Sunday, October 15, 2006

Life is Good

Almost everything you do is calculated, thought- out, weighed for the pros and cons.

Your new hairstyle, that gorgeous new pair of shoes that has to match at least five outfits in your closet, your boyfriend, your best friends.

Is there a point to this? What do I benefit and how does this thing make a difference in my life?

You’re so careful in your little structured world.

You prethink everything so much there’s little or no room for error.

You never want to be caught unawares or get any nasty surprises.

It’s worked so far your entire life, so you’re sticking with your formula

Then Mr. Slick walks in.

He’s different; strange but unique. You’ve never met anyone like him your entire life.

The rules don’t apply anymore because he doesn’t fit anything in the script

He’s lord of all he surveys.

The twinkle in his eyes, the confident swagger tells you that unlike you, he’s encountered all kinds, and knows exactly how to deal with them.

You’re at a loss.

But all of a sudden, you’re sick and tired of sticking to the script, so you flip it and reverse it.

It’s time for some freestyle.

Now, all of a sudden, you’re Ms. Spontaneous.

You’re going on a joyride and enjoying it for however long it lasts.

First mistake, you start falling for the sucker.

His unpredictability is just the biggest turn on.

A leather whip instead of flowers on your first date. Second date bungee jumping and then to a spa.

You just can’t figure this guy out.

He pulls your school alarm just for you to get out of class so he can tell you he misses you.

You fall for him, headlong, not thinking, not caring, hopelessly, dangerously into him.

Then all of a sudden, after a couple of weeks, he starts getting weird.

Last week, he took you to a cemetery, this week he’s talking about joining the satan club.

You know it’s not right but you’re hooked.

Was it not his unpredictability that drew you to him in the first place?

Plus you think, just maybe, if you hung out more together, you’ll rub off on him and he’ll change.

You’re cutting class, not hanging out with best friends anymore because they just don’t understand.

Cocaine isn’t really that bad, I mean it’s not like you’re hurting anybody. He likes you better when you do coke with him. Plus, he’s paying for it, so who cares?

I mean society should concentrate more on helping poor people and fighting violence rather than bother with young people who are just having a good time.

I mean come to think of it, what’s the point of education anyways? It’s just a way for the man to oppress the people and remove all sense of the individual from society.

Who cares what parents have to say? Their only life fulfillment is telling you what’s wrong with yours.

The world is so unsafe, what with terrorists and rapists, so the only way for one to block it out and survive is to create your own cocoon and live like you were dying.

You know you’re safe with him… you feel safe except for those rare times, moments when his eyes glitter and he seems so far away.

Those times when it seems that if you shatter the silence or offset him, he could strangle you, he could tie you up with your own hair and snap you in half.

Ahhhh… Your mind’s running on again, maybe its time to increase the coke dosage.

Life is good.

{I wrote this with a particular friend in mind… She abandoned us all cos she fell in love. She’s not on drugs or anything… but I guess her love for this man is a drug… she can’t see pass her little cocoon and it’s a damn shame. I mourn the loss of a great friendship}


Anonymous said...

What you said here is really powerful. I can really relate to this. I know how you feel. I hope things can work out for you. Maybe one day your friend will realize what happened.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, eventually she'll come back to her senses, hopefully you are still there for her to reach out to.

The Mistress said...

Sad story and I too can say I've experienced this.

Soul said...

sometimes.. we need an intervention and sometimes our friends need an intervention.

You maybe mourning her loss, but what if she has been mourning your loss, (i.e. the loss of her friends).
Sometimes, we fade into the background at the verytime our friends need us to bug the living daylights out of them.
Sometimes our friends are living out personal demons thorugh someone else.
You know sometimes we are attracted to other people (bizarrely) becuase we see the same weakness in ourselves in them. Sometimes we are self destructive, and whilst on the outside we might be brazen, we really need help. we really really need someone, somebody, anybody who loves us, to save us from ourselves.

I know people don't want to intrude, but sometimes you need to intrude, it's important, it's necessary.
Because sometimes, we (and that includes our friends) don't have anyone else to turn to who can help us save us from ourselves. sometimes we need a good verbal bitch slap from our friends, sometimes we need our friends to say.. 'don't shut me out, he might love you now, but I've loved you as a friend before you knew him, I love you now and you are important to me'.

Nyemoni said...

Yeah yeah, this crap happens all the time, but what can I say? It could be you next!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Anonymous: I think she’s started to… but I think it might be too little too late… but I guess the chapter’s not closed… so we’ll see how things go

@Anonymous: Great if she does… and I hope I’ll still be emotionally available to her at that time

@The Mistress: I know… it really sucks when it’s somebody you actually cared about

@Soul: You’re right… she might need an intervention and I tried this so many times, but unfortunately sometimes females get so caught up in romance… after a while she figured I didn’t like her boyfriend so it was sort of an unconscious decision she made to ‘stick with him’. We’d never told her to make a decision… just to open her eyes, watch his behaviour so she didn’t get hurt or caught up… I guess that makes me a bad friend… well I’d rather be that than close my eyes and let a good friend get hurt. I’ve never been that friend that’s nonchalant and lets you go through it all by yourself… but it’s become obvious to me that sometimes the best help is just to “SHUT THE FUCK UP” Thanks for your comment cos this was exactly my analysis before the whole thing… I mean it’s been a year or so… I don’t know that we could ever go back to the way we were… but I definitely wish her well.

@Nyemoni: Nah… there are friends I could never let go of come hell or high water… not even if I tried.

Azuka said...

Honestly, Overwhelmed you were beginning to scare me. I wanted to start praying for you because you're one of my big sisters in the blogosphere [abi na blogsville].

This is really touching, and yes I've seen something like this too. The problem is once the scales fall off the subject's eyes, it's hard to resist the urge to say,'I told you.'

TP said...

Well written post, as usual. I agree with what "Soul" said. Sometimes we need to show the people we care about some "tough love" and drag them back into reality. If she let her love for a guy distract her from her education and her friends, then it's not a good thing.

Lee said...

seen it happen many times.
People do it cos of their jobs/new locations/ newly found love or whatever..Its only a phase I'm sure..
Plus remember we loose some, we gain some..
Just let her be, when she needs you, she'll come back, hopefully the guy is worth it in the long run!

Desola said...

Wassup! How y'all doing over hurr?

Just a little shout out to OWNB.

Eddie said...

He gets your scholl bell just because he wants to tell you he misses you....
That sounded lovely....has it surely happened in your school.Ifd it happened, then thats the guy...

What can you imagine of such a guy?

nosa101 said...

Let her die abeg

I'm just playing Oh

Noni Moss said...

Please I disagree with Soul. I've found that by the time it gets to this stage, the person is soo entrenched in their love affair that there is nothing you can say that will make them open their eyes. I'm pretty sure that someone if not several people, would have told her on a number of occasions that the guy is bad for her.

If as a friend you persist - you become the bad guy who's "hating". After a while, you need to let people accept responsibility for their actions. I say state your opinion whether or not she asked for it and then leave her to do as she pleases.

Excellent post as always Miss ONB.

ABBEY said...

hmmm from the sounds of things that type of relationship can't last too long.

MissDaday said...

Hey u :) Thanks for droppin by mah page, i appreciate your suggestions on sappy movies hehehe. Ill make sure to watch them when i have the chance. Nice blog. :)

Biodun said...

Sad story, do pray for your friend, it helps

Naijadude said...

Thats so true but sad! I hope your friends comes to her sense as soon as she can before she goes astray and she wouldnt be able to have friends to come back to when everything unfolds!

No matter what anyone says, I am just ready to be SOLD OUT to my JOLENEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

It is a sad tale but its always the norm. It is now up to the friend to find out how trully important his/her friends really are to them. Trust they do learn pretty quickly.

Mari said...

Soooo deep and powerful yet sad esp if you've been in a situation like this.

If she was a very good friend and the friendship is worth everything, I believe you should do your best to reach out to your friend. But like noni moss says state your concerns and let her accept respondsibilty for her actions.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Azuka: lol… awwww… that’s so sweet… now I have a cyber brother in addiction to my cyber sis JadedKiss… this rocks!!! I know… I just wish her the best cos it would suck ass if they’re not together forever and she’s already lost most friends… then she’d have to go back to square one.

@TP: Thanks babe. That’s exactly what I thought too… but trust me… you start looking like an instigator after a while (all of a sudden it seems you don’t want her happiness anymore)… so me I don leave matter hand jare

@Lee: It’s been a phase for over a year… maybe when she comes back… I might not be in that place to help her anymore… it just might be too late.

@Desola: I’m great oh babe… how u now? I never see your momentum for some time now… u dey kamkpe?

@Eddie: lol… I know that is very romantic… he didn’t do that for her… I just wrote that to represent his ingenuity in some way I guess.

@Nosa: Your comments always make me laugh… lol

@ Noni Moss: Exactly… see I tried Soul’s approach and it didn’t work… made me look like the terrible person… the one against the all-consuming love. Trust me, it happened for a while and I just took it… can you imagine that at one stage of the relationship she had to ask permission from her boyfriend to come and see me…. ME THAT KNEW HER YEARS B4 HIM… THAT’S WHEN I REALIZED HE HAD A HOLD ON HER. Thanks oh babe… you know I always love your page now… NUMBER ONE FAN!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@ABBEY: E don last one year sha… make we see as everything unfold… but no problem if e reach marriage self… I no mind oh bcos I haven’t been to a wedding in Canada… come to think of it... all my life… Damn!

@MissDaday: You’re welcome babe… thanks for stopping by mine... SAPPY MOVIES ROCK!!! lol

@Biodun: I’ll pray for her and I’ll pray for other girls who get caught up cos they miss out on Friday night gist, Saturday night extended gist and Sunday morning gist wrap-up… lol

@Naijadude: My dear say it and say it again… LOL @ being sold out to me… I GOT YOU BABE!!!

@The Life of a Stranger: I guess most people have more experience with this than me sha… cos I honestly thought she was above that… I mean she’s become the girl we all (herself included) used to hate… the one who lives for the boyfriend!?!?!?!?

Mari: Right again… I’ve tried and tried… so I’m willing to just lay low and watch everything unfold (like Bill Cosby.. lol)

Gucci said...

u r are incredible writer..........keep it up

Soul said...

@overwhelmed, ahh please note, it was not a criticism of you, I just thought about that side of things as well. I kinda thought you might have already been there, what you wrote just made me think of that.
I don't think what you did makes you a bad friend at all, you do what you are capable of doing, and like most people it takes a heck of a lot for a true friend to just say.. ahh I give up.
Sometimes it's necessary, to back up and save your own sanity, sometimes it's necessary to intervene. And sometimes, damn we all have our own issues to be getting on with abi, there's only soo much you can say to a person before you really have to let them do what they wanna do?.

The decision you made is/was right for you, I'm in no way questioning that :)
Be well.

Soul said...

@noni.. I see what you are saying.

Anonymous said...

U’re writing is fantabulous, I was running in the cemetery with u're character (good imagery). Some girls amaze me the way they let themselves get engulfed in these relationships. I always keep in mind that I’m gonna need a shoulder or two to cry on when the guy messes up. She might need a shoulder one day and someone to put her back on the right track; I know u’ll be there for her that’s how we good friends operate.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Gucci: Awww thanks babe… I definitely will

@Soul: oh no girl I didn’t take it as a criticism… I was just telling you why I’d decided to just shut up and not talk to her about stuff anymore cos I was tired of being the ‘enemy of progress’. I always appreciate your comments and feedback… you ROCK!!!

@Nigerican: That was exactly my point… Who do you bitch to about the dude when he pisses you off? Who do you go out with just to show him that your world doesn’t always revolve around him? I no know sha… I guess everybody has their own life to life so as my best friend Naijadyme would say… Everybody for theirself, God for us all! Oh and thanks babe… I’m really glad you like it.

Anonymous said...

i know what that's like, but i think, no matter how tired u are of the whole situation jus let her know that she can still turn to you.
i have this friend who's still dating this stupid boy who controls her movement as well. as in, we'v been friends for years but after a while she started seeing me thru his eyes. she that used to rock parties now started saying stuff like, 'what's the point..' he doesn't like loud music so 'that's just not right...' he doesn't think a girl should rest her head on her man's laps and she's all 'that's wrong...'
i love my girl but i was like what the hell! she stopped talking to me bout stuff that mattered and i was upset, but i was always somewhere close by, so when he hurt her, even tho she was reluctant, she knew i'd be there.and they'r still dating!!
men the things we do!
point is, if you'v not given up on her, jus call her or something- once in a while- to let her kno u'r there.

btw u'v been tagged oh!

Jeremy said...

hey I like your blog too!

temmy said...

Pray for your friend.

TaureanMinx said...

Aww I know how that feels, really I do. I felt very bad but then I had to get on with life. Time will heal the hurt

Eagle's Nest!!! said...

Sounds like your friend is in love with Buda....I wish her a safe landing!

If the guy is unpredictable, you'll prolly have neckbreak in addittion to heartbreak!

Ladies, beware of unpredictable guys. There's no fun in suspense; it's not good for home building.

Understanding is the first requisite of a GREAT RELATIONSHIP, which unfortunately is elusive coz you ladies refuse to learn - you so much enjoy weird lifestyle that does nothing more than register your name in the conquests' list!

Good enough though that ladies in their thirties have learnt to take a hike when weirdo guys show up on their radar.

Joel has spoken!

Everchange said...

For a minute there I thought it was you....and I was going to be like GIRL SAY NO TO CRACK. that is so sad...and she won't listen if you talk to her? I'm with Soul here.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@jadedKiss: I honestly just hate it when people lose their identities… I understand compromise and even cooperation, but losing your entire identity for love… baby girl.. I still don’t understand it… but I hear what you said sha… I guess I’ll try to be there for her just in case. As for the tag… it’s my post after next!!!

@Jeremy: Awww thanks babe… you know I echo the sentiment.

@temmy: lol… I’ll try

@TaureanMinx: You’re so right; it has been a while so I’ve had time to get over it and put a lot of things in perspective. Thanks sha

@Joel: You be really IGWE… Lol@ in love with Buda… I definitely wish her safe landing. I hear you on the unpredictable guys tip… but I don’t think you have to be thirty to know what’s bad for you. Thanks for stopping by sha… I’m on your page right now... JUICY READING… I’m a fan!

@Everchange: lol… me? crack? God forbid bad thing oh… it doesn’t run in my family.. lol.