Friday, September 15, 2006

Being 'FRIENDS' with the man of your dreams

A very “great” close friend of mine used to be in a “great” relationship with a “great” guy until about 3 weeks ago. He broke up with her because he thought their relationship and sex life was conflicting with his religion. He’d love to be with her but just didn’t trust himself to keep his hands off her whenever they were together. Oh and he also wanted them to remain friends because her friendship meant so much to him....

I think that’s an obvious load of crock, but yeah to cut a long story short- the whole thing got me to thinking… 8 months of the best relationship we’d seen in a while and it was over just like that….

Anyways to my story:

I got home from school yesterday, and I was not in a good mood and my boyfriend- genius that he is chose to call me then.

“How you doing babe?” He asks

“I’m hungry and sort of cranky cos I can’t find anything to eat or cook” I start complaining

“Oh… so what are you going to do about it then”

I went off…. “That has always been the biggest problem in this relationship- you never put in much input except when finding out what I’m gonna do about things… what about you… who’s the man in this relationship anyways… I hate the fact that you never understand emotional pain (yes, I actually used the word ‘emotional pain’)”

“Something tells me you had an amazing day”

“See that’s the problem… you never take me serious… you always think I’m joking around and I’m sick and tired of that”

“Baby, calm down, I can see you’re upset, but calm down, you’re sort of going off on me for no reason here”

I wasn’t coming back down to earth… I just kept rapping and he still wasn’t getting into it with me, so I just came out with it “Listen, do you wanna cool things off for now and just be friends?”

He laughed for a good five minutes… until he realized I wasn’t laughing.

He probed and probed… but all I’d give him was obvious bullshit- “I think you need to be with a different kind of girl because I think you don’t know how to feel my emotional pain… maybe we want different things out of this relationship and life in general”

“Babe, I’m really sorry to find out you feel this way cos up until a few moments ago I thought you were joking… I know you can be funny like that… everything is amazing between us- conversation, chemistry, and there’s been no hint of trouble so you kinda surprised me with the friend bit. But yeah, I’m guessing it’s your school stuff- you think being with me is taking away from that. I understand… cos I’ve always loved your intelligence and ambition and I’d never want to do anything to jeopardize your future… I mean I really wanna be with you and I care for you deeply, but I guess I’ll let you go and do you, and if you come back to me, then I guess it shows we were meant to be. But please really think about this, if there’s an option… I’d rather us… but if there’s a conflict… be about your school… that’s how much I respect and care about you.”

WTF… the same guy I wrote “I met a Boy” and “Butterfliesabout? I mean this whole lets be friends thing was just a gag… I’m nuts about this guy…

He didn’t even fight for me? That’s all he could come up with? Fuck those “I’ll let you fly away and if you come back to me then we were meant to be” lyrics… he’s obviously been listening to my Mariah Carey CD for too long. Seriously, whatever happened to “Baby, I won’t let you go… you just mean too much to me”

I was just sooo mad; I hung up the bloody phone.

I just had to call one of my best guy friends- the guy I’d probably marry if we’re both single at 35 (lol… yes I watched My Best Friends Wedding, and I do realize Cameron Diaz got the guy not Julia Robert)

So yeah, I called him and told him the whole story…. Can you believe this? He told me I was wrong…. He knows how good me and the boyfriend are together, so why am I trying to mess things up… I’m lucky I have a man who cares that much about me and worships me, so why tempt fate… blah blah blah... (in my head I’m going… holy smoke... I called you for us to insult the guy together sha… so which kind preaching be this one now?)

Anyways, I believe what I learnt from my friend is that “The people you care for have the most power to hurt you”

Damn… I’d hurt my boyfriend. In my quest to get this perfect response from him, I could just as easily loose one of the best things that’s happened to me in a while. I was sorry at this point, but of course I wasn’t going to call him.

Being the “great” guy that he is, he called this “great” girl back

“Baby, let’s start over. We’ve been at it for only four months, how about 4 or 44 more?”

I grin like Will Ferrell in “The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” when he realizes that his paralysis is all in his mind…. “Alright baby, I forgive you (lol… I know… typical female… we just have to be the forgivers)… you wanna come over tomorrow?”

He laughs “Oh wow, am I getting some”

In My Mind: {Imagine throwing THAT away… Friend my non- existent left nut}


Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

wow! girl this is my first time on ur page and i must say am hooked and would be coming back daily lol seriously that was a good piece and i feel where ur coming from its great u and ur guy got back together theres no point messing up a good thing. take care and thanks for stopping by my page

Lee said...

Very nice blog..I enjoyed reading just the first 2 postings,I'll be back as well..:)

TaureanMinx said...

Cool blog...u know guys can't handle this sort of thing now, things were spiralling out of control and he tried to manage the situation as best as he could.

bellanaija said...

yeah...very interesting! u have a way to keep people hooked while reading....because I dont usually read long articles...anyway..great job!!! keep it up ciao

NaijaBloke said...

Duh!!! U told ur BF that u guys shd be friends and u expected him to start begging u without doing anything wrong and he actually called u back to beg u.

Omo which planet is he from,cos no way in Hell am I calling u.

LondonBuki said...

LOL @ NB. He is a sweet guy ABEG!.

I read your blog over the weekend and just realised I did not leave a comment. I like :-)

Nice post.

RJ said...

LOL! I'm actually speechless.

Naijadude said...

No come on oh Jolene! Good thing you didnt have the nerves to tell me cos you know I will scold u. He's such a nice guy and you just wanna throw it in the drain just like that??/ huh!
But I will still buy you that diamond ring from "Tiffany& Co" anyways!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@LTRTG: Thanks oh... yea.. i kno.. it was just one of those crabby dayz jare and i guess i was taking it out on him.. all my friends have insulted me 4 going too far.. but great thinz wkd out the way they did... with this ur compliments... now i don dey get pressure to write inside this thing just kiddin.. luv ur blog too

@Lee:Thanks 4 enjoying...we all dey for live and learn abi

@TM:hehe... i found that out a bit later... good thin i did tho.. by now i would've been that girl going..'wat the hell did i just do? i luv ur name taureanminx.. its a good look

@bellanaija:awwww.. thanx babe.. sorry jare.. the story happen long.. na him make me write am so.. good thin yall could understand it sha

@NB:lol... u b really naija man...u sound like every friend who heard this story sha... them want kill me sha.. but i guess every once in a while, God sends along sumone who will understand n mayb appreciate ur bullshit sometimes.

@LB:yes oh.. he's sweet...aww thanx babe.. i luv ur blog too... i don leave comment tire cos a lot of stuff there really touched me esp ur mummy mondays... God will help u go through it... for some strange reason the comment you left on my new post showed up on my email but not on the site.. i guess i gotta learn more about

@rj: in hindsight.. so am i.. lol

@nd:hehe... i knew u would kill me, dat was y i didnt tell u oh... y una too dey encourage the guy self?wateva happened 2 friendly support?lol.. just playin.. n yea.. i'm waitin on my 12 Karat Diamond.. abeg update ur blog jare

beautyinbaltimore said...

If he is a good guy, do not play with his feelings because there is another woman somewhere waiting for her chance.

nosa101 said...

The guy is CRAZY. He should have dumped your ass. I was almost saying the guy was like me - If she wants to end it, fine. But he messed up in the end. Now I see why i am still single........LOL

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

@beauty: you’re soo right… I guess I was just trying to put the relationship in a ‘what if’ type situation; I like him a lot, so it would’ve been terrible if it had backfired sha.

@nosa: sweetie, on paper, relationship stories sound very cut and dry… there’s a lot more feeling to it, and when you care for someone, you find yourself saying and doing things that you wouldn’t do otherwise. YOU MISS OUT ON THE BEST EXPERIENCES IN LIFE IF YOU’RE RIGID AND UNCOMPROMISING.

Chances are, if something major happens in the relationship that we just can’t forgive/deal with, and being with each other is causing more misery than joy, we’ll break up, but we both realized that there’s no point doing that some little ‘trifling’ shit. I read your profile and it says you’re 16, so you still have a long way to go in terms of understanding women, relationships, etc… but I guess you’re on your way.

Noni Moss said...

Lolll you're funny - and this guy is amazing. Scratch what i said in your first story - he's such a keeper!

Anonymous said...

what a wuss... u are very lucky sef. that is too much wahala to deal with.

Elle* said...

Love the blog!
And yes, it seems like you've got a good one there!