Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Too little too late

A few days ago, I was sitting home having dinner when an unfamiliar number appeared on my phone:

“This overwhelmed?”

Overwhelmed: Yeah, who dis?

In a whisper: I really really like you Overwhelmed. I think you’re just absolutely beautiful… so funny, so smart and sweet. I’ve been nuts about you from the first day I met you… you have such a great personality and you’re everything I’m looking for in a girl.

Overwhelmed: {laughing} Abeg… stop your jokes jare… who is this and what do you want jo… I don’t have time for jokes…

“My favorite thing about you is your laugh… it makes my day just to hear you laugh…honestly I think…

Overwhelmed: Oh RK… wow… what can I say

“Nothing… you don’t have to say anything… I just wanted to let you know cos it’s been on my mind for months and I just had to let you know”

Overwhelmed: How come you never told me?

“Cos I didn’t think you’d like me or go for a Jamaican guy”

Overwhelmed: What gives you that impression?

“I don’t know I just get that vibe that you don’t mind Jamaican dudes as friends but just wouldn’t date one… plus you’re always going to African Clubs not reggae ones”

Overwhelmed: I never said that… but damn… how come you never told me anything… gave me a clue… and you spring this on me 7 months later?

“I’m sorry… I wanted to but I could never get the courage to… I just couldn’t hold it in anymore… I’m crazy about you”

Background info on the dude:

RK was about 2 years my senior in high school and left a semester after I started the school. He was tall, slightly chubby, had absolutely gorgeous hair, nice skin and a cute face. We only struck up a friendship years after I had graduated. We chilled a couple times but nothing eventful… he was one of the ‘harder guys to read’. I mean he seemed to like me, but wasn’t really putting it out there… so after a while, I guessed he wanted a friend which was totally cool with me. This was about 7, 8 months ago. We still talked on the phone once or twice a week… he just calls to check up on me and talk for a little while. He called me 2 weeks ago when I was out shopping with the boyfriend. We talked for a few minutes, and right before I hung up, he told me he had a secret to tell me. This was his ‘secret’.

Now liking me is all well and good, but I’m dating somebody else now. I mean homeboy is nice and everything and I might’ve given him a chance way back when if he’d told him cos I met him before the boyfriend… but it’s obviously too late now.

Dudes:

If you like her now… TELL HER NOW!!! Not next week, not next month, not next year… NOW… Next whenever might be too late!

Don’t enter the friend zone… cos it’s very hard to get out of… even if I wasn’t with the boyfriend now… I probably still wouldn’t date him cos he’s been a friend for so long and I’m used to that dammit!!

Ask her if she has a man before you start making your feelings known cos it’s a lot of akwardness later if you don’t!!!

Now I told him I’d call him back after our conversation… but I haven’t. he’s called me back three times since but each time I’ve told him I’ll call back and still haven’t.

I don’t know if I should just go ahead and talk to him as if he never told me anything (and preserve our friendship cos he is a pretty nice guy) or should I just tell him I have a man? Cos if I do… shouldn’t I have told him long before in our ‘friendship’ and won’t he feel I shouldn’t have dated another guy if I sorta knew he liked me? and maybe he’d feel that might’ve saved him some ‘embarrassment’?

Don’t know what to say to him… RK’s Sugartalk is ‘too little too late’

31 comments:

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

It took him alot to tell you his feelings - knowing fully well that he would be rejected - dont reject him a second time by denying him your friendship - If you dont have feelings for him Im sure he knows by now - and dont act like nothing was said - it will only cause friction -

just reassure him how important his friendship is to you - If he couldnt have you as his gal - then at least you are friends - but make sure he doesnt feel being led on - and no flirting - ladies like to flirt when they know the guy likes them - just make the friendship tight - Dont make him regret ever telling you - cause that could screw him for life and the next girl he meets - stay blessed

Mari said...

kai this girl, i cant keep up with ure posts. each time i visit, there a new post up. hmmm i'll be back wit my comments

babe said...

That is crazy....I cannot imagine the amount of liver it took to do that for real...I would have been "blushin like zobo".

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@The Life: I don’t flirt with him at all that’s why I was sorta surprised to find out he felt that way about me… your advice sounds logical though… just tell him about the boyfriend right? I feel guilty for not having told him before ( it was just something that never came up cos we never talked much about relationships or anything except for when I knew him in the beginning and wasn’t dating the boyfriend!)

@Mari: lol… I probably have too much time on my hands!!

@Babe: It did take liver and I give him props for that regardless… lol@ ‘blushing like zobo’.. how exactly do you manage that feat?

Discombobulated Diva said...

yeah, it did take a lot for him to tell you how you fell... but there's nothing you can do about the situation cause you have a bf that you care about... u need to tell RK that you have a man, but that you still wanna be friends with him... you don't want to lose a good friendship, so just tread lightly cause you don't want to ruin your friendship or his ego over this situation...

PS Stop avoiding his calls, the longer you wait, the harder it gets to tell him the truth, next time h calls just tell him or go ahead and call him back and tell him the deal. ~DD

nosa101 said...

The guy is an idiot now. Mumu, mugu. He doesn't know anything. Don't mind my mood, my friend keeps telling me how he "DID" my ex and I can't cyber bitch slap him.

Belle said...

Girl! Call that poor boy back!
His call seemed a little creepy to me (with the whispering et al), but its a bit obvious (to me) that he's liked you for a while... i doubt dudes call several times a week just to "check on you"... you know what i mean?
Just explain that you have a b.friend, and that even if you were single... he's too good of a friend to go there with... pretty much-- tell him what you've told us.
MEN! They can be so clueless at times...lol

NaijaBloke said...

Obviously this guy doesnt drink or puff cos thatz all it would have taken to tell u since.

Abeg buy a blow up doll and mail it to the poor boy jere.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Discombobulated: I know… that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid.. hurting him or our friendship… but I hear u… I’ll return his calls n let him know the deal

@nosa: lol… sorry oh babe… I cyberbitchslap him on ur behalf!!! The nerve of the fucker!!!

@Belle: I will oh… I know the whisphering sounded like a prank call… lol… my friends call 2 check up on me all the time… but I guess he doesn’t wanna be ‘just a friend’ anymore… too bad.. too too bad

@NaijaBloke: knowing you… I’m sure you can recommend some good ‘jamaican vegetable(weed… lol)’ on his behalf… nonsense and ingredient… so na ‘supe’ the guy want from me when him no fit get liver talk since?!?!?!?

Anonymous said...

girl since he's a buddy just tell him in u're buddiest of buddy voices that he should have told u a long time ago and now u're with boo(no feelings will be hurt), or u cud just be like me and say " I cherish our friendship so much, and i know me if we date and we break up i'll hate u 4eva ,u don't want that?" works like a charm : )

TP said...

That's guys for you. Return his calls and be as normal as possible. If he brings up the topic, tell him that you are flattered he likes you. But you are in a steady relationship now. And you hope you can continue to be friends.

Lee said...

chai..
Overwhelmed.. na wah oh.. if yu have feelings for him, it all depends on you but since u have a man.. and you love your man too well.. hmm u betta just stay as buddies and yu just tell him subtly.. he'll be fine.

PS: I don't like guys who ask me do I have a bf or lover or seeing someone. I prefer they wait till I say it or it comes out in our conversation, but then then again we ladies play around.. so can't blame them..

beautyinbaltimore said...

Amen. Every man should be required to read this.

Funmi said...

I am sure it took him alot of LIVER to finally make his feelings known. I had a colleague of mine profess his 'feelings' to me after my honeymoon! talk about very bad timing.

Queen EBong said...

Would love U the last comment left by me here http://www.blogger.com/publish-comment.do?blogID=33247676&postID=115983680395378104&r=ok

Vickii said...

'Dudes:If you like her now… TELL HER NOW' - I agree with this whole heartedly, Life is way too short for people to spend months plucking up the courage to say how they feel!

About this guy, I think you should call him back and just tell him honestly that you have a boyfriend now but you appreciate your friendship and you hope he'll continue to be a friend to you. In my experience, very few guys will stay friends with you after this (which is a shame) but that's his issue and decision. I think he does deserve your honesty though.

Very well written post, as always!

zaiprincesa said...

Abeg tell that bros," YA SNOOZE, YA LOOSE!!!!!"..lol...He cant be shulda, culda, wulda'in. lol..tell him to go and tighten up his game.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Please overwhelmed, tell this dude gently. DANG!!! I didn't know 'twas this hard for a guy to bare his feelings. I give him major props for chopping enough liver. There's really nothing much for me to add everything's been said, but i'd emphasize that u tell him GENTLY, you don't want to bruise his ego so much that he wouldn't have the nerve to step up to another girl. Treat him like u would want ur brother treated.

stranger said...

OWNB...certain circumstances have kept me away from the web recently...and your blog is one of the first i'm visiting...and the pregnancy thing is what caught my eye first...i haven't read anything yet but...girlfriend...do i have to beat you over the head or something?...am too puffed up to say anything sensible now..so imma get back at you...i got you 'marked' now...

stranger said...

i agree with bijouxoxo...you've got too much potential in you to be walking a tightrope like this...and if i have to wrestle you to the ground...

stranger said...

ok...mayb i am a little biased cos i'm kinda in d same spot with this guy...but explain it to me like am a 2yr old...what law in what book says you cannot date a friend?...i mean, i ask myself all the time, ayo, who would you marry btw a lover and a friend...and i figure a friend...cos they've been there thru it all, they will b there till the end...if u ask me, a friend is a better guarantee than a lover...and i believe its easier to love a friend than to befriend a lover...ok, after consoling myself, i do admit that he missed out...u got a man already...well, if i can't hold your heart, i will settle for holding your hand...btw OWNB...i know you didn't miss the 3 letter clue i dropped you...

yankeenaijachick said...

Well, it's my first time posting on your blog. I think you should not deny him friendship. It just doesn't hurt to try out new things.Nice blog by the way.

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Vera Ezimora said...

I'm still tryna figure out why he likes you. You and all your wahala. In shirt, gimme his number lemme ask him why he likes u and not me! Nonsense & ingredients. What do u have that I don't have sef? *hisses*

ABBEY said...

yeah i agree with you on that one...many guys procrastinate too much and then they start telling you about what could have been, etc.

I don't blame them though it's not easy to put yourself out there like that. reminds me of the guy in "love actually" that comes to the girl's door on Xmas day (after she's married btw) and let's her know he always loved now and will always do. That was too sweet.

Aint life just complicated!!!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

well it definitely takes alot for a guy to reveal his feelings...you never know though. dont act like nothing happened. acknowledge it and try to move on cuz you have a boyfriend and there's not much you can do right now...well...hmmmm that depends o... anyways...you never know...he might become ur future baby dada...im just saying...speaking from experience here...lol :-)

mola said...

LMAO! That guy called you to tell you that he likes you. Just like that... Wow! No Tact Involved...
So he has had a crush on you for months and he has just now summoned up the balls to profecy it to you. Haha! Funny

First: This guy does not want to be your friend, so don't be on that "O i pity him, should i still be his friend..." because he has been acting to be your friend for months. Call him once and lay it down to him that you are seeing someone else right and leave it at that... Good luck. Dont be on that pity Shit though.

One of the funniest things i've read on a blog

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nigerican: lol.. I love that line “Knowing me, if we dated and broke up… I’ll hate you forever and I know you won’t want that”… lol…and I thought I invented it(great minds think alike… lmao) but truly sha he caught me by surprise with this whole ‘liking me’ thing.

@TP: yes mami… I’ll do as you say…

@Lee: Nah I don’t have feelings for him… I just don’t want to hurt his either… me I’d rather you ask me before you confess not after cos I would rather you don’t even tell me at all jare… cos it’s hard to be friends with someone knowing they really like you

@beauty: I say another AMEN to that!

@Funmi: are you serious? Don’t you think it was unnecessary though? Like you’re married so what’s it gonna change? I think he shouldn’t have bothered telling you…. Once again… it’s ‘too little too late’.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Queen Ebong: mami I googled it and couldn’t find anything.. maybe you could post it up here? Pretty plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

@1982: Exactly!!! Life is too short to spend months telling me you like me… then how many years will it now take you to ask me on a date?!?!.. lol. I will call him this weekend… I do have a feeling we won’t be friends anymore… probably just acquaintances… cos he might not take it well… but such is life!

@zaiprincesa: lol… Ya SNOOZE, Ya LOOSE!.. luvs that… I think he should come and take lessons from you babe since u got the game on lockdown!!

@Bijouxoxo: Yes ma’am.. I agree wholeheartedly… I’ll give y’all an update after I call him this weekend to let him know wassup… just wanted u guys opinion cos I don’t wanna hurt anyones feelings.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@yankee: I hear ya… Thanks for checking out my blog.. going to see wassup on urs!

@scooby: lol.. so my blog don become advertising space ehn? No problem but you know say you suppose pay small commission now so I go promote you well well!!! Oh and make it in British Pounds(its worth double Canadian dollars)

@vera: lol… he likes me cos he hasn’t heard my naija accent yet… lmao… don’t worry he will run fast as his legs can carry him once he hears my ‘onitsha spare parts’ accent… lol…

@Abbey: awwwwwwww… that’s sweet(when I watch it in movies)… but I don’t like coulda shoulda wouldas!...I agree oh life is too complicated

@Diamond: you’re right it does take a lot to confess your feelings… lmao@ future babydaddy(I can sense a/multiple blog entri(es) for this one)… tell me more tell me more!! U know say I luv gist

@mola: I completely agree with you… I don’t wanna be on that pity shit cos I know tons of dudes use that to ‘cross-over’… and I’m totally not willing… I’ll call him and update y’all on how it went.. Thanks for stopping by… e dey like say I never see your name for my blog so Imma go check you out… u sound interesting!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@stranger: Course I’d rather be with my boyfriend than this dude… I know my boyfriend more, like him more... what more explanation do I need.. if you read this entry… I said I talk to this dude about once a week… I see my boyfriend once or more a week… talk to him everyday so I shouldn’t even have to explain ‘the obvious’!!! lmao@ your three letter clue… I’m think there’s more to this than you’re letting on!!! lol@having me ‘marked’ and ‘wrestling me to the ground’. Here’s looking forward to that!