup…Yup… Yup… You got it exactly!!! Just 1/100th would’ve been ok for it to work… she loved him enough for the both of them you know… She really did… and he was too busy chasing pipe dreams and knocking her the fuck out to notice!... or maybe he noticed and he knew her love for him would make her stay!

@Noni Moss: No it’s not easy and it pisses me off and hurts me everytime I write stuff that has to do with my dad… and even when I think about it. Thanks for the hugs and kisses… I really appreciate. At the time I wanted to write about one of my best friends… I love her so much but things are not right at this time… I want to make it right but I’m not sure I know how… I want to write about it and maybe even as I write… I might find the solution… or maybe y’all could help me. I’m still undecided about it….

@ Soul: You’re exactly right… you know… you really do know

@Funmi: I will… I guess that’s one of the mysteries of the universe but I’d venture a guess and say some men think love makes you their possession you know… that they automatically own you once they put the ring on your finger… they feel you’re their property to do with as they please because you changed your last name to theirs… you’re their slave because you had their child(ren). It takes strength to do that… but what a waste eh… what a toxic waste!... Have a great weekend love

Soul said...

Yes. I know because she's my mother too. You write my story overwhelmed.

Sometimes, I wish those who think these women were submissive were there with me.
To see how these women were beaten down, locked in the house till the bruises were manageable.

I wish they were there, to see the confidence literally beaten out of her.
I wish they were there with me to massage the bruises.
I wish they were there to listen to him say.. 'she made me do it, if only she didn't talk back'.

I wish they were there to see the slow but gradual deterioration, to slowly see her loose everything she once had

You know what it feels like to see a trapped rabbit?.
you watch the rabbit struggle and struggle to break free. eventually the rabbit must break it's leg in order to break free.

Nobody leaves unscathed. Absolutely nobody.

Anonymous said...

oh wow soul, you've been thru so much and you write it so hauntingly, i feel the hurt as if i were there... but obviously i could neva really feel it..

dear cybersis, you too... and yet you're so cheerful and all.. it must take divine strength of some sort.
take all the hugs and kisses you need love. and time too

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Soul: sometimes she’s not locked in the house for the bruises to heal… sometimes she locks herself in for fear of the ‘world outside’… she buys the concealer herself to hide her scars… she tells them she fell down the stairs… she smiles even when she’s crying inside… she laughs with them when they laugh about that woman who’s husband is cheating on her, maltreating her… just because just maybe then they won’t notice what he’s doing to her… it’s funny the story about the rabbit… sometimes the rabbit loses more than it’s leg… sometimes it escapes but is so broken that it’ll return for a rotten carrot… and sometimes it even doesn’t escape at all… why am I crying as I write this?!?!? You’re right… nobody leaves unscathed… not you, me, your mom, my mom… nobody… God bless you and yours

@jadedKiss: you’re right… she has and she’s such a great person in spite of and to a certain extent because of (life is live and learn right?) Thanks love… I’m just trying to deal with a lot of issues… hopefully I emerge a better person after… thanks for taking the journey with me. I appreciate it

Anonymous said...

Men, these mummy sunday posts dey make me cry die....i always tell my friends that if a man is thrashing me and love me jehjeh is blinding me...i have given them permission to beat me to my senses..lovely post as usual

Beautifully Human said...

I truly hope and pray that none of us ever have to go through that kind of torment; I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy!
btw OWNB what does your mum think about the mummy sunday posts thus far?

UnNaked Soul said...

as I read this, I have tears rolling down my eyes... can't believe I'm this emotional...

Where is the BALANCE?

Soul said...

I hear you overwhelmed.
I hear you.

but wipe your tears jare, you survived. a lil worse for wear but hey... we are here.

I hear good music playing, care to join me in a break dancing competition?. I swear I can still do the body pop lol and once in awhile, mum joins in and does the robot and the electric slide, you know.. she's coming back.(smile)

Anonymous said...

Soul - I know what you mean by no one leaves unscathed. Timne passes and you stop thinking about it soo much then you watch a tv show or read a blog about someone elses experience and it starts coming back. Odd memories that you may have forgotten or locked away start coming back. I almost hate reading these posts (much as I love you OWNB for writing them) as they bring back memories of sooo much pain and anger. But I have to remind myself, it's not us, it's them. And it's over. They cant touch us anymore.

LondonBuki said...

Wow... tell your Mummy a lotta of your blog-pals send her hugs and kisses.

I am glad she is out of it now and that she has strong children who can talk to her and rmind her about the bad things.

This doesn't reflect weakness at all. I know a woman who is strong, independent, no-nonsense and guess what - she has been physically abused by her bfriend. When women are in love, or they think they are, they do some crazy things.

Vickii said...

This is a great post, very heartfelt and real but I'm sorry that you and your mum and your sister have had to go through this! From other stuff you've written, I guess she is no longer in this situation and I guess that is something to be thankful for.

Noni moss has just written a post that also talks of domestic abuse. At noni, soul, anon and you, I really hope you and your families have healed and moved past this.

Please, please don't any of you repeat the cycle and I really hope that these experiences shared makes any woman going through this realise that she deserves so much more.

zaiprincesa said...

ur mom's story is so touching, babes..Why do men do this to us, and why do we women put up with it?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@babe: Thanks luv. lol@ love me jehjeh… no oh… I pray you never even get into the situation in the first place… AMEN!!!

@Beautifully Human: Amen… Amen… lol… she doesn’t even know I have a blog… haven’t told her about em… maybe I will later later… but not now… we’ll just tell the story… the other stuff should sort itself out

@Unnaked: thanks for your tears… babe… if we knew the answer to that… if only we knew the answer

@Soul: lol@ body popping(except booty shaking… hehe)… me I no sabi that one oh… I can do the running man… lol… oh and the electric slide… no no in fact lets dance to Shina Peters!!! Everybody bere molee (lol… my Yoruba spelling is horrendous!!!..)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Noni Moss: He can’t touch me anymore… I’m more than my memories (my new mantra)… Thanks luv

@LondonBuki: You’re so right… I’m glad she is out of it… sooo glad. I don’t even necessarily remind her of the bad things… it’s just sometimes we get to talking and maybe my dad’s name will pop up and she’d remember something and tell us… and it’s funny cos it’s usually a horrible memory or something terrible that he’s done. Sometimes when she’s saying it I mean I just wonder… how can only one person have gone through this much SHIT?!?!... I mean I look at what she’s accomplished after it all and it just baffles me you know… the long and short of the whole thing is that God helps the helpless! This woman got the low point buki… the lowest of the low and now she’s back on top… so this is written just to applaud her strength based on what she went through… Thanks for the hugs and kisses.. God bless your heart… and I’m giving some to your mommy as well…

@1982: yup She’s not in the situation anymore thank God… and you’re right… we as women do deserve much more… and through Christ our Lord… we’ll get it! Amen… I haven’t seen Noni Moss’s page yet… so I’ll go and check it out

@zaiprincesa: Wish I knew love… I really wish I knew… but as someone said on this blog last week… God dey… with God in heaven… may none of us go through any of this(and if we have… never again!!!)… cos it’s never as real until it’s you or somebody you love or know… and even when you’re in it… sometimes it takes a while to pick yourself up and ‘LET GO’!

BabaAlaye said...

Dunno why i always jump in late.
Your Mom sounds like most Naija Moms.

My Mom went through intense emotional trauma. The one time he was drunk enough to contemplate getting physical, He had four kids, each over 6 feet tall to deal with.
Wrong move!!!

He backed out quickly. (He's a smart guy)

My Mom looked at all of us Giants surrounding her, and for the first time ever, slapped him Gbosa!!! and walked off.

He didn't, couldn't do a thing. that was a major victory. It was all over but the shouting.

Anonymous said...

Wow...that's really sad, sometimes when you see people you know in situations like this, you just wish there are magic words you can say to snap them out of it.

Anonymous said...

I relate with this. Happened to so many people around me.

What an unfair world for some women.

beautyinbaltimore said...

The good thing is your mother was able to walk way with her life. Unfortunately, to many women never leave and they continue to except abuse until their death

Through these eyes said...

Abeg, leave ASAP.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@BabaAlaye: lol… in fact I suppose give you small punishment for this your late-coming ehn… don’t think that because you’re friending the head prefect that I can’t still give you small koboko! Way to go mama BabaAlaye!!!

@9jamommy: If only we knew those magic words… we’d be able to prevent sooo much!

@Temmytayo: thank God you have a new blog up and running… Hope it doesn’t happen to any of us sha… AMEN!!

@beautyinbaltimore: So right… but even though some women walk away with their lives.. it’s never quite the same again… what a pity!!!

@Through these eyes: lol…

Anonymous said...


Am really glad ur mom was able to get out of it. He nearly killed her self esteem and could have shattered her.I know some one who ended up in a mental institute. This is not funny!

Pls ladies be careful. I'll rather be alone than be unhappy for the rest of my life. If love those doesnot fit the description in 1 Corinthian 13 then its not love. No man is worth it.

Tall order u might say but its possible!

Copido said...

...and he even slept with her friends and she still loved him....Christ! Can I do that??! I cant even bring myself to think about it

Afrobabe said...

My friend smiling coyly cos she knows what bedroom secrets my husband can offer....sigh...Some things just push you to the edge of sanity.