Sunday, September 24, 2006

Part 3: Nigerian guys that I’ve dated or almost dated

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a Naija guy bashing post… just my encounters. I’ve had some great and some terrible dating experiences, but all in all it’s been an interesting journey. Here’s the third and final part of the write-up:

Two months before I turned 20, I met KD at an African party… I looked hot and was dancing up a storm. At one point, I got too sweaty and went outside for fresh air, which was being ruined by some old men who were smoking their cancer sticks and trying to hit on me at the same time. A tall light skinned brother steps up to me and engages me in conversation with the very original “You look familiar”. I was in a good mood so I didn’t shoot him down… just gave him the digits so we could explore this ‘familiarity’. He was Igbo, 24, nice, handsome, funny and the first Naija guy whom I absolutely loved his accent. I ended up really liking the dude and he really liked me. We’d gone on a couple dates- dinner, movie, stripclub, lunch... you name it. We were like an unofficial couple(it was more of an unspoken agreement as I hadn’t officially said yes to him). This was the first and only naija guy I ever had sex with… it was uninspiring cos he thought he was the shiznit and just wasn’t. The only thing that wasn’t average about him was his fucking stomach… I just hated his belly rubbing against me for some reason. He was also very instructional in the bedroom which is a big turn-off for me… I’m all for letting the other person know what and how you want it… but when you’re a bloody drill sergeant… FUCK YOURSELF!!! That stuff also showed outside the bedroom; he was a control freak- had something to say about what gum I chewed, perfume I wore, my jewelry, clothes… just everything. I probably could’ve been sucked into his vortex if I wasn’t so damn independent myself. I think the problem was the fact that he knew I was Igbo and wanted me to have a ‘back-home’ attitude, which I saw no need for. I mean the first time we had sex, nigga wanted me to fix his bed after because he found it sexy when a girl did that.WTF!?!?!?! I told him how much hotter it was to me when a guy did that… lol... I know; we clashed. For some strange reason, we still liked each other, but after a while, it became obvious we would just argue each other out of happiness… we let it go. A month later, KD starts calling me apologizing; he wanted me back cos he’s fanatic about me and would love to make it up to me. I’d never gotten back with an ex and wasn’t willing to… but he wasn’t anything if not persistent. I eventually agreed to go on a dinner and movie date. It was an emotionally charged dinner. Afterwards, I thought KD was driving me home, but we ended up at his house… cos he wanted to ‘change’ for the movie…. Lol… sure, buddy (Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, SHAME ON ME). His controlling attitude was still a turn-off… nah, I wasn’t going back for more. I still don’t return his phone calls or emails, but he’s probably the only naija ex in Canada that I’ll say hi to if I see him on the street and that’s SAYING SOMETHING.

At 20, I met TD at a Ghanaian party (lol… I know... me and African parties… I’m a self-professed Makossa addict). Homeboy was looking mighty elegant in white; he approached me at just the right moment cos this Ghanaian boy was disrupting my dance-flow. I could tell TD was a Lagosian when he started pulling out some serious Daddy Showkey and Baba Fryo moves… we rocked that dancefloor. He was 27, a master’s degree holder, excellent dresser, and all-around cute Yoruba boy ... only his accent left something to be desired. I gave him the digits and we started talking… damn, he was smart, funny, witty… he actually got my ‘intellectual jokes’ not just the clowning and dirty jokes. I liked!!! We went on so many dates… movie, lunch, bars, dinner you name it. we’d been casually dating for about a month or two and still hadn’t kissed… I just wasn’t sure that I liked him in that way. One day, a really ‘fateful’ day, he came to take me out... we had a blast… game arcade (lol... I know… I’m up for all sorts of fun), then a club. A lot of his friends happened to be there and were feeling your girl cos I was looking mighty fine if I do say so myself. Homeboy got jealous and started getting all possessive on my ass…hehe. Anyways, on our way home, nigga starts complaining bout he’s drunk. In my head I laugh: OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK… HE ONLY HAD TWO BEERS. I HADN’T BEEN DATING ALL MY LIFE TO FALL FOR THAT.

TD drove me 45 minutes home with no swerving or strange activity… but he’s drunk?!?!?! I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for a great evening

TD: I’m drunk… why can’t I just come in and crash at your place?

Overwhelmed: sweetie, you drove me 45 minutes home so I think it’s safe to say you’ll be fine… but I can talk to you on the phone on your drive home to keep you company.

TD: Overwhelmed, I am drunk… I drank more beers outside when you weren’t looking with my boys

On the real, what kind of fool did he take me for? Apparently he had a Masters Degree In Manipulation, he just doesn’t know that I teach that same class, just in a different university.

TD: Seriously Overwhelmed, I wanna ask you a question… Are you a lesbian?

I gave him a piece of my mind and left his damn car…WTF!?!?!? FUCKING IDIOT. So because I didn’t let him into my house… all of a sudden, I’m a lesbian. Was he planning to come into my house to ‘crash’ or to ‘try to fuck’? LOUSY FOOL!!!

About a month later, I met WL at a Nigerian party. He was tall, nice, 24 and cute. He was a serious ‘yoppy’ boy (Good-time boy… wanting to grind on me to Shina Peters…lol). Gave him the digits and he called me right there to see if I’d given him the right number (Strike 1… As a man, be confident in your game or at least pretend to be). He calls me the day after trying to set up a date (Strike 2… too eager… don’t try to book a date the first time you talk to me on the phone… get to know me a little first). Worst strike of all… nigga starts spitting naija game at me… something about I’m so sexy… he would love for me to be his girl

Me: Sugarboy, you just met me yesterday

WL: I know, but I like everything about you already; I’m a man who knows what I want

That just threw me off… dude just had to be kidding me. Over the next few weeks he kept his thing up… we hadn’t even been on a first date, and this nigga was already telling me he was falling in love with me and wanted to make me his wife eventually.

Now admittedly, I AM all shades of sexy… but this coming from a guy I barely knew… hmmm. Homeboy wouldn’t let up... seeing as he was a nice guy in spite of some of his obvious bullshit, I told him:

“Listen WL… you’re throwing me off with this stuff. If I was blonde or Jamaican, I probably wouldn't know 'typical naija rap' and might’ve fallen for that… but I lived in Lagos and Port Harcourt so I recognize the lyrics. If you really wanna get to know me, be yourself and we’ll see where things go from there.”

WL: Seriously Overwhelmed, I mean every word I said, I really feel that way about you.

I realized he was out of his mind and quickly put him in the ‘friend zone’… I never went on that date with him, talked to him infrequently and after a while… he got it. We became close after a while and guess what I found out… HOMEBOY HAD TWO CHILDREN AND WAS LIVING WITH HIS BABY MAMA. I know… WTF? When he told me this, I was obviously sooo surprised, but we were friends now, so I asked him casually:

“Ah, you self WL… so you have 2 kids and a live- in baby mama and you still wanted to razzle me?

WL laughed and said “Sorry jare, baby girl, I was just trying my luck”

Imagine the conconbility!?!?!? trying his luck on me overwhelmed naija babe! i look like the lottery?

After having ‘dated or almost dated’ the guys that I’ve talked about in my last three posts and some dudes from other countries, I can’t tell you enough how great it’s been with the boyfriend… No more UNDERAGE SLEEPOVERS, CHEEKBONE AND JEANS DRAMA, HIDDEN BABY CHRISTENINGS, MARRIED MAN MANIA, SURPRISE TRIPS TO MOTELS, YORUBA LANGUAGE MISCONDUCT, CONTROL ISSUES, PRETEND DRUNKENNESS and LOTTERY GAMBLING ON MY ASS.

I dedicate my last three posts to all the dudes I’ve mentioned cos in their own unique ways they’ve taught me, helped me grow and blossom into the “OVERWHELMED NAIJA BABE” that I am today.

Damn, at 20, I’ve LIVED.

This is looking forward to the next batch of problems in my current and future relationships.



nosa101 said...

How do you get so unlucky? That possesive guy reminds me of my driving instructor, he thinks he is a gift to women. You are damn lucky you found the right guy because most people don't and they spend the rest of their lives whining. I my opinion, all that stress of finding the right person just don't work for me. It's toomuch stress. Just be single and you don't have to put yourself through the pain. Marriage is just overhyped. But as i said it's MY OPINION don't get me wrong or join my side without thinking.

Mari said...

girl you've met them all. Be thankful and enjoy your life jare. I've really enjoyed reading your blog.

LondonBuki said...

LOL @ "I'm all SHADES of sexy", I like!!!

kulutempa said...

lol...talking 'bout, if you're going to be that instructive in the bed, fuck yourself! TOO funny, mayn. i'm almost sad it's over. but yeah, naija guys are a trip. over 10 years of dating only naija, and i've learned my lesson. the nigerian race has lost out on perpetrating itself through my genes...i'm giving other races and faces a try! nosa101, i'm TOTALLY feeling you.

excellent series!

beautyinbaltimore said...

Homeboy had a live in baby mother and had the nerve to try to toast you. Some men are so brave in an attempt to get a piece of pussy.

RJ said...

LOL @ LondonBuki, I was just about to comment on that also.

Soul said...

I read all 3 chronicles and I just had to laugh.. how do we say it in Yoruba.. 'oro buruku pelu erin'.

I wrote about my experience with Naija guys during a 4 week period once, and you wouldn't believe the idiocy which followed.
One Naija male blogger said I must not have grown up around any men or not had any positive male influence in my life...

Oh and the lesbian thing... is typical, if you don't agree tfor some naija guys, you must be a kesbian or have a problem, it's never that you just don't like them like that, the problem is you.

I swear the sane ones are few and far between. But don't try telling them that their game is weak... oh shit lol.. damn u even reminded me of something I was going to blog about...

Lee said...

you write so well and your blog is so entertaining.. lol.
LMAO@ Masters Degree in Manipulation but in a diff uni..Gal.. u are soo crazy.. that line got me laughing..

Nice.. Good u met them all and now you know how to deal with them all.. nice tactics..:)

dctwentysomething said...

LOVE IT! i can totally relate to this story! The great thing about this situation is that you learn what you DON'T want from a man through guys who screw up like the ones you "almost dated" - wow.... such a good lesson!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Nosa: Lol @ being unlucky… I no even know wetin dey attract these kind people to me… Ur right though… a lot of people don’t find the right guy/girl… I’m not even sure I have… All I know is that when you have a good thing.. you flow with it as long as it lasts, don’t pressure yourself and just do what makes you happy. I don’t mind getting married, but not @ the expense of my sanity/ peace of mind.

@Mari: lol... I know eh. I have met em all. Thanks a lot for stopping by.

@London: hehe.. thanks babe

@Kulutempa: lol…thanks. na true I talk now abi… yes girlfriend… we gotta get out stop restricting ourselves and explore other races/ people. Strange enough, I’d still rather marry a Nigerian guy, but if I fall in love with a non- naija and he makes me extremely happy… you bet I’m gonna go for it… its gonna be fun trying to explain to him that a brideprice doesn’t exactly mean I’m being ‘sold’ to him. Lol

@beauty: imagine the “CONCONBILITY”… idiotic fool… strange enough he still calls me once in a while to put it out there that he could’ve married me if I wasn’t proving ‘stubborn’ and I just laugh at him jare… I no get strenght

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@RJ: hehe.. as females we always gotta be “ALL SHADES OF SEXY”

@Soul: lol… that naija blogger is a big fool… cos no matter how many male friends you have or brothers, you can’t be prepared for every male out there… cos all of them operate under all sorts of ‘game’. Lol…. Naija guys just kill me for real… I gotta go through your blog for real oh bcos I dey like gist well well…

@Lee: awwww… thanks babe. Glad you like it… I know I met so much of them, I understand a lot of their tricks… but girl can we ever really know all of it? Igbo people have a saying “The more the bird learns how to fly without perching, the hunter also learns how to shoot without missing”…. The more we become in tune with their game, the more they remix it.

@dc: Thanks babe… in spite of everything, I’m glad I went through these experiences… live and learn!!!

Omo Ibadan said...

Nice wa for the guys o :)

Calabar Gal said...

U tear Eye no be small!! Had me LMAO! Best of luck in ur future relationships - May only the good ones come ur way. U're captivating us all with ur blog.

zaiprincesa said...

lol..LMAO...u be alakoba oh!..u go make me enter yawa for work...the way i am CRACKING UP HERE!!..U r a terrific writer...lolwith L.B & RJ@:"I AM all shades of sexy" FUNNY!!! Keep the posts coming oh!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Omo: Thanks my dear.. really na wa for the guys

@Calabar: lol@ tearing eye… Thanks oh and big AMEN to good relationships. Same to you

@Zai: lmao… make you no enter trouble for work oh… yes oh.. WE ARE ALL SHADES OF SEXY. thanks a lot… I luv your blog too…I’ll put something up tomorrow or so… cos I need to process something real quick

Andie said...

Meeen at 20, you've seen them all. laffs! You sure know what you want but be careful sha.
Hold back on the digits sometimes.

9jamommy said... sound like my cousin, she says all the Nigerian men in Maryland are either married or stupid (she doesn't even bother with the other classifications)

ChiefO said...

masters degree in manipulation, olodo like him his mates are keepitrealonogist and he his using some lousy masters degree which he cannot even defend. next time give him some quick tutoring as u be associate professor urself.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Andie: lol… you’re right. Thanks my dear and yea, I’ll keep that in mind 4sure.

@9ja: lol… your cousin sounds tooo funny… I hope you and your baby are doing fine

@ChiefO: my dear... say it and say it again… you would’ve thought with a master’s degree, he’d be able to come up with something a little more creative, but I guess that’s just asking too much. Lol… yes oh, I be assistant professor for relationship university.

ChiefO said...

so na that university u sef dey teach, how come i never met u b4. i'm also an associate professor of kini kon and kini yi at the same school o. i teach LOVE 101, LOVE 105, LOVE 350, and LOVE 509. anywho nice blog jare. i forgot that earlier. na that nonsense masters student make me loose control.

Lee said...

LMAO@Love 101, Love 105.. Chief O, you don lost it tonight.. buhahaha..

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@ChiefO: lol… I be part time volunteer lecturer na him make… I’ll be sure to check out your LOVE 350 and LOVE 509 lectures… those ones sound advanced small.. lmao… ur just tooo funny… thanks for stopping by my blog

@Lee: lol… I know. ChiefO is a joker for real

Azuka said...

Once again I doff my hat to you. This makes for a very good [and typically un-Nigerian] finish -- or as a part 3. At least we didn't see 'To God be the Glory' :D.

About the lesbian thing, I actually wonder why most men feel threatened by lesbians. If you're one nko? Although I'll be bashing my sex, I've got to say,'Men...'

*Shakes head*

Naijadude said...

Hahhaha. I got here awfully late, you will have to pardon me, I go dey come quick after u write story about me too! about the fast one I took on you at the "Yoruba Language" class!!
Anyhoo, I am deeply offended you wrote about my student in the Masters class of Manipulation eventually! See the kind trashing you wan give my class? Make we no look our burriful faces oh, even though na hin I dey put under my picture to pillow!
You and all your fabulous naija guyz sha! Wey u I be wan send u a picture...holla at me before I change my mind oh!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Azuka: awwww… ur far too kind sir. lmao@ “To God be the Glory”… we don watch too many naija movies sha. I know, there’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but I just don’t think that any girl who’s not putting out should automatically be qualified as one. Thanks for stopping by jare, ur on point.

@Naijadude: lol… yes you did. I know, I should totally write something about you… hehe, I told you I’d write about that guy with his mumu masters. Thank God say the saga don finish… for now. I WANNA C THE PICTURE…I know you’ll be looking fierce (as always). I’ll call you this evening, cos I gotta tell you something about “M”.

Anonymous said...

wow girl this was too funny as in. one of the guys u mentioned sort of reminded me of a guy i know i was talking to him a couple of days ago and he likes to lead the conversation to sex so he said something kinda sexual and i guess it was meant to turn me on i told him that he didnt and can u believe the next thing he asked he was like "are u straight" i was so pissed bcos some guy has asked the same thing just a couple of hrs b4 just bcos i said i wouldnt sleep with him. can u imagine so bcos a girl; doenst want to do something she has to be gay. its just sad. sorry for the long comment girl. mad post anyway

Anonymous said...

Ol boyee like they say in Port Harcourt ... No be only say u tear eye,u tear mouth and ear join.

Nice post jere,I feel u small on what u wrote abt,cos I have been near some guys when they r talking to a chic and I almost had to restrain myself from slapping them atimes,but it goes both ways as well,cos I have a ton and 1 stories abt naija chics that I have encountered as well and boy it's as juicy as urs moi dear.

NaijaBloke said...

chie i just posted a comment and it posted it as anonymous na me be the anonymous

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@LTRTG: oh whao… that’s serious 4real cos I thought it was just TD that used that sort of approach… I didn’t know other dudes did too… that’s terrible… like they don’t understand “I NO DO”? Thanks for stopping by

@NaijaBloke: lmao@ me tearing eye, mouth and ear. There r all sorts of dudes out there and it’s great to know that there are still some like you that use common sense sha. You need to write about these your naija chicks make we self get idea. Abeg try finish that quarter gist when you start for your blog.

adahope said...

Very entertaining blog. I can definatley relate to many of your stories.

babe said...

You live quite a galmorous your blog and thanks for reading my stuff

africanprincess said...

good stuff! Im a regular. Thanks for the kind comments.

naijadyme said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
naijadyme said...

damnnn girl!!!! i guess uve been thru ur share of naija guys.. and here i was thinkin u were leanin more to the ghanaian side as opposed to nigerians... lol.. i guess i was rong

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@naijadyme: lol whatever… u know I still appreciate my adopted Ghanaian culture/dudes even though dudes are usually short as fuck… come to think of it I have dated/almost dated a couple ghanian guys too… but that’s a story for another day… lol

@adahope, babe, Africanprincess n everyone else: Thanks yall for coming through and your comments

DiAmOnD hawk said...

im all shades of sexy...I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT!!! I have to figure out what conversation to plug that line in to...I MUST USE vex ehn...allow me to borrow it

Anonymous said...

i thot i was the only unlucky person when it came to dating Naija guys, thank God i'm not alone .Bet u can't top this though one of mine(known him for 4 wks) was in the bathroom doing #2 making gruntting noises(i know gross ,i was sitting in the room in disbelief) when he was done he came out and said "y didn't u check on me i was giving birth to twins"my jaw must have hit the floor. Avoided him after that. lol

Anonymous said...

My wife and I married about three months ago and had dated for almost three and a half years before getting married. We both believe sex is for marriage only and abstained during our relationship. She is a virgin. I am not (I made my abstinence decision later in life). It was hard to keep my hands to myself while we dated, but I could do it partly because I knew marriage was on the horizon. Here's the problem: We have still never had sex. For the first weeks of marriage, we did many things but not that. Since then, there've been scattered moments of intimacy with her that usually end with her getting frustrated that she isn't as experienced in this area as I am, despite my best attempts to tell her how wonderful she is. The last such attempt was a few weeks ago. She says that she does not want to have sex no matter what I say. We did discuss this before marriage and I was under the impression that it would happen. In fact, she even thought it would happen during the honeymoon. Every time we tried, she freaked out and started to cry. I don't know what to do. She refuses to see a counselor or a therapist. I'm almost to the point where I don't even want to try to initiate anymore because I get so frustrated that nothing happens. I love her with all of my heart. I want to be able to share the kind of intimacy with her that sex brings and I don't know what to do. I find myself getting angry and bitter any time I see anything on TV or anywhere about a couple having sex.

Anonymous said...

LOOOOOOL you are sooo funny!
"imagine the conconbility!!"
i thought i was the only one that said that!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Diamond hawk: lol.. kosi problem

@Nigerican: lol… ewwwwwwwwwww.. that’s just too nasty… tell us more on your blog jare!!!

@Anonymous: sorry to hear this… don’t you think you should try more to convince her to go see a counselor with her… that might help.. I mean you don’t want to throw away something great cos intimacy is a part of love and marriage right? Hope you find a resolution… and take it to God in prayer… he’d be a better help than I could be

@ Mphahlele: lol… thanks… I see you’re in the archives eh… yeah… I say that all the time.. hehe… I got it from a friend who got it from a Nigerian movie(I think)