Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, I’ve decided to start a Mummy Sunday post!!! It’s meant to document my mom’s life and history and celebrate her accomplishments. Her decisions have affected and helped mold me into the person I am today. I want to celebrate her cos she has faced almost insurmountable odds but with faith, hard work and determination, she made it!!! To be just half the woman she is today would be a blessing. The details of the great woman’s story might not be told in chronological order… but each entry should make sense in and of itself. Maybe I’ll publish a biography on her later… maybe I’ll include it in my future autobiography… or maybe I’ll just leave it here so y’all can read and know that no matter how bad it gets… there’s always a way out!!!
My mommy's on a diet
LOL LMAO LMBAO ROFLMAO
This woman is just too funny.
Mother mine wants to loose a couple pounds and on the recommendation of a friend went and got her a ‘nutritionist’. Said nutritionist came to her office two weeks ago and sugartalked my mom into buying a couple hundred dollars worth of ‘diet supplements’.
After the woman left, momsi realized she’d been swavved... but no one could ever accuse ‘mama overwhelmed’ of not being determined:
When she registered at the local gym for a year and almost collapsed on the treadmill on her first day there… did she quit? Nope… she never went back to the gym but kept paying her membership fees ‘just in case’!
When her younger daughter bought her a frilly thong last Christmas… did she throw it away seeing as she didn’t understand those ‘strings’? Nope… she just brought it out once every month to look at it, contemplate ‘thong science’ and put it back away!!
When she’d almost broken the aquarium last month trying to move it by herself… did she give up on the fish? Nope… she’d hired someone else to do it!!!
She’d do this diet thing dammit!!!!
Momsi’s diet is very strict… no potatoes, no rice, no fufu, no bread… I think it’s called a no-carb diet or something of that nature. She’s basically supposed to eat only fruit, vegetables, some meat products (I think) and her ‘supplement’ which as the name suggests serves as a meal replacement.
Didn’t sound too hard! lol
Momsi dearest did it the first day… no problem, but by the next day she was just absolutely miserable.
According to mommy, the nutritionist should’ve introduced her to the lifestyle when she was years younger so that she’d be used to it by now…Apparently, at this point it was just too too late!
So momsi’s nutritionist called her last night and I almost died laughing.
She had been ignoring all calls on her cell phone the entire evening but eventually picked up the house phone while enjoying some sweet fish peppersoup and jollof rice. She quickly dropped her fork and concentrated on the call:
Nutritionist: Mama Overwhelmed, how are you doing?
Momsi: Oh I’m great… just relaxing… but come oh… this your diet is hard oh!
Nutritionist: Don’t worry it’ll get better… so how have you been following it?
Momsi: Oh I just eat fruit and vegetables like brocolli, apples and others. In fact I just had carrots for dinner and that supplement. It’s really working!
Nutritionist: So what do you do when you’re hungry?
Momsi: I just drink water my dear…. It’s not easy at all
Nutritionist: So are you already seeing changes?
Momsi: yes oh… definitely… I can already see so many changes… even Overwhelmed thinks I’m losing weight
WHAT!?!?! Me Overwhelmed I said no such thing oh!!!…I don’t wanna be involved
ANYWAYS BACK TO GIST:
Nutritionist: oh k… that’s good… how many pounds?
Momsi: My children spoilt the scale but don’t worry I’m loosing all the weight… anyways I have to go… oh I just wanted to ask you before I let you go…. Can I eat nuts like peanuts, cashew nuts?
Nutritionist: No No No… that is not allowed in the diet… drink water anytime you feel a craving
Momsi: I understand… no problem at all… ok thanks Goodnight
Nutritionist: So you don’t have any questions for me about the diet?
Momsi: no thanks… I definitely recommend it.. it’s so great… I love it… in fact I’m going to get more water to drink... thank you soo much… goodnight
I almost collapsed laughing
LMAO… ROFLMAO…. Is this woman serious?! Since when did jollof rice and fish peppersoup become carrots and water? Momsi is just too funny
I started asking her why she did that… wouldn’t it be easier to just tell the woman the diet is not for her? Momsi was like:
“my dear I can’t be bothered… I wasn’t picking up my cell because I wasn’t sure if it was her or not. So because I told her I wanted to loose some weight, now she wants to put me on starvation diet?… if somebody sent her… abeg she should tell the person she didn’t see me!!”
Momsi: FOOD SUPPLEMENT KO… WATER AND VEGETABLES NI!!!… anyways, she’s doing her job so I don’t blame her… I guess she needs my ‘diet commission’ to pay her rent this month…
Ehen, my dear… go and get me some almonds jare and don’t mind the woman…HOLLYWOOD DIET OSHI!!!
This my mother self na wao… This one na really Hollywood Diet!!!