Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Part 2: Nigerian guys that I’ve dated or almost dated

I’m probably only writing in this much detail cos my blog is anonymous. Looking back on a lot of it now, I did some stupid shit back in the day… but as Stella Obasanjo might say now if she could: “Hindsight is 20/20”

At 18, I met this Yoruba guy AM at an African Picnic, he was 24 , nice, alright looking, and had a good job. From the get- go, dude was a softie. On our first date he took me, my best friend and brother’s girlfriend to dinner. Boy, did we spend his money, Lol…second date, he got me a cell phone. We started dating a few weeks later; he was nice- maybe too nice. I’d piss him off and he’d call me back to apologize, the one time he actually did something wrong, he took me serious shopping at GUESS. My friends liked him, my sister liked him, I liked him, but my major problem was that I had more strength of will than he did… I mean every girl wants a man who’s a MAN. One Friday like that, I went to spend the weekend at his house with my best friend; apparently he had a serious work meeting to attend on Sunday morning. On Saturday morning, he tells us he’s going to buy a suit for the meeting and comes back in the evening with a brand new designer suit and video camera. I’m thinking video camera for what? Was Bill Gates or President Bush going to be at the meeting? But my best friend told me I was wilding out so I decided to keep shut. Homeboy left on Sunday morning and came back at night. He wouldn’t show us the taping of the all- important meeting; apparently the video camera didn’t work there… Hmmm. During that time period, I’d become really close to his best friend HS, and you just won’t believe what HS told me a week later- my boyfriend AM’s 'sunday work meeting' had actually been his child’s christening. CHILD?!?!?! CHRISTENING WHO? WHAT? WHEN? HOW? WHY? I called AM and broke up with him … since in our 3-4 months of dating he’d hidden that and lied to my face, I could never trust him again about anything. He started begging; I just cursed him out and hung up. Negro was calling the hell out of my phone (lol... yes, I know, his phone if you wanted to be technical about things), I never picked up, so he resorted to calling me private and breathing into my damn ears till I told him I’d call the cops. About two days later, walking home from a lecture, I saw AM in the parking lot of my residence, he came to talk to me and started apologizing… it was over with his baby mama, but he just had to be there for the kid and just didn’t know how to tell me blah blah blah… I obviously wasn’t having it… but to my shock and surprise… homeboy started crying. WTF!!! Wow, I couldn’t not forgive him, but I specifically asked if there was any other thing he was hiding from me cos I couldn’t stand any more lies… he said no… so I took him back. Boy was he ever the attentive and sweet boyfriend… things were nice until his friend HS called me again two weeks later.

HS: Overwhelmed, you’re a sweet girl, and even though AM is my close friend, I just have to tell you- AM is married; separated from his wife- but married.

WHAT!?!? I exploded… the lying bastard… I swear if he had been around me when I heard this, I would’ve hurt him so bad. The things I told him before I broke up with him that day I will not repeat on this blog. At 18, I’d dated a married man… my only consolation was that I’d never had sex with the bastard… but holy shit... I’d kissed his lying ass lips… motherfucker had left a really bad taste in my mouth.

At 19, I met DD at a mall. I was looking something fierce, and so was he. DD was Igbo, 26, tall and cute. We hit it off and dude was just nuts about me…apparently, he was amazed to meet a naija girl- classy, smart, focused, gorgeous, tall, nice and Igbo at that (lol.. his words not mine). Till this day, I’m not sure I know exactly what he did for a living… He said 'stocks' but he had a certain ‘419 bluetooth representative’ aura about him. He took me to some of the most posh restaurants I’ve ever been to… but seemed to lack some class - could’ve been his ‘Igbotic’ accent, American pro footballer physique (I prefer skinnier guys), or the fact that he consistently called me ‘bebe’- not babe or baby. Anyways, fast forward to a date of two later, homeboy tells me he wants to surprise me. As a girl, you expect some roses, perfume, or if he’s feeling particularly generous- some jewelry…. YEAH RIGHT. Mr. Sugar Lover DD pulled up in front of a MOTEL… yup, motel. Steam was coming out my ears; I was soo pissed. What sort of girl did he take me to be? Motel? Me… a classy, smart, focused, gorgeous, tall and nice Igbo girl? I didn’t bloody think so. It was soo ugly, tacky, dingy and cheap. Take me home I insisted. He called me later and apologized profusely about the motel thing cos he knew I wasn’t that sort of girl. Luckily for him, I’m all for giving people a second chance cos some folk just don’t know any better. Another thing that pissed me off about him was the fact that he felt the need to tell me that he’d had sex with his ex on their first date and then proceeded to date her for 5 years…. Like what the fuck does this have to do with the price of petroleum in my neighbourhood? Nothing? Exactly my point. Anyways, on our next date, we kissed for the first time. The plan was to go and have dinner, but guess where homeboy pulls up? IN FRONT OF THE SAME DAMN MOTEL!!! I made him drop me off somewhere and got another friend to come and drive me home. Suffice to say, I never picked up his calls after that, and have completely ignored him the few times I’ve seen him since. IDIOTIC NIGERIAN NIGGA LOOKING FOR CHEAP THRILLS… BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE NIGGA!!!


Fast Forward a few months later, still 19, I was single and ready to mingle. I met BB @ a club. 25, cute, Yoruba guy with a nice accent and personality. We talked for a few weeks before we eventually went on a dinner date… he was attentive, witty, smart, complimentary… maybe a little too complimentary… Nigga was waxing poetic- talking about I had cute fingernails; he loved my shoes, my lipgloss, my bracelets, my ‘blonde’ hair… that was a bit much. I mean I know I’m sexy, well put- together and all that, you just don’t have to compliment every single thing I’m wearing. But asides from that, the date was progressing very nicely… BB was a homebody and appreciated a sophisticated girl who knew her way around the best places in town (lol… not my fault, I’ve just been on tons of dates). He was already looking forward to a second date, which I was open to. At one point during the meal, I went to the washroom and came back to homeboy chatting Yoruba something furious on his cell phone. No Yoruba guy that I meet will ever know that I understand 70% of his language… call me sly, I just call it ‘having an advantage’. Anyways, he was telling his friend how I was so sexy, nice, interesting and how much fun we were having. However, his only problem was that I wasn’t open to the idea of coming home with him; I wasn’t putting out but he knew what to do on our next date… he would definitely hit it. WTF!?!?!? I guess my composure changed cos his next question was “Overwhelmed, you don’t understand Yoruba right?” I smiled “Of course not” HORNY, IDIOTIC FOOL. He was at ease again. Suffice to say it was the first and last date... Hit It KO… Arrange It NI

(LOL… Sorry people, I know the narrative is a bit long… but y’all asked for it… there’s only one part left)


TO BE CONTINUED

32 comments:

Biodun said...

Girl you try small too, lol naija guys do come in different shapes, forms n sizes, ha ha, fun read

Naijadude said...

Hahahahha girl you are one hell of a weird lady. Now I see where your advice on getting that "Nigerian pastor" is coming from!
Nigerian guys will never cease to amaze you, dang! I cant just stop laughing. Falling in love on the first date is just one funny thing as well.
but take am easy with all these Nigerian guys oh!!

Discombobulated Diva said...

Wow... you'e expericence with those naija guys are just like mines... i feel like they are all after the same thing... one of theses day sha, i'll find the right one :-)...

babe said...

You are better than me, Duse would have gotten pepper sprayed once i saw that motel...he is not well.

Anonymous said...

thankyou soo much for this post. can't wait for part 3. you had me rolling with laughter.i've experienced the whole 419 ibo boy scenario complete with motel and all....idiots

ExtrovertedPrude said...

lol @ bebe...liking ur blog.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@biodun:thanks oh.. lol... yes oh... there are all sorts of naija guys out there... cos in spite of all the strange naija guys i've met.. i'm still optimistic sha

@ND:now ur understanding me better. lol.. these guys na past oh.. u kno i'm taken now.. so i won't be 'meeting' anymore naija guys except me n the boyfriend break up

@Discombobulated: AMEN!!!

@Babe:Lol.. I know... all my friends say the same thing.. but what can i say? I guess i give peopl the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

@anonymous: lol.. thanks oh.. good to know its not only me going through this oh...these 419 boys self... part 3 coming up real soon...

@Extroverted: lol.. thanks oh.. luv ur blog too

NaijaBloke said...

Hahaha .. Afi overwhelmed nah.I can relate to ur name on this blog now.

The Mistress said...

Girl, this line sounds JUST like my life "it was over with his baby mama, but he just had to be there for the kid and just didn’t know how to tell me blah blah blah".

I have been there for real! RECENTLY!

I'm very entertained by your blog so far!

UnNaked Soul said...

LMAO!!! am waiting for Volume III... we should turn this into a musical drama... what do y'think? LOL... e go sell well well...

am waiting for Volume III oh!!!

cheers babe... blog on!!!

zaiprincesa said...

lol..lol..LOL....LMAO...LMFAO!!!...OMG!!...i am laffing so hard i have tears runnin down my face....
Cant wait to hear the rest of it...
lol.@"‘419 bluetooth representative’ aura about him"...
HAVE A GREAT WKND!

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!!!!!! "Hit it ko...Arrange it Ni"...lol. Are you sure you're ibo? That ish is too funny. Your experience has been with Naija guys in Canada abi....you should see some of the Naija guys in Naija...o the stories I could tell.

Fantastic Blog.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@NB: lol… yes oh… naija guys don ‘overwhelm’ me no be small

@Mistress: Awww thanks… I read your blog and it’s great… good to know it’s not just me going through these things

@Unnaked: lol… this musical drama idea doesn’t sound bad at all… I should look into that cos there’s even more drama coming up in volume 3

@ Zai: lol… great to know you were entertained…thanks oh… have a great weekend yourself

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@ Ms. May: lol.. yes oh.. I be omo igbo oh… I just lived in lagos for a few years so I understand Yoruba. Lol.. I could only imagine what it would be like really dating a naija guy in Nigeria oh… you suppose document these stories make we read abeg… thanks sha… ur blog is lovely as well.

gorimakpa said...

*lmao*
ol gurl I'm feeling ur
"naija babe diaries" oh!...

I cant stop reading....

despite myself....
I'll be back for Pt. 3!

-g.

Lee said...

Wow. Blogging world is now becoming blogging soap opera.. See Im watching out for the next story jare..

LOl@ your experiences. The thing is im not always surprised cos a number of them be it nigerians or other races are like that.. Ive had my own share with Asian guys and a few African American.But Life goes on, The Prince is coming soon and all these past ones would qualify as Ugly Frogs... hahahaha

Goodluck

imoted said...

Too funny.... You have tried with all these 9ja guys. Now you keepin us on some 9ja movie stuff now with part 3.. LOL>

nosa101 said...

Your problem is that you go out with OLDER guys as in big time OLDER. Maybe it's only me but relationships where the partner is clearly older just don't work. When it's relationships like yours,the guy just wants a shag and that's all. When it comes to marriages, the wife never really enjoys her tenure as wife. Because the the respect just blocks every form of intimacy or the guy might just be a straight up dickhead.


*I use Tenure because the guy will get another wife in the marriage.

Advice? Get someone in your age bracket, it's likely he's going to share the same values with you. Both of you will be young, black and broke but loving it.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@gorimakpa: Lol.. thanx oh…. I’m feeling this your name sha and your definition of it “member of the bald West African nigerian people or Kabiyesi’s sidekick.. that just kills me.. lol… Come back soon for part 3

@Lee: lol… yes oh, this one na really soap opera… I know… a lot of guys are the same regardless of race… Amen for that prince charming.

@Imoted: Thanks my dear… part 3 of “You killed my lover and now I’m going to kill you” coming right up… starring Genevieve Nnaji, Ramsey Nouah, and Pete Edochie.. lol

@Nosa: It’s a known fact that girls mature faster than guys, and I’ve always been pretty mature, so I didn’t mind their ages, and mind you, they were only 4-7 years older than me.

Now, there is some truth to what you are saying…however, I wouldn’t say every Nigerian guy I was with just wanted a shag; I have met guys (Nigerian or not) within my age bracket that are ‘sex- minded’ and some that aren’t… so I believe the best way is to be happy, take life as it comes, have your experiences, cos they teach you and mold you into the person you become.

But thanks for your input anyways.

Sex and the Sushi said...

Hey ONB!

Girl you and these Nigerian men ain't gone worry me! LOL BTW, thanks for stopping by my new blog and leaving a comment. I wanna see some of your stuff too!

As for these men...I'm at a loss. [shakes head]

Smooches,
Ms. GD

Vera Ezimora said...

Hey girl. I dunno wat to call you. 'Overwhelmed'? 'Naija'? 'Babe'? 'Naija Babe'? Or all 3??? Well, thanx 4 stoppin on my page sha. Read your mini series...lovin it. I feel you ma sista; these guys neva stop droppin my jaws. Just when you think you've seen it all o...

RJ said...

he loved my shoes, my lipgloss, my bracelets, my ‘blonde’ hair"…..tell me, did he love your blue eyes too?

I totally understand where you are coming from when you talk about writing in detail & anonimity - I realise I'm more open when no one knows "its me" doing the writing.

Thanks for the comment.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Sex: lol...ur jokes for real. Thanks for stopping by my blog…yours is just great… yes oh… I shake my head for my naija men experiences too… have a great weekend

@Vera: lol… you can call me any of those jare… I go answer… Thanks for stopping by my page too.. ur an AMAZING writer.. I read a lot of your old stuff today and really… you should finish that book... I’ll buy a copy or two… as for naija guyz… my ‘miniseries’ says it all… here’s looking forward to what the future brings…

@RJ: lol… the guy was just too complimentary jare… including hair when I buy for store... I guess if I had blue contacts self he would’ve complimented those too. Yes oh… I started blogging just a month ago and it’s been amazing… writing just helps me put a lot of things in perspective.

Azuka said...

Funny epistles. When's the next installment?

We Nigerians are used to watching out for Parts 2 and 3...

Mari said...

am soooo hooked right now. nice!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@Azuka: Thanks oh… I’ll be putting up part 3 today!!!!.. lol… this one na really naija epistles

@Mari: Awwww… thanx

beautyinbaltimore said...

I had a married guy pull the same stunt on me. I'm glad you found out in time. Some men are smoth with it that you may only find out years later.

There is no such thing as a guy who is to nice.period.

Anonymous said...

this was too funny i wish i had come here sooner but i've been mad busy. poor u with all these things happening me i would have just died lol but its all fun tho.

Vickii said...

I've only just stumbled across your blog and it's the funniest thing I have read in ages!!! And I can't believe you're only 20 ... you're very insightful and mature, lol, I wish I was at your age! I'm adding you to my favourites!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@beauty: some people are just wrong 4real… how can you be married and not be upfront about that? That’s just too low forreal

@ LifeTRTG: lol… aww thanks babe for coming through… hehe, I know at the time, I was like is it something about me that brings out the weirdness in them? Or r they just truly weird?

@1982: I luv this ur name sha… awwww thanks for enjoying... I’m reading ur blog right now… ur on point.

Anthony Arojojoye said...

LOL at the 'hit it'

TP said...

WOW... I'm speechless. Guys are mad o!